Help me help you
Chapter 1: The past haunts you
Hey guys I'm back :) This story is different but I hope it is a good different. Every chapter keeps getting better, that I can promise you. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
My phone rang which I reluctantly got up to answer as I was careful not to wake Dave up while I saw him shift his position beside me. I put my glasses on to check the time. It was 6 a.m.
Who calls this early on a Saturday morning ? I checked the Caller Id to see it was Mary. She hasn't called me in months not since I left Texas. I still think a part of her is mad at me for leaving even though she refuses to admit it.
"Mary" I said softly as I got out of bed slowly walking out of the room into the kitchen far from hearing distance.
"Amy, sweetie how are you ?" She asked pleased to hear from me.
I switched on the kettle trying to think on why she would call me all of a sudden especially in the early hours of the morning. I knew we had a time zone difference but it wasn't that far apart.
"I'm doing alright thank you what about you ? How is everyone ?" I asked trying to get through the small talk so she can get to the reason she phoned.
"They are doing okay. I'm doing okay. Everyone misses you though. I still hate that you moved all the way to Pasendena for your boyfriend. " She said as I heard her dislike for Dave. She never liked him but I just tried to ignore it. She just never got to know him. If she knew him she would change her mind.
"Mary I miss everyone to but this is best. I didn't just move here for him but also because I built my practice here and I'm helping out the university with research. I am going to visit often" I said trying to reassure her but I knew she was hardheaded and hard to convince.
"Alright then if it is best for you but you need to visit soon. What university are you helping out with research?" She asked curious on my new life now.
I took the piece of paper on the fridge double checking the name before pouring the boiled hot water into my mug as I made tea.
"Caltech I think. They need more neuroscientists and since I have a PhD not only in psychology I thought working there in my spare time wouldn't be the worst way to put my doctorate to some use. " I said hearing the excitement in my voice.
"Oh that's where Sheldon works now. You remember Sheldon?" She said all excited. She always was so enthusiastic when she spoke about him. You could see he was her pride and joy. You could see how proud she was of him.
I haven't heard about him in years. I haven't seen him since we were 14. Has it really been that long ? Was he the same or different ? I'm sure he was different but that seemed so unlikely for a character like Sheldon who hated change. He could never deal with it well.
"That's actually why I called Amy" She finally said bringing me out of my thoughts.
I didn't say anything as I let her continue," Amy I asked him to book an appointment with you tommorow. I'm worried about him. He has been completely unmotivated since Ramona. He refuses to work. He refuses to go back to work and his friends are worried also. "
She has always been worried over Sheldon but I have never heard her so scared before not over Sheldon.
"Mary you know I can't help people I have personal conflict with because I form a biased opinion on their health. Why do you think he would come to me anyway ? You know how he feels about therapists. "
She sighed as if she expected me to say all of that," You haven't seen him since you both were young and I'm sure he is over that whole Georgie thing. Please Amy. I just need him to talk to someone and he refuses. After some convincing he chose to rather see you than a complete stranger. We promised 3 sessions but I need you to somehow convince him to do it long term. "
She was asking a lot from me. If I remembered the Sheldon that I knew when I was younger he was stubborn and hardheaded like his mother. He was set in what he believed in and what he didn't believe in. The thing is that if it were anyone else asking me this I would say no but this wasn't anyone. This was Mary the one who was practically my second mother growing up.
"Fine I will try but no promises Mary. I can't force someone to stay longer but if he decides to then very well. I will do my best. " I said not believing what I was getting myself into.
She seemed relieved to hear that," Thank you Amy. I can't tell you how much this means to me. I do have to tell you one more thing though." She said as her voice changed more to a warning.
"There's more ?" I asked.
She gave a nervous laugh," Sheldon isn't how you remember him. He changed after his father and since Ramona he has apparently been worse. Amy he is cold , egotistical and selfish. I love him and he is my little boy. I can't bear to lose him to Amy. Not my little boy. I just need him to try. I need him to be reminded that the world isn't as bad as it looks. " She said as I could hear her fighting her tears.
" He will be okay Mary. I will keep in touch with you. " I said trying to comfort her.
"Thank you for this Amy. Also you can't tell him I called or about all the other stuff either. "
"Don't worry Mary. Patient confidentiality. I'm sworn to secrecy. I will talk to you later."
We said our goodbyes as I ended the call to drink the last drop of my tea. I couldn't believe I had to help him now as my client. It felt weird but I had to remain professional. Leave the past in the past.
I made my way back to the room to gently get in bed again. Dave pulled me closer to him once I got in as he kissed my cheek. I couldn't help but smile even though I could hear he was still tired.
"Who were you on the phone with ?" He asked his voice still groggy.
"Mary. Don't worry about it. Let's just sleep a little longer before we can't anymore." I said as I closed my eyes letting the darkness surround me again.
" Who is next ?" I asked Daisy who was a enthusiastic,sweet,young receptionist who wore her strawberry blonde hair in a high ponytail.
I watched the last client go as I looked back at Daisy by the reception desk as she checked the computer being super focused as if her life depended on it. I wondered if she actually liked this job or was she just enthusiastic about everything.
"I believe a Dr Sheldon Cooper. Is he a doctor doctor ?" She asked as she looked at me.
I shook my head forgetting all about having a meeting with him. His mother's words rung in my head now. I didn't know how I felt about seeing him again.
"I'm a theoretical physicist and I have two PhDs which is why you refer me as Dr." I heard someone say behind me.
I turned around to see a tall, lanky guy who had a very pale complexion with his dark brown hair combed up neatly but it was his eyes that made me realize who it was. His beautiful shade of ocean blue eyes that were unforgettable no matter how many years has passed. He was so different than what I remembered him to be.
"You ditched the plaid shirts and bow tie I see " I said smiling as I noticed his flash T-shirt with beige kaki pants .
He didn't say anything and when I met his eyes again they were cooler,colder. I felt goosebumps on my arms just looking at it. Daisy looked at me as I already knew what she was thinking. I gave her a polite smile as I decided to get this over and done with.
"Dr Cooper if you would just follow me to that room there so we can get started " I said politely and professionally as if we didn't have history.
He followed me to my office as I closed the door behind us but that seemed to make me more nervous for some reason. He just looked around my office taking in everything as if he was going to write a test about it but I knew that is what he did to feel safe in an unknown area.
Find the exits, best hiding spots, best ways to prepare yourself through whatever what ifs his mind provided for him . It must be scary being so on edge like that all the time like you are just waiting for the world to get back at you for something.
I took a seat on my beige coloured single seat couch as he stared out the window behind me. I had bookcases on two opposite walls which stood behind my desk then there was some space where a red carpet was laid underneath my seat and across me was a three seat brown leather couch and a coffee table in the middle.
He made his way to the three seat couch as he looked at it almost with familiarity. He looked at me now," I have a couch like this at home" he said more stating fact than starting a conversation.
He still stood not taking a seat as he studied the couch. "You can sit you know" I said but he just stared at me with a blank expression.
I knew he was different and quirky which became my normal in my life but it has been so long that I forgot how to handle it. This wasn't going to be my easiest patient, I knew that but this was for Mary and also the person that I used to know. The Sheldon I cared about and I didn't mean to hurt him the way I did but I guess that is all history now or at least I hope so.
"I have a particular spot and I don't know where that spot is here because this is the first time I have been here " He said softer than previously like it was something he was embarrassed about.
He was never embarrassed about how different he was as he found himself the solution the world needed. He was always full of himself that way so it surprised me to see him this way. Maybe he has changed after all.
"Well take your time to find it. I want you to be as comfortable as possible. " I said politely crossing my one knee over my other with my notebook on my lap.
He sat down on the left side but got up as you could see the discomfort on his face then he moved to the middle as he tried to adjust himself and I was glad he finally found his seat but he got up again which kind of annoyed me.
I shouldn't get annoyed though because I had to be patient with him. He tried the right side of the seat and he seemed happy which meant he found it. See it just takes patience.
I jotted some notes making note of the meeting to look back to later so I can see his improvement even if it is only 3 sessions. Just three.
" So Dr Cooper how are you ?" I asked trying to start in getting him to talk which I knew wasn't going to be easy.
"I don't know Dr Fowler. You tell me since clearly my mother has deemed me unfit in that kind of thing which is why she sent me to you. " He said as I could hear how angry he was.
Sheldon always did that, pretended he was mad at everyone especially his mother for caring but that was never the case he actually loved them more for it he just hated showing it because he was scared. Scared they were going to hurt him.
"Sheldon you know your mother. She just cares about you. She wants the best for you. " I said feeling the lump in my throat from thinking about my mother. I couldn't think about this now because there was a time and place for this just not here and most certainly not now.
"Dr Cooper" He said," It's Dr Cooper to you not Sheldon. "
He sounded cold which hurt me and I didn't know why. He was still hurt about everything. How could he still be so mad ? He pushed me away to you know. Granted I know he just lost his father but still. I told Mary that I couldn't do this for people I had history with and you couldn't get more history than Sheldon.
"Dr Cooper how could I possibly help you if you don't cooperate with me here. " I said getting a little mad now which I shouldn't be.
"Then you clearly didn't listen Dr Fowler because I don't want to be here and I don't want your help. I'm doing this for my mom not you or me just her. " He said as he gritted his teeth and I have never seen him so upset.
I was only doing this because of her to but I couldn't tell him. There was a lot of things I couldn't tell him. I was doing this for Mary no matter how infuriating the man infront of me was.
"I understand that but at least try to make it pleasant. I'm trying here."
"Well I don't need you to try. I'm perfectly fine. I'm here for 3 sessions and then I will be out of your hair. Please don't bother with your questions or whatever you do. We can just sit in silence. Silence is perfectly okay with me. "
Or whatever I do ? So what I just ask questions and that's it ? I can't believe him right now. Why did he chose me then ? Out of all the people why me ?
"So why me then ?" I asked feeling the anger boil in my blood.
He looked up at me confused with what I was going on about as if he were trying to figure out why a dog were barking. Could he possibly insuslt me more even without opening his mouth.
"Why see me ? There are so many therapists so why me ?"
"As I don't like strangers let alone talking to them and my mother spoke about you. She said you moved here from Texas and the decision was made I come here instead. I was hoping it would be easier to get you to keep quiet but I'm guessing I was wrong. " He said so cold you couldn't help but be offended.
My patience grew thin and I couldn't help suppress my anger anymore as I stood up to look more intimidating," Well this is my job and if you don't want to be here then leave because I have better people to help. Look Sheldon—"
He gave me a icy glare as I chocked on it, feeling my throat ice and my skin get goosebumps. I tried to clear my throat but the coldness in me was still there.
"Dr Cooper" I corrected myself," I'm aware our past wasn't great. I know I hurt you but I didn't mean to. It was never my intention. I cared about you whether you believe that or not and you have two options. Put our past behind us so I can help you or leave out that door right now and never come back"
I pointed at the door wishing he took the first option. I still needed closure about us. We left things uncertain. We left things unfinished. I was just hoping he would stay because maybe we were meant to meet again to fix our broken past.
Silence filled the room as he just stared at me. I was silently hoping he would stay, hoping we could fix this, hoping I could help him. There was a part of him that looked like he was going to stay until he got up and walked out the door.
I couldn't help but feel a sense of disappointment as I sat back down on the couch not quite sure what happened. Well I tried I mean I really tried. I just couldn't . I didn't have the patience not like I used to because like him I have changed. I just couldn't bare tell Mary that I failed and couldn't do this one thing for her.
There was a knock on the door but I didn't have the energy to answer right now. The door opened slowly until I heard Daisy," You okay Dr Fowler?"
I wondered if people really cared about your answer to that question or were they just asking to be polite. I nodded even though I wasn't quite certain. I just had to continue that's all. Continue with work and my day, trying to forget this meeting ever happened.
I sat at the kitchen counter drinking tea feeling how tense my muscles were from today and I didn't know how much he could possibly still affect me even after so many years.
I felt hands on my shoulders now as I realized it was Dave. He leaned down as he kissed my cheek and I was glad he brought me out of my thoughts. I turned to him with a small smile," Hey you're back from work"
He nodded as he kissed me on the lips quick before boiling the kettle that was getting colder. He looked tired but he always tried to smile no matter what, that is what I loved about him. He found the best things in the worst situations.
My phone started ringing and I checked it to see it was Mary. My heart ached a little not sure how I was going to tell her. I had to do it though. I looked at Dave and he seemed to understand what I was asking from him.
He made his way to me as he kissed the top of my head before leaving the room. I answered the phone trying to find a way to tell her.
"Hey Ames I heard about today, I'm so sorry. What can I say ? He is hardheaded sometimes. " She said sounding sympathetic.
She knew. He told her. What did he tell her ? Probably bad things about me that's all I thought.
"I'm sorry Mary, I tried but I just didn't have enough patience. You weren't lying when you said he changed. He is a lot—" I couldn't seem to find a word anymore.
"Colder than usual. I know which is why I sent him to you but I should've known it was to much to ask from him. I appreciate you for trying though thank you. "
I was glad she understood. I hated that I couldn't help especially with everything she has done for me but the thing about Mary is that you could never disappoint her no matter how much you tried to .
"I'm sorry Mary but I'm sure he will come around eventually. I wish I could help. I really do."
"Thank you Ames. I just wish you two were close like when you were a little but I understand sometimes he can be a little dramatic and stubborn. Anyway I should go but I hope we can talk soon"
"I hope so to. Bye Mary" I said ending the phone call thinking about what she said.
I did miss him I guess and I never really realized it. It was weird to adjust to a life without his quirks and routine. I just wish this whole Georgie thing never happened. I was stupid and wasn't thinking straight.
I kept trying to change the past when it was in the past. I couldn't do anything about it anymore. I tried to help Mary but that backfired which sucked after how much I hurt her because I left.
Was there a way to maybe still help ? I would be involving myself in someone's business without their permission which again isn't in my job description but this was needed. Maybe I couldn't fix my past with Sheldon but I could fix my relationship with Mary.
I knew she was still mad at me but refused to admit it. I knew she only called me for her son because quite frankly she would do anything for him. She did care for me but that was the problem as it was clouding the rational choice. I was planning to make this right. One way or another.
What happens next? Will Sheldon come back? Why is he cold? Will Amy and Sheldon ever get the closure they are looking for ? And will we ever discover their past? We will see :) Let me know your thoughts and thank you so much for taking the time to read this.