I do not own The Loud House. The Loud House is owned by Nickelodeon.
A request by 'crafordbrian17'.
'I know how to handle fireworks, Prima. What do you think I am? An idiot?'
'You bought fireworks from a guy in an alley out of a cardboard box Carl. If I didn't I'd be the only one.' Ronnie Anne thought while tossing rubbing her fingers through her mitt after catching a hot one courtesy of Royal Woods biggest sports fanatic, not even being allowed time to let her hand stop throbbing before being ordered to toss it back.
The ensuing fire had thankfully been put out before it could spread far, but her room had been, as the resident brainbox Loud had put it, 'carbonized and unfit for human habitation'. It had been an utter miracle that Bobbie had managed to grab the two of them and jump out, slamming the door behind him before the 'thunder maker' went of with an ear-shattering ka-boom!
Less of a miracle that the ensuing fire had managed to stay in one place like it was a well-trained golden retriever. Smoke had poured through the entire apartment and the family and everybody else had been forced to retreat as Carlotta dialed the fire department. The end result was that while nobody was seriously injured and most other families could move back in. Her room was gone and Casa de Casagrande was off-limits for the next three weeks.
The two families were forced to set up in the nicest hotel that Hector was willing to let his children pay for, which despite how that sounds out loud actually meant a rather modest motel a few blocks down the road. Though they certainly had the money to last the near month they would be forced to wait until the repairs were done the setup would have led their living conditions to be even more cramped than normal, and with the cost of repairs to the room. Smoke damage to the house and paying for Bobbie's hands when the doorknob suddenly turned red hot when trying to keep the fire contained. Their finances would be stretched thin for a while...which is when an angel appeared in the form of his grandson's girlfriend offered to take Ronnie in until they could go home.
She would have suggested moving in with Sid and staying in the city, but her friend was out of the country with her family for the summer, and Lori had been very VERY insistent on helping her boo-boo bear's family however she could. Rosa had asked her if she could take more but the blonde was quick to say it was a house full of nine other girls. Which Carl was all for agreeing for before being reminded by his worryingly not ballistically angry parents that he was going to wish Bobby hadn't saved him for what he did and told him with a smile that they weren't letting him out of their sight until he was in college. So it was Ronnie Anne and only Ronnie Anne that managed to get shipped back to Royal Woods for the rest of Summer.
It wasn't so bad. Lincoln was away with Clyde on another woodland retreat (hopefully more relaxing and successful than last time) so she spent most of her time hanging out with his sisters. Like right now she was helping Lynn Jr. with a little baseball practice in the backyard. The slightly older girl stuck her tongue out just a little and wiggled her hips like she was Babe Ruth reborn. Luna sat nearby tuning up her acoustic guitar while Lana was standing just behind her big sister with a glove.
"Come on Santiago. Can't you get me to strike out once?"
"Just try not to hit the ball back at me this time."
"Hey, it's either that or it ends up in Grouse's yard or our windows again." Lynn countered. "Now gimme the ball!"
"Whatever." She patted it against her mitt a few more times before winding back. Twisting around and then paused as the back door opened and saw the matriarch step out dressed for heavy weather. Tugging at the straps of a rather hefty weight on her back.
"Where are you going, Mrs. L?"
The older woman finished securing her backpack and smiled at the girl "Oh you can just call me mom sweety. After all, you are going to be my daughter-in-law someday."
If Lincoln were here, he'd be doubled from a serious case of 'fist in gut' syndrome and she would be getting it with both barrels from angry siblings and an angrier mom. Instead, all Ronnie Anne Santiago did was turn as red as Lynn's jersey and start stammering like a Tommy gun. The most tomboyish of the Loud sisters squealing like typical schoolgirls at the reaction did not help her in the slightest.
The woman kept that blissfully innocent smile on her face long enough to prove that she was Leni's mother before she broke and started giggling "I'm joking I'm joking...well..." Ronnie groaned and put her hands to her face. The older woman had one last laugh "OK ok I'll stop. If you must know I'm going rambling." Her two tomboy daughters' jovial moods suddenly fried up and looked like they'd been told to such a lemon.
"Rambling?" Her brow furrowed from the Loud matriarchs getup. Now to be fair she understood wearing the proper gear when it came to rambling, but Ms. Loud's outfit looked really out of place for it. Where were the earplugs? The anti-pinch protectors? The back straightener to keep you looking like you were still sitting up paying attention?
"Hillwalking," Lynn answered sourly
"Ooohhh, that kind of rambling." She tried not to look embarrassed "I thought..."
"We know what you thought." Lana butted in while rubbing her cheeks "Those pinch guards itch."
"So..." She started "...You like hill walking Mrs. Loud?"
"I don't like rambling Ms. Santiago." She crossed her arms "I love it! The trails. The walking. Nature. The walking The hills. The steep, steep, steep ups. The walking. The long slowdowns. The sights. Oh, the sights."
"Yeah, mom. Gotta love those sites." Lynn said with too wide of a smile.
"Oh? Do you want to come?" She said and clapped her hands "I don't mind waiting a few minutes to.."
"NO!" All the Loud children present yelled in perfect sync. Lynn coughed "I mean, sorry mom. I can't. I have...practice."
"Aww again? *sigh* I swear you have practice every time I want to go rambling."
Lynn looked sympathetic "I know, it sucks. But the team needs me to be top of my game." She pulls Ronnie Anne in and hugs the girl tightly "And Ronnie Anne said she wanted to check out the competition before she joins her own team back home."
"Wow. That's very magnanimous of you Lynn."
"Yup. Real magnified ass." She nodded as her mom turned away.
"Anyone else...where'd they go?" She asked the empty air her other children had been.
"Something must have come up," Lynn said absently.
"Well, you girls are always busy." She agreed. Shrugging she twirled her rambling stick like a baton and tilted her bucket hat. "Alright, then I'm off. I'll see you, girls, later tonight. Just start dinner without me."
"Love you, mom!"
"Love you, sweety." She waved as she disappeared out of sight. Lynn counted to ten before sighing deeply, sticking two fingers in her mouth, and whistling.
Nothing.
"That was the signal."
Nothing.
"I said you can come out now. That was the signal!"
"No." A gruff voice came from the flowerbed "That's a blue jay. The calls a finch."
"If you don't get out here right now you'll be seeing cuckoos," Lynn warned. The upturned soil settled down.
"Fine." The two whirled around to see the filthy Loud standing there unimpressed "But we're working on your bird noises."
Ronnie pointed at the dirt mound they'd been speaking to "How?" Lana pointed down to where a freshly dug child-sized hole had appeared.
"Are you gonna fill that?"
"Meh." She waved her sister off.
"Mama gone?" Asked Luna pulling herself out from underneath the house. Groaning in relief and cracking her back.
It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what was happening. She loved her cousin, but Carlotta really could not wrap her head around the notion that just because she was a girl didn't mean Ronnie-Anne would find her interests interesting.
"I take it you don't like rambling?" She asked like she didn't know the answer to the question.
Luna sucked her teeth "Eeehhh. It's not that it's boring exactly. It's just..."
"It's always the same!" Lana cut her off not in the mood to play around "Mom always goes on the same trail. Look at the same sights. Points at the same birds. Every week. Every. Week!" The littlest tomboy pouted and kicked the hole. "She made being outside boring."
"It was fine the first few times. But mom never changes it up. it's always the same path every time." The middle of the three girls huffed "Even the brainiac got sick of it after what, the fourth time?" Her elder sister nodded "Now it's like visiting aunt Ruth...without the extra toe." Lana's mouth closed. "But she loves it so much that we can't tell her we hate it, so Linc came up with a bunch of 'exit strategys' for getting outta Dodge."
"Wow...that must suck."
"Meh." Lana shrugged "She's really not trying too hard to make us come with her. Probably doing it to be polite or something. Either way, I am not gonna pretend to be amazed by 'another' bluejay."
Ronnie Anne nodded, pushing the incident out of her mind "So, wanna go back to practice?"
Luna grinned and pulled out her ax and started strumming 'take me out to the ball game'.
"Nice." Lynn bumped fists with her elder sister before she took a spot beneath the tree, Lynn turned back to Ronnie "You think you can keep up SantiagOH!...Lana?"
"Fill up the hole?"
The girl with her face in the dirt "...Please."
Ronnie had almost forgotten about Mrs. Loud's little excursion until two days later when she was holding Lily while the two of them watched Luan practice magic in the living room. The practical jokester wearing white gloves, yellow checkered jacket, and tophat, and yes. It was as painful to look at as you'd imagine.
"And for my next trick." She fanned open a deck of cards. Passing them between her palms like a vegas veteran before looking away and holding the cards open for the giggling littlest Loud to thump her tiny fingers against a seven of clubs. The magician took off her hat, leaving her baby sister laughing in delight at the bunny sitting atop her head before dumping the cards in. She looked over to her audience with a grin.
"Nothing up my right sleeve. And nothing up my left AAAAGGHHH!" The girl screamed and fell back onto her butt. There was nothing up her sleeve. Not even an arm!
"AGGGHHHH!" The baby and the tween screamed.
"AGGGHHHH!" The teen screamed.
AGGGHHHH!" The baby and the tween screamed.
"AGH!" The teen screamed.
"AGH!" The baby and the tween screamed.
"AGH!" The teen screamed.
"AGH!" The baby and the tween screamed.
"AAAAIIiigotcha!" She cracked a grin and pulled her arm back up through the sleeve. Giggling at the two's stunned expressions.
"How the...?" Luan held up what looked like a plastic toilet paper tube and tugged at it. Pulling it out like a telescope minus the glass.
"And then...?" She pointed at the hand now floating next to her real one. Luan made a peace sign with her glove and slid her hand out. The fingers remained firmly in place. Then pulled her sleeve back a little to reveal two barely visible clear plastic wires that wouldn't have been visible as she was flailing her arm around.
The two girls stared for a second, before laughing "OK. That was a good one."
"Thanks. The problem with being the number one entertainment option for parties in town is the audience starts to get wise to your tricks after a while. So I have to keep coming up with new material."
"Well, I liked it." She commented to the older girl. "What about you Lily?"
"AGH! Hee hee." The little girl pretended to scream before busting out into giggles.
"Awww." The two older girls cooed at the infant before they turned and spotted the matriarch of the house leaving in her work uniform.
"Girls, I'm off to the office for some extra hours helping doctor Feinstein. Who wants to help mommy clean out spit guards for six hours?"
Luan, Lily, and Ronnie Anne shuddered. The young Latina jumped when the woman's eyes locked onto hers "Ronnie Anne?"
"Yeah?" She said nervously.
"Have you or Lily seen any of her sisters? I can't find them anywhere."
Ronnie looked puzzled "Well Luan is right..." Only air stood where the aspiring comedian had been "...Here."
"Oh." She looked disappointed "Must have remembered a party she had today." She sighed before turning to her baby, who squirmed back in Ronnie's arms "What about you Lily. Do you want to go to work with mama?"
The littlest Loud told her mother exactly what she thought of that idea.
The two older women retched back as a foul smell filled the air making them both gag.
"Well. After looks like someone needs changing before we can..."
"ACT-ually Mrs. Loud I...don't mind changing her."
"Really?"
She nodded "Sure. I know what I'm doing, you don't get to live in a house with a baby without doing diaper duty at least once."
"Try telling Junior that." Rita mumbled "Alright. You change her and I can get the car ready to take you..."
"Are you sure you have time?" It was really unpleasant to have the baby scrambling to cling closer to her with a full diaper.
Rita barely glanced at her watch before her eyes widened "Oh my word your right. Sorry sweety mommy has to go. Will you be OK Ronnie?"
"Yea..." She was cut off by the woman already walking away.
"OKthatsgreatseeyoubyyeeeee."
The two girls watched her power walk away "Was that weird to you?"
Lily nodded...then Ronnie remembered the smell.
"Ugh. Luan?"
Silence.
"You're...not gonna appear until I change the baby are you?"
Silence.
"Of course."
Five minutes and a clean diaper later Ronnie was looking down at a clean giggling baby.
"You're a little stinker you know that." She said with a smile and tickled the baby's bare belly, pushing another peel of laughter out of the little blonde before she picked her up, then surprised her by planting a drooly baby kiss on Ronnie's cheek. "Mwah!"
"He hee eww." She couldn't help but laugh as she wiped her cheek.
"Wincoln." She said. Ronnie turned around surprised. No. No Lincoln. He went away with Clyde and his dads before Lori brought Ronnie over. "Wincoln." The baby repeated while patting the girl's chest.
"No Lily I'm Ronnie. Rooonnie." She stretched her name out.
"Wonnie." The baby repeated.
"That's right. Ronnie."
The baby smiled "Wonnie. Wincoln. Mwah mwah mwah!" She made kissy faces and smiled. Turning the tween bright pink at what the little Loud was implying.
"I-I'm not his girlfriend."
"Uh-huh." Lily nodded.
"No."
"Uh-huh." Lily nodded again.
"Nuh-uh."
"Uh-huh."
"Nu-uh!"
"Uh-huh."
"Nu-*HONK*!"
Ronnie jumped out of her shoes. She picked herself up to see the chuckling Luan standing beside her with an old horn. "Well, would you look at that? A Mexican jumping 'mean'. Hahaha, get it?"
"Look at that. A clown that thinks she's funny." Ronnie had to fight the urge to sock the older girl "And where were you?"
"Hiding until mom left and you changed Lily." She admitted with a smile. "Now then..." She reached behind Ronnie Anne's ear and pulled out her top hat and placed it atop her head, then fanning out a deck of cards "Pick a card, any card."
"...You can't possibly think I'll..." Lily reaches over for one and holds it up to her face "*Sigh* Alright."
"Great. Now make sure to remember what your card is..."
The third time it happened, Ronnie Anne began to notice something wasn't adding up. Ironically that was the time she spent between the Loud's with polar opposite opinions of adding things up.
"Hold schtill." Leni said with a mouthful of pins.
"Then stop stabbing me."
"*Phft* I'm only stabbing you cause you like, keep moving around." The second oldest Loud girl said before taking another pin and...
"OW!"
"Sorry." The blonde apologized but kept her firmly in place on her dress-making stand to keep her delicate creation from falling apart.
"Whhhhyyy?" The younger girl groaned and slouched as much as Leni would let her while wearing the poofy monstrosity.
"Cause Becky's friends-friends-friends-friends-friends-friends-friends-friend-friends-friends-firend-firend-cousins hairdresser's daughter is having a keen-seen-knee-rah and..." Ronnie cut her off.
"And I'm the only Mexican girl you know?" She said with sarcasm.
Leni looked confused "Uh no. Because Linky isn't here and the girl is like, super short...for her age." She added quickly when she saw the look. Leni might be as bright as a used match but she knew when somebody was sensitive about her looks, and like Lynn, Ronnie had noticed she wasn't growing taller at the same speed as her friends.
"And einstein junior is here because...?" She pointed at the little brainiac who was also in a big elaborate dress.
"Services rendered. In exchange for helping my second eldest sibling attain a passing grade in most of her subjects she has provided me with a suitable garment for attending the opera."
"Isn't that just a bunch of people in clowns face paint screaming in Italian?"
"Isn't Smooch just a bunch of people within clowns facepaint screaming in English."
"...OK that F-OW!" She turned to look at Leni "I didn't move that time!"
"Sorry. Just gimme a few, more aaaaaannnnd done!" She stepped back and admired her neon nightmare "How do you feel?"
"Like I could be used to direct traffic." She said sourly "Can I take it off now?"
Leni giggled and began to look her creation over "Oh don't be like that. You're totally adorbs in that. Ooooh, lemme take a picture."
"Leni no."
"Come on. Just one little post for my wall."
"NO!"
"But I like, need to show people the dress."
"Then do it when it's on the dressmaker's dummy."
Leni pouted "But you look so cute in it." Her smile brightened "Oh I can totally use these for when you have your own queen-say-neigh-ra!"
Ronnie snorted "Not gonna happen."
The blonde looked stricken "You, don't want me to make your party dress?"
"You won't need to make a quinceanera dress for me. Because I don't want one."
"No!" Leni gasped.
"Yeah."
"Nooooo!"
"...yeeaaaahhh."
"But isn't the queen-thing like, a super sweet sixteen?"
"I don't want one of those either."
"Oh now your just being silly. Every girl needs their sweet sixteen."
"Which is why theirs a small fortune slowly appreciating in the bank that's not to be touched except once a year over the next eleven years to cover eight females parties despite our families financial situations."
"Whats Lincoln getting?"
"...Boys can have sweet sixteens as well?"
"Did you calculate how he'd feel if all of his sisters get to have giant expensive parties and he gets a cupcake with a candle and told to be a man and not complain since the money can only pent on you guys?"
Lisa looked at her and pulled out a calculator "Science zero, human emotion...forty-nine."
She turned back to Leni. "Leni. There are three things in this world I know for a fact. I don't want a stupid quinceanera..."
*Gasp*
"...I don't want a super sweet sixteen..."
*Gasp!*
"...And I don't wanna go to prom."
*GGAASSPP!*
"Breath, Leni."
The girl took several deep breaths while looking at the girl with a horrified expression
"But-but-but where will you go for prom?"
"Probably the arcade." Leni looked like she'd been slapped "Look, these sort of things are fine. They're just not...me. Alright. I told my mom and she understands. And Bobby, if he or Carlotta try and push it I'm not the Santiago sibling that's going to be wearing a dress on my fifteenth."
"Not even if Lincoln were the one you would be dancing with?" The little genius asked blandly. Only to smile and her sister to squee when their guest's face lit up.
The young Ms. Santiago needed a savior.
"Girls!"
The two immediately went silent.
"I'm off to the romantic book fair in Beaverton!" The woman called as she entered the room "Anyone wants to find her summer reading? Remember nothing under six hundred pages...Ronnie Anne? Where are Leni and Lisa?"
The girl still trapped on the podium looked right, then left at where the second eldest and second youngest members of the family had just been "I...to...get more fabric?"
"Mmm. I don't see why? You look perfectly Bueno in that outfit. You know Lori pitched a fit when Bobby told her you weren't having a quinceanera."
"How'd you know that?"
"Moms talk. Can you believe that girl tries to force your brother to throw one anyway?"
"What?!"
"I know. I told her you do need to let those two happen naturally." She winked and the girl blushed. "Honestly, shipping people in real life? Now fiction on the other hand." She sighed.
"The book fair?"
"You've heard of it? You...want to come?" She asked slowly.
"No. But I know about it."
The woman sighed. "Oh well. The girls will be back right?" Ronnie nodded "Alright then. See you later. Good luck with the dress."
"Good luck at the fair..."
The older woman shut the door.
"...That happened two weeks ago." She finished with a frown.
Lori's top and bottom drawers opened up.
"Is she gone?"
Ronnie nodded "Yeah."
The two sighed in relief before Lisa climbed out of the bottom drawer. The top drawer shook but nothing came out "I'm stuck!"
Lisa sighed and pulled out a screwdriver.
"You were carrying that around the whole time?"
"...I don't understand the question."
The fourth time it happened, Ronnie Anne had decided to do something about it.
She also decided she didn't give lame-o enough credit when it came to dealing with his sisters. She'd had her fingers nearly broken from a fastball, mud-pied. Regular pied. Stuck with pins. Stuck with dresses. Stuck with diaper duty...that a literal hazmat team had to collect (she'd question it but she'd suspect that Lisa had long since been punished for whatever she'd done to her baby sister).
Out of all of that...this was worse.
"Blah blah blah blah blah. Ba-blah blah blah."
'Are those actual lines? Or is my brain melting?'
Vampires of Meloncolia. The most popular show for thirteen to forty-five-year-old girls with a penchant for dark and tortured pretty boys. Fans would claim it's because they love the drama. The intrigue and the examination of a soul tortured by the wicked hunger and the curse of eternal life, but she would bet her board that if Edwin looked less like Lestat and more like Olaf nobody, not even little ms short dark and brooding would actually watch it.
What? She can't like old movies?
The little goth with an iron grip on the remote and an eyeless glare if she tried reaching for it she could understand, but Lori parking her destined to be huge rear on the couch opposite her had been the real shock...right up until she saw the actor with an eight pack résumé walk on screen. While the youngest of them, the spoiled brat of the house sat on the end of the couch with her arm propping up her annoyed-looking face.
She opened her mouth.
"Shhhhh." Lori and Lucy said at the same time.
Lola made an ultimatum when she'd been forced to spend time with her. Either has a tea party with her/ be her butler in place of her absent brother, or they could go downstairs and watch Lucy's stupid vampire show with her and Lori.
She wasn't expecting Ronnie to consider the show the less painful option. She probably shouldn't have said the suit offered was Lincoln's one that he'd outgrown, but she didn't want to put the Latina girl into the maid uniform standby for the next time Lynn needs a favor.
Ronnie struggled to keep herself looking interested knowing the moment she looked like she didn't want to be here that one of the two oldest Loud's would 'suggest' that if she didn't want to watch it then she could go do something else, and Lola would spring like a tiger in the brush.
*Sigh* Lori swooned as she watched...something,g play out on screen. She didn't know what but apparently it was romantic. "That was literally so beautiful."
*Sigh* this time it 'was' Lucy. Even her happy sigh's sound sad "Agreed."
Then came the dreaded...
"What did you think Ronnie Anne?"
Through massive effort, Ronnie had managed to avoid slouching over and kept looking like she was invested. It took even more effort for her not to make the tell-tale "Wha? Huh? I'm sorry what was the question?" that would reveal her un-focus on the show. She had to say something insightful now or they'd call her bluff. What's the most cliche, schmaltzy, cheesiest thing she could say?
"True love conquers all?"
...
...
Lori squee'd "Eeeee! So true!" Ronnie sighed in relief until Lori continued "Just like with me and Bobby or you and Lincoln."
"Eh?"
The eldest Loud's smile turned coy "Don't deny it, sweety. You and my little brother are made for each other."
"Lori. Don't ship people in real life."
"Don't need to. It's literally destiny. I've got your prom dress lined up for you and everything."
"Lori. I've already told Leni I'm not going to prom."
"Hehehe...yes you are." The girl said matter of factly.
"Says who?"
"Me. Obviously."
She couldn't help it. She laughed "It's funny that you think you get to make that decision?"
Lori rolled her eyes "I'm literally the oldest. If I tell him to take you he's going to take you."
Ronnie really did not like this side of her brother's girlfriend. She liked the girl fine but she had a tendency to put a lot of importance on birth order. A normal kid would not start mouthing off to a near-adult.
Most other kids weren't Ronnie Anne Santiago.
"Lori. Your brother is gonna be the age you are now by then. 'He' is gonna be the oldest kid in the house and the one in charge. If he doesn't want to go, and 'I' don't want to go. then you 'literally' won't have the power to make us."
Lori stared at her future sister-in-law in a mix of stunned shock and confusion as she tried to process what the girl said, unsure how to proceed. Between them, the two younger girls were looking at their guests with their mouths open, as if the idea that Lori wouldn't be the boss of them forever had never crossed their minds.
Lori opened her mouth to retort.
"Girls!"
They all froze and turned around...then froze again.
Rita Loud was a forty-year-old woman who'd had eleven children.
Try telling that to her physique.
To anybody else not related to her by blood. The sight of the blonde woman walking down the stairs was a sight to behold...and hopefully keep beholding for as long as possible before your partner knocked you out. Wearing only a red two-piece swimsuit that hugged her extremely generous curves was just a touch too much. Molding to the woman's wide, wide hips. Expansive rear and chest that had managed to nurse nearly a dozen without complaint. Despite the insane amount of pregnancies Mrs. Loud's figure remained tight and toned while still possessing the face of a woman who could still bluff that she was only just thirty.
A pair of eyes hurtlingly orange sandals slapping her feet with every step and a large bad jostling and bumping against her side. The brim of a sunhat and a prize pair of totally not fake ray bans sticking out of the top.
"Girls it's such a gorgeous day! What say we hit the beach? I just found my favorite swimsuit again. Can you believe it somehow got sucked into the air vents? Ohhh I can't wait to show this off in front of everyone and...girls?"
...OK seriously. How the heck did they do 'that'. They were all in front of her. She was looking right at the back of them! How did they manage to getaway? Did she lose them between eye blinks? Or was she so surprised that a woman in her forties was wearing a swimsuit made for somebody half her age and two sizes too small for her yet absolutely rocking it, that she didn't notice the girls leaving?
While Ronnie looked confused, Mrs. Loud just looked miffed.
"Honestly what is with them all recently? You'd think they didn't want to spend time with their mother...oh. Ronnie Anne" She said without much surprise that her houseguest was sitting on the end of the couch all by herself "I didn't see you there watching...vampires of Melancholia?"
Her eyes darted towards the screen for a brief instant before going back to the confused woman "I...heard the guy with the abs was gonna flex his shirt off in this episode?"
"Ah...can't wait for Lincoln's growth spurt eh?"
She managed to not blush to the woman's disappointment "Please. No disrespect but your son doesn't exactly seem like the sort that's gonna be that built."
"Not if junior has her way." Rita said thoughtfully as she finished descending the stairs "That girl got it in her head that her brother has to play all the other sports she won't have time for when she's training for the Olympics." She rolled her eyes "We stopped her from going too far when we found her trying to upend a jug of raw eggs down his throat...after three days. But the exercise routine she put him on is doing some good."
"Really?"
"Yeah. You should see how his grandfather looked like a young man." She smiled coyly "Interested?"
That time she got to see the girl's cheeks color.
"Alright. I'll leave you to your...show. I know Lynn will be too tired to cook when he gets home so I left money on the counter for pizza. I'll call when I'm coming back. Tell the girls I love them" She said and with that left.
Ronnie sighed. Watching a little more of the show...wait a minute...she was the only one left on the couch.
"Well, at least I can change the..."
"The what Ronnie Anne?"
She jumped when all three Loud sisters reappeared on the couch as if out of thin air.
"I...the...you...where...have 'all' of you always been able to do that?"
"Not till recently no." Lucy replied as she retook the remote "They were insistent I show them after one too many trips to the Royal Woods tuba museum."
"I didn't know this town had a...tuba museum."
"I literally didn't either. Until the fourth time, we went to it." Lori murmured. "And now she wants us to go to the beach while she's wearing 'that'? I love that woman like my own mother, but it's like she's going out of her way to be as embarrassing as possible."
"Yeah, it sounds like it." Ronnie nodded and settled back down to watch...wait...why did she go out the back?
Looking to her side and yep. Lola's asleep. Ronnie grabbed the arm of the couch and with one swift motion leaped up and over the side and headed back to the kitchen.
"Where are you going?" Her hopeful future-in-law asked while trying to not take her eyes off the TV.
"I'm..."
Going to the bathroom? The bathrooms upstairs, not out the back.
Gonna get a snack? And that'll take how long?
I was just watching so I didn't have to play maid to Lola? Could you sound anymore like a jerk?
...
"I got an invite to hang out with some friends while I'm in town. I'll be back later."
"You don't wanna finish the show?"
"I...kinda need to go now. The text had like 8 angry emojis."
The teenager immediately understood "Ugh. That's the worst. Alright, go. We'll call so your back before mom or dad."
"Thanks. See you later."
"We'll tell you how the episode ends."
'Please don't." She closed the door with a soft click. Then turned around. Walking out into the sidewalk she turns right, then left.
'Mmm. Nobody.' She looks across the street to see a dog walker. "Hey, buddy."
He stops as his dog plants its feet to smell a particularly interesting blade of grass.
"Have you seen a blonde woman in a way too small bikini walk by?"
The guy takes about twenty seconds to go over the question and make sure it was actually what he heard.
"I'm deeply upset to say no. Is that a regular occurrence around here?" There was a disturbing but understandable amount of hope in his voice.
"Forget it." She didn't leave that quickly and people would have noticed...wait...she went out the back door...'did' she leave the back yard?
She'd assumed since she said she was going somewhere she was going around the front, but why do that when she could just go around the front door. Which meant...
She ran back into the Loud's yard. Then around the side and stopping just as she reached the back. Molding herself to the side of the house as she spotted the swimsuit-clad woman...s butt trying to fit through a hole in the fence.
'...You know what? I'm not playing 'follow the mom' "Mrs. Loud?"
The wiggling rear in front of her jolted up from the shock of a voice coming from behind her. "Ronnie Anne?" She heard Rita squawk on the other side of the fence "Wha-wha-what are you doing out here?"
'Smart alec answer or biting sincerity? Smart alec answer or biting sincerity? Decisions decision...mmm probably best to not sound like I'm making fun of her.' The butt wiggled in front of her trying to squeeze through 'Though with this kind of set up. She's definitely lame-o's mom' "Wondering why you were sneaking out of the back if you were going to the beach."
"Um. I...it's probably too late to say I wanted to get something from the yard isn't it."
"I'd say so." She nodded "...You want some help?"
"...Please."
"Can you get back?"
"If I could move back I would have done it already honey."
'Alright, so I just...' The girl took a deep breath, cracked her neck. Grabbed either side of the older woman's overly adequate rear end and PULLED!
"What? No! Push! Don't pul-gah!"
With an almost audible pop, Rita Loud was freed...and it was already too late to realize why it was a bad idea to pull something stuck when you were standing right behind it, as Ms. Loud's rear end suddenly came flying towards her like a comet. The girl let go and lost her own balance. Landing on her own behind just as Rita landed on her tush with a soft bump. The soles of Ronnie's shoes brushing against her brief-bottoms.
"Ronnie? Are you alright?" She asked while looking at the ground on either side of her like she expected the girl's arms or legs to be sticking out like a wicked witch under a house as if the girl getting squished beneath her was a serious concern. Sighing in relief to see her on the ground herself right behind her.
"You alright dear?"
The girl grunted affirmation and pulled herself up "You hurt anything?"
"Only my dignity." She sighed and pulled herself up. "Sooooo...I won't tell if you won't."
She cocked her eyebrow "That depends. What am I not telling you about that's so secret that you've been lying to your kids so they won't try to go with you?"
Rita winced "What do you want to keep this between us?"
"I wanna know where you've really been going." She said without hesitation.
"...Can't I just bake you some..." She paused at the girl's flat expression, knowing from her time staying with them who the cook in the house was "...fine."
She made an exaggerated sigh and looked at the girl, who just folded her arms without breaking her stare. "Follow me." She said and ducked back down.
"Is that really a good idea?"
Rita paused with one foot through the hole. She winced and nodded. Instead of lifting herself 'over' the fence. Which while less so, still looked pretty ridiculous for someone in a bikini to do. She paused and looked back over. Maybe if she could run fast enough she could.
"Hup!"
The girl hopping over the fence with half the effort despite being half her size finished killing any notion that she was getting away.
"Lay on McDuff." The girl smiled not 'too' smartly.
She fought down the urge to say that was a misquote and motioned for the girl to follow her.
"So. Where we going?"
Rita was silent for a moment as she led the girl into the trees
"The one place that's really mine."