Reviews are appreciated and encouraged, especially if they help me make this story great. This rewrite is evidence that I do take even negative feedback into account.
Additionally, this will be the only author's note in the story, so those who don't like them don't need to worry.
Let's begin!*
The whelp hid in a corner of the cave, hiding from the furious black dragons swarming the cave. It did not know where its mother had gone or why, only that she was gone and these strangers were dangerous.
The whelp had strange curved horns and glossy black scales, with wings as black as the darkest night. It was a girl, one named Ebonia. She curled into herself, hoping her black scales would hide her from the monsters.
"Find all the remaining whelps. They are my last clutch, and are young enough to not have yet been taught to disobey me. If they die, the black dragonflight grows closer to an end, and that is...undesirable." The voice was huge, powerful, and ancient. Ebonia recognized it, but it was scary. So she continued hiding.
The dragons searched the cave, finding each of her few siblings. Some of them struggled, but it was pointless to fight. One of her brothers tried to flee, and the dragon who'd caught him snapped his neck with one bite. Ebonia knew the same fate could happen to her. If she was found (no, no, don't think about that), she would not try to resist, not unless she'd die if she didn't.
The ones who did not fight were placed safely at the mouth of the cave, where Ebonia saw fire. A huge amount of it, burning across a black rock wall.
No, not a wall. It was a black dragon that made everything else around it look puny and small. To Ebonia, it was like a mountain, unbreakable and unforgiving. She curled up even tighter, until it was impossible to be any smaller and unassuming.
Soon the black dragons stopped looking and gathered in front of their master. The huge dragon counted up the whelps, dead and alive, then frowned.
"We're missing one.", he growled, "If Sintharia fled with it.."
The cave trembled, causing Ebonia to screech in alarm. The dragons turned, but it seemed they could not see her. The huge dragon, however, saw her, and he strode into the cave.
He was even scarier than Ebonia has thought. He was covered in thick metal plates, heat simmering off of them. His belly and eyes were made of lava, his jaws covered by a massive spiked plate. He had six huge horns on his head, one of which was broken. He was so tall that he had to hold his head down low, as his back scraped against the ceiling. His every footfall caused the cave to tremble, and Ebonia along with it.
Ebonia wondered if this was how she'd die. If so, she didn't intend to die easily. She took a deep breath, inflating her body and stoking her inner flames. She growled at the behemoth before her, crouching down and preparing to pounce.
The dragon chuckled. "Well, there's a bold one. I'll carry her myself."
He reached out with his massive talons, grabbing her effortlessly. Ebonia yelped from the searing heat of his body, and struggled to escape. The big dragon turned towards the exit, where the other dragons had already picked up Ebonia's siblings. Ebonia wriggled, trying to flee from the heat (it burns, it burns, it burns), but the big dragon was far too strong.
"Let's get moving.", the big dragon boomed, and the rest of the dragons took flight. The big dragon flew after them, the chill night air soothing the burning heat. But Ebonia could already feel the severe burns forming on her scales where the dragon held her, and wondered if she'd survive.
"Hello, whelp.", the big dragon said to her, "You are going to be raised amongst my other promising children. You have the potential to become one of my greatest servants. You can call me...Deathwing."*