Set to the lyrics If I Had Only Known by Reba McEntire
Elliot stared down at her, hovering over her body, his lips inches away from her aching core. She lay naked under him, open to his heated gaze. He blew softly, igniting her senses and eliciting a soft breathy moan from her. He leisurely lapped at her lips, making her squirm with desire, as a firm hand reached up and cupped her tender breast. "Elliot..please..." He flicked a sensitive nipple, and she arched into him. He kissed up her body, lips meeting hers in a fiery kiss and she came, moaning his name. She shivered, rolled over, and...woke up with jolt, her dream orgasm slipping away. Sighing, Olivia dressed for work, ditching her signature blazer and replacing it with a purple top and a black vest, smiling as she did. It reminded her of him.
Shit. The dreams had started again. Then again, they had never really stopped. In her dreams, Olivia Benson could admit the truth. In her dreams she could pretend he was there. In her dreams..she didn't have to be the strong lone captain. In her dreams...she was his. She belonged. In her dreams...she could remember his eyes and his smile and his soft touch that would brush her hand when he gave her a morning coffee. But her life wasn't a dream. And in the cold light of day she remembered that he wasn't there. Hadn't been since that fateful day 10 years ago. If she had only known... It had been raining, the kind of rain that comes after sorrow and loss, washing away the blood from their clothes, the horror of the day. After giving their statements they had left the precinct, not caring if they got wet, just needing to breathe. Elliot grasped Olivia's hand tightly, and together they walked in the rain, the storm clouds thundering above them.
If I had only known
It was the last walk in the rain
I'd keep you out for hours in the storm
I would hold your hand
Like a life line to my heart
Underneath the thunder we'd be warm
If I had only known
It was our last walk in the rain
Olivia felt the chill of the rain in her bones. And yet somehow...when he grasped her hand she felt warm. Safe. Cared for. As long as Elliot was there...they'd figure out where to go from here. She would help him, vouch for him with 1PP, and they'd get through it together. After all, partners for life right?
If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again
I'd memorize each thing you ever said
And on those lonely nights
I could think of them once more
Keep your words alive inside my head
If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again
It was now that she remembered how her hand felt in his that night. If she had known it would be the last goodbye before he walked out of her life.. would she have done something different? Said something? Held him close in one of their rare hugs? When Elliot Stabler hugged you...it was like a rare treasure. They were full and strong and made her insides turn to jelly. So on the lonely nights that she allowed herself to remember she would pull on an old gray hoodie, and think of him.
You were the treasure in my hand
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware I foolishly believed
That you would always be there
But then there came a day
And I turned my head and you slipped away
If I had only known
It was my last night by your side
I'd pray a miracle would stop the dawn
And when you'd smile at me
I would look into your eyes
And make sure you know my love
For you goes on and on
If I had only known
If I had only known
The love I would've shown
If I had only known
He was her partner. Always there. Always by her side. To protect her and for her to protect him. To tell her to blink her lights. He had walked her home that night in the rain. He had looked into her eyes, kissed her cheek, said he'd see her tomorrow, and let go of her hand. Waited until she blinked her lights and waved goodnight. He had smiled at her, sadly, and she knew in that moment she wanted to tell him how she felt, spill it all out like the rain that pounded their hair and cheeks and clothes. But Jenna had just died and she didn't want to say anything just yet. They were both too emotionally charged, and he...he was married. So no matter what she felt she couldn't say it. But she felt it deep in her heart, and in his focused gaze. If she had known he would leave...that he would leave her the next day...but there was no going back. There was only moving forward, and she had. She had Noah, her gorgeous sweet boy. She had her squad, her family. And she was Captain now, responsible for so many. So she worked all day, fielding calls and going out in the field as often as she could. So when everyone left for the night and she was still at her desk, it wasn't unusual. She liked the quiet, the solitude allowing her to drift off into thoughts she maybe shouldn't. She stood then, facing the squad room from her office. So many things had changed, but nothing changes except what has to. Turning to look out the window, she noticed the sky looked dark, like it was about to rain. Hoping to avoid being soaked, Olivia grabbed her bag and threw in some files. It was then she heard a knock at her office door, a hesitation, and then the door opening. She had done too much thinking of him today, she thought. The knock, those steps, they were familiar. Yet they were never his, no matter how much she wished they were. Her mind was playing tricks on her, much as it had the first year or so after he left when she saw him, heard him everywhere she went. Except in all those times she had never gotten goosepimples. That was new. "Whatever it is, it can wait until tomorrow. Id like to avoid the storm. Have a good night." And then she started to walk, not looking up because she couldn't. In her head she could pretend it was him. For a moment, all was quiet. And then she heard it. "I think I've made you wait enough tomorrow's. How about today?" She stopped cold, turning to she saw the frame in front of her. She dropped her bags, staring up at him. Elliot.