Shin OK Number 1 - Death Is Not The End

Dipping just at the bluff, the sun's circumference barely touched the definite edge of view as it descended. The west facing cliff would eat it, and leave them in darkness.

Of course, the final darkness would not be for a while yet; the Isle of Man, in the just-about summer, would take a while to be completely shrouded. It was a trick; this was just one of the many ridges that dotted the landscape, forming cool, shady pockets that mimicked nightfall.

Rolling her shoulders, Kallen made sure to not let any joint, any connection in her system of pivots and ball-bearings come to battle rusty or ill-prepared.

For the next two hours, her entire body would need to be able to do anything and everything Kallen demanded of it in the TT ahead. Suited into her leathers, decked out complete with all of her sponsors, her now iconic number zero stitched onto her right shoulder, and on the other side, smaller stitches, reading GW02 and RC19. She had to keep all of her limbs warmed up, this would be unlike anything else she had ever done. While she had had long practice runs up and down the French hills over the last few months, she had never done anything like this.

"Kallen! It's getting close to go time!"

She looked up and across the grass, over to the tent, and nodded. Running across, she caught a glimpse of her machine, the means through which she would be performing today.

The bike was the same model as the one she had been practicing with, though with a brand-new engine and, more importantly in the context of circumnavigating the Ellan vannin Mannin by its lairy, dangerous roads, a built-to-order gearbox. It retained the two-tone matte black on jet black paint style, with the red detailing that had become so associated with Kallen Kōzuki. Two new tyres, warm enough, medium pressure, and on she leapt, swinging her leg over the bow of the bike, and letting the suspension settle under her weight. Unlike when she was in a car, she now represented a significant percentage of the overall weight of the combined package of vehicle and pilot, which had to be accounted for, however she could use this to her advantage, manoeuvring her body about the machine to shift the distribution of the centre of mass through the corner, though this was only possible with a cooperative chassis.

Once these tests, feeling out the bike before they set off, were completed, Kallen rolled it out from under the feathery roof of her marquee, resting in the paddock with the two tyres resting on one side and her leathered heel on the other, propping up the pair as they looked towards the sky.

While, looking due west at the bluff and, presumably, towards the Irish Sea, the sky had been clear, with no incoming weather fronts visible from Hibernia and beyond into the Atlantic, turning the other way, back towards the British mainland, revealed a rumbling mass of grey out to sea.

She wrinkled her nose. Dark clouds could mean bad news, especially if she was to make a shot at this record. She'd been preparing for this for over three months, in the south facing foothills of the French alps, up and down the border with Spain, and across the breadth of the Scottish Highlands. For it to fall apart now would be a disaster.

Of course, she would be able to try again next year, although the TT was never something you took on lightly, given its dubious history of safety. But as much as she would be in a race with the other competitors, she was in her own race, a race against time.

Keeping his eyes locked on the grey skies beyond, she spoke up to the mechanics in and around the marquee.

"Does it look at all to you like it might rain?"

The question wasn't directed at anyone, instead wafting back meanderingly into the cloth enclosure for anyone to pick up at their leisure. Thankfully, Huang was quick in swiping in to deliver an answer, earnestly poking his head out into the open.

"I don't think it'll come by the start, but we'll factor it into our strategy." he nodded, before shaking his head. "It'd fuck over any shot at the record if it did though, especially as the race goes on. We might still be good for it if we snatch it early into the run."

Kallen nodded, looking back down towards the beasts torso. She snapped up the revs, briefly, tickling its throat, and it roared back with a fierce bark in reciprocity. It didn't have the depths of tone of a bigger motor, but when Kallen watched the tachometer leap up to seventeen thousand revs quicker than she could blink, she didn't mind. It wasn't a baritone roar as much as a countertenor's bark, more rabid and more intense, if not quite backed up with as much muscle or force.

She stroked the beast, calming it back down to idle. Engine and oil temperatures nominal. Tyre pressures nominal. All ready to go.

"Do you want us to record the qualifying session in Belgium for you or?"

Kallen turned back to Huang, who was holding up a remote. Qualifying, yes, for the Grand Prix tomorrow, in Belgium. Circuit de Spa Franchorchamps, one of Naoto's best circuits, just two weeks after he had earned his very first Monaco Grand Prix victory. It had been such an intensely emotional moment, however one race did not a season make. Kallen knew what it took to win a championship, and as they left the south of France to their respective dates with destiny, they each wished each other the best of luck in meeting them.

Turning back to Huang, she shook her head. She trusted Naoto to do her proud.

"No, no, no need for that. It won't be too crazy, it'll either be him or Suzaku. I need to focus now."

Huang, suddenly seeming to realise, nodded, and almost seemed to withdraw back into himself. Kallen chuckled, waving off the point, and he came back out into the paddock. She waved him off, as the man at the starting gate blasted the whistle.

"Tadhg Connolly, number ten, Sakura-Malcal Racing, away. Kallen Kōzuki, number zero, NAC-Lamperouge-Sakura Racing, to the line."

This seemed to shake Huang back into action, as he threw off his momentary anxiety and nodded "Right, we'll see you at the first stop."

Kallen nodded, and briefly spoke before she kicked down the stand and moved to shuffle the bike up towards the start line.

"See ya. Keep the kettle warm for me, shouldn't be too long out. An hour and forty, maybe, two hours tops."

"Oshiyoseru."

With that, Kallen slammed her visor down with the heel of her hand, before moving both of her hands to the handlebars. In neutral, she span up the engine a few times, to keep the innards warm, awaiting the off.

This was it. For the next two hours, there was nothing. As she rolled up to the platform to roll into the start, she took a breath, and died.

"Kōzuki Kallen, number zero, NAC-Lamperouge-Sakura Racing, away."

Nine years earlier.

"Ladies and gentlemen, now to my guest tonight. Please, please, quiet down now. My guest tonight, I'm sure will be no stranger to you. She has been behind the wheel racing in some capacity practically permanently since she was barely twelve years old, never able to get enough. That passion took her up the racing ladder, winning in all sorts of junior and teen categories until, last week, she became the Formula One World Champion. She has twelve wins, twenty-seven podiums, and, amazingly, eighteen pole positions out of just forty-seven starts. I am of course talking about our guest tonight, Kallen Kōzuki! Give her a warm welcome ladies and gentlemen!"

Olivier Gerard, stood over the skyline of New York City projected onto the chequered glass forming the back of the stage, stepped back, and allowed his late-night audience to applaud the entrance of the freshly crowned driver's champion, who stepped into the studio fully decked in her nomex overalls, stitched with logos and sponsor decals, waving out to the crowd as she walked across the front of stage and over to the couch opposite where Gerard stood.

Her hands were hidden by her sponsored driving gloves.

"Good evening, good evening, please, make yourself comfortable." he nodded, beckoning her with both arms swept across his torso. She gave a brief bow, before falling into the couch, resting her elbows on her thighs. Gerard nodded, before drumming his outstretched hands against his desks, as if building up some tension as the audience applause quieted down. "So. welcome onto the show."

"Thank you, it's good to be here."

He cleared his throat, and, with surprising volume, the voice being broadcasted out of his jacket mic and into Kallen's ear, feeding back against Gerard's voice as Kallen naturally heard it, beginning the talk proper with "Well, first of all thank you so much for coming on tonight, I can't imagine you've had any rest, is this your first time in New York?"

"Urhhm…." Kallen paused, looking up briefly to absentmindedly ponder whether she had been as far east as New York, before remembering, and piping up "No, no, I had a race up in Watkins Glen a while back, can't… I think it was in an F3 non-championship invitational. But yeah, had a race upstate from here, I think I was maybe fifteen. It's a nice place…"

"Oh really?" Gerard asked, surprised, and yet intensely curious of Kallen's experiences. "What happened in that race?"

Embarrassed, Kallen mumbled "… 'spun, spun out of the double chicane."

This was met with the stock audience laughter, as Kallen chuckled at the memory of fluffing the downchange and blowing the chance of her first win on the American continent.

"So." he began, dramatically tappetting his palms on the desk like a drumroll. "No point beating around the bush."

Kallen rolled her eyes, seeing the question coming. Of course, she was not here apropos of nothing, and the first question on everyone's mind would relate to the events of the previous Sunday.

Grinning, Gerard leaned over and asked "What's it like? You won, after three years. That's got to feel incredible."

After a pause, Kallen shook her head, sighed, and made an attempt at describing it.

"I cannot… kuyashii, there are no words… that I am at least aware of, in English, that are grand enough." Kallen began, before pausing to think. "Jinba Ittai, that is possibly the closest. It is so overwhelming and all encompassing, all of your senses are required at once, every neuron is clinically firing, your body morphs with the car and you approach… completion, there is no distraction. It is like dying. You're just… overwhelmed, with the immense high of going at the very limit of speed, at the very limit of grip, at the very limit of control. The… adrenelin high, it's so intense… and it's like an addiction. You get used to so much adrenelin so intensely and so often… so you… you try and bump it up. You try and go faster, and part of that is going faster than everyone else. That's a… that's a boost, a high in and of itself. The endorphins just rush in. It just reaches a point where it's everything, it is… all of it, all of your mental space, it is the world."

This certainly seemed to satisfy Gerard, as well as the audience, who were now subdued and paying close attention to what she said. Wanting to hurry along, Olivier used this as an emotional trampoline to launch into the next question.

"Well let me congratulate you then. It's quite an achievement, the world championship. Most folks never even get to win a race, let alone a championship, and yet here you are, three years in, and you've already scored a cup, and double digit wins. What's your secret, or are you just that much quicker than everyone else, maybe is there better equipment for you, how do you do this?"

Smirking, Kallen moved her leg to draw attention to it, before slowly extending the balls of her feet down and into the floor, before quipping "Just go faster, flat out."

"Got a heavier right foot?"

"That's the one." Kallen laughed, before nodding. "Yeah, it is great to win the championship but that conversation about… championships isn't the end all be all. Juan Manuel Fangio back in the day won like five championships, maybe if we ever get up to numbers like his we can have a chat about statistics."

This much earned some chuckles from the audience, before Olivier continued "So talk about how you got here. Obviously, we know what you've been up to since 2017, but that can't be where it began. What got you into it, what, what got you looking at everyone whizzing about in funny looking machines and thinking 'That's where I want to be', because for most people, the first thought is more 'That looks really dangerous.' I think a lot of people don't really… they have trouble understanding that. What makes it appealing?"

Kallen frowned. It seemed more of a tautological reality that the sensation of driving was appealing, rather than it deriving from any anterior truth, however she had never put much thought into it.

"That's fair… I don't know…" Kallen stuttered, before speaking from the top of her head by continuing "I guess it's always been that way, since I've grown up, that I've been wired, that I look and get excited, and want to try it, I just happen to… to like it, and to have an avenue to try and get better at it and make a living in it, to… to go fast."

Eyebrows raised in fascination, Olivier asked "How do you know when you push a little more that you're not going to push… too far, and not just push and fall off the edge?"

"Sometimes you fall off the edge." Kallen shrugged. "And you have to accept that."

"And you do accept it?"

"I… don't always like it, but I do accept it." Kallen replied hesitantly, through pursed lips. "And you can get a feel for it, you can judge… if you brake at a certain point, and you get the right steering maybe twenty meters before the exit kerb, you brake twenty meters later next time. And you try, and you brake later and later as you learn. Sometimes you brake too deep but you still make the corner, but it will slow your car on the exit of the corner, so it's a balance."

"Fascinating." Olivier nodded. "So let's get back to talking about you. Obviously you didn't just apparate into existence behind the wheel of a racing car, what was the process like, of trying to work your way through the ranks, how did you grind through all that competition? Only twenty people get to do this you know."

Hard, that was Kallen's first thought. She knew it would be when she started, and it had not disappointed. And all of that, for no guarantee of success. It was a lottery whose entry requirements were nothing short of complete success. So much effort and struggle for a chance. It was what Naoto had warned her; the best of all preparations could earn a single, non-refundable chance. If it was lost, there would be no second chance, no do-over.

But the rewards could be immense.

"No it was not…" Kallen hesitated, trying to find the words. "I mean… it's… what time is it, all the young kids have been put to bed? I won't be a bad influence on them will I?"

Olivier confirmed to her that no delicate ears would be hurt at this hour, before Kallen, briefly suppressing a laugh at the ludicrous premise upon which this entire conversation was proceeding, began to talk about her childhood.

"It's… I wasn't what you'd call academic." she joked. "It certainly wasn't a… boring environment, Naoto was travelling a lot, he cooked stuff in bulk for me to microwave through the week, so I had to look after a lot of things myself, but I didn't spend a lot of time studying... I spent more time growing up at a track than at school, it's been such a trek. Definitely helped me adjust to the culture shock of travelling from country to country, going across the country every week and then across Asia. Naoto definitely helped so much, he was going to the same place a lot of the time, otherwise he was giving me pointers and help."

"And he signed off on you going out and about the place out racing?"

"I mean…" Kallen paused, as she contemplated. It would be wrong to say he had been overjoyed that she was following him, though that, as it turned out, was certainly not borne of any stern paternalism. She expedited this, commenting "I think… he wasn't thrilled, that I wanted to join him, in the circus. I can't blame him, I think he'd have certainly had an easier time, if nothing else, if I… I don't know, if I was wanting to be an accountant, or an office worker, I can get why… he didn't want me to go through a lot of what he went through for the… slight percentage of a chance of a possibility of an opportunity to make it. He knew what it took, he didn't want me to be disappointed."

"Obviously that changed."

"I can be a persistent little shit when I want to be." she smirked. "Thankfully I had a bit of drive and grit, which is what you need, which is what he didn't want me to need and then lack, but no, as soon as I said that that was what I wanted to do, that I'd thought about it, that I'd made the decision with the right amount of thinking and processing and consideration, he was ready to go and say 'Alright. You've decided, now I'm going to help as much as I can.' That was really great, that, as soon as I answered if I was sure, he was onboard, I think it's a good way to be. He wasn't restrictive, he just didn't want me to make a mistake."

"That's got to be nice." Olivier nodded. "So you put in all that work, all those years… and then you get your shot… Japan 2017… that's two years ago now, win your first races at Britain and Singapore, you take it to the wire in 2018… and then… do you want to talk about?"

Kallen nodded grimly, looking down. "Yeah, sure."

"So… where do you start?"

"It wasn't any good." Kallen sternly shook her head. Any chuckles were gone, as she focused firmly on the matter at hand. "I was taking out my frustration on Lelouch, I just wailed on him for what I thought was ruining my year, while I was ruining his entire life. I've heard that he might be able to get surgeries to restore a bit of function, but while that was a very dark chapter in my life, he's the one that has to pay the consequences. I've worked a lot of the time since to change from the way I was, because it was my fault that I was in that situation in the first place. It's a process, but better to address it than let it be dormant."

"Were you contacted by your parents at any point, have they been any help?"

"No…" Kallen said, before flicking her eyes up at Olivier in confusion. She wasn't sure why the conversation went in this direction, as the truth was she didn't know where either of them were, or if they were even still alive. "No, Naoto has taken care of me for several years, but no, I'm not in contact with them. It was not… not like that. I feel I've dealt with it as best as I feel is in my powers."

"Indeed." Gerard nodded, sensing there was little to dig at in this line of conversation without broaching awkwardness. "In just a year, look where you've gotten to. You've made it from there, unemployed, to champion of the world. How much of that, the idea of being a champion, represents that change?"

Kallen took a breath, before letting it out in a comforting release. Oh, that feeling. The overwhelming comfort, the sudden, inescapable warm wave that washed over you and took you away to a place that was superior to the one you departed, for no discernable reason other than how you felt.

"The difference feels… so immense. But the difference between champion and runner up was… ten feet. The difference between of a tenth of a second over a two-hour race over an almost twenty race season… it's undeniably bigger than it would be if it were any other tenth of a second in any other race. I suppose that's why it's so important to maximise any advantage you can get, every inch you can grasp. We're in a sport... we're in a business of accomplishment. Championships are the height of that accomplishment."

"So what's your next target? You mentioned Fangio, you want more titles? Five championships?"

Kallen chuckled, and then murmured in inaudible snickers to Olivier, who snorted, and then replied "Save that for after the race, it's not safe to drink and drive.", buried in chuckles, before Kallen nodded, and spoke a bit more plainly.

"I'm feeling alright, at the moment. If I can get to drive, like I have done at Britain this year, Australia last year, I'd be a happy woman for years to come. Just keep the races coming, maybe branch out when the next big thing comes into town."

"And when you get to that, what then? What would be next for you?" Olivier asked. "Would there be something next beyond contentment with a good career? You've already done something few drivers could attest to achieving, only thirty-six. Or would you be thinking… that's me done, mission accomplished? Time to go home and cash in?"

"Oh no, heh… retirement, oh no." Kallen laughed, waving the notion off, even in the long term. "Not for me, I'd imagine. What, I'd arrive home, put my feet up and just… do what? I think I'd cop on pretty quickly that there's only so much fun you can have on a couch, retired at… what, thirty? Nah, nah, god I'd be so bored! I need… I need to be going fast, I just get all fidgety and restless if I'm waiting around doing nothing, I need to be doing something!"

Kallen paused for breath, her hands waving to emphasise her point. She had plenty of energy to get out of her, plenty of life to live. Any of it lived at anything other than full tilt would be time wasted as far as she could tell. No attack, no chance.

"So no, I think I'll not be doing that. You see all these athletes who can't stay retired and… we're all sorta conditioned to always be doing something, never getting a moments rest. You hear those cyclists whose bodies are so used to the physical stress, who need to get up in the middle of the night and do ten kilometres on the cycling machine so they don't have heart failure, there's not the decline, you don't allow your body to have a smooth tapering off in terms of the demand you're putting on it. There's always another race, another match keeping us to task, and it'd be such a shock to the system to just one day have nothing to do."

She sighed, and shook her head. "I've worked my whole life to get here. I wouldn't give this up for anything."

Olivier chuckled, visibly delighted. Kallen's propensity to foul language had been a concern when she was booked, but her animation was making for a wonderful interview. Smiling, he moved on.

"So what's next for Kallen Kōzuki?"

Kept you waiting huh.

So good news; this most recent hiatus has not been due to getting brain damage. However, while I had hoped that having to study from home due to Covid would leave more time for writing, second year Law is a hefty ramp up from the first, and that leaves aside all the extracurricular activities I am involved in. I don't want to leave this story be, so I thought that I would, in intervals, publish all that I have right now, which is not everything, however I have a chapter plan and skeleton for the entirety of this story, which spans the 2020 and 2021 seasons. While there will be gaps, I will endeavour to upload as often as I can.

As always, I love to read reviews and commentary regarding the content. As an aside, this story is a sequel to Oshiyoseru Kōzuki, which I would recommend reading so as to understand this story. The first half of this chapter was a flash forward about a decade, a time period that, while I have planned for, we will not get to in this story. This story will pick up straight from the end of OK.

That's it from me. Drive safe.

~G1ll3s