I'll Never Love Again
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee
Chapter 1: Why
Quinn Fabray drops her cell phone onto the floor and starts throwing things around the room. She couldn't believe it. Noah Puckerman was dead. Sam Evans found him hanging from a tree near a basketball court after his recent break-up with Quinn. Sam was also the one that told Quinn about it.
After the funeral, everybody was at Norah Puckerman's house, and Burt Hummel was the first to notice Quinn wasn't paying any attention to the others. She just kept staring at pictures of Noah that Norah had around the house. Soon everybody was talking about when they first met Noah and Quinn drops the picture of Noah holding her when she was pregnant with Beth. Then Lady Gaga's song I'll Never Love Again starts to play on the radio and she starts to sing along.
(Quinn)
Wish I could, I could've said goodbye
I would've said what I wanted to
Maybe even cry for you
If I knew it would be the last time
I would've broke my heart in two
Try to save a part of you
Don't wanna feel another touch
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
No other name falling off my lips
Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Won't let another day begin
Won't even let the sunlight in
I'll never love again
I'll never love again, ooh
When we first met
I never thought that I would fall
I never thought that I'd find myself
Lying in your arms
And I wanted to tell that it's all true
Oh baby, don't you know?
'Cause my world keeps turning, and turning, and turning
And I'm not moving on
Don't wanna feel another touch
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
No other name falling off my lips
Don't want to give my heart away
To another stranger
Won't let another day begin
Won't even let the sunlight in
No, I'll never love
I don't wanna know this feeling
Unless it's you, and me
I don't want to waste this moment, ooh
And I don't wanna give somebody else
The better part of you
I would rather wait for you, ooh
Don't wanna feel another touch
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
Baby, unless they are your lips
Don't want to give my heart away
To another stranger
Won't let another day begin
Won't even let the sunlight in
No, I'll never love again
Love again
No, I'll never love again
I'll never love again
I won't, I won't. I swear I can't
I wish I could, but I just won't
I'll never love again
I'll never love again
Oooooh
Oooooh
Then she runs out of the house crying. An hour later, Burt Hummel found her staring at his first wife, Katherine Elizabeth's grave. As he walks up to her, she replies, "I get it now, Mr. H. I get how you and Rachel felt. I don't want to move on, I didn't say no. I told Puck I wasn't ready to have a family. He yelled at me about Beth and said he didn't think I would ever be ready to be his wife. I called Puck's phone when Sam found him. I thought we had more time, Mr. H. This is all my fault. If I had just said yes, Puck would still be here."
Then Quinn touches her belly before she looks at Burt and says, "I'm pregnant. I found out the day Puck killed himself. That's why I was calling Puck, Mr. H." Quinn soon starts to cry and screams, "Why?" Soon, Burt and Quinn were back at Norah's house. Quinn proceeds to lay down in Noah's childhood bedroom and starts weeping as she says, "I'm sorry, Puck." repeatedly until she drifts off to sleep.
When Quinn woke up, she saw two-year-old Tracie Anderson lying next to her holding a Hulk doll that had a Mohawk. Soon Kurt was heard saying, "She had a crush on Puck for a while and Blaine took her to a Build-A-Bear shop before we came back for Puck's funeral. I didn't come to the funeral because it reminded me of Finn, and I barely got through his funeral. Plus, with today being the anniversary of my mother's death..."
Quinn looks at Tracie as she says, "I'm pregnant, Kurt. I was calling Puck to tell him when Sam answered his phone. I hope this baby is a boy for her sake, I know she doesn't understand and will get past this soon. I think Puck ..." Quinn stops herself before saying, "Puck had to quit the Air Force because he had PTSD, and I don't think he ever got over Finn dying. He was depressed when he had to quit the Air Force, and I didn't help. We had been off and on for two years. It was always me that would leave him, and now he's dead. I can't take back what I said, I can't tell him I'm sorry, and I can't tell him I'm having his baby again!"
Soon Tracie is awake and holding Quinn as she says, "Queenie, Nono was sick. He did love you. He was just sick. He had nightmares too. Nono dreamed about death. Nono feared to die. He told me secrets. I tried to help. Feel guilty too, Queenie. I yelled at him. I bugged about asking. Nono, my hero, Queenie. Now, my hero's dead! Dada lied to you. Then Tracie puts her hand on Quinn's belly before saying, "If girl be bestie, if boy be person. If, like Dada, still be bestie. Beth's hurting too, Queenie. Queenie, keep holding on."
Quinn breaks down and starts crying uncontrollably. She pulls Tracie onto her lap and says, "I can't do it, I can't hold on. How could I have turned Puck down? I was an idiot! He is dead, and it's all my fault." Then Tracie slaps Quinn's face before yelling, "Stop, Queenie, you're wrong! Nono was very sick! It's not your fault, it's not my fault! Nono was just sick! He couldn't help himself! Now he is dead! What does Dada say?"
Then Burt walks into the room saying, "Stop worrying. If you keep worrying. You'll give yourself a heart attack." Soon Norah comes in and hands Quinn a letter as she says, "I found this letter after I found out. I didn't read it, I promise." Quinn opens the letter and starts to cry before handing it to Burt. Burt sits next to Quinn and holds her as he begins to read the letter.
Dear Quinn,
I knew you didn't love me anymore, and I was just fooling myself into thinking that we might ever become a family. We couldn't be parents as kids, and we weren't able to be a couple. It was my fault that we didn't work out the first time around. I should have known better than to think that we could be a couple. Still, I love you, but I can't go on like this. I am just like my dad, a loser. Even the Air Force didn't help me. Quinn, it's better this way. This world might be better without me. I'm sorry Quinn.
Love Puck
After pushing everyone out of Noah's room except Tracie, Quinn locks the door and curls up on Noah's bed. Within an hour, Tracie was yelling, "No, Queenie! Please! Don't!" repeatedly before Jake burst through the door to find Quinn on Noah's bed with a rope in her hands. When Quinn sees Beth, she falls to her knees. Screaming, "Let me die! Puck is gone! I can't live without him! Please, just let me die!"
Quinn is picked up by Burt and put in his truck before being driven back to Noah's grave. He just watched Quinn yell, "You are wrong, Puck. I do love you! I was just afraid of being a responsible wife and mother! Now I'm pregnant again and you're not here! I was willing to help you through your PTSD! You are not a loser! I lost the best thing in my life because I was afraid of my future with you. I don't have one anymore! You robbed me of my future!"
She then walked to Finn's grave nearby and began to kick it. As Rachel approaches Finn's grave, Quinn yells, "He was your best friend! He was so afraid to face this world without you there to guide him! Now he's dead and it's all your fault! You never let him make decisions for himself and made him feel like he couldn't get through life without you!" Then Rachel hugs Quinn as she openly weeps.
Quinn couldn't return to her house, she briefly shared with Noah, and spent two weeks at Kurt's, only wanting to be around Tracie. Everybody helped take Noah's things out of Quinn's house and tried to be there for her. But she would only listen to Tracie and refused to listen to anyone else.
When she finally went home, Kurt and Tracie went with her. Quinn was fine until she saw Noah's football jersey in the back of her closet. It still smelled like him, and she held it to her face, breaking down. Soon, she took her clothes off and put on Noah's football jersey. Before asking Tracie to lay down with her as she laid down on her bed.
As Quinn and Tracie sleep, Kurt calls Blaine, and says, "She was fine until she found Puck's jersey. She just asked Tracie to lay down with her and stared at the wall until she went to sleep. I really hope she gets through this as Rachel did."
Blaine replies, "Give her time, Kurt. It took your dad a while to get over losing your mother. Mick will be by to get Puck's truck soon, and Jake wanted you to know he has Puck's guns. Santana will be by after Cheerio practice and Mrs. Shue is coming with her. How are you doing?"
Kurt looks at Tracie as he says, "I'm okay. I'm just worried about Quinn, that's all. Has Sam talked to you yet? I'm sure being the one that found Puck can't be easy for him."
Blaine clears his throat before saying, "Sam is getting by, he has been more worried about Quinn than himself as the rest of us. Well, got to go, tell Tracie I love her and tell Quinn to have courage. Love you buy"
When Quinn woke up, she was walking around in a daze. She didn't even acknowledge that Kurt or Tracie were there. She just totally ignored anyone that came to see her and wouldn't look anyone in the eye. She would blink if Tracie or Santana yelled at her, but never said a word to anyone. This went on for days, and the only time anyone heard her cry was when she was taking a shower. She would also seem to be talking to Noah when she was in the bathroom. Quinn would only wear Noah's jersey over her underwear and didn't go out for days. Tracie was the first to notice that Quinn talked to Noah in her sleep, too, after spending a few nights with her in Quinn's bed.
One night, after Quinn went back to work, Santana was staying over, and heard Quinn say in her sleep, "Puck, I miss you. Please, come back to me. I can't do this without you." Santana heard a whispered voice, but couldn't tell what was being said. Then Quinn says, "You killed yourself, Puck! Why?! I do love you, Puck!" Soon Quinn was crying and Santana lay down next to her. Santana just held her until she drifted off to sleep next to her.
Chapter 2 will be up soon