Disclaimer: We don't own South Park. All rights to South Park belong to Comedy Central.
"Hello, Terrance. Would you like to hear something funny?" asked Phillip.
"Certainly, Phillip. What is it?" Terrance replied. Phillip then leans to one side and farts. Both of them laugh in response. But they weren't the only ones who were laughing. Watching them on T.V from the Cartman residence were Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, and Eric Cartman.
"Man, that was sweet." said Cartman.
"Yeah." said Kyle.
"Guys, be quiet. I'm trying to watch." said Stan. Just then, Cartman's mom, Liane Cartman, walks into the living room and stands in front of the T.V.
"Hello, boys. Would you like some Cheesy Poofs?" asked Liane.
"Out of the way, Mom! We're trying to watch Terrance and Phillip!" yelled Cartman.
"Okay, sweetie." said Liane as she walks towards the kitchen.
"And yeah we want some Cheesy Poofs!" Cartman yelled to her. He then turns his attention back towards the T.V.
"Say, Terrance." said Phillip.
"Yes, Phillip?" Terrance replies.
"I do believe there's a dollar on the ground behind me." says Phillip
"Really?" replied Terrance. He walks behind Phillip and bends down to look. The boys lean forward, smiling in anticipation.
"Oh, man. This is gonna be sweet." said Cartman. The screen suddenly cuts to static, then shows the Channel Four news logo.
"We interrupt this program for this special news report." an announcer says.
"Awwww!" the boys moan in response.
"We want to watch Terrance and Phillip! Not the *!&$# news!" yelled Cartman. The screen then cuts to the Channel Four news room, where news anchors, Tom and Tammy Thompson, were sitting behind the news desk.
"Hello. I'm Tom Thompson." said Tom.
"And I'm Tammy Thompson." said Tammy. "Another death has been reported here in South Park. This recent death is the thirteenth one to happen this week alone. We go live to the South Park Bijou Cinema movie theater where our field reporter is live at the scene."
"We want Terrance and Phillip, god damn it!" yells Cartman. The television cuts to the back of Bijou Cinema, where the field reporter is standing in front of two paramedics who were placing a body bag onto a stretcher.
"Hello, Tom. I'm here at Bijou Cinema where a citizen of South Park was found dead. Much like the recent deaths, the cause appears to be bites. The man appeared to have portions of his body, including his throat, bitten off. I will bring you more details as they happen. Back to you, Tom." said the news reporter. The scene cuts back to the Channel Four news room.
"Thank you." says Tom. "Citizens of South Park are advised to report any suspicious activity to the police and stay indoors after six p.m until..." Tom was suddenly interrupted when the field reporter's voice was heard.
"Tom! Tammy!" yells the reporter. The scene then cuts back to Bijou Cinema where the body bag on the stretcher is moving. "The man in the body bag appears to be alive." says the reporter. One of the paramedics opens the body bag and a man with bite marks on him starts to rise up out of it. "I'm going to try to get an interview with him." the field reporter says as he runs up to the stretcher and holds his microphone close to the man's face. "Sir? Are you okay? Who or what did this to you?" the field reporter asks. The man stared at the field reporter's hand with a blank stare on his face. Suddenly, the man grabs the field reporter's hand and bites down on it. "AUUUUUGGGHHH!" the field reporter yells as blood starts spilling out of his hand. He yanks his hand away, causing a portion of his flesh to be torn off in the process. The two paramedics ran up to restrain the man, but that proves to be a bad decision as the man grabs one of the paramedics and bites him on the shoulder.
"AAAUUGH!" yells the paramedic. The other paramedic backs away from them. The paramedic the man was biting pulls away from him, causing a portion of his flesh to be torn off. As the paramedic was clutching his shoulder, the man climbs off the stretcher and staggers towards him. Two police officers who were at the scene rush over and starts shooting the man in the chest, but with no effect. One of the officers fires another shot and hits the man's forehead and he falls to the ground, dead. The field reporter and the paramedic the man bit are seen clutching their wounds. The other paramedic rushes over to them and starts examining their wounds.
"Help me get these people in the ambulance. We need to get them to the hospital for medical treatment." said the paramedic. The officers rush over, helps the victims to their feet, and starts guiding them to the ambulance. The scene then cuts back to the Channel Four news room where Tom and Tammy were shown with looks of shock on their faces.
"Well that was unexpected, Tom." said Tammy.
"It sure was, Tammy." said Tom. "We will report any new details as they happen. We will now return you to our regularly scheduled program." The scene cuts back to the Terrance and Phillip Show. But to the boys' disappointment, it was showing the end credits. The boys moan in response, except for Stan.
"Damn it! We missed the rest of the show!" yelled Kyle.
"Stupid news report!" yelled Cartman. Kyle looks at Stan, who had a shocked look on his face.
"Don't worry, Stan." said Kyle. "We can look online to see how the episode ended."
"It's not that." replies Stan.
"Then what is it?" asked Kenny.
"Didn't you guys see what happened?" asks Stan.
"Yeah! Those assholes made us miss the rest of the Terrance and Phillip Show!" yelled Cartman.
"No. That guy who was supposed to be dead just got up and bit a couple of people." says Stan.
"So?" Cartman replies.
"Haven't you guys seen that show The Walking Dead?" asks Stan.
"Yeah, that show kicks ass." says Cartman.
"Yeah, but that show's been sucking ass since Carl died and Rick left." says Kyle.
"Negan and Daryl help keep the show interesting enough. But if they leave the show, it'll get cancelled." says Kenny.
"Don't you guys get it? That guy was a zombie." says Stan.
"No way." replies Cartman.
"Think about it. A guy who should be dead gets up, bites some people, gets shot a bunch of times, and doesn't go down until he gets shot in the head. What else could it be?" asks Stan.
"Probably a hippie who was too high to feel anything. If he was, good riddance. One less hippie in the world." says Cartman.
"Guys. I think something's gonna happen to us." said Stan.
"Dude. Stuff always happens to us." said Kyle.
"Yeah." said Kenny.
"Totally." said Cartman.
End of Chapter One