Author's notes: Similar with my previous fanfic Menelas, the Lover of Hercules, this one will mostly focus on scenes with Roger, Jessica and the Weasels. Inspired by VampireMeerkat's Who Genderbent Roger Rabbit?, which is what Rosie and Jessie look in this story, and used as cover art. I also gave the title a question mark as a nod to the book Who Censored Roger Rabbit? the movie was loosely based on, which they removed since it's considered "bad luck" for a movie to have a question mark.

MAROON CARTOON STUDIOS
PRESENTS

BABY HERMAN & ROSIE RABBIT
IN:

"SOMETHIN'S COOKIN'"

A baby was happily playing in his playpen. He has round green eyes, and wears a diaper and a bow on his single strand of hair. He's holding a bottle. His mother walked up to him and patted him on the head.

"Mommy's going to the beauty parlor, darling. But I'm leaving you with your favorite friend, Rosie." The woman walked over to where a white female rabbit was lying on her pillow. She has blue eyes and red bangs, wears a red dress overalls that seems too big for her with two big yellow buttons, a blue and yellow-polkadotted bow on her head tied to her ears, and yellow bracelets. "She is going to take very, very good care of you. Because if she doesn't..." the mother then said very sternly as she pointed to Rosie's nose, "she's going back to the science lab."

"P-p-please! Don't worry! Whatever you say! Yes, ma'am! Aye, aye, captain! Okey dokey. I'll take care of him like he was my own sister. I mean, my own brother-" The rabbit was cut off when the mother slammed the door in her face. "Ouch! Or my sister's brother. Or my second cousin. Or a ninth cousin..."

As the rabbit kept speaking, Baby Herman noticed something in the kitchen: a jar of cookies. "Cookie," he said as he tipped over the playpen and made his way to the kitchen.

"...Or like my 17th cousin, who is 156 times removed from any side!" After she finished, she saw the crib empty and the baby in the kitchen, climbing up the drawers. Rosie screamed in panic.

"I'll save you, babyyyyy!" she yelled, running into the kitchen.

"Cookie," the baby said as he knocked a rolling pin into an oncoming Rosie. "Don't burn yourself, Baby Herman!" the rabbit said just as she stepped on the rolling pin and started to roll around the room, screaming.

As she rolled around the room, the baby knocked a teapot on her head. "Ow! Hey, who turned out the lights! Oh, it's dark in here! Don't they pay the electricity?"

Baby Herman then kicked open the oven just as Rosie rolled in and closed the door. The baby then used his foot unintentionally to turn the oven to 'Volcano Heat'.

"I'll find you, baby! Where are you?"

"Cookie!" Baby Herman crawled across some plates in the sink. His face slipped under the water but he lifted it up and accidentally turns on the tap and water starts spilling onto the floor. The soap also falls down to the floor. The oven sign turns to 'well done' and Rosie bursts out trailing smoke, screaming aloud.

The poor rabbit then slips on the soap and shoots into the air and the soap flies across the kitchen and ricochets of the door handle and hits Baby Herman flinging him up to the clock pendulum. The white rabbit falls back and slides across the kitchen and ends up with her fingers in the power supply, getting zapped. In trying to escape, she head-butts the wall with the teapot and dislodges a shelf that has all the pots and pans falling on her head. As she lies in pain, a bottle of hot sauce falls into the spout of the teapot, making Rosie drink it.

"Cookie!" Baby Herman chirps from the clock. Rosie, with her head on fire by the hot sauce shoots out of the teapot and across the kitchen, only to end up with an ironing board in her mouth, which folds up into the wall.

Baby Herman swings from the clock to a shelf, which falls down on top of a box on the shelf, catapulting a box of knives through the air. The baby lands on a plunger and bounces up to the fridge. The plunger flies through the air and lodges itself in a toaster, which then falls over. Rosie bursts out of the fold up ironing board in a 'Ta-Da' pose.

"I'm here, Bab- AAAAAAAHHHH!" she screamed when she saw the knives flying towards her, which, luckily, lodge themselves in the wall around her. One barely missed the top of her head and a meat-cleaver hits the wall between her legs. "Gulp!" She's very lucky she's a girl. The toaster then fires the plunger at the white rabbit and sticks to her face.

Baby Herman has landed on a stack of sliced bread next to the car of cookies. He tries to reach inside the car, but the bread slices keep falling out, making the task a little bit difficult.

As she struggles to get the plunger off her face, Rosie ends up flying across the kitchen and removes it in mid air. Her momentary pleasure is forgotten as she crashes into the vacuum cleaner, which then begins to pump her full of air. When she looks more like a balloon, she starts to deflate, flying around the kitchen breaking crockery and eventually hitting the fridge, lodging her head underneath.

As she struggles to get free she disorients Baby Herman, who falls from the top of the fridge with his cookie. Rosie lifts the fridge from her head with her strength.

"Cookie!" Baby Herman cried happily as he held to his cookie. Seeing that the baby is safe, the white rabbit holds the child in her hands. Rosie suddenly realizes there is an unsupported fridge above her head that proves the law of gravity...

CRASH!

The fridge door opens to reveal Rosie with birds flying around her head.

HOLLYWOOD, 1947

"Cut!"

A buzzer sounds, revealing that the two are actually on a set. The director goes onto the set with an annoyed look.

"Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! CUT!" he yells, throwing the script to the floor.

"What the hell is wrong with that take?" Baby Herman said, losing his cute speech in place of an annoyed adult voice.

"Nothing's wrong with you, Baby Herman. You were great! You were perfect! You were better than perfect," said the director. "It's Rosie. She keeps blowing her lines. Rosie..."

The man grabs one of the birds. "What's this?!"

"A tweetin' bird?" responded the rabbit.

"'A tweetin' bird?'" said the director, who then throws the bird to the floor. The bird walks away, rubbing its behind. "Rosie, read the script. Look what it says. It says, 'Rabbit gets clunked. Rabbit sees stars.' Not birds- STARS! Can we lose the playback, please? You're killing me, lady! Killing me!"

The playback stopped playing as Baby Herman stomped off angrily. "For crying out loud, Rosie! How many times we have to do this damn scene? Raoul, I'll be in my trailer! Taking a nap!"

Baby Herman went past underneath a woman's dress, scaring her, while getting a good peak underneath. "Excuse me, toots," the baby said as he walked into his trailer.

"My stomach can't take this. This set is a mess. Clean this set up!" Director Raoul shouts. He sees Rosie still inside the fridge, trying to put her birds in her pocket. "And get her out of there, or seal her up in it! Lose the lights! Take a break!" He then turns to the cameraman. "And say lunch!"

"LUNCH!" The cameraman yelled.

"It's lunchtime, we're on a half!" Raoul walks off the set with Rosie worriedly following him.

"P-p-please, sir! I can give you stars. Just drop the refrigerator on my head one more time."

"Rosie, we've dropped it on your head 23 times already!"

"I can take it. Don't worry about me." she said, while grabbing the sleeve of Raoul's jacket.

"I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about the refrigerator!" Raoul said angrily, while pulling the sleeve from Rosie's hand.

Rosie grabs out a toon frying pan from the props. "I can give you stars! Look!" The white rabbit smashed the pan on her head, yet what appears are spirals. "Look!" She smashed it again and bells appear. "LOOK!" She smashed it over and over, with cuckoo-clocks and butterflies appearing but no stars as both actor and director walked into a trailer.

As the crew left the set, no one noticed a man staring dryly at he scene. He was Private Detective Eddie Valiant. "Toons," he deadpanned as he took a sip from his flask.