Chapter 1: Entering The Club.
Craig woke to the sound of an alarm clock directly in his fucking ear. "Jesus Christ why did I put my alarm clock 0.3 milimeters away from my damn head?" said Craig angrily. Craig hucked his alarm clock out the window, and onto the burning pile. Craig went to his wardrobe to pick out his clothes for the day. "Shit…" he said, "I don't have any fucking underpants. Oh wait, that's normal. I always go commando." said Craig talking to himself like a moron. Craig looked in the mirror and slapped his ass, "DAYUM! You look sexy as hell!" he said like a complete egotistical bastard. He sprayed dry shampoo into his hair because he is lazy as hell and didn't feel like showering this morning, this tended to be the case most days. Craig looked at the wall where he seen the list of all the broads he's banged since the second he turned 18. "Man," he said, "I remember Caroline. She was as tight as a slim jim wrapper. Felt the same too." Before Craig left his house he put on his leather jacket which just said "Ladies" on the back, and put a pack of mints in his front pocket. "Always pack a mint!" he said with a look of complete douchiness on his face.
Craig went about his normal wareabouts like waking up at 8 p.m. so he could go to his favourite club, "The Dangling Pianist" and talk to the ladies. Partying was a huge part of Craig's life, right after sex.
Upon Craig's arrival to the club everyone else inside moaned of absolute fucking agony as they seen him. One guy even fucking slit his throat open with the long ass nails of the girl next to him. "LADIES! THE SEXONATOR HAS ARRIVED!" Craig commonly said this statement, and by commonly I mean every fucking day that he walked into The Dangling Pianist. Which was everyday. Craig walked up to the first female in sight, "Ayy baby, what's yo name?" he said. "Beth." responded the girl. "You know, you're spanking hot." said Craig. "You tryna get some fuck?" Craig then pulled his tight ass shorts out from his asscrack and proceeded to smell his fingers and gag. "Sorry baby, my shorts were so far up my butt I was starting to think I wore a thong today." he said. With a look of complete disgust the woman said, "That's fucking repugnant." and walked out of the club. "Well, the early bird gets the worm. But I don't want a penis, I want a puss." Craig said. Craig went up to the bar and asked the bartender. "Can I get a shot of Starting Of The Night Bad?" "Here ya go bud." said the bartender who slid the drink across the table. Craig slammed the shot harder than he slams pussy, which isn't saying much.
Craig walked up to another girl and said. "Are you a traffic light? Because I would love to take you to the bedroom." Craig wasn't so good at pick up lines. Yet somehow this girl was flattered. "You know, you don't look to bad yourself." said the girl. "I'm Sammy" She said as she grabbed Craig's hand and pulled him into the bathroom. She gently shoved Craig onto the toilet and started strip dancing for him. Craig, still not quite sure what was going on, pulled his shorts down and began to fucking rip ass into the toilet. Like, that toilet had a family, and now Craig's dumbass killed its bloodline. "Ohh, I see you're a freak." Said Sammy. Craig pulled Sammy close to him and whispered in her ear. "Actually, I'm Craig." That somehow must've released all of the hormones in Sammy because after Craig said that she began to levitate off the ground. Her eyes started to glow white as she emitted a moan so loud that Craig's penis grew at a rate he had never felt before. Sammy clothes disintegrated off her body as the light that was now glowing around her was so hot. Sammy slammed onto Craig's cock and started riding him. Upon every slam down Craig would shit a little. This went on for several minutes until Craig could begin to feel the herpes in his ass forming. Craig then stood up and slammed Sammy against the wall and crammed his dick so far down her vagina that every stroke he did the light around Sammy would only make her hotter. Craig threw Sammy onto the floor and only fucked her more. "I'm gonna jizz!" Cried Craig as he tried to hold it in. "DO IT!" Screeched Sammy like a banshee. Craig then blew a load into her pussy that filled it up almost instantly. Sammy moaned as she crossed her eyes and stuck her tongue out.
After they cleaned up Craig walked home. When he got home it was 12 in the afternoon. He put his leather jacket on the goddamn floor, walked upstairs, grabbed a new alarm clock from the closet, set it for 8 p.m., put it 0.3 millimeters away from his ear, and drifted off to sleep.