beep beep beep

It must be the EKG. Nur's chest felt heavy as she exhaled, the rays of sunlight streaming over her eyes as she scrunched them close.

Sunlight?

Her room in the hospital did not have a window.

Nur's eyes snapped open, and she found herself in a small, ordinary bedroom. The walls were yellow, the bedspread purple. There were posters for One Direction and Taylor Swift on the walls, stuck together with painters tape. This was not her bedroom, it looked like the room of a young girl. She looked down at her hands, which were not attached to any monitors.

"You're going to be late for school, beta!"

School? Was this a joke? Warily, she lifted herself up. Her ribs should have been broken from the impact when her car hit that tree. She shouldn't be able to move so freely when it hurt to breathe last night. Strangely, she felt compelled to follow through with this order, since the voice sounded like her mother.

"I'll be down in a second, Amma!" Nur shouted through her door. What should she wear? She opened her dresser drawers. In a moment of rebelliousness, she grabbed a pair of jeans, a tank top, and a red flannel shirt. Not her usual preppy style, but this was obviously a dream, so why not try something new? She rolled up the sleeves and grabbed her backpack. Looking at her cell phone (an iPhone 4?), it was August 25, 2015. Judging from the weather app, she was in Bethesda, Maryland.

What the hell.

She went down the stairs and stopped short of screaming. Who were these people? The man and woman in front of her were not her parents. They looked similar, they had similar features, but they were not the same. Even in her mother's familiar scrubs and her father's suit, something was…off.

"Sorry beta, I have to rush off to the hospital to round. Have a good first day, I'm sure you'll knock their socks off!" Her mother said as she rushed off, kissing her forehead as her own mother would before grabbing her keys to go.

"I'll drop you to school," her father added. "Did you want some toast?"

Nur shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

They got into a mid-sized SUV, and headed out the driveway. Her father turned on the radio to listen for the traffic, and they spent the car ride in silence.

When she got out of the car, she did a double take. She was standing in front of her old alma mater, Walt Whitman High, but something wasn't right.

"Benjamin Pasek High School?" She muttered. "No way." Why did that name sound familiar? She'd heard it before…the Greatest Showman? That didn't make sense.

She made her way into the building as if she was sleepwalking. She didn't even know where she was going.

She thought she'd ask the first person she saw for help. Anything would be better than drowning in this…darkness.

"Hey! Excuse me," she walked up to a kid in a dark hoodie, dark pants, and a messenger bag.

"What do you want?" He asked.

"Sorry, I'm new here. I just wanted to ask where the seniors have homeroom. I like your nail polish by the way," Nur remarked. "What brand is that? I can never get the coats even."

"Are you making fun of me?" The kid asked defensively.

"No, I just thought it was cool! I'm digging the whole e-boy aesthetic." She stuck out her hand. "I'm Nur, by the way."

The boy looked at her suspiciously, then nodded. "Connor. But you've probably heard of me."

"Like I said, I'm new. I haven't heard of anyone."

"Hey, Murphy! Digging the hair, very school shooter chic!" A kid with glasses shouted at their general direction. Next to him was another young man in a blue polo shirt, and a cast. Wait, she knew who this was.

"Ben Platt? Oh my god, what are you doing here?"

He blinked. "Um, I think you're mistaken my name's Evan Hansen."

Nur laughed. "Good one, Dear Evan Hansen . Are you here promoting a tv show or something? Is this a bit?"

The other two boys stared at her in confusion. Not Ben Platt's eyes widened in surprise. The kid with glasses spoke up, "Ok, Murphy, looks like you found someone weirder than you. Have fun."

Connor looked back at her. "You didn't have to do that."

"Do what?"

"Get back at them for me."

She hadn't, but she'd worry about that later. What did it mean that she was talking to Evan Hansen, the fictional character? Was she dead? Trapped in her own head?

She'd seen the show with a friend back when it was in DC. It wasn't her type of musical, it wanted to be uplifting but also tackled suicide in the most ham-fisted way. She preferred Spring Awakening. Why wasn't she stuck in Spring Awakening?

"You alright there?" Connor asked.

Nur blinked. "Yeah, just zoned off a bit."

"We usually have Homeroom by last name. What's yours?"

"Masoud." She hoped it still was the same as her old life at least.

"So you can follow me, we're going to the same place."

"Cool!"

Connor made a face. "Don't expect to follow me around all day though. I'm heading out of here after lunch."

"Oh? Do you have a doctor's appointment?"

"No."

Nur tried to remember what happened in the play. Connor was supposed to shove Evan, which would lead to Zoe introducing herself. Then Connor would try to apologize in the computer lab, but find Evan's letter and run away after signing his cast

Nur stopped all of that. None of that was going to happen now, and it was her play was over before it began

And to top it all off, Connor was going to die today. Alone.

"Can I come with?" Nur asked.

Connor laughed. "You're gonna skip on your first day?"

"Why not? Senior year doesn't really matter, it's a formality at this point."

"I know, right?" Connor said as he adjusted his messenger bag. "I was telling my dad I don't really see a point in coming here anymore. But I have to."

"Where are we going?"

Maybe she could have some fun with him, make his last day a good one.

"I usually go out to Rock Creek and smoke." Connor admitted, assessing to see if that shocked her. It did not.

"Sounds fun. Are we walking there?"

"Walking?" Connor scoffed. "We're going out in style. I've got a car, meet me at the parking lot."

They arrived at Homeroom as soon as the bell rang. The teacher, a tall middle-aged man in a button down, took the roll. Nur noted that her name had not changed, but she was probably going to have to now figure out where her next class was. The teacher moved into the next name.

"I see Mr. Murphy decided to show up today, whatever did we do to deserve this honor?"

The rest of the class laughed as Connor sunk into his chair.

They settled in for announcements, though time passed slowly. As soon as they were dismissed, she walked close to him and murmured. "Hey, fuck them. That was uncalled for."

"Mr. Neely's always been a dick." Connor said dismissively.

"Still, it's not right for them to act that way." Nur insisted.

"Well, maybe you will too, once you get to know me better."

Nur smirked. "We'll see about that. I've got a good feeling about you."

Connor looked skeptical. "Then you're wrong."

They parted ways, and Nur headed to the principal's office to get her schedule. First class of the day, AP Bio. Ugh. She wondered if she'd have to retake the exam in this weird dream world she was in. Would she have to sing?

Come to think of it, Waving through a Window should have happened by now. But she hadn't heard anything.

Were the songs non-diegetic this whole time?

Did I ever make a sound

Apparently not.

As she had incredible luck, it seems none other than Evan Hansen himself was in her class. And the only seat left was next to him.

"Hey," Nur said as she approached the desk. "This seat taken?"

Evan jumped. "Yes, I mean, no. What are you doing here?"

"We have class together. My name's Nur, sorry for acting weird earlier. You reminded me of this actor I saw in a movie and I thought you were him." She placed her bag on the floor abd sat next to him.

"You thought I looked like an actor?" Evan asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, he was in something called Pitch Perfect, have you heard of it?"

"No, I don't really watch a lot of movies," Evan admitted.

"I do, maybe too many," Nur laughed at her own joke. "What happened to your arm?"

"I…fell. Out of a tree" Evan said quietly.

"Oh. Did it hurt?" What kind of a dumb question was that?

"Yeah, it did. What did you mean earlier, when you called me Dear Evan Hansen? What…what was that about?"

"It's a term of endearment?" Nur said, trying to backtrack. "Like in old timey films they call each other dear. It's stupid," she dismissed.

Evan nodded in agreement, looking like he still didn't really understand. "Ok, then."

The bell rang, and as they settled into class, the teacher began the lecture on parts of the cell. She then handed out a worksheet that each table had to complete and hand back to her.

"Ok, so that's the nucleus, and that's the endoplasmic reticulum?" Evan suggested, pointing at the blank spaces.

"Sounds about right. That's the smooth, and that's the rough. And those are the Golgi bodies?" Nur replied.

"Yeah."

"So we're done?"

Evan nodded.

They say for a few moments.

"So what's the deal with your friend? Glasses kid?"

"Jared? He's a family friend."

"Same thing."

"It's not," Evan replied morosely. "He only hangs out with me so his parents pay his car insurance."

"Oh. Well, I don't have a car. So we'll have to think of something else to base our friendship on."

"What?"

"Too much?" Nur asked.

"No, it's just…why?"

Nur shrugged. "Why not. You seem cool."

Evan laughed nervously.

"Ok, you get what I mean. I mean, who am I to say what's cool and what's not. You've been nice to me, and that means a lot. With this one act of kindness, you've changed my life."

Bit dramatic, but might as well lean into it.

"Anyone sign your cast yet?"

It was still pristine white.

"No…"

"We can ask the teacher for a pen later…"

"I have one," Evan said, pulling one out of a pocket in his backpack. Nur uncapped it and messily scrawled the three letters on his inside wrist, just in case.

"Good thing I got the good real estate before it starts filling up!" Nur said brightly.

"Yeah…" Evan replied, probably not wanting to admit he didn't think anyone else would sign it.

The teacher picked up the worksheets and resumed class, leaving them unable to finish the conversation.

Nur found the rest of the day pass by quickly. She had AP US History with Alana Beck, though she wasn't able to make much headway with her. She just rattled off all the great volunteer opportunities on campus, and Nur promised to help with the fundraising for Homecoming. Maybe she'd need to spend more time with her to get her to open up?

She passed Zoe in the hallway, though there hadn't been a reason to say hello. Technically, she was still a stranger.

She waited by her locker for lunch to start so she could meet Connor. Was he still going to be interested in meeting up?

She saw him walking angrily towards her holding a piece of paper.

"What the fuck is this? Did you know about this?"

Nur's eyes widened as she saw the letter. "No, what is it?"

"Liar. You'd have to have known. I saw you signed that creep Hansen's cast. Did he put you up to hanging out with me so you could laugh at me behind my back, huh?" He yelled, getting in her face.

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" Nur shouted back. "Give me that." She grabbed the letter from his hand.

She skimmed the letter. It wasn't that different from the original. There was still that but about Zoe, but she did notice a small change.

I guess it's not so bad. At least I made a friend today.

"How'd you know about the Dear Evan Hansen bullshit?" Connor asked.

"I didn't. I found out about it at first period, we have Bio together. That's when I signed his cast."

"So then, how'd you know?"

"I'm psychic," Nur deadpanned. "I also know what you want to do today."

Connor went still.

"And what's that?" He asked in a low voice.

"Get fucked up. And maybe other things. If you're worried I'll stop you, I won't. It's your decision."

For some reason, Connor looked relieved. "Well, um, let's go then."

They got into Connor's car and drove out of the school parking lot.

"Do you want to pick up some lunch? I'll buy." Nur suggested. "I haven't eaten all day."

"I'm a vegetarian," Connor mentioned.

"There's a Giant nearby, we can pick something up." Nur pulled out her card and…wait a minute…she had her debit cards, her metrocard, and was that her old id? She pulled it out of her wallet. She had two, her old valid driver's license from her old life, and a newer one for this current life. Both from Maryland.

"You know, I could probably score us some booze."

"Really? Sweet."

"What do you want? Be specific or else we're getting White Claw."

"I've never heard of that one. I don't mind getting beer."

Nur blinked. Oh right, White Claw wasn't a thing yet.

"Beer it is."

They went to the Giant and picked up a pack of Miller, some ice cream bars, and two sandwiches. The cashier sighed, but didn't do anything after she carded Nur.

They drove over to the park and placed their items in a cooler Connor kept in his trunk.

"Normally, I use this to hide my stash, but now it's getting some use."

They headed deep into the trail, past the sounds of the stream and other hikers. They passed deer, lazily watching as they walked on. When they found a secluded spot, they unpacked their makeshift picnic. Nur handed Connor his sandwich and they ate in relative silence.

"Do you think they'll notice we're gone?" She asked.

Connor shook his head, still chewing on a mouthful. "If they do, they'll probably call your parents. They've stopped calling mine."

Not like she cared what her parents thought. This wasn't real. She didn't feel like finishing her lunch and put the rest away in the cooler. "I'm starting on the drinks, you want one?" She threw a can at Connor, abd he caught it in his hand.

"Score!"

Connor chuckled. "Guess all that Little League paid off." He opened his can and lifted it. "Cheers."

Nur lifted hers and drank. She felt the same rush of rebellion from her old life, raging against her strict parents.

They placed their trash in the cooler and sat on their backs, watching the clouds in the sky. Idly, Connor opened the cooler and took out a bag. He started to roll a joint. "You want any?"

"If you're sharing. Long as you don't have mono."

"I don't. Don't you get that from kissing?" Connor asked.

"You want to find out? Just kidding, I'll shut up before it gets weird."

"I mean, buy me dinner first." Connor said wryly.

"Oh this wasn't enough?"

Connor flicked his lighter on and lit up the joint. He inhaled and passed it to Nur. She hadn't smoked a blunt since freshman year, and felt somewhat nostalgic.

She felt lightheaded as she took the first drag and giggled.

"Lightweight," Connor snorted.

"I consider it a good thing. Doesn't take as much to get me going," Nur countered.

"That's not so bad. I think I've become numb to a lot of things…it sucks."Connor admitted.

Nur paused. "Are you on medication? I've heard it can do that."

"I used to be. Not anymore. I didn't like the side effects."

"Shouldn't you still keep taking it though?"

"What are you, my mom? She's always getting on my case about that."

"Ok, I'll back off." Nur relented.

"I went to rehab. A while back."

"Oh?"

"I did some crazy shit and my parents sent me away for a bit. Does that scare you?"

"Should it? I don't see why needing help is something to be ashamed of."

"I tried to kill myself."

There was a pause as Nur tried to think of what to say that wouldn't trigger him.

"Do you think you'll do it again?"

"Probably. I don't know. I don't really see any way out of this. I try, really hard. But I can't seem to control myself. I'm just so angry, and so tired. The pot helps, but it has its own problems. I don't really see myself having much of a future, and I know I don't want to go to college- but there's no other choice for me, you know?"

"I get that. My parents are pretty strict about wanting me to be a doctor. I'm not allowed to do anything outside of school, just study. I'm not allowed to go to anyone's house to hang out, not like they'd invite me anyway. But have you talked to your parents? College is not the only path."

"They won't listen to me. It's useless."

"I see," Nur nodded in understanding. "Well if you have to go, I guess now's a good time as any. 2016 was a mess."

"What?"

"Yeah, a lot of famous people died, the Zika virus happened, Brexit was a thing, oh and Trump won."

Connor snorted. "Get real."

"I'm serious! And 2020 was a mess. We had a global pandemic and we all had to stay indoors for a year, it was awful. Oh, and it turns out our phones were following our every move and selling our data or whatever."

"I thought that was common knowledge."

"Yeah, but they finally proved it. Oh, they also rebooted Ghostbusters twice."

"Now I know you're full of shit."

"Fine, don't believe me. What else do you miss? Tik tok gets pretty big…"

"What's that?"

"It's this app where you share short videos where you lip sync to music. I think it's now called ? I think it's bigger than Instagram now."

"Fuck off, really? How strong is this stuff?"

"Yeah, it's owned by a Chinese company, so President Trump tried to ban it. Oh, and don't get me started on the insurrection."

"I won't then. Your idea of the future sounds kinda messed up. Anything else I should know?"

"Tumblr banned porn."

"What a travesty."

"It was, you had to be there. But you won't be."

"Do you have a Sports Almanac from the future too?"

"Cool it, Biff Tannen. I don't keep up with sports. Um, the Braves win the World Series at some point. The Chiefs win the Super Bowl?"

"So you're absolutely useless."

"I thought you liked me for me, not my future knowledge!" Nur exclaimed.

"We'll see." Connor checked his watch. "It's getting late, wanna head back?"

"Are you in an ok state to drive?"

"I've gone home in worse shape. What's your address? I can drive you home."

Nur clumsily checked her id, and they put the address in the gps once they got in the car. Connor was right, he stayed on the lane and there wasn't a sense he was impaired at all.

He really did crash on his own in the novel. It couldn't have been an accident.

Connor dropped her off in front of her house. As she stepped out, Nur turned towards him. "I had a fun time today."

"Same." Connor agreed.

"Will I see you around? You're always welcome to come by and visit."

"I can't. I'm grounded, can't leave the house."

Nur but her lip. "My parents won't allow me to visit a boy's house on my own."

"Not even a friend's?"

"Messed up, I know. They only trust me around girls."

Connor thought about it. "Just tell them you're going to visit Zoe, it's not like they'd know the difference."

Nur smiled. "Yeah, that could work. See you around, Connor."

She closed the door and watched as he drove away. As far as last days go, she thought she did a pretty good job.