Disclaimer: I do not own Touhou project as it is owned by ZUN, this applies to the OCs seen in this fic who belong to their original creator.
BGM: Touhou Music Arrangement: Catastrophe In Paradise
Tenshi Hinanawi was murdering the shit out of Brolli Diamondback.
"OW, MY SPLEEN!" Brolli said he was in pain. "Ooooooooowwwwww!""
"Hehehhehehe!" Tenshi said as she kicked Brolli in the face and then again in his chest.
Then she proceeded to punch Brolli some more as well, and even hit him where the liver is at. The human tried to punch her, but the celestial proceeded to grab his arm and throw him across the ground hard.
"Ow! Now my liver too! Stop that!" Brolli said.
"Never!" Tenshi said as she kicks him in the balls.
"Ooooooooowwwwww!" Brolli said as his eyes went wide. "Why did this happen to me?!"
Brolli Owned Count: 1
"You don't remember? Why not go through a series-wide flashback, then?" Tenshi said.
BGM End.
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-Flashback: 3 Months Ago-
Brolli was at school with his friends which include Spaztique, Stevo, Jack diehard, and Victor Chaos.
Brolli was bored right now as he listens to the story that he and his classmates is talking about.
"And that is why I had to sacrifice a kidney to get the sweet sweet money!" Teacher said.
The students were oddly unimpressed.
'I am unimpressed…' Stevo thought.
'I'm bored...' Jack thought.
'I could be riffing fanfics regarding Gappy Stus right now…' Spaztique thought.
The class was over.
Brolli is at the lockers talking with Vic about Arturo's disappearance.
"Don't mind him, he was an asshole," Vic said as he closed his locker.
"Was he really? No wait yes I remember he is," Brolli said.
"So don't mind him and don't listen to any noise," Vic said. "Whatsoever okay?"
"What do you mean," Brolli said.
"DON'T ask!" Vic said as he left.
Then Stevo, Spaztique, and Jack arrived.
"So...do I get any major role in this?" Jack said.
"No you don't," Spaztique said.
"Then screw you guys, I'm going home!" Jack said as he left.
"So I heard you were going to riff a fanfic which one will you do, Spaz?" Brolli said.
"Oh, you know…" Spaz said. "I was planning to do this riff on a terrible fanfic that keeps portraying the Touhou characters as weak and can't defeat two armed men."
"Oh. I see," Brolli said.
"What about you?" Spaz said as he was wondering what Brolli is going to do.
"Oh you know, the usual," Brolli said.
"And what might that be?" Jack said.
"The...usual…" Spaz said.
"I know right?" Stevo said. They sigh at this and go on their way.
"There they go," Brolli said.
"Man, they're boring," Jack said. "I want to go do something cooler than them."
"Me too," Brolli said.
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-1 Hour Later-
Brolli is going to go study like a true student, and when I say studying, I say read porno magazines. The boy is going to enjoy himself like a moron by playing a video game as FNaF Help Wanted. Unfortunately, when he went home he saw that his cat other than Catbeast, whose name is Mr. Fluffles, is playing VR games.
"Oi! You can't do that! Only I can do that!" Brolli said, but he didn't listen. "Hello! Can you hear me?"
Brolli then dropped kicked the cat, who STILL didn't react to this.
"Really?! Are you freakin kidding me?! Dude! Hello?! Fine, be like that! I don't even need to go on it anyways!" Brolli said as he turned around when he heard a sound.
That sound that annoyed many of his pals. Especially Vic.
"The hell was that!" Brolli said as he then saw Yukari.
"Hey hey hey!" Yukari said as she gave a terrifying grin. "Can you tell me the password for the WiFi?"
"It's MY P3N15!" Brolli said.
"Too small," Yukari said.
"If that's all you have to say, I'm outta here," Brolli said.
"Actually, I have more to say," Yukari said.
"Oh, and what might that be?" Brolli said.
"Come on a magical journey with me and I'll show you something amazing," Yukari said.
"Sure. What could possibly go wrong?" Brolli said.
A/n: Yep nowhere is the even funnier version of Diamond in the Rough as a contrast to End of Diamonds so there's that.