The glassy train groaned, smoking icily, but was still—as still as Carmilla's flesh down the hall. "If anything will be 'tedious' about this horror," seethed Emilia, "I'm afraid it's that you'll have to get through me if you want to win. Every single time."
She, too, was already resigned to Subaru's fate.
There was no reason he shouldn't be sighing with relief. But the expected reaction, running wetly down Emilia's cheeks, left Subaru feeling numb.
To put it simply: his wife's threat applied to him.
"S-Subaru, um…" Emilia's eyes, squeezed shut, opened resolutely. "Otto, come on. We have to get out of—"
"All-righty," called a voice full of sarcastic pep, down the hall. A hooded figure. "People are dead. Horrible stuff happened for no reason at all. Knights' Barracks are a pile of rubble. I hate this, by the way."
"Yeah." Strolling by the softspoken flesh, the newcomer knuckled Carmilla once, turning her into a Meili-sized humanoid in a flash, robed black—and in the the exact same moment, the floor fractured, sagged, and shattered beneath Subaru's party. As his wrists and Otto's tugged upwards above their heads, Emilia pressed herself into the room she and Rem had busted through, the latter's remains vanishing in the dust cloud and stones deep below.
"Underground shelter's been caved in, too. It was horrible." Subaru looked up, gasping as he didn't fall but was held by the wrists. Sekhmet folded her arms, shrugging ice off her shoulders with a sigh—half of Emilia's column, where it had penetrated to the next floor, was gone, leaving a hole to the floor where this all started. "And of course you didn't let Subaru die. Why would you? You don't care."
"I care to the extent of wanting it done with."
Subaru squinted, positive Minerva was carrying something underarm, like a large doll. "Well everything is dead and ruined for no reason, as demanded. I love my life. But, hey, at least I saved this one," she exclaimed with perpetual deadpan. "One, just one, as usual, as always."
Held up before the Witch of Wrath, Petra's face lolled up to the ceiling; breathing as promised. Deeply, through parted lips. Her sleeves and pant legs were bloody, yet she didn't have a scratch on her. A sheen on Petra's cheeks traveled to the flesh beneath her eyes, as red and swollen as a pair of small grapes. Ready to burst into powerful tears, hard enough to flow bloody.
God, what did Subaru let them do to poor Petra?! "What have you done?" He heard his own voice some several miles away. "What'd you do to make her cry so hard?! Did you butcher a ton of people in front of her?! Is that why she's all bloody?! " Emilia's haggard gasping, her verge-of-tears panicking, reminded of Subaru's own.
"Everyone was gone." Emilia was gaping some miles away, trying her best to put their breathing exercise to frantic use. "We're all dying suddenly and horribly for no reason, just like you said—!"
"Nah, it's hers," said Minerva. "I wouldn't dare harm anyone on purpose, especially not a precious friend of Emilia's."
"What do you know about any of us and this special place we've built?!" Emilia snarled, a claw alight with white as she swung around the doorway. "Out of mercy, as a sign of good faith, I shall give you exactly one second after I finish speaking to drop that child—!"
Otto Suwen screamed. Hands and knees writhing in Sekhmet's invisible hands, his eyes bulging. Subaru cried his name and Emilia drew her hands back, glaring death itself at Sekhmet.
But Otto wasn't in any physical agony; none that could be perceived. He screamed a cry that sounded like a name. And another of the same sound, his eyes bulging at the bloody but woundless Petra. As soon as he lost his breath, Otto inhaled for another roar, spit flying forth and and fighting wildly against his bonds.
"You MONSTERS! " he screamed hoarsely. "What did you do?! What'd you do to PETRA?!"
Carmilla said, "Sp-spare ammuni—"
"Don't try selling me that NONSENSE AGAIN!" Otto dropped his face, squeaking, only to take a deep, throat-rending gasp. "Why?! What did Petra do to anyone?! WHY HER?!"
"Psychological warfare," said Carmilla, gazing from under her hood, directly at Subaru. Her face was like Petra's—tired and hollow—despite Minerva having just healed her.
Otto let out a scream like he never had before, even in the throes of agonizing death. Subaru could only watch, pulse throbbing as he helplessly watched his friend lose his mind: "Why did you break her arms?! Why did you break her hands, her FINGERS?! Why did you break her until she passed out?! WHY—?!" Otto's body lurched into the air, wrenching in two different directions, twisting and popping and hosing the wall in a brief eruption of gore. A warm drizzle sprinkled Subaru's face as the halves of Otto plummeted down, down… There was a sloppy sound on the rubble below, the young man's name deteriorating into a wail; Emilia reached, begging, shaking her hand as if Otto would grab on to be hoisted up.
"This can't be… this can't be—! " Emilia screamed. "I hate this, I hate it, I hate it! "
Sekhmet sighed overhead. Minerva and Carmilla awaited at the edge of the gore-filled gap he was suspended over. "This'll be a message run," Sekhmet spoke as if she'd been deliberating the entire time. And then Subaru heard from her a monotonous, "Feeding time, Daph," before wood exploded forth several doors behind Carmilla and Minerva. Among the debris flew a robed child, clawing through the carpet to a halt. She twitched her bloodstained grin on Subaru, snapped onto Emilia. "Oh, boy! Oh, boy! The fellow Witch! How delectable! How scrumptious! How familiar! " Daphne scrambled, in three motions practically yanking herself across the carpet, teeth poised to teach Emilia the pain of being gnawed down to the bone, like with Ram and Frederica. Daphne hurled herself off the serrated edge of the collapse, flying over the gap before Subaru's helpless eyes. She was fast, too fast for Subaru to process—Emilia was going to die. Worse, she was going to be eaten alive, have a living thing crawl around inside her like what happened to Fred. And Subaru.
Like with the Great—
No. She was inches from Emilia. "NO!"
Everything that followed happened even faster: Emilia fell into the pit, twisting her body with fistfulls of ice blasts—into the wall beneath the doorway and Daphne, respectively. At once the Witch of Gluttony was pinned in a lumpy ice cube as Emilia stood up on a near-instant bridge. Swinging both hands up and around, palms flashing white, Emilia screamed—her ice practically blinked into existence within the space between her and Sekhmet, and beyond. A veritable obelisk to its frozen goddess, severing the first and penetrating the ceiling, and the next, and the next. Although Emilia's battle cry was strong enough that it probably reached outside the castle exterior.
Subaru didn't scream as he fell, caught bridal style by a laughing, crying Emilia. "Gotcha," she gasped. "I got you. My Subaru." She nuzzled him.
Any other day, any other time: "Mili, we gotta—"
Ice exploded behind them a second later, Daphne gasping hungrily as she clung to the wall. "Don't you know how much it hurts?!" She practically popped into nothing when Emilia fired. "It hurts so much!" She continued from a new icy perch. "IT ACHES! It's torture to know how food tastes and feels in my mouth and in my tummy again!" Daphne leapt as Emilia, arm extended to fire, ended up shoving her hand wrist-deep within the Witch's jaws.
Subaru didn't think, chomping the inside of his cheek for a mouthful of hot copper. Invisible Providence lashed outward, so hard and fast it collided, carried, and finally blasted Daphne through the walls and the corners of a couple guest bedrooms. Subaru's second unseen hand, his only other, wrapped around Petra, carrying her gently from before Minerva, into his embrace.
The young adult inhaled haggardly as he hugged her bridal style. "I'm so sorry…" Not like Subaru could have done anything… but if he was smarter, Petra would have stayed to support them with her water magic.
"Su-Subaru?"
"You're okay. Just let go and rest. Please."
Emilia jumped from the bridge to the rubble, down its breadth before tearing through the lower level hall. Her ride was smoother than even a commercial airline, even with two adults in her arms and a lot on her shoulders. "I thought I'd never get to hold you again," she whispered. "Either of you. I'm so relieved I got you two, at least."
"They aren't doing anything, Mili. It feels like she let you hit her, too." And yet they butchered everyone else, except Petra. And Beatrice. Maybe, hopefully. "M-Meili! Emilia! We gotta back for Meili—!"
"Sh-she's gone ," Emilia said, loud and unevenly. "Subaru, she's... she went and…" Her eyes fell on Petra's weariness first, then Subaru's.
"How could Rem have let her die?"
"She… asked Rem not to do anything, before she…" Emilia stuck her tongue out between her teeth, pretended to bite it.
Subaru had failed in a different way; nothing he said mattered to Meili. "God… God, oh, God, it's happening again—!"
Emilia ground to a halt. "Subaru?!"
"Everybody's dying again, Mili. And I'll—"
"I'll protect you! I swear, I won't ever let you be hurt again, Subaru!" Emilia immediately gasped into her hand, shaking her head. "I mean… why? Why, why did I say that—?"
"Emilia—"
"Is this what you faced all those times, Subaru? Such horrible things happening to the people you love, being helpless to save them?" Emilia lurched, gasping as she shrank within Petra's chest. "Except by dying…"
"Mili, we gotta get you two somewhere safe, before… before something happens to me. As it usually does."
"No, please, NO!" Emilia collapsed mid stride, burying her face in Petra as briefly as she remained on the ground—before Subaru could beg her not to give up, the queen rose to her feet and sprinted, snarling with tears flying in their wake. The ride was still a glide. "You're remarkable, Subaru," she said with all her heart. "You're unbearably strong."
"Emilia, don't you mean 'unbelievably?'"
"No. I don't have trouble believing in it. You've always been a tough guy, even when you were in so much pain… And that hurts just to think about, much less make peace with. That's why it's unbearable, Mr. Tough Guy."
"But I wasn't alone, Mili. I'd go crazy if I was, c'mon—"
A crack of thunder, or the fracture of the earth: both happened concurrently at the same time as the castle's gilded ceiling was rendered an overcast of shattered stone in the blink of an eye, from their path ahead to where they had traveled, where five robed figures descended with the rock. All of this happened at once, albeit in slow motion—that's how dying always felt, except there had to be a better way of explaining it next time to Garf. Right? Subaru could think of that.
The nearly-frozen picture flew to the side entirely, whirling around Subaru and sending them flying through a door. "The heck—?!" he choked, careening from Emilia's arms with Petra thrown from his, landing on her back with a tired cry. Subaru rolled over her to a stop in milliseconds, but her eyes remained closed. Emilia wasted no time clogging the door with ice. Otto's screams were as haunting as Ram's that one early loop, perhaps even worse: just what did they do to Petra?
"They won't get through." Emilia kept her back on Subaru and Petra, clenching and unclenching her light-enwreathed hands. Subaru had thanks ready when: "They won't get through me. I won't let them, I won't—"
"Mili—"
"They'll never hurt you again!" Emilia's small shoulders shook. "I won't let you die, never again… I promised Rem—! I promised I'd never let that happen so long as I lived! I HAVE to keep it, Subaru!"
There were a million things Subaru could say, and not a single one of them actually addressed the heart of the matter—that being Emilia's. "Know how many times I promised that to you? " A wet, purple eye peered over Emilia's shoulder. "Makes you feel like an utterly powerless, pathetic waste of life, huh?"
"Subaru…" Emilia turned fully, hands clenched against her chest. "Subaru, I can't… I can't deal with these thoughts anymore! I can't stand the thought of you—!"
"I know. I know, Emilia, I've been through some horrible stuff to save you guys, but—."
"And that, too!" Emilia gasped, gripping the sides of her head. "If I'm alone with my thoughts, I start thinking about… about everything ."
He was such an asshole. "Mili…"
"About the countless close calls we've had! And how many you must've experienced by comparison! Dying! Dying horribly and painfully!" Emilia gasped. "All alone! Because of…! Because of—! "
Subaru hugged Emilia with all his might. "You've all died horribly, too. You've died because of me, plenty of times, Emilia. I swear to God, anything you feel right now I've probably thought about a hundred times over, with no choice but to accept my mistakes and live with them."
"I hate that, I can't stand that, Subaru!" Emilia cried, squeezing as fiercely. "It's horrible! It's so horrifying—! Disgusting to think about, and I wish you never—!"
Subaru jerked her out in front of him. "What? Dying for you? Saving you?!" This couldn't be real.
"Yes!" Emilia's eyes gaped less than a second later. "NO! I mean no! No-no-no, it's something I will never take for granted—!"
"But you are, Mili. Not that I blame you, but that's the reality." And a fucking painful one at that. "Sharing this with you all was always a fantasy of mine. Accepting all of it without question? A pipe dream. This whole thing… is pretty messed up, huh? And that simple truth's something I've become desensitized to."
"Please don't say that, I didn't mean it that way, Subaru, I didn't." Emilia was crying, but Subaru had an ear for discerning her in these moments. "It's just—! I know I shouldn't feel this way, I do, but all these years, nothing I could do was because I saved you! Don't you understand that?! Nothing I've done was of any help! All you did was guide me gently; and I might have done the rest, sure, but I'd be dead a thousand times over like a complete fool and a dunderhead if you weren't cursed by my dirty bloodline!"
"Emilia?! NO! You did not curse me!"
" Yes I did! I'm related to the Witch, Satella, and she's the one who put you through all this!"
Subaru shot up to his feet, fists clenched. " Now who's the one being selfish?!" Emilia winced, then stood up and on her ground in kind. " I'm the one who put myself through everything! ME! No one else! She had nothing—!"
"I feel like your feelings on this matter are irrelevant, Subaru," Emilia said in a stern, trembling voice. "You're not the kind of person to leave a loved one in pain." Shaking her head, the light traced tracks up and down her cheeks. "No. Ultimately, the blame is on my family. There's no reality where you would've decided to leave us—"
"But I have!" Subaru sobbed, to Emilia's surprise and his, as wet warmth traced lines on his face, his jawline, at last. "I… I have ran, Emilia." Snivelling like a child, Subaru couldn't stand his wife's concern; she had every right and reason to feel as she did. "I've always… just… I've always just run away like an idiot! And there were times where I almost had—all this!" He gestured to the castle outside this little bedroom. "I've been so close to giving up and leaving you all so many times. And it's always… always—!" My fault. "If I was a better man, a more self-aware guy, if I recognized my faults sooner, I woulda—I woulda never put you through so much horrible pain! None of you!" Subaru gripped where it ached worse than dying. "I can never stop thinking about how much my issues put you all through! Might still be putting you through: I've no idea if those worlds are still—!"
Now, Emilia hugged Subaru with all her might, piercing his nightmares with a single, sharp gasp. Then a weep. And then, "Subaru," she whispered, "I'm so, so sorry I put you through all that. It must've been difficult… taking care of a burden like me."
"Emilia, no! You're not a burden! You're not—!"
She pushed him away by the shoulders, saying, "But at least there's one thing I've always done for you." Her purple eyes lacked a speck of light. "I love you, Subaru. I love you more than anything in the world." She kissed him.
She kissed him so deep it chilled Subaru.
Then it warmed him.
It was comforting and dark.
Did Emilia just…?
Subaru gasped, one moment being mercy-killed, the next, hearing the words, "...order him to be a man already. At the very least."
What?
"Sister…"
"Screw off, Ram! He's manlier than you!"
Where—? How far back?
"Amazing. Clap-clap, Garf." Ram didn't even try and mimic the gesture, sipping from her tea instead. "Now spend the rest of your life wondering why I'm congratulating you."
A weight, Beatrice, was on Subaru's lap: a relief to see alive and well, but—"As if I need to think to figure out you're just bein' a bitch as usual!" Garf snapped.
"Yet you still had to 'figure' that out. A point for Ram and her superior comebacks."
I'm… back here? Before he even said anything?
"Sister, you aren't being a—um, er… Look, we're all just a little bit on edge—"
This couldn't be. Don't! NO! It wasn't real. Don't tell me I'm all the way back HERE!?
"Not a single one of you understands how serious this is, I supp— agh, Su-ba-ru!" Betty whined, pinching his hand. "You're hugging Betty too tight ag— g'yah?! "
Subaru shot up to his feet, screaming into his hands, over Betty's yowl. All that progress we made! The bridges we've crossed! The laughs and the tears! Lost?! They're all GONE?! AGAIN?! WHY?!
"WHY DID I HAVE TO COME BACK HERE?! "
Two Steps Back
