Chapter One: Dream a little dream
–-Catra-
Catra tries to stifle a shriek as another peal of thunder rips through her head.
The storm raging outside the walls of the Fright Zone is fierce, worse than any she can actually remember. There aren't all that many windows in their barracks, but the small ones that do exist usually give her some heads-up during a storm, some time to prepare for when the next clap of thunder is coming.
Not tonight.
Tonight the storm seems to be right on top of them, the flashing lightning and booming thunder happening simultaneously, almost constantly. It's more than Catra can take. She's wedged herself into the corner of the room she shares with the other young cadets, desperate to get away from the roaring. She's clamping her furry ears against her head to try to muffle the worst of the thunder. She's squeezing her eyes closed in the hopes that she'll somehow magically fall asleep and wake up after the storm has passed. It's not working.
The empty metal halls of the Fright Zone turn the entire cadet facility into an echo chamber. Each crash of thunder is louder than the last, and her sensitive ears pick up all of it, amplifying it through her head. Catra cracks open one eye and is astonished to see all the other cadets still sleeping soundly through the storm.
Well, mostly astonished.
Adora hasn't moved at all, her face easy and relaxed, a small stream of drool running from the corner of her mouth. Adora is one of the deepest, soundest sleepers Catra has ever known. The blonde cadet has never had trouble with sleep, falling or staying. Catra is pretty sure all of the princesses of Etheria could storm the Fright Zone one night and Adora wouldn't know it until they were using their twisted powers to kill them all. Catra hates it, hates her, hates how easy it is for her to sleep through this.
Mostly, though, Catra hates that she can't bring herself to crawl over to Adora's bed, squeeze herself under one of her outstretched arms and wrap her blanket around them both. There have been times that she's done just that, pawed at Adora's arm until the blonde opened her eyes and saw the terror writ large on Catra's face. Those times, she hasn't even had to ask. Adora has pushed herself back, leaving enough space for Catra to crawl up onto the cot and bury her face into Adora's shoulder. She hasn't made fun of her for being afraid of storms like the other cadets have. Adora has held her and comforted her while every crack of thunder causes every muscle in her feline body to tense in fear.
But tonight Catra can't bring herself to do any of this, and she's not sure why.
There's another sudden boom of thunder, louder than the rest, and Catra can't help it anymore. She lets out a scream, feels the hot tears start to roll down her face, and shivers as she tries to pull herself even deeper into the corner of the room, away from the windows, away from the terror, away from-
"Catra?"
The voice is almost lost in the ringing thunderclap, but Catra would recognize it anywhere. She opens her mismatched blue and yellow eyes and finds herself staring into bright blue ones, brimming with concern.
Adora.
"Catra, are you ok?" Adora reaches out a hand for the smaller girl's shoulder. Catra bats it away.
"Shut up! Leave me alone!"
She tries to turn away from Adora, but the corner is tight and Catra has already made herself very small. Another boom of thunder causes her to pull at her face, her hair, her ears. She feels a sudden heat along the back of her ears and realizes her claws are out. In her terror she hasn't even noticed until now. She's left what feel like fine slices along the backs of both of them. They're probably already bleeding.
"Catra, stop it! You're hurting yourself." Adora's voice is worried, but soft, and Catra hates her more.
"I said leave me alone!"
There's nothing Catra knows how to do better than lash out, and in her current situation it's the only thing she has left, aside from the fear. Most of the other cadets would have left by now. Catra knows they don't like her anyway. But Adora, stupid, stubborn Adora, always comes back, no matter how often Catra tells her to leave.
Catra lets out another yelp as she feels her body jolt. She feels legs slide under hers and arms wrap around her torso as Adora pulls her tight to her body.
"Wha- what are you doing? I told you to go away!" She opens her eyes. She feels Adora shaking her head, and can just see that the blonde girl's eyes are clamped tightly shut.
"No, Catra." Adora's voice wavers a bit, but is otherwise firm. Despite all of Catra's struggling she can't wriggle free from Adora's embrace.
"Stop it, let me go!"
Adora shakes her head again, squeezing Catra even tighter.
"No. I'm not going to let you hurt yourself anymore," Adora says. "You're my best friend."
Catra stops her struggling. Of course Adora is Catra's best friend. She's pretty much Catra's only friend, the only friend she's ever had. But it hasn't been until tonight that she stops to realize it could work the other way as well. She never considered that Adora could care about her as much as she cared about Adora. She has always thought that Adora would just eventually stop letting Catra hang around her, like all the other cadets have. One day, Adora would just be gone and it would be Catra, alone again, just like always.
She's so stunned by this revelation she doesn't even notice she's being lifted until her feet leave the ground. Adora is lifting her up, and Catra's arms and legs frantically wrap around her to keep from falling. It isn't an easy or graceful process. Still, Adora manages to crabwalk the two of them back to her cot, legs trembling with the effort, before unceremoniously dumping them both onto the hard, lumpy mattress.
Catra is staring, her mouth hanging open slightly. Adora is lying on her back, still panting from the effort of getting them both back to the bed. After a few more moments, she gives herself a self-satisfied nod, and crawls across the bed to wind up next to Catra, smiling broadly. Catra feels her frizzy hair and the fur on her tail puff around her, suddenly uncomfortable being the focus of Adora's attention. Sitting with her legs against her chest, she scuttles around in place to face away from her bunkmate.
"Y-you're such an idiot. You should have just stayed in bed." Catra hears the worn-out springs in the mattress screech as the blond shifts her weight to sit beside Catra, holding her legs the same way.
"Nuh-uh." Adora is shaking her head. "You're my friend, I wanted to make you feel better. I know how much you hate thunderstorms."
Catra can hear the shift in her voice as Adora continues.
"Catra, why didn't you just come wake me up?"
Catra feels her hair and fur bristle again, but she's been wondering the same thing. She takes a minute to breathe as she settles. She can feel her tail start to smooth out again. She turns her head and stares down at the side of the bed Adora isn't occupying.
"I don't know," she whispers. "I don't want you to think I'm a big baby."
There's a moment of silence before Catra feels Adora's arm reach around her. The weight of Adora's head is suddenly on her shoulder but Catra isn't aware of the blush spreading across her face. She is aware that she's started to purr, soft and low.
"That's silly. Everyone is scared of something." Adora starts counting off with her fingers. "Rogelio is afraid of bugs. Octavia is scared of salt, for some reason. Kyle is afraid... well, he's afraid of everything. Even Lonnie gets scared sometimes, but I think she's just afraid of y-"
Adora stops herself short, but Catra knows where she is heading. The purring fades away. She pulls her arms more tightly around her legs and buries her face.
"They all hate me." Catra whispers.
"Nobody hates you, Catra. They just need to get to know you better. Besides, I don't hate you."
Catra can feel herself smile in spite of everything, though she won't raise her head to let Adora see it. A few minutes pass in a comfortable silence, even as the thunder continues to rumble. It's less loud now, more atmospheric sounding. The storm is finally moving away, though Catra can still hear the sound of the rain pounding against the metal exterior of the Fright Zone. Catra lifts her head out of her arms and looks to Adora. She's smiling gently, and Catra feels herself smile back.
"Hey, Adora?"
The blonde girl blinks.
"Thanks."
Adora smiles brightly and pulls Catra in for an awkward but comfortable side hug.
"Duh. Like I said, you're my best friend, Catra. You look out for me, and I look out for you."
The purr resumes.
"You promise?" Catra can't bring herself to ask the question in anything louder than a whisper.
"I promise."
Catra smiles to herself as Adora turns to grab the thin blankets that have bunched themselves up at the foot of the bed. They both lie down, face to face, and Adora pulls the blankets up to their shoulders. Catra is thinking that there is no greater happiness in life than what she is feeling at this exact moment. She feels her eyes start to close as the exhaustion from being awake throughout the storm starts to catch up to her.
"I'm always going to be there for you, Catra."
Adora sounds like she's falling asleep as well, but Catra hears her whisper one last breathy sentence.
"I love you."
This is the moment Catra realizes she's dreaming.
She's been dreaming the entire time.
The storm happened that night, she remembers it well. And most of her interactions with Adora happened that night too. But she never told her she loved her, not in as many words, not for years and years after that point. Still, in the dream Catra is happy to let the non-truth wrap her up. She can feel the warm feeling of being loved spread through her body. She smiles, knowing that she is loved and, in turn, loves—
A crack of thunder shatters the silence, and Catra sits bolt upright in the cot.
"No." Her voice isn't young anymore. She sounds familiar. She sounds older. This isn't Catra's voice from back then, so young, angry and afraid.
"No, this didn't happen."
The thunder booms again, louder than before, and Catra instinctively reaches out for Adora. Her hand closes on sheets, and beneath them only the lump of a cheap, well-worn mattress.
"No," Catra whispers, the fear bubbling back into her soul.
"Not again."
There is a sound from behind her, a whispering, empty, not-there sound. She hears it even through the crash of the thunder. The sound bounces from ear to ear, as if coming from every direction at once, but it is the same sound she's heard in her dreams for a week now.
She knows what is coming next. Try as she might, she can't stop what is about to happen. Catra starts to turn, she is straining every fibre of her being to stop it, but this is dreaming, and her waking brain has no control over what must come next.
Catra feels more tears begin to spill down her face. She is whimpering, a broken sound that infuriates her, but she can't make it stop. She continues to turn in the direction of the noise, that disgusting disquieting noise, helpless to stop her dream self and save them both from what comes next.
The rest of the cadet's quarters is empty now. As she turns she sees that all of the cots that were once filled with the young Horde cadets are gone. It's like they've never been there at all. There is only a creeping darkness that begins to swallow the edges of the room, and the edges of her vision. Catra is alone, alone again, alone as always, and the darkness is coming for her. She tries to squeeze her eyes shut as her body realizes its trajectory, but she already knows she will bear witness to what comes next.
There, yards away from her, silent and still on the ground, lies Adora. She is older now, Catra is her older self in the cot now, too. But unlike Catra, Adora isn't crying, isn't trembling.
Isn't moving.
Her red jacket is tattered and torn around her, and a thick, shining liquid pools beneath her still form. Her blonde hair is lying dirty and matted in that puddle, and Catra feels a part of her come undone at the sight, like it does every time she has this dream. Catra can feel the tears streaming down her face, but she knows this isn't the worst part of the nightmare.
Behind Adora's still form, the darkness begins to shimmer, not with light, but with deeper darkness. Tendrils of shadow darker than anything Catra has ever seen, darker even than the blackest of magics Shadow Weaver could cast, begin to creep towards Adora, wrapping themselves slowly around her limbs. The shadows crawl up her arms, up her legs, twisting around her torso and enveloping her in a darkness that is beyond comprehension.
And just as the shadows completely envelop Adora and begin to twist their way up Catra's frozen form, she sees what she's been dreading since she came to understand she was dreaming. The thing in the darkness opens its eyes and Catra knows it sees her.
-Catra-
Catra screams herself awake again, like she has every night for the past week.
She's drenched in sweat, the sheets of her bed damp and twisted beneath her. Outside her room, the storm that has been raging since early that afternoon is still howling. From what everyone has told her, Bright Moon doesn't get storms. This is just an outlier. A freak storm. As another rip of thunder booms through the castle, Catra isn't comforted by the fact that the storm is unusual. She's not sure any of the people she's spoken with really understand that it being a freak storm doesn't make it less terrifying.
Catra is still panting from the fear of the nightmare, even as the memories of it begin to fade as they always do. She's trying desperately to hold on to something from the dream that isn't the sight of Adora lying in a pool of her own...
No. Stop it. This isn't helpful.
She tries to catch the end of the dream instead. She feels like she needs to know what it is she sees in the darkness before she screams herself awake, but she can never do it. It's always the first thing to go, and she feels like she should be thankful. But a bigger part of her needs the truth, needs to know what it is that traps her in abject terror night after night, and she lets out a frustrated growl as she realizes the thing in the darkness is gone again.
At least for tonight.
Catra flops herself back down on her bed, squirming against just how comfortable it is. In the months she's been at Bright Moon following the fall of Horde Prime, the beds have been one of the hardest things to adjust to. She's used to lumpy old mattresses that smelled like they'd never been cleaned, not this soft, fluffy monstrosity. Catra had felt like her head was being swallowed by some kind of cloud creature every time she tried to use the pillows the castle had provided her. Eventually she tossed them to the corner of the room and used a folded up sheet instead. The firmness of the padding beneath her head comforted her in its uncomfortability. It's the only thing that helped her sleep anymore.
Well, maybe not the only thing, if she was being honest. The nights she spends with Adora, or vice versa, are much easier. She knows that Adora has struggled with the same thing. Adora has told her the story of the first time she tried sleeping on a bed in Bright Moon. Catra thinks that Adora has either removed some stuffing from her bed herself, or has asked someone in the castle to make her a custom mattress that isn't quite as pillowy as Catra's. Or maybe, she has thought on occasion, she just sleeps better with Adora by her side.
She starts as a cool presence nudges her hand. Chomping down on another scream, she turns her head to see Melog standing beside her, its head cocked to one side. It lets out a mrrp of concern.
"Melog, I'm fine." Catra lies to her companion and is worried at how easily the lie comes.
She and Melog have shared a deep emotional bond since the day they met on Krytis, but Catra has since determined that the magical being cannot, in fact, read her mind. She feels bad lying to Melog. She knows that through all the time they have spent together, the being has only ever tried to do what is best for her, but Catra can't bring herself to speak about the nightmare, not right now, not when the memory of it is still so close. In a few minutes it will have faded to nothing, and the fear will have subsided, and if she feels like it, then she will be able to talk about it.
But she won't. Not tonight.
Melog stares at her with its neutral gaze for a few moments longer. Catra can't keep eye contact with it, her guilt at lying to her friend forcing her to turn her head to face the ceiling. She's sure Melog senses her guilt, her anxiety, her fear, but if it knows it's been lied to, there's no indication. After a short time has passed, Catra feels one more gentle cool nudge against her hand, and when she looks back, Melog is gone. There's a pang in her heart as she realizes she's alone in her room again, and she promises herself she will make it up to her companion later.
The softness of the mattress finally drives Catra to her feet. If she has to squirm for one more minute to try and find a patch of the damn thing uncomfortable enough for her to get some decent sleep, she'll scream. Again.
The air of the bedroom is cool against her exposed skin. She's taken to wearing the same undergarments Adora had given her on Mara's ship, similar to what they had been provided in the Horde. The stuff she has now is definitely better quality, much less scratchy against her chest and legs, especially, but it still doesn't offer much in the way of warmth. Her eyes dilating in the mostly-dark of the bedroom, she walks over to the dresser in the far corner of the room and grabs a robe from within. It's irritatingly soft as well, but Catra can live with that for a bit. She pauses at the dresser and wonders what it is exactly that she's planning to do. By her guess it's still the middle of the night. Anyone she would want to actually see will be fast asleep, and there's really only one such person right now anyway. Catra's ears flatten against her head.
Adora will definitely be asleep.
She can just picture it; Adora sprawled out on the mattress, arms and legs askew, her hair splayed out around her, and a big dopey look on her face. Hell, she might even be drooling, She still did that from time to time.
Catra feels the warmth spread from her heart at the thought of Adora. Damn, she really does love that girl. From the top of her adorkable hair poof right down to the bottom of her soles.
Catra decides then that she will go to Adora. The dream has resurfaced those memories of when they were children in the Horde and Catra figures that it's only gotten more appropriate to climb into Adora's bed unannounced, not less. She gently pads across the bedroom to her door, swinging it open and shut almost silently, and begins the walk to Adora's room.
On the way she passes by a number of other rooms, all of them silent and dark behind closed doors. Eventually she reaches Queen Sparkle's royal chambers, and next to her (conveniently enough, as far as Catra is concerned) is Archer Boy. After a few more minutes of walking, she's reached the door to Adora's bedroom, functionally identical to Catra's, just on the other side of this wing of the castle.
She's reaching for the handle before she realizes she's doing it, and stops short.
What am I gonna say?
She's almost embarrassed thinking about Adora waking up and asking her what's wrong. She knows about the dreams, Catra has had enough sleepless nights that Adora would have to be blind not to notice she's been a bit sleep deprived. But still, she's kept the worst of it from her. Adora doesn't need to know the specifics. She doesn't need the graphic details of what's been happening to her in Catra's dreams every night.
It's only going to make her worry about me. They're just dreams.
The last thing she wants to do is make Adora worry. She's done that enough for a lifetime, what with the whole trying to destroy the world thing she had going on for a while there... and the whole being a pawn of an evil intergalactic empire, however unwittingly it had been at the end. All-in-all, Adora has done a lot of worrying about Catra. Standing in the hallway, she wonders if she'll ever stop feeling guilty about that.
Stop it, Catra thinks to herself, I'm done making her worry about me.
She's satisfied with this resolution, and starts thinking of an appropriate, or maybe not-so-appropriate, excuse she could have for sneaking into Adora's room in the middle of the night, just in case. Then she pauses.
There's a sound.
She can just barely hear it.
At first she's not sure if she's imagining it or not. It's faint, just at the edge of her hearing, but she thinks there's something... familiar about it. She pulls back from Adora's door and turns to face down the hallway she hasn't come from. She tries to focus on the noise, see if she can spot whatever is making it.
The halls of the castle are dark even when the moon is bright in the sky, which surprised her on her first night in Bright Moon, considering the whole kingdom runs on moon magic, happy thoughts and butterfly kisses, or something. Tonight, though, with the storm still raging outside, not even Catra's eyes can pierce the dark of the hallways. If she hadn't made the trek from her room to Adora's and back countless times already, she wouldn't know where she was at all.
She squints into the darkness, still trying to pin down the sound. After a moment, she hears it again.
It's gotten louder, she realizes.
It's gotten closer.
Her blood turns to ice and her knees buckle under her own weight.
It is a familiar sound.
It's a whispering, empty, not-there sound.
Catra can hear someone whimpering nearby, can hear frantic sobs, and it takes her far too long to realize that she's the one making those pathetic noises. Still, she can't stop herself. There is fire on her face as the tears return, streaming down her cheeks. She can barely breathe, her chest is tight and what breaths she can manage come in quick, shallow gasps.
The not-there sound gets louder and closer, and as she stares into the darkness, willing herself to wake from this dream –gods, she hopes it's just a dream– the darkness shimmers, not with light, but with deeper darkness. As she stares into the darkness, she starts to believe she can see some shape, but not a shape that she can recognize, no shape she can give a name to. She realizes that the empty sound has changed, from that empty whisper to something far more guttural, more primal.
Kk-kk-kk-kk.
The sound is rhythmic and monotonous.
Kk-kk-kk-kk.
Catra thinks it sounds like someone choking to death on blood and bile.
Kk-kk-kk-kk.
There is a moment where Catra finds herself thinking about Adora once more, sleeping not two dozen feet away from her, and in the midst of her terror she thinks,
I wonder what Adora will want to do for breakfast?
The mundanity of that thought breaks something inside of her. As an elongated hand forms in the darkness and begins reaching for her, Catra screams.
-Adora-
It's a matter of seconds before the doors to Adora's room are blown wide open and she is standing in the frame. In her hand she holds the Sword of Protection, blazing with a rainbow light. She has moved with the instinct of a warrior. She's not even fully awake yet. Nevertheless she is scanning the hallway, seeking out the source of the scream, what her mind identifies as the threat to be defeated. It's only when she's completed her scan that her stance falters, threat undetected. Her eyes drop to the quivering mass on the floor. The sword dims but does not go out, and Adora has to squint in the sudden gloom to make out who, or what, it is on the floor in front of her room.
Her heart drops as she makes out the tail, the ears, the hair.
"C-Catra?" Adora whispers.
Adora kneels down and reaches a hand out to the bundled girl on the floor. As she brushes her shoulder, Catra shrieks and scrambles back away from Adora, eyes clenched shut, arms waving in front of her as if to ward off some encroaching foe. It takes Adora a moment to realize what Catra is saying, almost rambling, over and over.
"Don't let it touch me!"
Adora sweeps forward, grabbing Catra's hands and ignoring the sharp pain as her claws dig at her wrists.
"Catra! Stop, it's me! It's Adora!"
Catra's eyes are unfocused, wide, terrified and full of tears. It takes her a minute to calm down enough that she recognizes Adora in the gloom. She stares at her unblinkingly.
"A-Adora?"
Adora offers her a weak smile, cupping her face in her hands. Her eyes are running over Catra's face, looking for any sign of injury. She seems fine, but also very, very un-fine. In fact, Adora thinks to herself, she's never seen Catra this scared before. That thought chills Adora to the core, because if there's one thing she's always believed about the two of them, it's that Catra is the stronger and braver individual. Where Adora's fearlessness comes from sheer stubbornness, Catra's comes from literally being without fear.
Or so Adora has always thought.
Seeing her here now sobbing great, heaving, wracking sobs, Adora is scared too. She pulls Catra close to her, holding her tightly as the sobs continue and her whole body shakes, whispering soothing words into her ear.
"Shhh. Catra. It's ok. I'm here. I've got you. I've got you."
But still, in between sobs, all Catra can do is plead the same request over and over. She's clutching Adora's arm so tightly that Adora is sure there will be blood to clean up later.
"Don't let it touch me. Don't let it touch me. Don't let it touch me."
Lights are springing on down the hall in either direction as the residents of the castle emerge from their rooms in response to the commotion. In the brightening hallway, Adora scans the vicinity again, looking for whatever it is that could have done this to Catra, and finding nothing at all.
A/N: So about a month ago, feeling kinda down in the dumps, I decided this was the year I was going to prove to myself I could do NaNoWriMo and knock out 50,000 words in a month. I had also coincidentally just finished She-Ra on Netflix. It is an excellent show. Go figure.
I thought the best way to ease into NaNoWriMo was to take She-Ra and see what I could come up with in a month. So I got to work. This story is what I came up with.
It's not complete, not yet. It is a successful NaNoWriMo project though, and there's a lot in here I'm proud of. I'm pushing myself in quite a few new directions with this story, in terms of length, content, dialogue and trying to write passages that are hopefully legitimately creepy.
So if you've enjoyed what you've read thus far, I hope you'll consider coming along for the ride.
Until next time...