I'm Saying Goodbye

Rifiuto: Non Mirena

Summary: She couldn't describe it, but the need was... well, by now, it was downright impossible to ignore. As she pulled away from the curb, she swore to herself that this would be the last time she would ever leave Eureka. She was leaving, just like the Astreaus crew was, though the only difference between them and her, was that no matter what she discovered on her walkabout, she was never coming back. Written: 2017.

"I can't breathe
Cause you push me back
I should've stayed,
Stayed away from you
It's feel like I'm...
I'm being attacked
I don't know what,
What I'm gonna do

Tried to improve me
Why you do that to me?
I don't wanna be with you
Don't tell me that you're sorry
All you do is lie to me
Don't know what I'm gonna do"

- I'm Saying Goodbye,

Loving Caliber

Prologue

Her bags were packed, her car was waiting to make the trek out of the small Oregon town, into the great, wide unknown. She had just left GD, telling the others goodbye-

She shivered, memories of Zane's kiss filling her head. But she quickly shook it off, tossing her duffel into the backseat of her car and climbing into the driver's seat. She only vaguely noticed that Vincent and the others in town had come out to bid her goodbye. Quickly, she spared a fleeting smile, before pulling away from the curb and driving off.

This walkabout was a good thing; he would be gone for six months, having a blast with the other eggheads on Titan, and she... well, hopefully, by the time the six months were up, she'd know where she belonged. She had to keep telling herself that. She was going on a journey of self-discovery; in search of the missing pieces of herself that were out in the universe waiting to be found.

She couldn't describe it, but the need was... well, by now, it was downright impossible to ignore. The need to figure herself out, to put herself back together and discover her true worth- it had called to her, in the dark of the night as she'd lay in bed at Carter's place, jarring her from a dead sleep and making her heart race. It had whispered to her in the advanced halls of Global Dynamics, beckoning her away with silent promises of adventure and excitement. It had slid over her skin on the nights she and Zane had made love, like a well-fitting glove, teasing her taut nerves and overstimulated mind with a desire greater than any she could feel in Zane's arms.

Her friends had noticed the change in her; her indecision, the way her mind would wander, the dreamy look that often came over her when she thought she was alone. They had asked her if she was all right, if she needed to talk to someone, if she wanted help figuring anything out, and she'd always shaken her head, telling them that she was okay, that she would be fine, but it was always a lie.

The smiles had so willingly given at one point, no longer came as easily to her; the happiness she projected didn't reach her eyes.

Zane had confronted her about it last night after sex, and she'd simply shaken her head, giving him a soft smile and a kiss to the lips before pulling him close and settling down. But even after his breathing evened out, and his hold on her relaxed, she still lay awake, unable to sleep. Instead, she'd lay in bed beside him, gaze going to the window and the moonlight that beckoned her through the glass.

At one point, she'd slipped out of bed, pulling on her clothes, and slipped out of his apartment, deciding to go for a walk. She'd wandered through Eureka, the moonlight guiding her, until she'd come to the invisible barrier at the end of the bridge. The moonlight shone, illuminating the road that stretched before her, and she'd itched to continue, to simply cross the barrier and keep walking, but she knew that it would be pointless. She would be leaving in a few hours, she could wait. After several minutes, she'd turned and walked back to Zane's.

Undressing, she'd slipped back into bed, settling herself back in his arms, feeling him nuzzling into her hair as he'd breathed her name in his sleep. Once again, she'd suppressed the urge to leave, allowing the feel of his lips in her hair finally lull her to sleep.

Now though, there was nothing holding her back, nothing keeping her from driving through that barrier and away from the only home she'd ever known. Nothing keeping her from making her own life, away from the chaos of Eureka and Global Dynamics. She could go anywhere, do anything, start fresh. New York. Los Angeles. New Orleans. Vancouver. Halifax. Ontario.

The world was her oyster, her walkabout, hiding the pearl that would help her not only understand herself, but help her make a decision- in regards to everything in her life. You never know where a walkabout's going to take you.

As she pulled away from the curb, she swore to herself that this would be the last time she would ever leave Eureka. the absolute last time. No more egghead scientists, no more crazy experiments, no more security clearances, no more timeline sanctions hanging over her head, no more bad decisions and painful mistakes in the on-again, off-again relationship she had with Zane.

Once she crossed that barrier, she was free.

She was leaving, just like the Astreaus crew was, though the only difference between them and her, was that no matter what she discovered on her walkabout- or what happened with the Astreaus- she was never coming back.