The sound of a door opening accompanied by a girlish "I'm home" from its threshold brought a smile to Shinji's face like nothing else could.
As he sat reading an electronics magazine as he waited for the soup to finish on the stove, he shouted out an excited "Welcome home!" to his roommate and lover. Entering the kitchen, she paused as she passed Shinji before planting a kiss on his forehead.
"How was your day darling?"
Shinji set down the magazine. He would have to search for a new SDAT later as his lovely wife needed his attention. "It was wonderful! I finished all my cleaning and got all my food prep done before 4 pm. After that, I just lounged and waited for you to get home."
"That's nice dear. I always love coming back home to see you."
Picking up his magazine again, Shinji searched the pages for what felt like the umpteenth time. No matter how he looked, none of the players appeared to feel right to him. There was something about his old one that had a distinct charm to it that felt wrong replacing.
Regardless, Shinji was determined to get a new one. He would stop at nothing to replace what he had lost.
"How was work today?" he called out, his eyes still focused on the catalog.
"Work was fine. But I simply could not wait to come home to see you again."
Another smile crossed Shinji's face. "That's good to hear! Did that big presentation go well?"
"Yes, it did sweetheart. Thank you for asking.
As she answered, the timer went off and Shinji tended to the soup. Serving it in two bowls, he gave one to his wife, before sitting down at the table. They ate in silence for what felt like a blissful eternity. Shinji had always enjoyed cooking for others, especially those he loved and cared for. Focusing on a specific task and getting it done for the benefit of others always felt rewarding. In an odd way, he never felt the same when he made himself lunch. Then again, doing things for others before himself was in many ways the norm.
His wife placed her bowl down and moved to the couch. For his part, Shinji picked up the dishes and began washing them. They both existed in silence. No discussion, no pleasantries, just enjoying their need for each other in an ever-changing world.
Shinji Ikari loved the silence. Not having to trade boring pleasantries, not having to put effort into engaging in conversation, not having to be thinking at all times hoping he didn't say anything stupid or foolish. It made him content.
It made him happy.
He could hear the sound of something playing on the television they shared. The sounds gave him the impression that a theme song was playing, but Shinji was not too interested. Instead, once he finished the dishes, he returned to his magazine.
"Shinji dear? Come watch this show with me. I'm sure you'll enjoy it."
Shinji, only mildly perturbed at his wife for interrupting his silence, continued reading his magazine.
"In a moment honey. Let me just finish looking."
"Shinji…"
"I'm sorry… I'll just be a moment."
Silence. Shinji Ikari hated the silence. He found it strange he was mentally able to even hate the silence in the first place. Considering he was dead.
It seemed the afterlife was one cruel joke. His body LCL, his mind fractured, and his soul left adrift in an endless void, it seemed that all that existed once his suffering was complete was an infinite instant of time where he could sit alone with his thoughts.
This wasn't instrumentality. It wasn't instrumentality as he understood it at least. It was almost as if he had been personally excluded from the omni-conciousness, left to drift in silence as punishment for his crimes.
Shinji Ikari hated the silence. It reminded him of late nights in Misato's apartment as she slaved over paperwork at NERV. It reminded him of the days Asuka had left to stay with Hikari, only to run away to be discovered days later devoid of life. It reminded him of the small rotting apartment he found Rei living in when he first moved to Tokyo-3.
It reminded him of being alone.
Well, he supposed he was alone. He was alone with his thoughts in purgatory. They weren't really even words. It was more disjointed thoughts and feelings as he went from one thing to the next. He tried for a moment to focus on whether or not he could feel anything: a body, his wounds, or even to understand and locate himself in space and time.
Nothing. All he possessed was consciousness. It seems that would be all he would possess for the rest of eternity.
He supposed he deserved it.
Darkness turned to light, Ikari awoke from his slumber. Yet, as what little light there was in the room filled his senses he realized just how truly dark it was.
He didn't remember moving from the kitchen table, but he was forgetting things more and more frequently so he reasoned that there was nothing to be worried about. He had probably fallen asleep in the kitchen and his wife had moved him to their bedroom. She was always so thoughtful like that.
Sitting up, he looked over his side to see if she was there with him. But when he turned his head, he saw no one there.
"She must've gotten up to get a drink of water. I should just go back to sleep."
He felt parched. Not only that, but as he scratched his neck he realized he really needed to shave. Picking up a glass from the bedside table, he walked into his kitchen and turned on the lights.
His wife was nowhere to be seen.
Shinji found this odd but assumed she was in the bathroom, or maybe had left for work already and he had misjudged the time. It didn't really matter. He would see her soon enough.
She was a busy lady. Always in and out of work at… whatever she did Shinji couldn't remember for some reason. Come to think of it, he can't remember a time where she had mentioned what she did for a living. He guessed that made him not a very good husband for not knowing after… however long they had been together. He'd have to ask her at dinner and apologize.
He stroked his beard as he contemplated what he would make for dinner that night. It felt like they had been having a lot of soup lately. Too much in fact. Tonight he would make his wife something special!
Since when did he have a beard?
Shinji practically slapped his face at the realization that there were hundreds of thousands of misplaced hairs stapled to his face. Almost pulling the follicles out of their pours, Shinji dashed to the bathroom in abject horror and threw open the door.
As he gazed into the mirror he couldn't fathom what he was observing.
He wore a dark pair of pajama bottoms alongside a blue undershirt. He had no shoes on and his hair was completely disheveled, but worst of all, as he looked at his face he realized staring back at him wasn't Shinji Ikari at all.
Instead, staring back at Shinji Ikari was the face of his father.
Ikari was not normally one to swear. He actually abhorred the practice. When he was younger, his teacher had ingrained in him that swearing was both improper and disrespectful to those who held authority above him. He had learned the hard way just how seriously his teacher took this issue when after falling out of a tree and breaking his arm. After yelling "dammit!" to the air his teacher had ended up scolding him all the way to the hospital. Not on acting recklessly and climbing a tree, but instead for his disrespect to those around him for such an improper action. Yet, as he stood staring at the visage of his abandonment, all he could think to say was…
"What the fuck?"
Putting aside that he was desperately in need of a razor, Ikari focused on the issue at hand. One, where was his wife, two, why was he here, and three, why did he look exactly like his father?
Why did he SOUND like his father?
"Co...Commander? Is something wrong?"
He turned around in a flash at the sound of a voice he really hoped he did not actually recognize. To his utter astonishment and abject horror, standing behind him was Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, as naked as the day she was born.
"I won't do it."
Shinji Ikari sat in the fetal position within his father's office. The itch of his new beard angered him more than it should. He wanted to shave the whole thing off and erase the hairs themselves from existence. He knew that was foolish of course. They were hairs. Just wash them down the drain.
"Commander I don't know what has gotten into you…" Ritsuko Akagi, now fully clothed at his insistence, began, "but Sir! You've been planning all this for years! It's the whole reason you abandoned him in the first place!"
His head darted from its crevice between his arms, anger very apparent on his face, "I don't want to be back here! I'm not him! How many times do I have to tell you this! I am Shinji Ikari!"
"Sir, you're not making any sense! Shinji Ikari is your son. Are you feeling alright?"
It felt like there was no use. They had been at this for hours. He would tell her that he somehow had been transported from the future into his father's body, would tell her that he knew how this ended, would tell her that she died, and yet she'd look at him like he was insane.
"Well, I suppose it would appear insane. Especially to someone like Ms. Ritsuko."
He just covered his face once again in his arms as he made himself as small as possible.
"I just want my wife back. I don't want to do this again…" he mumbled.
"Sir if this is some odd way of ending this… relationship I would probably understand better if you just sa-"
"That's why you're here?! You were fucking my dad?!"
A silence filled the room. Then, after a long moment, Shinji Ikari laughed.
"...Hello?" a voice on the other end of the line asked.
He really should be nervous. He was literally talking to himself. He had lived this exact interaction. Yet, as he stood there, he couldn't help but feel his heart beat faster than anything.
"Shinji… It's er… it's me. Your father" he clarified lamely.
"Father? Is something wrong? You have never called before."
"Yes, Shinji something is very wrong" he sighed and continued, "I need you to take your teacher and find someplace safe. Find someplace as far away from Tokyo-3 as possible."
"Far away from Tokyo-3?Um… I will do my best" his younger self answered sheepishly
"Good. Good luck Shinji."
He hadn't gone into NERV. There was no point. He just sat in his apartment all day waiting for this fever dream to finish and for him to go back to his normal life, with his normal wife, and his normal no angel-filled world.
Outside, he could hear the evacuation klaxons ringing. A faint sound of gunfire in the distance accompanied the explosions as several strike craft of the Japanese Defense Forse were smashed by the fists of Sachiel.
He did this already. He did his time. It wasn't fair. He just wanted to be happy.
His last thoughts were of his wife as Sachiel crushed the building he was hiding within.
It was silent again. Shinji Ikari hated the silence.
He had been given a second chance at life after his previous failure. Yet his stupidity and misunderstanding of the situation led to his death once again. Leave it to Shinji Ikari to waste his life away scared of what might happen, rather than seize the opportunities and change his life for the better.
What was he saying? He would have to act like his father. He would've had to hurt himself from a previous life. He would have to use and abuse everyone in NERV and betray their trust just so he could have a chance at life.
As he floated away in a never-ending consciousness, he wondered if that wouldn't be so bad.
Darkness turned to light, Ikari awoke from his slumber.
He was once again in the apartment, he once again sported a beard, and once again, he observed Ritsuko Akagi unclothed. This time, she was entering the bedroom and noticed he was awake.
"Ah… Commander. Sorry I didn't mean to wake you."
Ikari sighed and looked upon the doctor.
"Ms. Ritsuko, there's something we need to discuss."
To be continued…
This plot bunny has been writhing around in my head for a good 3 months. Let's see where it goes, shall we?
Created a throwaway cause this crackfic of an idea does not need to be traced back to my main lmao.
Rate and review etc.