Title: Letters I Can Never Send

Summary: Spoiler warning: Set post NWH. For the first time in Peter's life, he is alone. No friends, no May, no other Avengers, and no one that remembers who he is. All he has left is Spider-Man. So he starts over. Thanks to Gloria at FEAST, Peter has an apartment. Although his landlord might be evil. Same for his new boss. If he keeps writing letters to May, nobody needs to know. There's no one for him to tell anyway.

This is not a fix-it story. This is a catharsis story.

To let you know upfront, the main relationships in this story are platonic. (That's the plan anyway.) My baby is still grieving the one he had to let go of.

Rating T: For language, canon typical violence, and depression.

Warning: Mentions of past character death. For this chapter, mention of Spidey stopping a sexual assault.

Continuity: Main MCU timeline Post Spider-Man: No Way Home. Although knowledge of Hawkeye will probably enhance the experience. I'm also borrowing Gloria and her girlfriend Steff from the Spider-Man games. However, she's a little older in the story.

Yes, I am starting a new story. I am fully aware I should be working on Happily Ever After Is Just a Rumor. I probably will once I get the first chapter or two out. However, Spider-Man: No Way Home wrecked me. Like I keep randomly crying. I deal with my emotions through writing. That means you get a new story.

I know I am breaking my four-story rule. Although technically, I am done with Scenes From Freshman Year: book one, even if I'm still proofing and uploading the chapters. I'm taking a little break before I start part two.

I also said I wanted to do more short stories and one-shots. I do miss doing them. So here we are. I promise this will not turn into one of my 100,000 word plus epic stories.

Part one: December 2024

December 23, 2024

Dear Aunt May:

I miss you so very much. I miss talking with you the most. This might be why I am writing you this letter even though I plan to delete it as soon as I'm done writing it. Leave no traces; I learned that lesson the hard way. I realize I probably need a therapist, but I don't have health insurance right now. Good thing I don't get sick.

I miss having you there waiting for me to get home from patrol with snacks waiting. I also miss having someone to help with first-aid, not that I always need that. I never really appreciated your uniform maintenance abilities until you were no longer there.

I put my first new costume together last week. The old one didn't make it through the reset. It didn't fall apart during my first patrol, so I consider that a success. Thank you for making me take the sewing class at FEAST last year. I found a good sewing machine that somebody threw away. Thankfully, I put it back together again with the tools in the workshop at the center. So at least I can maintain the new costume without borrowing their machines.

The good news is that the new costume doesn't require charging. Which is good because I really couldn't afford that electric bill. Bad news, I no longer have somebody to quip to during patrol. I'm going to miss the AI a little bit.

I have an apartment as of yesterday, so at least I'm not at the shelter anymore. It's better for everybody that I'm not there. One of JJJ's informants could get video of me. That would be bad for FEAST. Although I am volunteering on Christmas. They need all the help they can get now that you're gone.

Gloria has taken over for you. She's doing a good job, but she's overwhelmed. I couldn't say no when Gloria asked me to volunteer, even though I'm trying to avoid people who know me or you. She doesn't remember me being your nephew. I need it to stay that way. However, I feel like there's more of a chance of her remembering the more I'm there. But I want to make sure FEAST keeps thriving the way you wanted it to.

Gloria actually helped me find this apartment and my job. She didn't want me to end up like she did. She remembers all too well what it's like to not have a home. It's a horrible studio apartment with a leaking roof, but it's mine. With the new job, I can afford it. I just have to survive on Ramen and peanut butter and jelly for a while as I recover.

I am a waiter at this upscale restaurant near Rockefeller

Center. It's been about four days, but I haven't broken any dishes yet. This is good because the boss is horrible and tends to yell at you when you do that. At least the Peter tingle is helping me avoid that.

I am doing the dayshift because I already have a night job. My colleagues told me that the daytime crowd doesn't tip as well, but it's been okay so far. But that might be because it is Christmas and people tip better this time of year. I guess we'll see how things go in January. Worst case scenario, I will get another job.

I hope I don't have to do that because I would like to have time to study for my GED. After I get that, I'm going to apply to community college. Maybe even Empire State if I can get enough financial aid. I think that's what I should've did in the first place.

I just wanted to go to MIT because Tony went there. I should have just applied to other schools when MIT rejected me. I just didn't want MJ and Ned to pay for my mistakes. Instead, you paid for what I did with your life. Now I'm all alone.

I'm okay with the consequences of the spell because Ned and MJ were accepted to MIT in this new reality. This proves they were rejected because of me. I think that's part of why I decided not to tell them who I am. I was going to. I did promise them I would before Stephen did what he did. I even wrote down what I was going to say. But then I arrived and saw that MJ was still hurt from what happened at the Statue of Liberty. I couldn't tell her.

They are better off without me. Ned and MJ will always be in danger if they are part of my life. Peter 3 lost his MJ because of who he is. Peter 2 lost his best friend because of Spider-Man. There's not always going to be another version of me to rescue Ned or MJ.

There wasn't for you. You're gone because of my choices. I keep thinking that if you never knew about my spider problem, you wouldn't be dead. None of the other Peters mention their Aunt May dying like you did, so maybe they made the right choice in having an actual secret identity.

I should've known better after Mr. Stark's house was bombed. I think I was 10 or 11 when that happened. I wish I could ask him about that, but I can't. I can't even ask Happy about it. I know he got hurt when all that happened. That should've been a warning to me.

Happy doesn't remember me either. I saw him at your grave the other day. I just told him that I knew you through Spider-Man. He already lost enough people. There's no reason for me to keep risking him.

I am so sorry. Everything is my fault. I keep thinking about what I could have done differently. I have so many regrets right now, but I am trying to do my best to be the person you want me to be. I know I have the power to help people, and I'm going to keep doing it.

I love you, and I miss you so much. I'm sorry. I will never stop being sorry for how this all went wrong. I'm going to do better now in this new life.

XXXX

December 25, 2024

Dear Aunt May:

Today was hard. I miss you more probably because it's my first Christmas without you. I may have cried this morning in the shower. Although barely getting any sleep last night because of my night job did not help things. Last night was busy.

I miss our tradition of ordering Chinese after you burned the ham. I miss going to Ned's house and eating with his family. I miss putting our new Lego sets together afterward. Although I did help one of the kids at the shelter put their new Captain America set together.

People are weird. Steve was treated like a pariah after Germany, A literal fugitive from the US government. Now he's their hero again. The musical is still sold out every night. I heard one of the customers talking about it. That ridiculous musical was their whole reason for coming to New York for Christmas. It made me realize they'd rather have a dead hero than a living one. At least the spell resulted in Mysterio no longer being idolized. The people are still mixed about Spider-man, but they don't know me. It's easier this way.

Guess who I saw volunteering at FEAST for his 20,000 followers this morning? Flash. Sorry, make that 10,000. This spell managed to cut his followers in half. Probably because many of them were only following him because he was allegedly Spidey's best friend.

Also, in this new reality, he is on the waitlist for MIT. If Doctor Strange still knew who I was, I would thank him for that. I think Flash just volunteered in an attempt to get off the waitlist. At least that's what I got from the conversation I overheard with his dad. That guy is a dick. Thankfully I avoided all the Thompsons. Let's put it this way, Flash is the tolerable one. You don't want to know what the elder Thompson said about Gloria. It was really homophobic.

Gloria convinced me to come back and help with the coat drive in two weeks. I hope Flash won't be there. He seems too selfish to actually care about people. Although he didn't call me Penis Parker, so that's good. Maybe. Is it weird that I kind of miss the insult? Maybe I just miss how things used to be, even the bad parts? Or maybe I miss a time in my life where the worst part of it was Flash being an asshole.

Anyway, I need to go. I volunteered to work the Christmas dinner shift tonight. Our restaurant does a service for rich people who can't cook. Since I don't have a family anymore, I offered to work. Kayla told me that I will at least get really good tips tonight. Which would help the rent fund.

Anyway, miss you always, especially today.

Xxxx

December 31, 2024

Dear Aunt May:

It's the last day of the year, and I'm so glad this year is over. Good news, I have rent money for tomorrow. Better news, I still have grocery money. My unique metabolism is very expensive. How did you deal with that? It's worse after patrol. Thank God I can swing to the cheap grocery store. I've gotten very good at carrying groceries and swinging.

I thought you should know that I saved a woman from getting raped last night. I'm surprised that's the first time that's happened. Maybe this is the first time I realized that's what I prevented. Maybe I was too naïve before. Maybe I am finding stuff like this because I'm patrolling later at night since I don't have to go to school in the morning. Helping her just proved that I did the right thing. It's okay that no one remembers me as long as I keep helping people. The world needs Spider-Man. They don't need Peter Parker.

I have to remember that when I go through a bad day. The boss just called and asked me to do the New Year's party tonight even though I did a 10-hour shift yesterday. I rather be patrolling, but grocery money is important. I'll just do a quick patrol afterward.

I'm glad this year is over. This has been the worst year of my life. Considering last year involved losing Tony and getting blipped out of existence for five years, that's saying something. I hope 2025 is better. I have nothing left to lose, so next year has to be better, right? I'm not sure how it could be worse. Then again, I didn't think 2024 would be worse than 2018/2023 a.k.a. the blip times, but I was wrong.

I thought I would keep our tradition of writing down our goals for next year. So here are my goals for 2025:

1. Help as many people as I can in as you know who.

2. Try to patrol for at least two more hours every week, especially during peak crime hours.

3. Volunteer at the shelter at least twice a month. Gloria really has been helping me get things sorted with my new life. She's probably the reason I didn't end up on the streets, so I owe her. She suggested I tutor some of the kids at the shelter, and I like that idea. I don't know when I'll find the time with everything else, but I'm going to try.

4. Get my GED. Steff informed me that in New York, all prep is subsidized. The test is also free. That's one less thing to pay for.

I regret giving Gloria and Steff my email address on Christmas day. They keep sending me study guides. I'm starting to wonder if Steff remembers me from before, but that can't be it. I think I only met her twice pre-spell, and one of those times, I was in costume. She still remembers that just not that it was your nephew in the costume.

Everybody remembers Spidey coming to the shelter a lot, so I probably should visit as Spidey occasionally. But I'm reluctant to do that because JJJ will show up. I don't want the shelter to get turned into a circus because of him.

Good news, thanks to the spell, he doesn't have the funding for helicopters to chase spider-man down anymore. Although he is buying videos from people. This means the cell phone cameras are always out when I'm patrolling. If I'm ever short on rent money, I'm selling him videos of myself.

6. Fill out my FAFSA. I don't know if I'm actually going to be able to start college in the fall, but Gloria says I need to be prepared. I've already gotten two emails about it. I really regret giving her my email. I blame it on being extra lonely on Christmas day and my desire to avoid Flash at all cost.

7. Look for a different job. The boss just called, and he wants me to come into work early because Madison just quit. He also asked me to cover her shift tomorrow. I've had one day off since I've started. I feel like this will be a continuing problem, especially because my coworkers tend to quit a lot. I guess I'll just patrol after work again. 2 AM is probably a good time to find people in need, right?

I'll try to come up with more goals later. I have to get to work now. I think I'm starting to really hate my boss.

To be continued…

What do you think? Should I keep going? I do have a plot in mind.

Acronym dictionary: Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA)