SHOUTOUT and BIG THANKS to me beta-reader Peter, who was amazing and stayed up late reading over this for me. Your amazing, my dude! Love ya!
Wade didn't know what he should've expected.
With a name like Spider-Man, it should've been self-explanatory. A guy gets bitten by a spider, inherits spider-powers, and uses said powers to fight crime. It's basic and straight-forward. While it may leave a lot to the imagination, and even more questions unanswered, it wasn't very complicated on the surface.
And yet, Wade had a shovel in the dirt and was ready to dig for treasure.
It started with an explosion.
He felt the heat before he heard the boom, and was halfway through the building across the street before his brain could shout 'YEAH, THAT'S A BOMB, DIPSHIT.' He lay underneath a pile of plaster, drywall, and bricks, coughing up dust and grime. Head ringing, and body stinging with its new burns and cuts, he contemplated making that his new home. It was kind of comfy if he didn't put a lot of thought into the wooden beam impaling his leg.
It wouldn't take long for his ruptured eardrums to heal, but still, DAMN.
Those slimy mud fuckers brought a bomb.
Wade crawled his way out of the mess, yanking the beam out as he went. He was just getting to his feet when a section of the wall was kicked across the room and a red and blue figure stumbled out of the rubble as well. Spider-Man had been running point with him before the explosion, and while Wade recalled him recoiling a split second before it went off, even he—with all this spider speed and agility—hadn't been fast enough to escape the blast radius.
"Webs," Wade felt his mouth say, but didn't hear. Judging by the red stains on the sides of Spider-Man's head, his ears were bleeding, so hearing was off the table for him too.
Regardless, Spider-Man turned to him a second after the nickname left Wade's mouth.
It was probably just a spider-sense thing, alerting him that Wade was nearby yada, yada, yada.
Spider-Man gestured widely to his ears and the torn mask that moved up and down as he shouted something Wade couldn't detect. But his message was clear: busted ears, can't hear a thing; which only proved his point.
Together, they stumbled out of the mess and peered out of the—thankfully—vacated building and into the street. Outside, the battle was a hectic image of a superhero/clay people slugfest. A weird bald hermit guy—Mole Man, Wade recalled—was standing a distance from the actual fight, urging his minions to enact his plan of sinking the city into the ground, or whatever the fuck his schtick was about. Little clay golems and globs were running around the street, swarming the Fantastic Four, and setting up more bombs to the surrounding buildings.
Reed had said something about Mole Man being sensitive to light, and what Wade wouldn't give to have a UV lamp stashed in his pouches. He'd just shine that thing on the little sucker and watch him squirm until he gave up. Damn him for planning his attack at night like an intelligent bad guy.
The sounds of battle were muffled and far-away, but it was a vast improvement to the ringing pain that had been bouncing through his skull. Give him another 5 minutes tops, and he'd be back to normal. Spider-Man, on the other hand, grimaced and touched the bloody side of his head. It was probably going to take him a bit longer to heal from this.
Wade touched the bloodied area softly with his thumb, and when Spider-Man turned to him, he pointed to the mess and gave a questioning thumbs up. Spider-Man returned the gesture with more confidence, yelling something muffled—and probably flippant—about how he would be just fine, it would heal, blah blah blah, and was marching back out into the battle without a second thought.
Wade shrugged and did a quick weapon check as he followed. Hearing or not, Spidey could handle himself in a fight. He didn't need to worry about a glob of soggy clay sticking to his leg like a humping chihuahua.
By the time Sue Storm had floated down from the invisible barrier she'd created, Wade's ears were fully functioning.
"Deadpool, help Ben drive them back. Spider-Man, Johnny could use a hand."
Wade lifted a finger, prepared to convey the information that Spider-Man couldn't hear jack-shit and a quick game of charades was in order, when the man himself looked up at Sue and immediately went for the streak of human-fire circling the clay monster.
Wade's eyes followed him in confusion and his finger dropped.
"Uhh...if I didn't know any better—and I have a tingling feeling in my lower thigh that I should—but methinks that either our Spidey's healing got exponentially better, or something funky is going on here."
But that had to be addressed for another time, because Sue was already back to the fight and the Thing was getting overrun with clay monsters the size of large dogs. Checking his gun barrel one more time, Wade followed the Thing's gravely curses and got to work putting bullets into clay heads. They weren't alive, right? Maybe they were? They were made of clay, did that mean they would come back?
He shrugged as he shot another one through the head.
"Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, DOUBLE fuck you, fuck you–"
Overhead, a small figure swung by on web, but they didn't have the red and blue of the hero he was used to seeing swinging between buildings. It was the younger Spider-Man, red and black suit; a small little tike. 'Spidey Jr.' as Wade called him, because there were so many damn spider-people running around now it was getting ridiculous.
Spidey Jr. had joined the fight sometime earlier, and Wade couldn't help but keep an eye on him and the bonafide Spidey, as they swung around the accumulating mess of clay and mud that was turning into a large, dripping monster the size of King Kong. From the ground, Sue yelled something at Spider-Man, but unlike last time, he didn't register a word, and it took Spidey Jr. tapping him on the shoulder and motioning down to Sue and Reed—who were waving their arms to get his attention—to drop to the ground.
Wade jogged over to them as well. He had a gun in one hand, and a katana in the other, and he cleared enough of the buggers away to give the Thing some breathing room. Honestly, he was tempted just to use his swords. If not for the satisfying way their heads exploded, it would be a waste to use bullets on these mud monsters.
On cue, a small clay devil materialized next to him and he shoved the barrel of his gun into its head, pulled the trigger, and continued on his merry way as the head exploded in a burst brown and grey. He got to the group just as Spider-Man was motioning to his ears and yelling, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I CAN'T– WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?"
Sue and Reed looked ridiculous, acting out the plan they were trying to convey. Wade snorted when Reed made an exaggerated spraying noise and mimicked a firefighter hose.
"DISTRACT IT," Sue was shouting, her hands cupped around her mouth for emphasis. "WE HAVE A PLAN. A PLAN. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
It took a few more rounds of yelling their plan to the bad guys before Spider-Man shot them a thumbs up and motioned to a street lamp, where Spidey Jr. had landed for a pit stop. Together, they shot back into the air, going double-time in throwing pieces of debris into the creature's face and covering its eyes with webbing.
"Hey, Reed, baby! Sue!" Wade approached them, arms out and inviting, "What about me? What can I do?"
Sue and Reed shared a prickly glance.
"Uh, I think we got it Deadpool. Just… take five, okay?"
Wade wasn't even given time to be offended before they were running off.
"What kind of plan doesn't include 200 pounds of unkillable cancer?" He shouted peevishly after them. He wasn't given a response and was already checking his ammunition and pulling his other katana out—intent on going in anyway—when a shadow coming off the light of a streetlamp zipped across the cement and he watched as Spider-Man lifted a giant scaffold of concrete with his webs, as easy as a kid playing with a cheap fishing rod toy, picking up little plastic fishes with a magnet.
He considered joining the fight, but looking over their numbers—and how the monster itself was already degrading—he grudgingly sheathed his katanas and leaned back against the wall, arms crossed. He supposed he could just kick back and enjoy the view.
In all honesty, the Fantastic Four could've easily handled this side quest without their help. Wade and Spider-Man had just been on patrol and decided to tag along from the sheer boredom of their evening.
Johnny joined Spider-Man and Spidey Jr. in annoying the mud monster. Meanwhile, the Thing tore a fire hydrant open, so that Sue could use her barrier powers to create a tunnel that funneled the water straight into the monster's face, and then its chest.
After that, it didn't take long for the battle to wrap up. The monster crumbled away into sludge and mud, and Reed had grabbed Mole Man by the collar of his shirt before he could scuttle off to whatever hidey-hole he crawled out of. Sue addressed the police, who had set up a perimeter for the battle. Despite how lame Mole Man was, he HAD been doing heavy property damage.
Wade pushed off from his wall and jogged over to Spider-Man and Spidey Jr., who had landed just outside the giant mud pile caking the rest of the street. Both of them looked relatively unharmed, but from his position, Wade saw Spider-Man shout something and point to a gash on Miles' arm. Without warning, he wrapped it tightly in a web bandage.
That wasn't very strange, Wade's seen Spider-Man patch himself up plenty of times with his own webs. Sometimes, he patched Wade up too. Said it made him feel better, even though Wade knew webbing was expensive given the number of times Spidey's bitched about it to him on dull, uneventful nights.
What had him grinding to a confused halt was when Spidey Jr. proceeded to climb up Spider-Man's back and cling there like some kind of spider-human-koala hybrid. Arms curled over Webs' arms and shoulders, legs tucked by his sides, and head resting on the juncture between his neck and shoulder, he just...clung there as Spider-Man approached Reed.
Reed made a gesture towards Spider-Man's ears again, and this time Wade was close enough to make out what was being said.
"STILL HEALING. BUT I CAN HEAR A LITTLE."
"DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO THE BAXTER BUILDING AND GET PATCHED UP?" Reed shouted back.
"WHAT WAS THAT?"
"DO YOU. WANT TO. GET PATCHED UP. AT THE. BAXTER BUILDING?"
"LOUDER."
"I SAID DO YOU-"
"REED, REED, I'M KIDDING! I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! NO THANKS, I'M GOOD! I'LL BE FINE BY TOMORROW!"
Reed gave him an exasperated look and Wade snorted. Something else must've caught Spider-Man's attention, since he approached Johnny to help him and Ben clean up the debris and scaffolding littering the street. Wade stopped next to Reed, arms crossed.
"Hey, Sir Stretch, you know what that's about?" He nodded to Spidey Jr. who was still clutching onto Spider-Man's back.
Reed looked up from the cuffs he was slapping on Mole Man and followed Wade's eyes.
"Spider-Man and the kid? Oh, he's his mentor. Showing him the ropes and the tricks of the trade, especially when it comes to their specific power sets–"
"I KNOW what a mentor and mentee relationship is, Rubberband. I mean why is he giving the squirt a piggy-back ride? He didn't look that injured."
"Oh, that's what you meant." Reed fixed the two with a stare again, a curious gleam lighting his eyes. "They've always done that as far as I can remember. I suspect it has something to do with their shared spider biology. You know, some spider species have been known to carry their young on their back, and combined with their human nature that–"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa–" Wade cut him off with a wild gesture. "Hold up. Young? That's not Webs' actual kid, is it?"
Reed looked tempted to roll his eyes, but instead, he hoisted Mole Man back up, who'd been trying to tiptoe away. He wrapped his arm around him several times as an extra measure.
"No, as far as I'm aware, Spider-Man is not...well, Spider-Man's kid–"
"They really need to find a way to differentiate those two." Wade mumbled.
"Yes, well, they're not related to my knowledge. Aside from their spider-powers, that is. It's probably just an effect of an inborn arachnid instinct. They've been doing it for a while. Given how long you and Spider-Man have been teaming up lately, I'm surprised you didn't know."
Wade hummed, rubbing his chin. Yeah, he's been patrolling with Spider-Man for a while now, but he's never seen him give back rides to the little runt before. Then again, they've never really fought alongside each other that often, and the few times that they had, Wade recalled taking a round in the chest the first time, and getting his lungs crushed from a speeding truck the second time.
By the time he was coming around, Spidey Jr. was gone. So maybe he just hadn't been awake for it.
He clapped Reed's shoulder with a merry grin. "Adios, Mr. Above-Average, muchas gracias."
He poked Mole Man's weirdly shaped head as he went, and sauntered up to Spider-Man, who was finishing up with a large chunk of what used to be a wall. As he heaved and hoed, he was asking:
"DID YOU FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK?"
"Yes." Spidey Jr. huffed, sounding equal parts exasperated and embarrassed.
"DID YOU EAT BEFORE YOU CAME OUT HERE?"
"Yes, I had a sandwich."
"ALRIGHT, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A GATORADE OR SOMETHING WHEN YOU GET HOME. AND RELAX THAT ARM AND EAT SOMETHING ELSE. ALSO, TAKE A NAP. RESTING IS ONE OF THE BEST WAYS TO HEAL."
"I know, I know, it's not like you've TOLD me this a billion times."
Spider-Man was still putting too much volume in his words, but Spidey Jr.—oddly enough—wasn't raising his voice at all. In fact, if Wade was seeing correctly, then the kid was talking directly into Spider-Man's...hair? As if he secretly had an extra pair of ears somewhere in there.
Wade looked around, wishing there was someone, like Johnny or the Thing, who could point at them and go "WHAT THE FUCK" so he could be sure he wasn't seeing things again.
Johnny, however, was helping Sue with crowd control—although he seemed to be riling them up more than anything—and Ben Grimm was focused a distance away on shoving a muddied car out of the way of his clean up.
There was no one to point out the weirdness in the situation, and given the amount of ridiculousness that followed Wade like a bad stench, he wasn't sure if he was allowed to call out shit himself.
Now that he was watching, he noticed the way Spidey Jr.'s hands softly rubbed against Spider-Man's shoulders, up and down. And stranger still, was Spider-Man reaching up on occasion, to give a quick rub to Spidey Jr.'s hand or wrist.
There was absolutely NOTHING sexual about the touch—thank fuck—but it still had Wade squinting at the two of them. It looked like a soft affectionate gesture more than anything, but still, Wade was under the impression that rubbing people in public was weird AF.
At least that's that Domino and Weasel have been trying to drill into his brain.
Why did the spider-people get to rub, and Wade didn't?
Hanging back, Wade watched them for a few more minutes. They conversed a little longer before Wade decided to try his own experiment.
"Spidey," he said in his normal tone..
When Spider-Man showed no indication of hearing, he shouted louder, "Spidey?"
It was enough to catch Spidey Jr.'s attention.
"SPIDER-MAN!" He shouted, louder, and was rewarded with Spider-Man turning toward him.
"POOL? ARE YOU TALKING TO ME? MY EARS ARE STILL BUSTED YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP!"
Wade shot him a double thumbs-up, shouting, "JUST CHECKING," but his brain was racing. He watched the two until Spidey Jr. lamented that he needed to get home, and Spider-Man shouted out other post-battle remedies, like "DON'T FORGET TO WASH YOUR COSTUME!" and "THE GATORADE! DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE GATORADE!" as the younger kid swung off.
Spider-Man wasn't startled IN THE LEAST when Wade materialized next to him and simply jutted a thumb over his shoulder. He struggled to lower his voice, "ARe you REAdy to GO? I'm STARVING!"
Wade gestured to the mess they were SUPPOSED to be cleaning up.
Spider-Man brushed it off, and talked in a way he thought was a whisper, "Johnny and Ben can finish it up. If we move now, we can be 3 blocks away by the time they notice we're gone."
Wade pushed his thoughts about blasted eardrums and weird spider antics aside and grinned, "Webs, you're speaking my language. Let's get out of here before the grown-ups notice."
Whether he heard it or not, he could see Spider-Man grin through the torn part of his mask and he climbed on when Spider-Man offered to piggy-back. Wade was struck with how just 5 minutes ago, Spidey Jr. was doing the same thing, but Spider-Man didn't seem inclined to rub his hand.
How disappointing.
They were only 1 block away when Johnny was flaming on and Ben was storming after them—demanding that they return and help clean up the mess—but neither Wade nor Spider-Man could hear through their laughter. By the time they were safely tucked beneath a water tower—watching the Human Torch and the Thing charge by, promising to set them both on fire and clobber them—Wade had tucked the weird events of the night in the back of his mind, to be analyzed another time.
The second time Wade notices something strange about Spider-Man's behavior... is 2 weeks later.
They'd just finished off the night with a drug bust that they'd been following for the last few days. It was pretty minor—as far as drugs went—but the muscle hired for it was substantial, and it had taken a good 30 minutes to wrap up the whole shindig.
No one had been killed—maimed or injured, yes. But not killed—and there had been minimal injuries to them other than a hit with a crowbar for Wade, and a pulled ankle when Spider-Man messed up a landing. But both were fairly unscathed and stayed after only long enough to bandage up—in Spidey's case, of course—and make sure the police picked the crooks up, before heading out.
Given the success of the night, they decided celebrations were in order, and high-tailed it to their favorite fast food joint for greasy food and sugary drinks.
Wade was paying for the food, and Spidey the smoothies, as was their routine. They had a whole system down. Spider-Man would hold the food, because he was a greedy ravenous raccoon underneath all that spandex, as Wade paid with their combined cash.
But it was different this time. Spidey left to use the bathroom, and by the time he was back out, the food was ready and being handed over to Wade.
It didn't seem like a big deal. Wade reasoned that he could just hold the food this time. No biggie. But he realized the second that he had taken the food, Spider-Man had appeared with his hands out to take it.
"Heh, sorry Webs. That's what you get for peeing so long."
Spider-Man was, oddly, quiet. He looked between Wade and the lady behind the counter, and strange stiffness seemed to slowly spread throughout his limbs.
"Oh. Yeah. Okay," he replied and quickly turned away. There was a strange cadence in his voice. It had lost its friendly vibe and had gone strangely tight and… almost bitter. As if Wade had betrayed his trust somehow.
Spider-Man didn't look at him, nor the woman, for the rest of their time in the restaurant, and continued like that as they climbed the fire escape to a building outside to get to their designated rooftops. Spider-Man got there before Wade, not bothering to slow down and wait for him, and when Wade pulled himself the rest of the way up, Webs was already sitting on the edge of the building, sipping glumly on the smoothie he'd snagged from Wade's hands.
Wade stood up straight, take-out bags hanging from his arms, smoothie clutched in a hand with the other planted on his hip. He waited a few seconds before Spider-Man finally looked over his shoulder at him.
"What's got your tighty whities in a bunch?" Wade huffed.
He saw Spider-Man's lips flatten into a thin line and he took another long sip of his smoothie, turning away again.
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb with me, Spidey," Wade plopped down next to him, but didn't hand the bag over just yet, "You were practically shooting death daggers at the lady in the shop. Did she spit in our food or something? Did she threaten to eat your future children? Was she an old high school bully who shoved your head in a toilet?"
"No, she wasn't." Spider-Man said around his straw, still very adamant about letting it go. "It… was nothing. Don't worry about it."
Wade leaned forward, almost off the ledge entirely, to give him a hard look. "Uh, you were giving me the cold shoulder too, Webs. I think I WILL worry about it, thank you very much. Come on, what's wrong? You can tell your ol' buddy Wade."
Spider-Man didn't reply for a long time, then very quietly he muttered, "It was my job?"
Wade quirked an eyebrow, "Mc'Pardon?"
"Holding the food. That's my job."
"That's...that's why you're mad?"
Spider-Man scowled and looked away, "Yeah, whatever. I told you it was nothing, okay? Don't worry about it. It's stupid." He thrust his hand out, "Now can I PLEASE have my deep-dish pizza? Before I starve and you have to explain to the cops why you allowed Spider-Man to die over a Denny's."
Wade snorted but handed the bag over.
Once again, it wasn't a very big thing. Spider-Man normally dished out the food on their little team-ups and patrols, but strangely enough, the moment Wade handed out the bag and Spider-Man took it, he froze again and the part of his cheeks that Wade could see flushed red. His hand hovered in the air for a few seconds before he brought it to his chest, still staring at Wade as if he'd been given an elixir.
Wade looked up from his extra cheesy, meat-lovers slice that was sticking halfway out of his mouth and dripping sauce down his chin, "Uh… what?"
Spider-Man shook his head, but it seemed more to snap himself out of whatever stupor he was sliding into, then at Wade and his manners.
"Nothing, nothing, uh, here–" he picked up Wade's smoothie quickly, where it had been set on the ledge, and Wade took it without hesitation, but was fully aware of Spider-Man's eyes on him every second.
Wade took a long sip of the drink and Spider-Man wiggled.
He HONESTLY wiggled.
Wade might not have even noticed it any other night, because Spider-Man moved around a LOT, but it was just such another strange act on a piling mound of weirdness, that it stuck out. It looked like a pleased wiggle. A happy wiggle. And Spider-Man was digging into his pizza with heart and vigor, his mood restored.
Wade watched him through the corner of his eyes as they ate, but kept up the retellings of their night, and how badass they were for finishing off the drug cartel so quickly and smoothly. Spider-Man was just as happy about the night, but Wade had a niggling thought that it wasn't because of their drug bust.
The only time in their night when his mood dropped again, was during the sad slurping of his drink as the dregs of his smoothie was sucked through his straw. Spider-Man looked so disappointed, that Wade didn't mind handing over his smoothie, still halfway full.
Just like when Wade gave him food, his face flushed pink. He didn't freeze when he grabbed it this time and was thoughtfully drinking it seconds later. His lips were fixed in that downward tilt that Wade had found meant that he was thinking really hard about something. He's seen that same look on the nights when they ate after a particularly disappointing patrol or fight, or even on the rare occasions that his mask ripped and Wade could watch his lips move as he talked.
Whatever Spider-Man was contemplating, he seemed to come to a conclusion, and resolutely offered his half-eaten pizza to Wade, shoulders squared, and demeanor serious. Wade wanted to refuse it, because he's seen Spidey shirtless and while he had that muscle mass, Wade was positive he wasn't eating enough at home, and he didn't want to deprive him of a meal.
But Spider-Man looked so determined, jaw set and lips drawn in a tight line, that Wade didn't have it in him to reject it. Which seemed to be the right decision, because the moment Wade took it, Spider-Man's good mood came back full force, and he was kicking his legs out happily as he slurped up Wade's smoothie.
As Wade munched on both pizzas, he studied his partner again. There were a lot of strange things stacking up that were poking at Wade's brain now. Things he hadn't noticed before, but now that he thought about it, could recall separate similar occasions.
He thought about the way Spidey Jr. talked into his hair; carrying Spidey Jr. around on his back; the weird affectionate rubbing; getting upset when someone else took over his "job"; the flush on his face when he took his take-out bag; and the way he subtly wiggled when Wade accepted his food offering.
Inborn arachnid instincts, Wade recalled Reed saying. Spider biology.
Maybe it was time for Wade to do a little studying of his own.