Never Have I Ever, Part 2.1

Chapter 3

A soft rhythmic sound snapped Bucky out of the deep sleep he'd been in for the past four hours. His eyes popped open, on alert instantly but he didn't move. Remaining absolutely still until the sound could be identified was an ingrained habit from decades of conditioning and training. He listened for the sound that woke him but all he heard was the tick of the clock in the kitchen. A few moments passed and… there it was again, someone was at the door. He shifted his gaze and realized he was still leaning against Steve. He lifted his head carefully and turned to look at his friend; Steve was still asleep but his arm had slid off Bucky's back to rest between him and the couch.

There was a soft knock on the door again and now he realized that was the sound that had shocked him awake. He slowly moved away from Steve and stood up. He looked at the door and then back to Steve, before checking himself to be sure he was dressed enough to open the door. He had shorts and a tee shirt on; good enough. He glanced at the clock over the fridge as he walked to the door; 8:14 a.m.

Bucky paused when he got to the door, suddenly realizing it could be Stark on the other side and he wasn't ready to face that man again. Not right now. "Who's out there?" he asked quietly with his face close to the door.

Natasha frowned at his choice of words when asking for identification. Most people would have said "Who's there?" but Bucky had added the word out to his question, which led her to believe he may be relating to Steve's apartment as if it was a sanctuary of sorts and everything and everyone beyond that locked door was a prospective danger.

"It's Nat," she replied. She stood there for a few moments and he hadn't responded verbally nor attempted to open the door. She didn't want to jump to any conclusions about his state of mind after last night's goings on, so she opted to wait a little longer. Perhaps Barnes was just grabbing a shirt to throw on or ….

"Wait."

Nope, he was still behind the door; obviously trying to decide whether or not to open it. Natasha frowned with that thought; had Tony's dramatic display last night shaken him up that much? Well, of course it did, she realized, Tony had forced his hand and had exposed something about Barnes that was extremely personal and traumatic and Bucky hadn't been emotionally ready to reveal it to anyone at that time. Having that forced upon him when he wasn't ready was basically the same hand Hydra had dealt him for all those years. He needed to be able to make his own choices for himself and Tony had taken that away from him.

On the other side of the door, Bucky didn't feel comfortable opening the door to a female the way he was dressed and took a moment to get a pair of pants. He went into his room to grab a pair of jeans then went into the bathroom. After taking care of his needs, he washed his hands and splashed water on his face. Running his wet hands through his hair he pulled the wild strands away from his face, ran a comb through it real quick and then, feeling more presentable, he went back to the door.

Natasha began to wonder if he'd changed his mind about opening the door, and was considering walking away, when the lock clicked and the door opened a few inches. She waited patiently as the door opened slowly and Barnes peered around it; he stared at her for a few seconds and she smiled to herself as he studied her. Then his gaze darted around the corridor and Natasha realized he was making sure there were no surprises; she could imagine he'd had his fill of those for a while.

"I'm alone," she told him. He looked back to her, hesitating a few seconds more before opening the door wider to allow her to enter.

Natasha stepped into the apartment, remaining quiet as she noticed Steve was asleep on the couch. Bucky closed the door behind her and locked it again then turned around to see her watching Steve.

Nat smiled thoughtfully as she looked at Steve and then turned to see Bucky staring at her. She met his hard gaze sensing that he was waiting for her to make a snide comment. The way Steve was sleeping, sitting up with his arm hanging at an odd angle; it was pretty obvious he'd had his arm around someone. He stared at her; waiting for it.

"Late night last night," she mentioned quietly. Barnes didn't reply; he simply stared at her. "Are you all right?" she asked, keeping her voice low.

He took note that she was being respectful of the fact that Steve was exhausted and still sleeping within earshot of them and that alone gave Barnes some assurance that she really was here as a friend. He nodded in reply to her question.

"Did you have breakfast yet?" she asked. Barnes shook his head. "Me either," she said. "Let's make something. Let Steve sleep a little longer." Bucky thought about it for a moment. "And stop staring at me like that. I'm here as a friend," she told him. "I am your friend, you know. We all are."

Barnes dropped his gaze toward the floor as he considered that. He shook his head slowly and his expression told her that as much as he wanted that to be true, he didn't really believe it.

"I'm not here to make you uncomfortable," she said, still keeping her voice low. "I'm here to lend support. You and I… we share a lot of the same life experiences. Maybe more than you realize," she told him. Barnes raised his eyes and pinned her with a steady gaze. She knew he was trying to read the truth in her words. "Let's make some breakfast. I'm starving." She moved around him and he turned to watch her as she opened a couple of cabinets and brought out a pan she found. She opened the drawer near the sink to get a spatula and turned to see him still standing there. "You want to help me or just stand there?"

Bucky walked slowly toward her. He stopped in front of the refrigerator and watched her for a moment then opened the fridge door and removed a carton of eggs and a quart of milk. He put them on the counter to the right of the stove then opened the drawer next to the fridge and took out half a loaf of bread and put it on the counter.

Nat looked at what he'd put there and smiled. "So are we making scrambled eggs and toast, fried egg sandwiches, or French toast?" she asked.

Bucky hadn't realized so many breakfast options were made with just those three items and he smiled despite himself. "French toast?" he asked.

"My favorite," she told him with a crooked grin.

"Mine too," he replied. He stepped up close to her and opened a cabinet above her head. He reached across in front of her to retrieve a small glass bowl and a medium sized mixing bowl.

As Barnes reached above her, his position brought him into close proximity to her. He'd turned toward her to use his right arm to get the bowls and his chest nearly brushed her face. Natasha stood still and let him finish what he was doing, wary that any movement on her part might startle him and she wasn't sure if he'd relaxed at all since his sparring match with Rogers earlier in the morning. She also took note of the scent of his shower soap, which was quite pleasant.

Bucky seemed to read her mind and looked down at her as he lowered his arm with the two bowls in his hand. Natasha glanced up at him and the two former assassins just looked at each other as he set the bowls down in front of her. He remained there for another few seconds; studying her up close.

Nat kept her position, looking up at him she wondered what he was thinking. He was a good looking guy; she knew that, and even more so up close like this. Her gaze caressed his face and then lingered on his mouth before raising her eyes to meet his. He just stared at her as she studied his face and Bucky read her actions as mutual appreciation and he clearly saw her expression soften as she stared at his lips. He saw her swallow, as if she was suddenly nervous. She swayed toward him just a bit and for a moment he thought she was moving in for a kiss. Just as that thought occurred to him she pulled herself from her reverie and turned back to preparing breakfast. He continued to watch her for a few moments, noting how easily that moment happened between them and wondered why she chose to not go there.

Nat was very conscious of the fact that Barnes hadn't moved away; even after she broke eye contact and turned away. She put her attention back on the meal preparation, but he remained right beside her, staring at her profile for a few seconds before finally taking a step back. Natasha realized she suddenly felt uncomfortable and somewhat intimidated by the former Winter Soldier. She also had to wonder why she had suddenly felt so drawn to him; like a moth to a flame. He managed to stir up feelings in her that she now tried to push back down.

The Avengers had brought him here to live among them only a short time ago, but he'd been freed from Hydra for nearly two years. There were quite a few government agencies that wanted a say, and a lot of control, over what became of him; but the Avengers refused to let that continue beyond his release from the psychiatric hospital; where he'd been remitted until his intensive therapy and detoxification were successfully completed and it was deemed he was safe enough to live among the general population. They'd petitioned diligently for him to be released into their care and supervision and it had been a great decision for all of them, most especially for Steve.

She had enjoyed the drinking game last night – before it all went to shit, but she had found his flirting with Steve very enjoyable, especially because Rogers seemed to be completely oblivious to it. Sometimes he could be quite dense, she thought with a smile.

It was also nice to see that Barnes was finally showing an interest in having a deeper connection with other people. He was still awkward in social situations, but she knew personally how being isolated from gentle human contact for so long could make a person feel starved for it.

It also was little surprise to her that he had an interest in Rogers, since the two of them had always had a bond that went beyond any ordinary explanation; but now he also showed an interest in her as well. Okay, even that isn't all that unusual either, perhaps he has no issue with gender or perhaps he's just experiencing a sexual awakening he hadn't been allowed to explore for 70 years. Whatever his interest may be, it wasn't her intention to get in the way of the relationship she believed was always meant to be – and it wasn't with her.

When he did finally put some space between them Natasha flipped open the egg carton. She removed an egg and cracked it into the smaller bowl and dropped the shell into the sink. They both looked at the egg in the bowl and when he saw it was clear of any issues, Bucky picked up the small bowl and dumped the egg into the larger mixing bowl then put it back down for her. Natasha grabbed another egg, cracked it into the small bowl and Barnes added it to the mixing bowl. They got into a rhythm as they worked together to prep breakfast.

As Natasha cracked the last egg, Bucky grabbed a glass and reached in front of her to turn on the tap and fill the glass ¼ of the way with water. As he did that, Natasha reached in front of him to pour the last egg into his bowl. They glanced at each other as they both crossed over and neither could help but smile. Natasha realized that she was quickly developing the same feelings for Bucky Barnes as she had for Clint Barton. She felt as though both of these guys could easily be at once, her best friend… or her brother… and if the winds of change blew in the right direction, perhaps even lovers if that's what fate had in mind. Bucky had also recognized the playfulness in what they had going on between them and he smiled a genuine wide smile. It made his whole face light up and his eyes glinted with a playful light she'd never seen in them before; not even the night before.

They both straightened with a shared chuckle and she turned her attention to heating up the stove and greasing the pan, while Bucky poured the water into the bowl and grabbed a hand mixer. He stood beside her rapidly mixing the batter and then cringed, looking over his shoulder at Steve as he realized he was making a lot of noise. Natasha laughed softly and moved around him to grab the loaf of bread. She opened it and stacked eight slices on a plate between them.

"Okay, it's hot enough," she told him when the pan was ready.

Bucky took a slice of bread and dipped it into the batter and moved the dripping slice quickly to the hot pan. She moved the slice over to one side to make room for a second slice and Bucky dropped one there. As he waited for those to finish cooking he turned his back to the counter and leaned against it. He simply stood beside her watching Steve sleeping on the couch. Now and again Natasha glanced discreetly up at him and smiled to herself. She really liked this version of him; he was on a wonderful journey of self-discovery and, with all his violent history, he still held onto a child-like innocence for so many things.

She did pause to remind herself that even with that child-like playfulness this was a man who in a blink of an eye could become extremely volatile and dangerous when pushed. He had a severe duality of personality much like Bruce Banner and his alter ego and, like the Hulk, Bucky's Winter Soldier persona needed to be respected and considered at all times.

Natasha removed the French toast from the pan and placed them on a plate to her left. She nudged Barnes to get his attention and he turned back around to place two more in the pan and then reached for the fresh tomatoes sitting in a basket on the island behind them. He grabbed three about the same size and cut them into wedges. Natasha watched him and thought that was an interesting side to French toast. Bucky put four wedges on each plate beside the short stacks Nat had already placed there.

Each plate had two slices now and there were two more to go. She figured two was enough for her but the boys would probably need an extra. She dropped the last two into the pan and handed Bucky the spatula so he could finish cooking them while she took out some silverware and napkins and brought them to the table.

When Steve awoke he was immediately aware that Bucky's weight was no longer against him. He opened his eyes wearily and glanced around the room. His eyes felt sore from too little sleep but there was a pleasant aroma in the air that was drawing him out. He looked toward the kitchen and could see Bucky standing at the stove with his back to him. Steve blinked to clear the blurriness from his vision and noticed he wasn't alone in the kitchen.

Steve tried to move his legs and realized they were frozen in place. His knees had hyper extended and locked up as he slept and four hours in that position now caused him a bit of pain as he slowly lifted one leg and tried to bend his knee to set his foot on the floor. He reached down to put both hands under the other knee to help bend it carefully as that one had supported the weight of both legs for hours. When his foot finally touched the floor he sat up.

The sound of movement from the living room had Natasha turning around to see him stretching with a yawn. "Good morning, Sunshine," Nat greeted him. Bucky didn't turn around; he was too busy removing two pieces of French toast from a pan and splitting them between two plates. Steve watched him and smiled as Bucky poured the last of the egg mixture into the pan to make scrambled eggs. He always did that so nothing went to waste.

"Morning," Steve replied and stood up. His body was full of kinks and he took a moment to stretch his arms up over his head and twist right then left. Everything was still working so he moved toward the kitchen. "Everything okay?" he asked, wondering why Bucky was making breakfast with Natasha - and when did Natasha get there?

"Everything is fine," she told him and lifted two plates from the counter and brought them to the table. "Hungry? We made French toast."

"You did?" Steve asked with a grin. He glanced at Bucky who still had his back to him. The lack of a greeting, or even an acknowledgment, from Barnes made Steve pause. He looked to Natasha and she simply gave him a nod and a smile.

"Juice or coffee?" she asked him as she set the plates down.

"Juice," Bucky replied before Steve had a chance to answer. He opened the fridge and took out a full carafe of orange juice. He grabbed three glasses from the cupboard and brought them to the table. He set them down in the center and glanced at Steve before turning back to the stove.

Steve watched as Bucky brought the glasses over and simply glanced at him. He didn't give Steve a chance to offer a smile or acknowledge him in any manner before he turned to go back to the kitchen. Steve began to wonder if there was an issue between them now or if this was just one of those odd instances when he wasn't quite himself. He had to re-phrase that thought; Bucky would never be quite himself ever again; but even knowing that, there were days when he was more "off" than usual. Steve decided to just let it go for now and not worry too much about it unless it continued for too much longer.

Nat filled the glasses and set one at each place setting. Barnes came back to the table with the hot pan and began pushing scrambled eggs onto each plate and then went back for his own. He claimed a seat across from Natasha with Steve still standing to his left. Bucky looked at him, wondering why he hadn't taken his seat.

"Morning," Steve greeted him, trying to feel him out.

Bucky gave him a small smile, "Morning. Sleep okay?" he asked.

Steve visibly relaxed and nodded. "I did… you?"

"Best sleep I've had in decades…I think," Bucky replied and then smiled at him. Steve smiled back.

"Couldn't have slept very long," Natasha interjected as she sat down, "You boys were wrestling out on the lawn at 4 a.m."

Bucky looked at her, but Steve kept his eyes on Bucky.

"Was still the best sleep I've had in a long time," Bucky told her.

Steve tried not to smile as he took his seat, but couldn't help himself. When Natasha looked at him he quickly picked up his utensils and began to dig into his meal. She watched as Steve began to cut into his breakfast and took a bite from her own, not bothering to try to mask the smile she, too, couldn't help. Nat glanced at Barnes, but he grabbed a bottle of syrup from the center of the table and poured it over his toast. He didn't notice her grinning at him as he offered the bottle to Steve and then dove into his breakfast as Steve took the bottle from his hand.

"So… tomatoes for breakfast," she said as if questioning the choice.

Bucky shoved a wedge into his mouth and nodded. Steve let out a soft laugh. "I didn't get it either when he first started adding them, but they've actually grown on me," Steve told her. "You have to admit, they do go really well with eggs." Bucky nodded as he took a bite off his fork.

When breakfast was finished, Steve excused himself to go take a shower while Bucky and Nat cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher. The pair had worked mostly in silence side by side since they'd started prepping the meal and Nat was trying to figure out where to start a conversation with him.

"So…" she started as she handed him a plate. He took it from her and placed it in the dishwasher. When she didn't continue Barnes straightened and looked at her. Natasha just blinked at him, not really knowing how to continue. She became extremely uncomfortable when she realized he was pinning her with his intense stare. "I'm sorry, I… I don't know where I was going with that. Was just trying to break the silence," she told him.

"I don't know what to do," Bucky told her.

Natasha blinked, suddenly taken aback by the fact that he was not only choosing to fill that silence, but that he was about to share something with her, especially after what had happened the night before.

"About what?" she asked, handing him another plate.

"Steve," he stated clearly and without hesitation.

"What about him?" she asked. She didn't want to assume she knew to what he was referring. She rinsed another plate and turned to hand it to him and came up short when she saw him looking at her with a strange expression. That expression clearly stated 'You know damned well what I'm talking about' and Nat couldn't help but let out a soft laugh. "Sorry, I just didn't want to assume…"

"I don't think my feelings for him are a secret to anyone," he told her, "well, except maybe Steve," he added.

Natasha had to openly laugh at that. He was right. Steve seemed to be the only one oblivious to Bucky's flirtations. "Well, he is blonde," Nat mentioned as if Barnes should know what that means. Instead he frowned in confusion. "Never mind," Natasha told him and then changed directions as she handed him two glasses. "You know…he may not be as oblivious as we think. There were a couple of moments last night that I caught him thinking hard about something you said."

Bucky put the glasses in the washer and then straightened to look at her. "Yeah?" he replied as if afraid to hope that it was true.

"Yep," she said. "I also caught him, a few times, looking at you."

"Looking at me?" Bucky asked uncertainly.

"Yeah," she said nodding. "Like he had something specific on his mind and was imagining you… you know."

Bucky's scowl deepened and he shook his head. "No… what?" he asked.

She turned to give him her full attention and glanced at the bathroom door to be sure he wasn't coming out yet. "Every time you made a flirtatious comment, he waited until you turned away from him and then he'd stare at you… as if he was imagining you and he…together."

Bucky's frown lost all its tension and he stared at Natasha, his jaw slackened and his mouth hung open slightly. Natasha laughed softly and reached up with a finger to push her finger in the dimple of his chin. "Close your mouth," she told him.

Bucky closed his mouth and then chuckled. "Really?" he asked, unsure if he should believe her but really wanting to.

"Really," Natasha nodded. "I think he has the same feelings for you."

"Yeah?" he asked.

Natasha laughed. "Yes!" she told him without doubt. "Just… do what you feel is right, when it feels right." Bucky thought about that for a few moments and then nodded. "I mean… what have you got to lose, right?" she asked.

His expression turned serious again as he thought about that question and the answer to it, "Steve."

Natasha looked up at him and considered that. A few seconds later she made up her mind and shook her head. "No," she told him. "You'll never lose Steve. Never," she told him. She believed that to be the gods' honest truth. She went back to rinsing glasses and plates to hand to him and she added off-handedly, "It's kind of funny now, but… I thought you and I were making a connection earlier. I guess this kind of clears that up, huh?"

"Oh no," Barnes said matter-of-factly, "I think you're hot as fuck, too."

Natasha looked at him with her eyebrows arched high on her forehead. "Language!" she scolded and laughed when he cringed playfully.

She was honestly more shocked at his language than the fact he could be attracted to both she and Steve at the same time. That thought actually intrigued her. "Oh, well…" she said, and left it at that as she went back to her task with a huge smile on her face.

Bucky watched her turn back to her task, smiling at his comment, and he too smiled before turning back to take the next plate from her.