I remembered the moment she told me. I didn't believe her. There was no way. I'd never laid a finger on her let alone slept with her. How was it possible? I remembered J.J. handing me the paperwork with tears in her eyes, confirming her words.

It couldn't possibly be true. This was another one of her sick, twisted tricks. I stormed back into the room shaking my head in disbelief. She just looked at me with a disgusting smug smile on her face. I wanted to choke the life out of her.

"No, no way," I said to her as I sat back down.

"Look it up. It's in my file," she said calmly.

"No," I continued to shake my head.

"You can say no until you turn purple. It isn't going to change the fact that I'm pregnant with your child," she said, repeating her earlier words.

"I never –"

"Slept with me. Ya, I'm well aware. Would've been nice, but I'm locked up in this hell-hole because of you," she said bitterly.

"Even if you weren't locked up, I wouldn't sleep with you," I snapped.

"Oh please, you would've fucked me in a heartbeat. I saw the way you looked at me that night," she said referencing our fake date.

"It was an act, Cat. I was acting," I said.

"You aren't that good of an actor, Spencer," she replied.

I took a deep breath and licked my dry lips.

"You wanna know how I did it?" she asked with excitement in her eyes.

"No, because I'm sure it's a lie," I said folding my arms across my chest.

"It's not. I promise it's the truth. Come on, ask me. Ask me how I did it," she said practically giddy.

I debated ignoring her request but ultimately my curiosity got the best of me.

"How'd you do it," I said rolling my eyes.

"While you were drugged in Mexico, you know, after Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman was murdered," she began, making me wince slightly at the memory. "I told Lindsey to play a little with you."

"Never happened. I would never touch her either," I said confidently.

"Probably not. But that's not who you thought you were playing with," she grinned.

Despite myself, this piqued my interest.

"I told her to be Maeve," she said as my heart stopped.

I swallowed hard as a memory of Maeve leaning over my shoulder, running her hands up and down my chest flashed before my eyes. I remembered her whispering that everything was ok and I was safe with her.

"Yeah, you mostly certainly didn't say no to Maeve. Once she got you to the finish line," she said as she waved her fist up and down mimicking the vulgar gesture. "I had Lindsey preserve your little Spencer's and bring them back to me. The rest was easy."

My lip trembled as I tried to stay calm.

"No, that didn't … no it … no," I stuttered as I shook my head.

"Oh Spencie, it did happen and now you are connected to me for life, whether you like it or not," she said proudly.

I swallowed the bile rising in my throat as something snapped in me. I jumped out of my chair shoving the table out of the way before storming toward her. Her chair fell over as we stumbled into the stone wall. My hands wrapped tightly around her throat.

"I'm going to kill you," I growled as I squeezed with all the force I had.

I felt someone tugging desperately on my arm. Faintly I heard J.J. pleading with me to stop. I saw the look of delight in Cat's eyes as I tried to choke her to death. It hit me. This is exactly what she wanted. She wanted me to be like her. I couldn't be like her. I was better than her.

I let go of her and rushed from the room. I slid to the floor in time to vomit into a trashcan. My body shook as tears streamed down my cheeks. When was this hell going to end? What had I done to deserve all of this torture?

As I sobbed and threw up the remainder of my stomach contents, J.J. rubbed my back soothingly. When I finished, I collapsed against the wall, my face buried in his knees. I felt J.J. sit next to me. Her hand returning to my back.

"We don't know for sure if she is telling the truth," J.J. said softly after minutes of silence.

I peeked up at her through swollen wet eyes and shook my head. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I remembered some of what Cat said. I knew if I really thought long enough, I could probably pull out the rest of the memory, but I really didn't want to. I wanted that memory to disappear into the abyss of my mind.

The rest of the day was a blur. When it was all over, I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I knew Emily must have told them. I was humiliated. I was ashamed. I was embarrassed. I was disgusted. I was terrified. Most importantly, I felt more alone than I had ever felt in my entire existence.

I couldn't stand the looks of pity. It was bad enough I dealt with that while in prison. But now? Now I got the ultimate pity looks. There really isn't anything worse than what I'd gone through. I'd take another prison sentence over this life sentence. The knowledge that I had been … even now I can't bring myself to say the words.

Therapy felt like a joke. There was nothing that could be said that would make what happened better. How was I supposed to just move on with that knowledge? I was having enough trouble dealing with the guilt of what happened with my mother. The guilt of everything I had put the team through, especially Emily who went beyond what a Unit Chief should or would do. If life hadn't gotten better for me by now. It wasn't going to.

At least, that's what I thought. That was until the moment I found my reason to live. Somehow, after many therapy sessions and way too many conversations with my teammates, I had decided to gain full custody of my child.

It wasn't hard. The judge was all too happy to sign away any rights to Cat. She would have no contact with me or the child. Once the child was born, the doctors would hand he or she off to me, and Cat would never see us again. Of course, we kept that knowledge to ourselves. We didn't want her to catch wind of it and hurt the baby in any way.

Which leads me to the day my life began. The moment I held the small boy in my arms. His skin was a pretty pinkish color. His hair was see-through but so soft to the touch. I can't begin to describe his wonderful scent and the little sounds he made while he slept – melted my soul. It was safe to say that the moment he was placed in my arms, I was wrapped around his finger. Whatever he needed, whatever he wanted, it would be his. Oliver Morgan Reid saved my life.

(xxxxx)

A/N: had this floating in my head for some time begging to be written. What do you think so far? Any predictions on what might be coming in the upcoming chapters? Thank you for reading xoxo