eeeeep! I'm back!
This piece has been burrowing away in my head for a while now.
While Mike had always been a Darvey fan I can't help but feel that Gordon was the OG shipper.
And what would have happened if he had stayed earth-side?
I feel like his continued presence would have had a profound effect on Harvey and Donna.
So… What if…
Pre-season One. Set around the time Harvey makes junior partener.
Throughout this fic you'll notice some lines directly from suits and some from other shows that I'm a fan of. See if you can pick them!
He wasn't gonna lie, the last few weeks had been a bitch but they'd made it. They made partner.
Hardman was gone. He had a new office, a substantial jump in salary, everything seemed to be falling into place.
Striding down the hallway he catches a glimpse of Donna. Always her amazing self and yet Harvey couldn't help but think the stresses of ousting Hardman had taken more of a toll on her than he thought. While it normally came with their fair share of eye-rolls and huffing, Harvey adored their verbal sparring. And yet all week he'd noticed the lack of witty comments and come-backs.
The late afternoon sun reflected across the office. New furniture had arrived and the last of the boxes were unpacked. A new home he thought. Polished and ordered.
Harvey feels her enter the office after him. Accompanied by the soft closing of the door and hesitant footsteps.
"Harvey".
Looking up a file, Harvey finally takes a moment to truly look at Donna. The red rimmed eyes immediately have him on guard, "What is it?" he asks softly.
"I don't know how to tell you this". Hearing the panic in Donna's voice.
Now equally as worried, Harvey pushes, "Just say it".
"I'm pregnant".
And for a moment time stood still, their eyes locked on each other.
"Oh" was all Harvey could manage once the gears in his brain had started turning again.
"Yeah. I umm… It's unexpected. I just… I thought you should know".
Sitting down at his desk, eager for the stability of the chair to combat the ringing in his ears, Harvey misses the forced smile and catching breath escaping from Donna.
"Right. Well now I know", Harvey says with a sense of finality as he opens his laptop. Immediately focusing on the screen Donna could tell the conversation had come to an end and she was being dismissed.
After spending the week turning herself inside out over when to tell him. If she should tell him? Why should she tell him? She still felt empty at the end of it.
She left the office quietly, closing the door behind her. Despite it only being 5, Donna gathered her things and left for the evening completely unaware that Harvey's gaze remained fixed on his screen as he battled to regulate his breathing.
xxxxxxxx
They'd fought before, sure.
Mostly around whatever case happened to pressing Harvey the hardest. The demand for excellence from not only his clients and Jessica but from himself often led to snappy comments to the person he held closest.
The result was usually a raised brow and sharp reply from Donna as she got the job done anyway and a sullen lawyer who by the end of the day had presented his secretary with her favourite caffeinated beverage and an expression that begged for forgiveness.
But this wasn't like that. It wasn't a situation with a deadline or an unreasonable demand. It wasn't a new boyfriend or a girl that seemed to play a recurring role that left both of them with an unwelcome anxiety that lingered until whatever was going on with the other had ultimately ended and their odd status quo resumed.
Whether he liked it or not, Donna's pregnancy signified a monumental shift in their relationship. One that went far beyond professional and had only once strayed into the physical.
He had no idea what to think
Or how to respond
And he sure as hell wasn't going to explore how he felt.
The change in his demeanour was apparent the very next day. Judging by his response the day before Donna fully expected to be met with a less than pleasant Harvey.
But not like this.
Not the complete lack of acknowledgement or eye contact or conversation. About anything.
For the first time ever, she couldn't engage him or get his attention.
After the first week he at least began grunting basic acknowledgements to her questions.
Gone were the light-hearted jabs at Louis and daily updates on office gossip.
It was strictly business, if you could call it that.
She was determined to not let it affect her. Despite her body screaming from more sleep and her stomach doing somersaults well past whenever "morning" sickness was meant to end, she was never a second late for work. Never missed a phone call or misfield a brief. As far as the world was concerned, Donna Paulsen was her undisputed, awesome self.
But inside she was an undeniable mess.
Even when everything else in her life had been an absolute disaster, she could always rely on work to give her the much needed consistency and stability that life at the office with Harvey gave her.
She'd been doing her best, not only with the almost daily physical surprises that came with pregnancy but the fact that it had happened in the first accepting her pregnancy while realising she had lost her safe place was getting a little too much to handle.
By the end of a second week of childish silent treatment Donna was more than a little irate. Gone was her state of shock, replaced by anger and a proud feeling of disappointment.
While she was well aware the news was way out of left field, Donna, foolishly had expected Harvey to at least treat her the same as he always had.
But this felt like she was being punished
She'd punished herself enough over the last few weeks, she never expected to be treated like this by Harvey.
As Friday afternoon crawled into evening Donna approached Harvey's desk with his calendar for the following week. Placing the sheet of paper in front of him, Harvey once again fails to thank or even acknowledge Donna's presence.
After a calming breath Donna proceeds to inform Harvey, "There's isn't much of a change since yesterday. The only difference is your meeting with Antonio Sirrachi has been moved to Tuesday morning".
Silence.
With Donna's gaze unmoved, she barely managed to speak through her clenched jaw, "And on that note" since you're not going to address how much of a dick you're being, Donna thinks, "I'm done".
A scoff escapes Havey as he glances at the time on his laptop.
Despite being amazed that she had actually garnered a response from him, Donna was quick with her reply, "Oh I'm sorry, what was that? Was that an actual response?" she laughed. "And here I was thinking that - - ".
Glancing up Harvey is met with daggers but he could give as good as he could get.
"I'm just working, Donna. Because we're busy, or at least I am but clearly you think your work is done so what is it exactly that you were wanting?"
Finally reaching her limit with his childish bullshit, Donna at least attempts to give her perspective, "I want you to look at me, Harvey. I want to know what I've done that's so horribly offensive to you that you can even have the most basic of conversations with me!"
"I don't know what you're talking about", refusing to hear the tremble in her voice.
"You're so full of shit"
"Excuse me?!"
Glancing quickly behind herself, careful to ensure the door to his office was closed, Donna replies, "Ever since I told you that I was…pregnant, you've treated me like…", she tries but fails to explain herself when she sees his cold eyes.
"Like what Donna? I didn't know that being pregnant made you exempt from doing your job?" he jabs cruelly as the conversation takes a further turn.
"I would never expect any special consideration Harvey. From you or anyone else. And you know, that I know, you know that. I just, stupidly, thought…" Donna says, looking up as her eyes being to burn.
He could feel she was on the verge of saying something he wasn't ever going to be ready to hear. And so he does the only thing he knows when situations get a little too real, makes sure he's the first to lash out.
Harvey stands quickly, his chair sailing out from behind him. "Thought what? What?"
"What did you expect from me Donna?" Harvey demands.
"What were you expecting me to do? Congratulate you? Fine, here it is. Congratulations Donna. You got knocked up. Well done".
Watching as she does her best to maintain her composure, Harvey knows he's gone too far. The look in her eyes tells him that the damage he's caused is something that can't be repaired.
Holding her head up and matching his gaze, Donna relies quietly, "I don't know what I expected. But I sure as hell didn't deserve this. Or maybe I did, for being stupid enough to think that after 7 years, maybe I was different".
"Donna", he begs as she quickly brushes a tear away. But his chance is gone as she shakes her head, signifying that the conversation and maybe, part of them, was done.
xxxxxxx
Arriving at the batting cages a little after dark, it still takes Gordon no time at all to pinpoint his son. He sees Harvey swinging aggressively as the machine continuously fires balls at him. The crack of the ball connecting with the bat echoing through the field with every pitch.
"Jeez kid. What did the ball do to you?" Gordons is quick to laugh but cuts it short when he sees the look on his boy's face. Even at a distance he could tell something wasn't right.
With the machine now empty Harvey throws the bat. He'd hoped having a hit would help calm his mind or settle his nerves. Anything to escape the crippling feeling that was coursing through him.
"Harvey? Harvey!" Gordon calls, finally reaching him.
He'd been doing his best to keep himself together since he had managed to ruin the best part of his life only hours earlier. But as Gordon approaches and gently asks what's wrong, Harvey struggles. The words choke him.
Taking a step away, Harvey places his hands on his head in an attempt to get a handle on his breathing. With a final breath out, Gordon hears him whisper,
"Donna's pregnant".
"Jesus Harvey, you say it like it's a bad thing! I'm just happy you finally got the balls to… Oh", the brief feeling of elation was quickly overtaken by sadness and disappointment for his son.
"Harvey, I'm sorry…". Gordon says as he stares, searching for a way to comfort him. He was coming up empty when he hears him,
"I just thought I had more time", Harvey says, his voice filled with regret. "I lost her".
Watching him push a tear away from his eye, Gordon convinces Harvey to sit down with him. As the silence overtakes them, the father stares out over the field. Knowing his words will bring little solace, he chooses them carefully.
"Look. You know how I feel about the girl Harvey. And I now I definitely know how you feel about her. And I know this news has your head and your heart spinning in a thousand different directions. It'll take some getting used to. But at the end of the day, this is happening whether you like it or not".
"No Dad, you don't understand, I fucked up. Badly. I said things and… God I was such an asshole and… I don't think it can fix it"
"Have you tried?" The expression on Harvey's face tells Gordon all he needs to know.
"Then you have a choice to make. Do you want to be a part of her life, in whatever way you can or are you gonna keep going down this road you're on and push her away forever?"
Harvey softly shakes his head, unable to see his way through the mess, "It's not that simple".
With a knowing smile, Gordon turns to face his son, "It really is Harvey. Imagine what your life would be like without her".
Chapter one all wrapped up. Let me know what you think. Comments are always adored.