My dear little broccolis
So here we have a little one-shot, full of feelings. It is something that has been in my mind for a while now, and I am purging it. I really hope you will like it. I strongly advise that you read it twice because some things will make sense in the second reading.
Love, Mina 💚💚💚
💚 Cherry Tree 💚
"I have known Ana first. I have loved Ana first. Ana was my first, my everything. My first kiss, my first love, my first time."
‼️Rated M - {Out Of Characters/All Human/Alternate Universe}‼️
‼️Angst/Love/Mental Health‼️
‼️Christian Grey/Ana Steele/Leila Williams‼️
ONE-SHOT: Cherry Tree (3.9K)
Christian's PoV
I look at my wife sleeping in my arms … Even sleeping, she is beautiful. Serene and peaceful, her dark locks sprawled on the bed. I know she's been unhappy lately, and I know it's my fault, but … I can't bring myself to regret those past six months. They have been heaven.
Yes, I am fully aware of my sin, but in retrospect, Leila is the sin, not Ana. I have known Ana first. I have loved Ana first. Ana was first, everything. My first kiss, my first love, my first time. She was the voice that pushed me to always be better, and the voice that grounded me when I became too obsessive. Ana was and is, the love of my life.
Six months ago, after ten years of radio silence, she came back into my life. We grew up together; I guess one could say she was the girl next door. We met under a cherry tree a few miles away from our houses, busy eating the fruits and throwing the pits at each other.
And from there, we were inseparable. She was eight and I was ten. We did everything together, whether it was sneaking out to go watch PG16 movies, or learning how to make pies with her mother, or reading books about pompous asses and stubborn ladies. As my Mom used to say, we were joined at the hip.
She helped me when Mom died of cancer, and I helped her when her parents divorced. She encouraged me when I decided to start something on my own as an auto-entrepreneur and I backed her when she told her Mom she didn't want to live with her anymore.
And then came the romance. I kissed her under the cherry tree on her sixteenth birthday. And yes, I hadn't kissed anyone else, making me the only guy in my class without that experience. But it was worth it because it was with Ana.
A few months later, she was in my bed and beneath me, writhing with pleasure. On her eighteenth birthday, I asked her to move in with me. I was living in a shitty one-bedroom apartment, but did she care? Of course, she didn't, she was perfect.
We never fought and we never argued. We never took our outside issues out on one another. We were perfect together. And then…she… we drifted.
For ten years, I didn't hear from her, and she didn't hear from me. And then, out of nowhere, she reappeared in my life. I remember exactly that day because it was the anniversary of my proposal to her. That morning had been odd. Leila had been out of town, and I had been in a hurry to get to work, so I had skipped breakfast and all that goes with it.
And that night, at my Dad's gala for a cancer charity, I saw her. In the corner of the room. When our eyes met, she winked at me and disappeared into the bathroom. Needless to say, I followed her there without hesitation, and I lost myself in her, relished to have her back in my arms and back in my life...
Ever since that day, I have been seeing her as much as I could, forgetting all about the vows I made to Leila. But Leila doesn't say a thing. I'm pretty sure she knows Ana is back in my life, and at the end of the day, she has to understand, Ana will always be my first choice.
Leila knew about Ana when we got married, she knew that I still loved her, no matter how much I care for Leila. Ana is more than my high school sweetheart, she's more than my first love and most of all, she's my soulmate. She's what I prayed for every night before going to bed, despite the fact that I married Leila, despite the fact that I laid with Leila, despite the fact that I promised myself to Leila, Ana had always been in my heart. Even if she hasn't always been in my mind…
With a sigh, I get out of bed, my whole being thinking only of Ana. I want to see her all the time, not just once in a while. This is her house, after all, this is where she should be living, and I'll make damn sure that she does, I don't care what Leila says about it.
.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.
It's been a month since Ana moved in with us. Leila isn't very happy about this, but I'll make it up to her, somehow. She knows whose house this is; she knows how much I love Ana. And Ana clearly doesn't mind sharing her house. She loves living with me again, though the two of them do their best to avoid each other.
I wake up in the middle of the night, my cock straight and aching. And I smile when I feel an arm across my chest, slightly making its way downward. Ana has always been amazing in bed. I lazily open my eyes and frown when I see Leila looking at me with hopeful lust.
I shake my head, clearing my throat as I get out of bed. Leila calls out to me, but I ignore her and go straight to Ana's room. She's sleeping, looking like the angel that she is, and I crawl my way to her, our, bed, kissing every inch of skin I can access to.
She moans under my ministrations, and I nibble her earlobe, "I want you, baby. I need you."
"Have me, then Christian. Make me yours," She whispers back and I don't need her to tell me twice.
I dip my head between her beautiful ghostly legs and taste the sweetest nectar there is. Ana always loved it when I ate her out. She moans, tangling my hair in her fingers as I bring her to cloud nine. God, I love this woman.
I kiss my way up to her, positioning myself at her entrance, and I let her know, "I want to hear you, baby! Let the world know that you're mine."
She frowns for a second, and I impale myself inside her, making her hiccup of pleasure and me smugly grin. "You're mine, Ana. Say it!"
"I'm yours, baby. Only yours. Always yours."
I grunt with satisfaction, making her scream as I pin her against the mattress. This was the bed I made for her, from the olive tree that was in her father's garden. She was sad to leave it behind when her father sold his house, and so I asked Ray if I could chop it up, and worked weeks and weeks to make our bed frame out of it.
And until a month ago, we never got to christen it. But ever since, we have been rolling in it every single day. I have taken her in every position under the sun. I have claimed her in every possible way. Her mouth, her tits, her ass and her heavenly pussy. Beneath me, on top of me, on the side, standing, kneeling, lying, sitting. She's mine in every way. And I'll never let anyone else make me forget about her again.
"That's it, baby. Feel me deep inside of you! Feel how good you and I are. We're made for each other. Feel me!"
I thrust a bit harder, angling my hips a certain way, and she opens her eyes with marvel, her face blissful as I just hit her G-spot. I reiterate, again and again. I just want her to feel the seventh sky fall on her. And I want to die with her
"Yes! Christian! Please!"
"Yes, baby! Feel me! Cum with me!"
And she does. And I empty myself in her.
And she dies.
.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.
The next morning, I wake up in Ana's bed. In our bed. She's still sleeping, so I decide to bring her breakfast in bed. She used to bring me my breakfast all the time. She was always a morning bird, whilst I was a night owl. But now, I guess the many orgasms I gave her last night just wore her out.
It's past ten when I get to the kitchen, and unexpectedly, I find Leila there. I know she heard us. After all, I did tell Ana to be loud for me. She's mine, and the world should know. And I myself was pretty vocal.
I feel bad for Leila, but … she knew what she was getting into when we married. Ana had never been a secret.
"Christian … we need to talk," She sternly tells me. I roll my eyes, not in the mood for a lecture, but I don't say anything when I see her red eyes. She's obviously been crying since last night.
So I sit in front of her. She probably wants to vent, and I can't refuse her that. She's my wife, after all. At least, legally. She bites on her lower lip before handing me an unopened box of pills as she accuses me,
"When did you stop taking your pills?"
"It's a new subscription," I smoothly lie. She shakes her head, seeing through me, and she points at the date on the box,
"Is it? Because this is dated from eight months ago. And the pharmacists haven't seen you in ages. Christian … eight months ago was … when you started acting weird. It was the anni—"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I roar at her, making her hiccup of surprise. I have never raised my voice at her, never. But then again, she's never said stupid stuff like that either. She knows some things are not for her to talk about.
She starts crying, her brown eyes drowned in tears, and she says between two sobs, "She's gone, Christian. And I'm here. I am here for you. I know you're hurting, and you'll —"
"I said, shut the fuck up!" I repeat with venom, standing up to tower over her and make my point clear. She keeps on weeping and shakes her head, showing me the pills again,
"Please, Christian, take the pills. For me. I'm real, I'm here. I love you."
"And so does she! She loves me more than you ever will! Don't you dare try to fuck this up for me!" I roar, slamming my fist on the table. She jumps a little, her face stricken by tears and then she takes a deep breath and gets up.
She shows me her hands, but I refuse to take it, so she grabs my arm and walks us through the house until we are in front of Ana's room. She has her hand on the handle when I strongly wrap my hand on hers, my voice hard and menacing,
"You have no business being in here. We agreed on that long ago. Long before Ana came back in my life."
"Christian," she tries to plead.
"I am not fucking around, Leila," I lowly growl. "This is her room, not yours. This is her house, not yours. No matter how it looks, the truth is that you are the guest here, not she. You knew that coming into this marriage. If you can't deal with it, I won't stop you on your way out."
She shakes her head, her teary eyes imploring and sympathetic, "I want to help you, Christian."
"Then, leave her be."
I hold her gaze, daring her to do anything else, and she takes a deep long shaky breath before turning away. I watch her leave, feeling bad that she's so miserable, but at the same time, I can't fully feel bad. Because that means Ana is in my life.
I go inside Ana's room, who is expectantly looking at me, and I dash to her, kissing away all the worry Leila might have brought her. I make love to her, sweet love that lasts hours and makes me forget all my worries.
Once we are fully satiated, I take her in my arms, endlessly kissing her haunting skin as I ask her,
"Why did you leave me, baby? None of this would have happened if you had stayed with me."
"Because you let me go. Because you preferred the sweet illusion of reality rather than having me."
A lump forms in my throat, and I hide my face in her neck. "No. I will always prefer you, baby. I didn't have a choice. It was the pill or the looney bin."
.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.
A week after our big discussion, Leila and I go pay a visit to her parents. I wish I could skip and spend the day with Ana, but I owe it to Leila. She hasn't brought up Ana again, even though I have deserted her bed now. I have spent every night in the bed I have built for Ana, making love to her again and again and enjoying her presence as much as I can. I will never get enough of her. I have ten years to catch up to.
I do feel bad for Leila, and I did try to mention the idea of divorce to her, but she shook it off, saying that she was with me for the long haul. Whatever makes her happy, I guess? If being second to Ana is okay for her, let her be.
She makes us buy flowers on our way there, as she usually does. Her mother loves flowers. Though Samantha is more into roses than lilies. Leila takes an unusual road, but then again, she has a terrible sense of orientation. It's only when she parks in front of a particular spot that I understand what she's up to.
"Leila," I growl at her. She knows better than to pull that kind of stunt on me.
"Please, Christian. Don't force me to call Dr Taylor again."
I get out of the car with a temper, because I really don't need Dr Taylor back in my life. Leila gently smiles at me and gives me the flowers before taking my hand and walking me through the morbid maze.
She stops at this special place I have never been to, this special place I have avoided for obvious reasons, and she lets go of my hand. I keep looking straight ahead of me, refusing to acknowledge what Leila is trying to force on me. She expectantly looks at me, and I shake my head.
"I don't want to be here, Leila. Let's go."
"We will. As soon as you will have paid your respects."
"Leila …"
"I know it hurts, Christian. But you need to."
I glare at her and finally, look down. I know we'll never leave this cursed place if I don't do it. I look at the marble stone, indicating her last resting place, the beautiful engraving making it more true than anything else
Anastasia Rose Steele
Beloved daughter, friend and fiancée
10 September 1985 - 17 May 2006
This has to have been the best night of my life … yet. I just proposed to Ana, and to no one's surprise she said yes. I was supposed to wait a bit longer, but I decided to ask on her graduation night, as we celebrated at a local restaurant.
I have just finished building our house, with our bed, and she has no idea of the surprise she has waiting for her. I can't wait to get her home and christen our engagement as well as our bed. With a bit of luck, none of us is going to sleep tonight.
Right now, we are walking home hand in hand, Ana singing how much she loves me. We both drank more than expected, and instead of cabbing it home, we decided to walk. It's such a lovely night, warm, full of stars and full of love. God, how I love this woman.
As we walk past the empty field that leads to the residential area where we now live (gone is the shitty apartment) I spot a cherry tree, and I cheekily kiss my fiancée's cheek before rushing to it. I hear her giggle after me, pouting that it's not fair that I have such long legs but I'm already climbing the tree, taunting her when I pop a cherry in my mouth.
"Soon, I'll have your cherry in my mouth. Much juicier and much sweeter might I say."
She laughs, climbing the tree under my eyes and trying to get to my steady branch as she jokingly threatens, "Christian, I swear that if you spit that pit on me I'll—"
And the world stops spinning. Her face passes from pure delight to shocking surprise in the blink of an eye; pale under the moonlight as the branch she was putting her weight on cracked sinisterly. I reach out to grab her but …
She never woke up. She couldn't. No one can wake up to such a concussion in the head; something leaving a gaping wound that even shows the brain. I never went to her funeral, because I was hospitalized back then for a mental breakdown, or hysteria, whatever they wanted to call it.
I stayed a whole month in that hospital, relishing in the hallucinations I had of Ana, until Dr Taylor forced the pills on me, with the threat of mental institution if I didn't. And the pills worked, they made Ana disappear from my life entirely.
I fall on my knees, and start crying. This is the reason why I never came here. I know she won't come back now that I made her … now that I made it real. For so long, I tried to convince myself that we cabbed it and that we just drifted away. It was easier to think she was alive and somewhere else, rather than …
"I loved her so much," I wail, hating myself for using the past tense. Leila is behind me, gently soothing my back.
"I can tell, Christian. It's okay."
"She was the love of my life, and … I killed her before we could even live."
It is my fault. If I hadn't impulsively decided to climb that stupid tree, she would still be alive. If I had waited for her to climb first, she would still be alive. If I had caught her, she would still be alive.
Mea cupla. Mea maxima culpa.
"It's not your fault, Christian. It could have happened to anyone," Lelia reassures me, but I just keep on sobbing. I haven't cried for Ana since the hospitalization. Because I didn't have a reason to. As long as I was in the delusion that she was alive why would I cry for her?
"You have to let her go, Christian. Not for me, but for you. So you can get back to your life."
"I don't want to let her go. I don't care about my life."
"For her, then. You can't hold on to her spirit like that. It's not fair to her. You need to let her move on. You can't trap her between here and there," Leila says, before kissing my temple,
"I will leave you two alone. I'll be in the car, okay?"
I hide my face in my hands as I keep on crying for what seems to be hours. I don't want to let her go. I don't want to say goodbye. We were supposed to be each other's forever and now …
As it starts raining, I look up to glare at the sky mocking me. Can't even let me cry in peace. But there she is, sitting on the tombstone and … looking nothing like the Ana I have been seeing the past few months. She's not the beautiful Ana of my fantasies, but the shattered one of my last visions of her.
She's the young 21-year-old Ana, wearing that blue dress I loved so much on her, and holding in her hands the heels that inconvenienced her whilst we were walking. And she's bloody. Half of her skull open, spurting blood all over her perfect self.
"Baby," I croak, and she gives me her sweet little smile. "I'm sorry."
"I would have climbed that tree, with or without you. You know that, right?" She says as tears keep streaming down my face. She cocks her face to the side like she always did before telling me that she loved me.
"What if I want to follow you?" I challenge her, I can go all Romeo and Juliet, right here, right now.
She raises an eyebrow at me, "I thought you kept your promises, Christian. Have you lied to me?"
I sob, remembering how I promised one of my last hallucinations ten years ago that I would live my best life for her. But then again...
"How can I do that when you're not here with me?"
"You have to try harder. You're not alone anymore."
"It's not the same. Come back," I beg, even though I know it's impossible.
"I can't."
"I don't want to move on. Not from you," I tell her, and I try to grab her hand. But of course … She smiles, her blue eyes so loving, but so sad.
"Moving on doesn't mean you forget me. It just means that you forgive yourself and let the past be."
I close my eyes, tears still heavy on my cheeks and I stubbornly shake my head. I can hear the rain redoubling, and she whispers, "Please, Christian. Let me go."
With a long shaky breath, I put the lilies on her tomb, and when I look back up, she's gone. I stand up, kissing my fingers before putting them on the stele and I whisper, "No matter what, I'll always love you."
And as I start walking back to the car, the rain momentarily stopping and leaving a glimpse of the sun, I swear I can hear the wind reply to me, "Me too."
❌THE END❌
.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.
Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed
So, do you hate me? Leila? Christian? Tell me all
Well, let me know what you think. And I know, I've used you to happy endings and sweet little things, but I think it was time for me to get back to some real stuff. Mouhahah
💚 E L James owns the names of the characters from the Fifty Shades franchise, Everything else is mine (including the mistakes and grammar errors).
Love, Mina 💚💚💚