I stared at the wreckage. A furious wave of contempt washed through me.

Damn the Council for their incompetence, damn the Alliance for never recovering the destruction of the Normandy, damn Cerberus, well fuck because they're utter bastards. But most of all, damn me. I failed. I failed not just the Alliance but those under my command.

I guess I will give the Alliance a pass for not recovering the bodies of my crew. It allows me to do so myself: my penance, my punishment to painstakingly collect the remains of those that died because of my failure.

And if the cold wasn't bad enough, I had to transverse through a desolate castle that, in all honesty, looked like it belonged on Earth.

The past remnants of the species that lived on the ruined planet showed no other sign of civilization. Though it seems like the planet turned on its people. Hardly any habitual spots were found by the Normandy's probes.

I wonder what happened to them? What kind of aliens were they? Did the Reapers wipe them out? Or was it the same selfish garbage bagged with all species, and they all just offed themselves on a mass extinction level?

I entered the castle just in time for the radio to cut out, blessing me by cutting off the Ice-Bitch as she moaned about my first priority. I pretty much had to put her in her place as she tried to command Joker to stay inbound to Omega.

Thankfully Joker complied with my wishes of finding the final resting ground of the SR1 Normandy, perhaps out of loyalty for his former CO, or probably because when I wanted to, I could scare the quad out of a Krogan and Jeff knew better than to ignore my order.

I turned my focus on the now, the castle was steamrolled, absolutely wrecked to another level. I was tempted to simply forgo the hull of the SR1, but the nagging guilt overtook me, so I pressed forward, ducking, weaving and shimming through crevices and holes through the stone and mortar.

Half a standard hour and I had finally reached the last remaining part of the SR1, which had landed into a laboratory of sorts, not a high-tech one you'd see just about everywhere.

No, this place seemed like it was part of some witch's coven or some other BS you'd see in old human flicks.

The familiar glint of steel silver on black flashed, drawing my attention, "Perhaps I could get Liara here, and she'd unearth this place." As I thought of the blue-skinned woman, I couldn't help but feel a slight yearning, "Goddamn, when did I become a fucking sap?" I shook off the emotion and moved towards the last of the salvage, collecting it.

As I moved to leave, my attention was drawn to an out of place bowl on a pedestal by a slight warm breeze.

I edge closer, and my gloved hand brushed off the dust. I don't know why, maybe sheer stupidity or a few cobwebs lingered after I was spaced, but I pressed down on the centre of the damned thing, a distinctive clicked sounded, and I felt a prick, as a jagged piece of metal shot out from it.

My gloved hand leaked a drop of blood before my shield recharged and mended the hole, "Piece of Cerberus trash, getting this replaces ASAP." I cursed out the armour as a low hum drew my attention.

"Yep." I sighed to myself, "Only whatever shit is about to happen happens to me."

I didn't have to wait long as a murky green portal of some kind opened up and spat out a being, but as opposed to the usual guns blazing, the being fell to the ground on all fours, naked as the day he was born. He looked human enough, but his presence screamed non-human.

The man coughed out his lungs as he drank in all of the air he could possibly take. I quickly reached for the emergency respirator, but his coughing stopped, and he shakily got onto his feet.

"Damned cunt-eyed monster." He cursed out with a distinctive accent.

As he stood up at his full height, completely dwarfing me and probably a few Krogan, I took in his form. Muscled, incredibly so, scars littered all over his olive-skinned body, his cock… a reasonable size for a man of his body.

I shook off my thoughts, going to places not appropriate for right now.

A hardened face with an unkempt beard and wild mane of hair blackened as my armour.

"Who are you?" His breaths were deep as his chest heaved as he spoke. Even as he struggled to breathe, his body tensed, muscles clenched as he looked ready to lay me on my ass.

I was tempted to tell the man to 'bring it', but the iota of diplomacy I could muster reared its head, "Commander Alyssa Shepard." My title slipped from my lips, and I withheld a wince, was I even part of the Alliance? I was technically KIA.

His body clenched, his legs wide apart, his fist clenched, but he gave me a nod, "Torrhan. Woodton, of Daggerfall." He said as if I knew where Daggerfall was.

He disregarded me as he looked around the ruined lab. His eyes widened as he dropped his guard, walking past me, continuing to ignore his lack of clothing.

"Serana." A name escaped him, and I could read the longing in his voice, a lover? Wife? Whoever it was, it was enough for him to be lost in thought as he trailed a hand on a ruined tapestry of a fanged creature of some kind.

His eyes lingered on the ruined root-top where the part of the SR1 crashed into.

Going towards an unlit torch, pulling it down, which let out a mechanical clink, revealing a doorway from a bookcase, of fucking course. He moved fast, and without fear, I followed after the man, my helmet lights activating, the man twitched for a moment.

However, he still kept his gaze forward, leaving me to stare at his fairly nice rear, though when my eyes rose up to the muscled back, I couldn't help but notice the multiple lashes like scars.

After the leisurely stroll through the near pitch-black tunnel, he led us to a crypt of sorts, going by the coffins.

He ignored the majority of them, but he did pause for a moment when he past a bitch black one with a plaque that read, Valerica Volkihar if I read the fancy script correctly. He gave it a slight bow of his head before he took a shaky step forward to the last coffin. Though coffin is probably the wrong word, it was a tomb, grand and ostentatious as they come.

He paid it no mind as he tore off the stone slab with a slight grunt.

"Fucking hell." I coughed out in disbelief and awe. That thing must have weighed a ton, and the man placed it down on the ground with ease.

He paid me no mind as he sat on the edge of the tomb, he stared down at the body that laid in it, and tears leaked down his face.

I felt like I was intruding on a tender moment, and the callous bastard side of me was subdued once again.

I edged closer, making a slight noise to remind the behemoth of a man that I was still with him. He gave me a slight nod as he kept his eyes on the body. When it came into view, I saw a skeleton, a very human-looking one minus the sharpened fangs at the top of the skull's mouth, alongside a leather-bound book.

"Woodton." I said after a moment of silence, "I don't know what's going on, but I know you should not be on your own." He didn't reply other than a nod, "Could you lead us outside?"

"Perhaps." His voice was strained and emotionless, he reached down, and the book that for all rights of existences should have withered away with air came into contact with the book. He handed me the book, which I held gingerly in one hand. When he reset the slab, he took it back and motioned for me to follow.

We once again spoke no words as he led us. When we reached the castle's courtyard, he let out a shiver to the cold pelting winds, fucking finally reacting to his lack of clothing.

"Hold tight," I told him, causing him to arch an eyebrow.

"Joker."

"Finally, Commander." Joker sighed out, "Lost you for a second."

"More like an hour." I corrected.

"Semantics."

"Stow it." I commanded the helmsman, "I need you to pick us up."

"Us?"

"Us." I cut the com-link off, turning my attention back to Woodton. Going by his defined face was confused as he took me in.

"Who were you speaking to?" He let out a slight emotion to his voice barring the grief he was just feeling.

"My helmsman."

"Helmsman?" He questioned.

The turbulence of wind washed down to us as the SR2 came down into view, the winds being too great for the shuttle or the shuttle not being up to Jokers expectations. For all of his faults, the man loved every aspect of the Normandy, or perhaps he simply wanted to get one last glimpse of the former ship.

"By the Divines," Woodton uttered out as a trail of mist appeared in his free hand. His people weren't space-bound, but clearly, from his sudden appearances and whatever the hell that was, they had their secrets.

Honestly, I was tempted to go around do my twenty questions as I did with most people I found fascinating, but the planet's weather roared at our ears.

Later. I'll figure out the enigma of a man later.

"Never seen a spaceship?" I use the bastardised name for a beauty like the SR2, giving the man a break.

"No." He shook his head, "How does it fly?"

I shrugged in response, "I couldn't really tell you in detail. If you're interested enough, I'm sure one of my crew could explain, but let's leave that for when we're up there."

"Up there?" He questioned once again as the docking bay lowered, allowing us entry to the ship.

"Up in space." He briefly looked confused.

"Up with the stars?" He said with a slight amount of awe.

A snort escaped me at the old fashioned way of describing space travel, "Yes." I walked towards the ramp and waited for him to join me. He looked back at the castle before joining me.

I was used to attention, being the Lioness of Elysium, the Butcher of Torfan, the first human Spectre I was lavished with attention despite my ire and general demeanour. I could handle it at the best of times, but I don't think even I could take the attention Woodton was getting, being stark naked in the Normandy. Still, the man paid no attention to it.

Still, it would be best if he wasn't so distracting, "Woodton." I motioned for him to enter the shared bathroom. I followed him, though not before sending a warning glare at the personnel who were ogling the man. The group of woman and few men scurried off.

"Have you ever used a shower before?"

He looked towards the shower heads in puzzlement before shaking his head. His look of wonderment was subdued in his current mood, but even I could tell he was fascinated by everything around him, "No."

I gave the man a nod and reached for the knobs, angling myself, so I didn't get splashed, he watched me from the corner of his eye, but he mostly kept his focus on his wild hair in the mirror.

"You need a shaver?" I asked stupidly as he cocked his head. I sighed to myself and pulled a mirror open, taking out a clean trimmer and with the various heads. I showed him how to work it as he watched intently with feigning interest.

"Thank you." He said, his voice no longer strained, a deep, calm baritone.

"I will get you some clothes." I wince as my eyes once again trailed down, "It may be hard to find something to fit you."

"I would be grateful nonetheless." He said as a slight amount of blood dusted his cheeks.

"So you can feel embarrassment," I said with a smug voice, glad he wasn't deadest on being a robotic shell of a person.

He shrugged, "Not embarrassment. Just uncomfortable." I felt compelled to apologise, but he spoke again, "You were decent about it, but your crew not so much."

With a nod, I left the bathroom, allowing the lumbering man to clean himself up.

Jacob and Miranda appeared just as I left the room, the back of my teeth clenched as the two stood in front of me. Jacob spoke and acted like a typical Alliance soldier, but he was Cerberus through and through, but the worst part was trying to paint the rouge group in white picket limelight.

Miranda, she was cold, ruthless and an absolute C-word.

"Shepard." Miranda nodded to me.

"Jacob," I turned my attention to the former soldier, "Get some fatigues, the largest human set we have," I said, not sure why I said human as if the alien-hating group would have any other type.

"Ma'am." He nodded as he went off.

"Shepard. What did you find?" Miranda's jaw clenched. I'm sure she already saw Woodton from whatever spy camera's she had planted around the ship.

"Not quite sure," I said as I leaned back against the door with a lazy shrug.

"It looked like a man." She grounded out.

"Going by his dick, yeah, probably," I said, deliberately antagonising the woman.

"Shepard." She said in a warning tone, setting my anger on edge. No one speaks to me like that. I've been dressed down by plenty of CO's because of my attitude, and I sure as hell ain't taking her shit.

"Whoever Woodton is." I cursed the slip of my tongue, "Will be disclosed at a later time." Her eyes fell on the book in my hands, but I kept a tight hold onto it.

Thankfully whatever she was going to say was interrupted by Jacob appearing with the fatigues as ordered, "Ma'am, Miranda. The Illusive Man wants a debrief."

I kept my eyes on the blue-eyed woman, "Can't keep the almighty overlord waiting." Miranda ground her teeth and walked away in a huff.

I reached for the clothes and took them out of the man's hands, "Dismissed." I told the man as he lingered around.

I was tempted to wait around but not knowing how long Woodton would be, and the desire of getting out of my armour prevailed in the end. Still, I didn't want the man to be lost entirely. I folded the clothes around the book and opened the doors placed them next to the basin.

As I moved to leave the room, I called over my shoulder, "Woodton." After a brief pause and the sound of movement against the running water, he let out a quiet 'Yes?' "I've left some clothes for you. When you're finished, stay put." I told the man. Leaving no room to broker, I walked out.

The scolding water was pleasing against my skin, I've not seen much of the beautiful vessel, but I feel like it is a safe bet to assume this is the best part of it. The water was blissful, washing away Divines knows how many years I spent in the Apocrypha frozen in time.

How long was I trapped in the accursed place? Clearly long enough that Castle Volkihar was in ruins, a castle staffed by immortal vampires was left in remnants of its former glory, the glory that Serana establish and reimaged.

Thinking about the Vampire that stole my heart tore a pain through me. Yet a laugh escaped me. It was hollow and morbid. We wondered if I would live as long as she would, not knowing if I was long-lived as a dragon as most recorded cases of Dragonborns ended up dead in battle, and yet, in the end, I outlived her.

Though not intentionally, when the First sent his minions to attack me, that led to my separation from the undead woman I fell for, I killed the bastard, sinking my blade into his lungs, watching him drown in his own blood. Just as I was about to leave the cursed plain, Hermaeus Mora, in his sordid form, appeared, stating that I took away his champion and must pay the price.

The sicken fuck, planned for it, trading the First Dragonborn for the Last.

Time slowed and sped in the Apocrypha, the creature came and taunted me, for who knows how long, but it all stopped, just one day, he disappeared never to appear again, but imprisonment did not end when the accursed would be god disappeared.

Then Alyssa Shepard appeared, in her diminutive form clad in black and red armour of odd design. Her tone and stance told me she was a warrior despite the lulls of magic being strange around her. I believe she freed me without even knowing what she was doing.

It made some form of sense when I realised where I was summoned to, mine and Serana's lab.

I shook off my thoughts. Thinking about my monstrous princess was too painful.

As Alyssa called it, the shower was simple enough to turn off, and immediately a cold chill replaced the warm water, my body finally reacting to my surroundings. I looked around and saw a stack of folded up towels beside the clothing Alyssa had left for me.

Serana magic warded journal folded in the clothes. I dried myself off, brushing away the long strands of hair from my face and head. The clothes were long enough, but they seemed more suited for a more rotund person than me.

The journal slipped into my pants pocket, and I pushed against the metal door. However, unlike the short armoured woman, the doors did not open for me. Instead, they stayed closed. The green light emitting from the centre glowed, further annoying my helplessness.

I feel lost. How long was I gone for? What is this place? Who is my saviour? Was my saviour lying about travelling amongst the stars? Did Serana hate me? She made me promise I wouldn't leave her alone, and I did just that.

My fist slammed into the metal door, a slight dent in the centre appeared, but it did not budge. Again I slammed my fist into it, and again, and again. My blood trailed down my fist, but I cared not. Unrelenting Force on the cusp of my lips.

As planned by the Divines, the door opened, "What in god's name is going-" The aged woman stopped mid-sentence as she took in the sight of my bloodied fist, a slight glare appeared on her face, but that also quickly died away as she spotted these damned tears.

"Young man?" She stepped closer to me.

"Torrhan." I chewed on my bottom lip out of habit.

"Torrhan." She nodded, "Commander Shepard asked me to watch over you till her debrief was over. If you would please follow me." She said in a soft, tentative voice. I simply nodded, slowly trailing beside her, as she kept a firm grip on my bloodied hand.

She led us to a room that smelt of the oils you'd find the Dwemer ruins mixed in with healer's poultices, though it was made of shined metal and refined than any ruins I've delved in. She let out a huff as a few people lingered outside of the window, peering in and staring at me.

"I am sorry for them." She apologised with ease.

I bowed my head, "It is not yours to apologises for, madam."

She gave me a smile, "My name is Doctor Karin Chakwas."

"Doctor?" I rolled the name on my tongue.

Her eyes widened, "Doctor is my title, as in I am a Doctor." She sounded uncertain for her following words.

"What is the nature of a Doctor?"

She let out a tired sigh, "Well, for the vast majority, when someone thinks of a Doctor, they thinking of a medical person, someone who learnt how to heal others."

"A healer?" I asked what I had already assumed, just to be safe then sorry.

"An ancient way to think of a Doctor." She motioned for me to sit as she cleaned away my blood from my hand.

"Do you not have Doctors from Alchera?"

"Alchera?" I questioned in return.

"The planet below us. Where the Commander found you."

"My home, we called it Nirn." I said with a slight ire to my voice before I quickly cleared my throat, "Forgive my tone. It is has been a confusing few hours."

"I cannot imagine."

"Thank you." She understood my thanks, returning it with a nod, "No."

"No?"

"No," I repeated, "We did not have the title of Doctor, but we did have healers who had mastered the art of Restoration Magic."

"Restoration Magic?" She said with an ire to her voice, "Young man. I understand you may be uncomfortable with talking of your home, but surely it would be better not to lie about fanciful things such as magic."

"Fanciful?"

She rolled her eyes, "Do you really expect me to believe magic is real?"

"Just because you do not believe in something does not mean it is not real."

She huffed, "Well, I'll believe it when I see it."

"Very well." I pulled my hand away from her grip as she was about to bandage it up. The familiar warmth of healing magic filled my hands. The golden light danced around my hands, sealing the tears at a rapid rate.

"What in Earth's name?" She snatched my hand, examining it at different angles, "How?" I opened my mouth to say 'magic,' but she gave me a warning glare, "I have never seen biotics do something like this."

"Biotics?" I questioned her rationalisations.

The Doctor let out a sigh, "How much do you know outside of your world?"

"Next to nothing." I admitted, "Where I come science," I said, waving to everything around me, "was not advance; instead, the inhabitants of my world focused on magic and warfare."

"But you understand the word science?" She questioned, unintentionally earning my ire.

"We had science in the form of alchemy. The race that valued science was long gone before I was born, but their constructs remained, though I suppose they are no longer around as well."

"Shepard mentioned." She sucked in a breath, "She said, you awoke out of your time."

I nodded, "She is perceptive as I hadn't said the words."

The Doctor gave me a smile, "That she is." Her smile turned, "Do you know how long?"

I shake my head, "No." But long enough for Serana and her mother to be dead and decayed, long enough that the magic of my world felt wrong as if the very nature of my world was dead, and I was inhabiting a husk of Tamriel's former glory.

I did not need to see it, to know my world was dead. The cause I do not know, but perhaps I will find out.

The weight of her journal suddenly increased.

"Like I said, I really couldn't imagine being in your shoes, but if I can be any help."

I nodded quickly wanting my thoughts to be anywhere else but of former life, "If you could explain, perhaps your people. Your history if you would."

"That is a tall ask." She intoned, an apology was on the cusp of my lips, but she gave me a quick smile, "I jest, there is a lot to unpack perhaps you would like to eat as I oblige to your request."

I didn't feel the usual hunger pang I did whenever I was too preoccupied with whatever caught my fancy, but I knew better than to argue with a healer, no matter what title.

The Doctor finished explaining the brief notes she believed I need to know about humanity, the history of her races being vast and endless. She thought it was vital that she covered when humanity first travelled further than its moon to now.

As she did, she touched on the other species that humanity encountered, showing just how much I would be out of my depth.

Still, the alternative would be left on the dead husk of my former home.

"Doctor." Alyssa's voice called out to the woman, and I turned around, taking in the form of my saviour without her armour.

Her hair blood red reaching down past her shoulders, her eyes a jade green showing her to be a hardened warrior, a glowing orange pattern of scars on the left side of her face that only seemed to enhance her beauty.

As I drank in her visage, she did the same with my freshly groomed face.

"Woodton."

"Alyssa." I nodded in return.

"A word?"

I cocked my head to the side, causing the Doctor to chuckle, "She wishes to speak with you in private, Torrhan."

"Ah, my thanks, Doctor." I got up and looked down at my saviour, "Lead the way, Alyssa."

We entered an elevator, and I felt the metal box shift upwards. When the doors opened. Alyssa walked into a small room that held a bed instead of the sleeping chambers near the mess hall.

Alyssa tapped at her omni-tool as the Doctor called it, "Good." She said, "They haven't put any new bugs yet."

"Bugs?"

"Cerberus," Alyssa growled the name of the group who inhabited the vessel, "the fuckers have bugged most of the ship, though I draw a line in my bedroom."

"You seem to hold them in little regard. Do you not work for them?"

She sighed into her hand, "It's a long story, the short version, I was a soldier in humanities military." She sighed once again, "Do you know what a military is?"

"We had soldiers and war on my planet. You haven't lost me so far, and the Doctor was kind enough to give me a brief glimpse of humanities history."

"Okay, good to know." She sat down on a leather cladded bench. I sat beside her, "I'm skipping a lot, but I died." She paused, waiting, gauging my reaction when I gave her nothing, she scowled.

"Death is not something I'm unfamiliar with."

"Well, that's satisfying." She groaned under her breath, "Cerberus." She said, turning the focus back on the conversation, "they brought me back to deal with a threat, a threat so great that it could affect all lives across the universe."

"So what is the downside?"

"Cerberus." She stated simply, "They are scum. They do bad shit in the name of humanity. Believing the ends justifying the means."

What could I say to a literal stranger, someone who is clearly going through something that I do not understand, and it would take an extensive talk just to do so. Still, the words of an old friend came to the forefront of my mind, "Some see the world as simple as good and evil. A dear friend of mine once said to me, 'What is better? To be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?'"

"How is that supposed to help me?" She said standoffishly.

I simply shrugged in response, "I honestly don't know, when I was first heard it, I first believed he meant it as simply being good in spite of your nature, I was a foolish back then, now I simply see it as, not comprising, even when you're given an easy choice. Hold fast, hold strong."

Her expression loses some of its edges. She gives me a nod, "Thank you, Woodton."

"You know nobody calls me Woodton. You can call me Torrhan."

She gives me a shallow nod, "Torrhan." She tasted the name before opening her mouth once again, "Do what's right, take no shit. Sound advice."

I let out a small chuckle, the first time since in a long, long time, "Not quite what I said, but I'll take the credit if you are offering."

She matched my laugh.

Alyssa explained her adventures as a solider, starting from her early childhood going from different 'space stations' with her parents, to her cause of fame and then infamy, to becoming a 'Spectre' to dealing with Saren and the Reaper.

"So let me get this straight. The Council did not believe the attack on Eden Prime, they did not believe Saren's betrayal, nor the threat he posed to the Citadel, and then they refused to believe the threat of the Reapers despite once again, you telling them exactly what you witnessed."

"Yep." She elongated the p.

"Does power make people blind?"

"Fucking tell me about." She snorted as she leaned back on the sofa as she called it.

"Trust me, from the way the Doctor reacted, you would not believe me," I said with an amused thought of her reaction running through my mind.

"I saw you fall out of a portal. I saw the weird mist coming out of your hand. Try me." She challenged, arching an eyebrow.

Even those in Tamriel "All right, don't say I didn't warn you." I said right before starting my tale from my near execution for crossing the border, skipping the bleaker childhood stuff.

As I explained the different aspects of Tamriel other than the province of Skyrim was hard to press to believe the return of dragons, still I couldn't help but think of Shepard as a kindred spirit. Someone who could understand the trials and pain of being thrust into something you cannot turn your back on.

My new life didn't seem so dreary as much as before.

A/N - Edit - 30/07/2021

Playing the Legendary Edition and it is brining back memories.

So I decided to blow the dust off one of my older stories that I scrapped.

More renegade than paragon FShep.