Dinner was happening while Subaru spent the afternoon tending to Daphne's situation: keeping her frozen, watched, his arm properly checked, etcetera. This involved the Knights who went on the mission, as well as the internal affairs head, Otto. Regardless of Subaru's "chat" with Garfiel, Otto ought to be kept in the loop for the sake of avoiding difficulties later—sneaking around seemed a futile, self-defeating effort with this particular round of problems.
As they awaited Beatrice, frozen Daphne strewn on a table with several Knights standing guard, Otto stole obvious glances Subaru caught from the corner of his eye. He seemed more perturbed by the stump than the frozen chunks of an actual living legend. "Mister Natsuki—"
"I know, I'm a moron. I know, I did this to myself for no good reason. I know, you're upset with me—"
"Your Grace, would you like me to fill an order? For a replacement arm made of artificial od?" Otto cried. "That's… all I was going to ask."
"Err, yeah. That'd be great." It'd take a couple days. Otto wouldn't suggest something so pointless if he knew about Return by Death—
"Is there," Otto asked, "something you'd like to talk—?"
"Yeah, but I can't." Subaru cut him off, made his stance firm before Otto's spine could harden.
"Understood, Your Grace."
Subaru's body tensed upon sensing a small but powerful presence push through the door behind them. "The Sword Shield informed me of an urgent matter, Subaru. What've you gotten yourself into this—," Beatrice choked, her huge eyes locked Subaru's stump as he turned fully to face her, "...time?"
Casually, Subaru waved it off. "So I was objectively safe from fatal wounds when I lost this, first of all…" The effort died as pitifully as it was conceived as Beatrice's fingers tugged at the bandage closing his nub, with barely a tug bringing Subaru down to one knee.
"I had a feeling something awful had happened to you, in fact." She spoke as though she'd predicted the weather. Beatrice's small fingers brushed her contractor's maiming, again and again with a butterfly's gentleness. "I had a feeling… that something like this would happen—!"
"This's a hundred percent my fault. My call. You had nothing to do with this." Subaru realized he should have said that better.
"Exactly," Beatrice hissed. Shaking her head, she took a step back. "I should have trusted my gut and distrusted yours, I suppose." Subaru wasn't ready for that—and whatever pain he was showing reflected in Beatrice's, if only a twinge of it. "And that's that. I'll hear no groveling from you, I suppose."
She was pissed. "Beako—"
"That's Beatrice, Your Grace."
Subaru's hand dropped at his side, clenching into a fist. "B-Beatrice—"
"You needed Betty for something. Did you not, Your Grace? That's why you wanted to see her, I suppose."
"You're wrong," Subaru blurted out—a truth of sorts, he realized.
"Hm?" Beatrice tilted disinterestedly.
"You're wrong, Beako. I wanted to see you, too."
"Such convenient timing," she sarcastically cried. "Now, what purpose can the one and only Betty serve for Subaru?"
Subaru swallowed the urge to scream. This's your fault and you know it. You've got no right to feel upset.
Beatrice couldn't divulge more than what Subaru had already known.
Except…
"Subaru, whatever did she mean by 'my flesh as it was four-hundred years ago,' in fact?"
"Beats me, we didn't get into that. Unless Daphne had always been Dirtne , which, I doubt—"
"But she isn't just dirt, I suppose. The Witch of Gluttony is, at this very moment, flesh and blood as well… It isn't that she's decomposing. She already has , in fact. And yet, her matter's been simultaneously reverted to a younger, healthier form—if only aesthetically."
"This sounds like a paradox."
"That's because it is, I suppose. Even trying to explain it this way is driving me crazy. It's like she's rotted completely and disintegrated, only for someone to slap on a cheap illusion spell and call it restored. Except, it is. If only at a pseudo one-hundred percent, in fact. Let me assure you, Subaru: whatever this thing is, their bodies do not function like a living person's whatsoever. There's not even a practical purpose to going this far. Whoever troubled themselves to revive the Witches of Sin didn't seem to want them truly 'alive' in the first place, and is no friend of theirs, I suppose. In other words, this is the essentials of necromancy in its purest, most wretched form."
"Can you help them, Beatrice?"
"I might be able to do something… if it was necromancy to begin with."
"So, what're you saying this is, if not necromancy?"
"I'm saying that I have no idea what this is, in fact."
The worst part? Subaru didn't know what that was: the situation in of itself or his sympathy for the Witches beginning to rival that of which he had for the others.
Subaru could hear Ram now, or even Emilia, telling him how dangerous and irresponsible that is. They've impacted the world in horrible ways, just like Satella. But the worst thing they've ever done to me—by choice—was open my eyes. Subaru couldn't ignore how he felt, but he couldn't prioritize their pain over his friends'.
In conclusion, the next step would be to either question Daphne more or defeat the Witches and stop their rampage. Whether or not Echidna had a reason for all this, or a will of her own to begin with, she was a peripheral element until her location was known. Thus, she was kept a secret from Beatrice for more reasons than that. And it seems like the Witches' secondary goal is to… to bring me to her, once I'm ready? What at the checkpoint would help them determine something so arbitrary?
To fight them, to have that feel like his best option, was nothing short of madness.
With all this in mind, Subaru couldn't find much of an appetite, nor courage, to attempt a showy "sorry I'm late" entrance into dinner. Subaru instead kept remembering the way Emilia was torn apart, and felt a pressing than a need to be "clean." Skipping food entirely, he ascended to the Royal Wing. Subaru hadn't bathed since before everything bad had happened last loop; a thought-purging was needed.
"Ohh, yeah, that's it." A sea of mountainous foam, hot and on the verge of scalding, swallowed Subaru from the right calf up, then the left. His thighs, buttocks, his stomach… the closed stump of his arm. Their "Royal Bathing Room" sighed at Subaru as he did, his voice sounding more a ghostly moan. Foggy with steam; more of an onsen—a monarchy's onsen, spacious and over-the-top enough to pretend it's one. Unsurprisingly, neither Emilia nor Beatrice particularly adored how… out-in-the-open it felt. Subaru had exaggeratedly reacted to their personal bathroom as being "more of a stadium," which just about summed up the experience.
That was a year ago, however. Now, it was simply their bathing chamber. Subaru let loose another groan-sigh, settling the back of his head against the edge of their pool-tub, elbow chilly on the tile floor. Tension melted from his muscles, aches uncoiled, and the all-encompassing warmth transmuted his exhaustion into relaxation, a full-bodied massage of relief. These really are a godsend, these baths. Subaru hadn't gone a day without one; there were standards royalty must meet, and something or other.
Although, without Beatrice or Emilia, there wasn't much to do but think. And Subaru hated thinking when he was trying to relax. Thoughts alone often took a dark turn.
Subaru wondered if his current loneliness was out of respect or anger. Going off of Petra and Garf and Meili, anger felt accurate, even if it all stemmed from worry.
This feels like such a mess. Like, it's business as usual, but everyone knows it's not. It's what he'd wanted, though. It doesn't feel natural. Doesn't feel good to be a part of. Fog churned overhead, aglow gold with crystal lamps. Other than B and Mr. Internal Affairs, I haven't even seen Emilia since coming back. Of course, that actually wasn't so uncommon. In fact, it really was exactly as Subaru had asked: business as usual. Jobs were being done, Emilia ran the kingdom with her team of advisors while Subaru,being more of a figurehead than anyone with definitive power, busied himself by doing things that none of the others could as easily; things—safety measures—like the shelters and outrider corps for one, while also shouldering Emilia's burden of maintaining alliances throughout the continent, visiting several in-person over the course of days or weeks at a time. Beatrice typically joined, as well as, more often than not, a "royal helper." AKA, the maids known to some as "one of Emilia's."
I wonder what Anastacia's up to right now. Subaru had nearly forgotten where he'd been before all this started. How would she react, hearing about everything going on over here? What my life's been like? Before the checkpoint, it'd been two weeks since he visited the Hoshins of Kararagi—alongside none other than Ram. Now I'm wondering if something I did there is why she's calling me unmanly. It's not like there was any romantic tension between him and Anastacia; there truly wasn't. And the trip was equally as enjoyable as with anyone else in their circle, thank you very much; Beatrice had boasted treasuring her alone time with Emilia just as much on top of that. It almost made Subaru jealous.
I guess I'm just overthinking Ram's comment… joke, yeah… It was just a joke. With cruelly ironic timing…
Before everything started happening again, this was shaping up to be a promising first year. Not just for the kingdom, but for everybody else in this "new beginning" they all found themselves in, Castle Lugnica suddenly their home for one.
Then Satella thrust another "new beginning" unto Subaru. That was a week ago, now, from his perspective. Damn. No. It's not your fault. He brought this on himself, wanting to tell everyone everything like Beatrice knew he wanted. Not at all thinking about what this would do to poor Emilia, Garf, or his pride and joy—Beako.
Speaking of whom, even Beatrice seemed quick to leave, not insisting after Subaru had dismissed her. Perhaps she was using their bond to actively keep away from Subaru. No, no, not like that. Not exactly, he thought immediately. 'Out of my hair' is where her mind's at, knowing Beako. She hopefully wasn't planning to sleep in the Reading Room. Subaru wasn't going to let that happen. He could call out and beg her, but that would be embarrassing for both of them, first and foremost. I'll find you, Beako. You can't escape my lovey wrath.
But she could certainly repel it for however long Subaru needed, by her measure. Another mess to contend with.
At least Daphne was under ice, watched by five Knights of Lugnica that rotated every hour as she thawed, piece by piece only. Their internal affairs officer, Otto, was the only one who knew of this. Subaru had asked, as a friend, for him not to tell Emilia—not before he himself could.
Subaru groaned and groaned. Groaned at having that talk. Groaned at having to explain his missing arm to her. Groaned at having another go at the Witches again. Is there a way to find Echidna sooner? Would Daphne give that information, even unwillingly? Neither Subaru nor Emilia wanted to be "those" kinds of rulers, but with so much on the line…
"Maybe stop tryna do this on your useless lonesome, then?" a bluenette startled Subaru, gowned in a white towel across the bath. "Refrain from reading into this, whatever you do. I'm just here to talk—"
"EXCUSE ME, Mei?!" Subaru shrieked, throwing one arm across his chest. "If this's about you and Petra it'll have to—!"
" I said, I'm just here for a chat." Meili walked around the bath, towards Subaru, her towel held around her torso. "Calm down, calm down. Nothing I say will surpass the lashings Big Brother and Petra have already given you." Unless she decided to slit her throat right here in the bath.
Why…
…was this situation happening?
A smooth, lavishly-patterned tile seat encircled the pool. Subaru found himself shifting further down, away from Meili's prowl. "Uh, wh- whassis about, huh? Petra? Earlier? O-or Return by Death—?!" Meili sneered with laughter, smug and shameless while padding over damply. "You're acting majorly OOC! The real Meili would be blushing like a maid right now! …MEILI! This's the boy's —err, king's bathroom! Mine and Mili's! And Beako's! You got no right—!"
"Then cut off my head and spare me this childish display." Meili's towel dropped behind her heels. Subaru choked, covering his face as she lowered into the water and sat a foot away from him, arms crossed. "Ahh, nice and warm!" Meili's small shoulders rolled. "Bathing's way less unnerving when you're with someone, too, wouldn'cha say?"
"Can't… can't argue with that, Mei," he sighed. She was never alone after Elsa found her, Subaru remembered. And neither was he after the two of them had attacked Roswaal's. Subaru laughed hollowly, drawing a raised brow from Meili. "Look at me: this loop, the distance I've been tryna force… it's not even been a day, and the isolation's eating away at me. I mean, I've never been able to talk about Return by Death before, Mei, but… I've always had someone near me."
"O-okay. This's really heavy, Subaru, just gimme a minute to catch up—"
"I thought you wanted to chat." Subaru nudged her with an elbow. "Thanks for joining me. That's all I'm saying."
"G-giving thanks to the one who just invaded your space?" Meili tittered at the absurdity, as if she ever knew a Subaru who wasn't carefree. When she crossed her arms tighter against her chest, Subaru realized.
"Ohh, now I get it." He reclaimed his prior posture, elbow upon the tile floor. "Before. All that, your act—you're not actually being cool, you're just tryna be cool."
"Sh—! Oh, shush up. You're the last person who should be the judge of such things."
"I'm one of the few in our group with any kind of authority on the matter. Spoilers, by the way: Ram ain't one of 'em. "
Meili's scowl bulged with suppressed laughter. "I find that I can't argue against that. How sad." She glared at her folded arms, then up at Subaru. Her arms, then Subaru. Meili's posture flew open, elbows smashing on the tile with a choked yelp—but Meili was still mirroring Subaru's relaxed pose. In concept only, of course.
"Oozing with coolness, there, girl."
"I so hate you!" But Meili was unwavering, arms open.
"Hey, you did this to yourself." Subaru took on an accent for some reason: "You're but a wee little girl, playing in Daddy's deep end without a floatie."
Meili slackened, sploosh in the water. "Such a dumbass," she laughed, kneading a steaming dampness into her cheeks. "I can't believe I was expecting anything more, but I'm… really, really glad to have been proven wrong. Subaru, genuinely, how are you doing?" she asked, lathering her arms with a passing mound of foam.
"'How am I doing?' "
"That bad, huh?"
He wasn't prepared for the softness of her voice. "S-sorry. It's not you." Even though it kinda—
"I highly doubt I've been a good girl in light of our impending doom." Meili dunked herself to her soapy shoulders, foam scattering away from her skin.
"...I'm not upset about it. Not really—"
"Then why are you being so evasive? How come you won't let us try until we succeed, just like always?" She almost sounded like she was whining—pleading, like the last loop.
Subaru couldn't just say that Meili kept killing herself for some reason. "I'm being weird because I'm worried about you. All of you. But especially you, Mei."
"...I guess that's how you've always been." Meili wasn't smiling, smirking, her tone equally as lifeless.
"Without thinking, Meili… are you upset with me?"
"I'm more upset with myself, Subaru."
Sighing, he said, "Figured as much. That's how it usually is." Subaru followed her lead, right down to an inability to maintain eye contact as he soaped each forearm, then lowered himself to his chin. "Well, to answer your question," he continued while cleaning, "despite what's going on, I was trying to relax and clear my head. Then you cornered me in my garden of zen and peace, so, that's that. Not that I mind the company, despite everything."
Meili fed soap through her long, blue hair. "I could tell you didn't seriously want me gone. You're capable of becoming a heckuva lot scarier once you get serious."
"You were poking a sleeping bear with this stunt, girl."
"I keep far worse beasts than the likes of you."
Subaru gasped shrilly, taking some passing foam and scrubbing it into his hair. "I shudder to think how Petra would view this double-edged betrayal."
"She'd get uppity over feeling left out, in all likelihood." Meili smiled as she stood, soaping her front while twisting aside—just as Subaru did the same. "I must say, though I mentally prepared by telling myself to expect nothing, that look on your face when I kissed Petra seriously caught me off guard. I mean, you 'returned by death' this morning, did you not?"
"You're a lot more forthcoming about that this time, y'know."
"About what?"
"That and this—you and Petra, and knowing about Return by Death. Next, I'll be discovering that Meili Portroute is just three mabeasts in a trenchcoat!"
Meili scoffed, rubbing soap into her cheeks and neck. "I've no idea how such a thing is possible, but in your crazy life, I suppose nothing's off the table." Meili sputtered as she dumped a handful of water overhead. "I'll be honest, Subaru: I'm still upset at you." Green eyes opened with melancholy. "But it's unsurprising that I've kept all this a secret until now. I loathe how well I know myself."
"About y-you and Petra, you mean?"
A hollow laugh sounded as Subaru scrubbed soap into his hair. "If only it were that—a sentiment I imagine resonates."
So Meili believed she'd kept her RBD-knowledge close to her chest—or, more likely and specifically, she'd been following Beatrice's lead for better or worse. "Meili, if you understand this as well as you think, you could consider your words a little more seriously." Subaru didn't mean to suddenly sound so severe. "My heart is aching for you guys, those of you who are like me, trying to keep our pain from infecting the others."
"'Infecting,' huh?" Meili looked the small, wet child she pretended she wasn't. "I am being serious. To prove it, I give you express permission to be selfish with the next me and rely on your Mabeast Master entirely. She'll do her job if it's coming from herself."
Subaru had about a million doubts concerning that. "As if you'd listen to me. You'll just do whatever you think is your job."
"Oh, I've no doubt. Maybe pummel me in the gut to get me to behave."
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" He didn't mean that as a joke.
"No, but it'd be the least I deserve."
"Jesus, Meili…"
"I thought you knew who you were dealing with," Meili said, stretching her arms in front of her, fingers bending back.
Subaru couldn't bring himself to echo Garf, asking her to stop talking "so fucked-up." The hypocrisy would surely choke him.
"Tell me, Subaru, and tell it true." Beneath the water's foamy surfacy, the silhouettes of Meili's legs straightened and fell, straightened and fell. "Tell me, I've hardly said a word to you since this morning, haven't I? Glowering and unpleasant as I was? I am, of course, not referring to this recent, singular morning, either."
Subaru blinked away the vertigo, the dizziness wrought by this real conversation that was actually happening. "Sounds like you're making a statement, Meili. And nothing'll satisfy you but a confirmation. Am I wrong?"
Her little back hunched, Meili gripping her knees underwater. "Are you speaking from experience, then?"
"Just the personal kind: the experience of beating yourself up too much over this." Subaru couldn't help but chuckle; was he seriously finding such a macabre connection in Meili? "You've been a good if fucked-up friend. That's the long and short of it."
"O-oh." Meili seemed surprised; probably by how frank and honest and unbiased it was. Didn't she know Subaru? "Have you got a screw loose, or have I been wishy-washy?"
"Uhh… a bit of both? And since we're being so forthright," he said, "I'm sure you wanna know how much I've suffered because of your mabeasts and to feel hurt back, and not because you literally want to, but because you think something awful oughta be done in kind. Anything to make it feel like you've earned my forgiveness." Meili's wincing confirmed this. "Probably think you don't deserve anything ya have, too; not my forgiveness, Petra's love, or Emilia's home—"
"And don't you dare assert that you're any different," Meili cried. "You may fool Garf, but not me and Petra. We know the chronic illness that is self-loathing all too well."
" Don't give me that, ya teenager. None of us are wallowing in the pits of depression like we used to, not even you."
"Jerk." Meili grumbled, blushing. "What I'm saying, is, don't you dare try and convince me that your little suicide mission wasn't anything different than just that: a reckless use of your life. Even if it was to save us… what if we don't 'return by death' with you?" Her body was the only thing steady—gaze, words, and voice were not. "Have you ever thought about what happens after you die, you idiot?"
"I think about that all the time." Meili faltered under the matter-of-factness Subaru donned. "The only good it does is kill my soul and make me sloppier."
"I see. That makes sense, since there's really nothing one can do about it. You see, I'm not so readily blinded like Petra, blinded by offense and betrayal." Meili's knees breached the surface, nestling under her chin. "She... told me everything that happened. Before dinner, at dinner. Despite everything that'd happened out there, despite how awfully her involvement could've gone, I'm thankful she discovered this much about you. Because… my word, Subaru. It really explains so much more than your ravings did this morning: the lack of self-preservation, the utter forgiveness of monsters, your perfection when it matters most and sheer lack of it now! It's true what they say: seeing is believing. Although I didn't see, I've enough evidence to paint one awful picture—you can, and always have, been able to 'return by death.'"
Subaru disliked her condescending tone. "What about you, Meili? You send Petra off to die and deliver a message? Why? What've you been trying to get me to see, besides the toxic side of your otherwise sweet and loving personality?"
She exhaled heavily. "Your word choice is as reckless as ever, Subaru. I wonder if you realize how much you conveyed in that painful little joke."
"I wasn't joking one bit: you really do have a sweet and loving personality, Meili."
She gazed wide-eyed across the expanse of bath before them, small lips parting, pursing. And then, "I hate you, Subaru."
"Ouch, though I'm pretty sure you don't mean that a hundred percent."
"I hate… I've always hated… how insanely kind you are. No matter what's done to you, no matter how strong your grudge, you always find a reason to like somebody. Even if they're the worst shit this side of Lugnica." A sad laugh, a sad smile. "You make me realize how twisted and ugly I truly am. And yet, I can't bring to tear myself away from your luster."
"I know how that is, alright."
"H-huh?"
Subaru sat back, gazing into the swirl of glowering fog above. "Everyone—even you, Mei—my flaws shine under a blacklight when beside the rest of you."
"Ha'h. I guess you really do just say whatever's needed to move us."
Subaru frowned. "Don't be like that. Take you, for instance: Meili, the horrifically awkward way you try to pay for your sins, offering yourself on the chopping block?"
"You just said 'horrifically awkward' with complete seriousness."
"And that—the way you crack a joke to break tension? Believe me, Meili: I'm not the awesome hero you all think I am. I'm just as bad as you. No, I'm exactly as bad as you. And I think you realized that this morning, kissing Petra while eyeing me all like 'You know what you did.' C'mon, Mei. Don't lie."
Meili swam ahead, face downcast before she turned to face Subaru. "I know Petra did as well," she said. "Realize your heroism was faulty. And she didn't care, mind you."
Clearly. She showed no sign of disillusionment—just exasperation and love, like always. "And yet, Petra still acts like I'll just save her every time."
Subaru said that jokingly, but Meili shook her head with utter seriousness. "That's not it. In fact, you yourself were hardly the reason for her action earlier." As if sensing what he wanted to know next, Meili met his gaze tiredly. "Petra was very upset when I told her she snored in her sleep."
Subaru chortled, trying to ease the tension. "I don't see how that's—"
"She snorted while you screamed your undying heart out. With just a brick wall between you…" Meili's face wrenched guiltily. "And… after that display you put on in the Reading Room, keeping it a secret from her, I could tell—I was afraid—that Petra was gonna do something rash either way. And you were getting ready with the knights, and—a-and she found me pacing. When she found me, I couldn't… I had to tell her what I heard: your crazy plan to fight the Witches of Sin without us—"
"So you were eavesdropping on my meeting with the castle guard." Subaru felt bad for thinking Meili's manipulation was anything 'masterful,' or even 'intentional.' She wasn't a ruthless assassin, not anymore; she had a family she cared about, including one immensely idiotic brother-king. "Y'know, it kills me: to think I got no choice but to embrace your willingness to die for my sake, lest you punish me and make my job harder. If that's what your ultimate goal is, Meili, well-done. You've made me dance to your tune."
Meili's hands exploded from the water, palms-up. "Sorry, Subaru! For being unable to stand your painfully fake laughter another day! Sincere apologies!" Her words broke near the end, Meili's firm expression falling. She was almost dwarfed by all the foam floating around.
"You know, I want nothing more than to give you what you want, Mei: I'd love to just give you absolute hell for breaking everybody's hearts almost three times now." Subaru wasn't just reacting to her outburst here, but all of them—ever since the Witches of Sin first attacked. "But I can't. Because the bottom line is… intentional or not… I got no right throwing dirt in your face. Not when I've done the same but worse, far more than you have… Not when I've been there, then and now: helpless to do anything but what I have to offer, which is… extremely freakin' little, if we're being frank."
"Don't." Small fingers felt Subaru's forearm before latching tight around his wrist with no intention of letting go. "Please, don't. The last thing I wanted you to feel—the thing I was afraid of most resulting from this horrible crap going through my head—is you thinking I… thought so little of you."
"Next you'll be telling me that sweat stinks."
"Subaru, how does someone like me have a normal relationship with the one who saved her life?"
"I should be the one worrying over that kind of stuff."
"Never seems like you have. Regardless of our history, you treated me as if I was as precious to you as Beatrice or Petra."
"Because you absolutely are."
Meili gasped, gritting her teeth wide. "Then… if you're saying that… then why? " she seethed, glaring up at Subaru. "Who gave you the right to decide that us doing nothing was better than dying?" Subaru had it on good "Authority," though he danced this debate with Garfiel, and to do so with Meili would be avoiding the heart of her matter, even if she didn't realize it.
"Is that why you're so ready to die?" To Meili's color-draining horror, Subaru quickly shook his head, waved his hands. "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry, terrible question, bad question, bad! Wh-wh-what I mean is, more specifically, why do you, I guess… 'want,' quote-unquote, to suffer emotionally?"
"Ex… cuse me?"
"Ugh." Subaru shook his head, scratched the back of it. "You know! Punishment! Enough to feel like you've received enough for what you put us through."
Meili's red face sunk to her nose, blowing bubbles. And she surfaced enough to say, "It's embarrassing to hear it put so succinctly."
"It's childish and selfish, and I one-hundred percent understand where you're coming from," said Subaru. "Which brings me to my follow-up question: how come, if suffering is our desired punishment, do we think isolation is the best way to go about getting that? Wouldn't facing our loved ones, looking them in the eye, be far more excruciating and fitting a punishment?"
Meili mulled this over. And then, "Goodness gracious, Subaru. Are these the thoughts you always have?"
"If I quip 'only sometimes,' couldja promise not to assume you're my Big Bad Villain? Because you're not, and it really bums me out that you do."
Hurt flashed across Meili's face. In the softest voice Subaru ever heard her muster, she whispered, "I don't… trust myself to adhere that, Subaru. I'm sorry. But I will promise if it'll help, of course."
"Thank you, Meili. Lookit that, you can be selfless after all."
" Such an asshole," Meili tittered, gasping just as softly. "If I may be so frank, for all the good you've done this House… you deserve far, far better than these broken toys you've collected, Subaru."
"Please don't refer to our friends that way, or me so deviously." Subaru smiled, exasperated by him and her both. "And therein lies the problem. Or, answer, I guess—'bout, why we can't bring ourselves to receive proper punishment. It's simple, Meili: we're cowards, you and I. We're afraid of breaking these broken toys of ours further. Even though nothing's stopping us from doing the right thing, but we're doing everything we can to avoid it." Everybody was, technically; none were as toxic as Subaru or Meili, however. "But, listen to me. If it were as easy as I'm making it seem, don't you think I'd have done it already? Or you, for that matter! I was poking fun a second ago, but you really are conscientious in your own twisted little way, Mei-Mei. There's no way you can bring yourself to forget about those past loops, just like I can't, three years later. Even so... we're afraid to face it head-on. So we play these sick little games with the thing we treasure most."
A long, shaky exhale shuddered out of Meili. "I'm… not so nice a girl, Subaru." She hugged herself under the water. "Not when it matters most."
Subaru lounged back, letting the warmth wash his anxieties away. "Story of my life, girlfriend."
There were several heartbeats before Meili's small voice carried across the bath: "I can't bear the thought of my past, Subaru. It's worse than ever before, and now, I know for a fact that I've made everybody s-suffer terrible, 'orrible pain!"
Subaru clapped her shuddering little back. "Such cowardice. Meanwhile, for Yours Truly… it's just too painful, watching you all die." Subaru smiled; tears clung to Meili's confused, crumpled face. Her glossy eyes suggested they weren't water droplets. "That's my reason. That's why I'm a coward, Mei—"
The bathroom door opened with a crash, a cry of, "Betty senses bath time, I suppose!" Butterfly-laden eyes boggled at the scrawny mabeast tamer who'd stolen her spot. "Subaru! Meili! Explain this betrayal!"
"You were hiding—!"
"You didn't call Betty for bath time, I supp—!"
"What the heck are you wearing?" Meili asked, loud, bluntly, and vaguely raspy.
Beatrice smirked smugly, flashing them with an opening of her towel: "Subaru's brilliant 'Japan' culture, and Petra's fine craftsmanship, of course!" It was a red onepiece with white frills all around, mimicking her dress. Following Meili's gaze, however, revealed her focus trained entirely on a bulging, butterfly-printed showercap, the occasional golden ring of hair curling out from under it. "Subaru, how could you think to bathe with another 'loli-girl' besides your Betty?"
"That sounds so wrong out of context." One of the few times Subaru wished he actually explained his world's culture. "My apologies, O Cute and Irreplaceable Beako. Rest assured that I was perfectly fine on my lonesome until this positively dripping snotrag insisted her will upon me. If anyone is the villain of this story, it's the Portroute brat."
"Hey, what happened to all that sentimentality?"
As Beatrice strut around the bath, tossing her towel aside, Subaru muttered from the corner of his mouth, "Gone with the mood, Mei. Adding Beatrice to this convo would be like throwing gas on a fire." Meili grumbled, her pouting childlike. "I'm really glad we had that talk, though," he said.
The young lady gave a start. "M-me too."
In Which They Insist Their Friendship Upon Him
