Author's Note: Welcome back. I know what you're thinking: bro, come on, there's like a bajillion All Stars rewrites. Why you gotta hop on such a done to death train? And to that I say... please read it anyway? Nah, but jokes aside, I'm proud of this story and I hope you can also get some enjoyment out of it as well
Few things to get out of the way before we begin...
-SPOILERS INBOUND NOT ONLY FOR THE SHOW BUT FOR MY PREVIOUS STORY. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THAT, YOU WILL GET SPOILERS READING THIS STORY
-Mal is in this story, and he's much, much darker than in canon Total Drama. Reader discretion is advised
-This story features occasional sexual content, violence, and even a few fight scenes
-Regarding Mike, I ran with Total Drama's flawed/cartoonized idea of how the DID subconscious works. I understand that you don't actually have tea and crumpets with your alters in your mind, I just wanted to expand on the fictional portrayal that the Total Drama writers laid out, in a sense. I've also peppered in some realistic DID bits as well
-Challenges from actual Total Drama seasons prior to All Stars will be used. I'd ask that you simply suspend your disbelief/knowledge of these challenges in these situations
-Because in the Journey of My Life universe canon World Tour never happened, that means that regarding the love triangle, both Gwent and Duncney are split. All four are single. Also, Alejandro, Sierra, and Blainley never debuted in this version of Total Drama, so they won't be included or mentioned
-No longer does Journey of My Life take place from Rome's POV. Now, it's all in third person
-Everybody swears
That's all. I hope you enjoy the story
- Episode 1: Heroes vs Villains -
The first shot of Total Drama's latest and final season: Total Drama All Stars opened with returning host Chris McLean standing on the docks to Camp Wawanakwa. Joined alongside him was his accomplice and cook, Chef Hatchet, and a robot, built out of various pieces of scrap metal with a wide body and no legs. Instead, the robot moved around on wheels. The camera zoomed in on the grinning host just as he began his introduction.
"Welcome back to Total Drama! Last season, we went on an epic tour around the world with a brand new cast. In the end, it all came down to a legendary Hawaiian finale betwe-"
The robot beeped suddenly, interrupting the host.
"Oh, sorry," Chris faced the robot irritably, "did you have something to say? You gonna speak English? Somehow, I doubt it."
After a beat, the robot beeped one more time.
"Yeah, just like I thought."
"Why the hell do you have this hunk of metal following us around, Chris?" Chef demanded.
"Ah bah bah bah bah, patience, Chef!" Chris silenced him. "All will be revealed eventually."
The chef rolled his eyes as Chris resumed.
"Sorry, viewing world, for my utterly disrespectful robotic accomplice. Anyway, we're back at it again for the final season of Total Drama! One more season is all I'm able to get away with, legally. I'm not too disappointed, believe it or not; I feel it in my bones that it's almost time for the McLean brand to branch out, to spread its wings and fly, baby. This time around, I've decided that the only way to gain more viewers than we rolled in from Total Drama World Tour would be to blend the three casts we've seen compete together."
Gradually, wind began to pick up from above the trio. Alongside the wind, the sound of whirring from helicopter blades spinning became less and less faint.
"Chopper's here, cool. Guess I'm lucky we found an intern with a commercial helicopter license. Please welcome from our most recent cast: she's Total Drama's first person to pull off pink and blue hair with black lipstick, Shay!"
Up above, the wide-spanning, military helicopter opened up one of its hatches on its side. Knocked out from someone inside, Shay squealed in fright as she hurtled downward into the lake below. Like last season, she was dressed up in a scintillating blend of colors and styles resembling pastel gothic.
"Alongside her, fiery, former Amazonian leader, Hannah!"
The same thing happened to Hannah, the girl screaming as she crashed into the water down under. Her short blonde hair had grown out to her shoulders. For each contestant Chris introduced, they're knocked out the side of the chopper in the same fashion.
"Brooding, rugged, and immaculately masculine, Connor!"
"I'm not scared!" Connor shouted as he plummeted down.
"The curer of cancer, Carol!"
Strangely, the slender blonde was devoid of fear as she fell through the air, remaining eerily still.
"Bodacious and blunt, June! Finally, long-haired, hippy-looking-ass, Rome!"
"What's your proble-" Rome started, then screamed as he was shoved out from the chopper after June. With shoulder-length, brown hair, Rome was dressed in a casual green jacket with jeans and red vans. June wore black leggings, a pink, v-neck shirt and a jean jacket over it.
"What the fuck kind of introduction is this, Chris?" June snapped from her position in the water.
"The kind that I really should have thought of sooner," Chris answered, amused with himself. "Now, introducing cast members from our Revenge of the Island cast, starting with bubble-boy, previous winner, Cameron! Aura-whisperer, Dawn! The man of many faces, Mike!"
Cameron, Dawn, and Mike all crashed into the water at once, screaming the whole way down.
"All star athlete, Lightning!"
"Sha-booyah!" he bellowed, shooting out from the chopper with his fists in front of him Superman style with the speed and intensity of a rocket.
"Everybody move!" Cameron cried.
The contestants swam to the sides as fast as they could, but unfortunately, Rome took all the impact of Lightning's crash.
Rome gasped as he arose to the surface. "Are you fucking crazy?"
"Huh? Who said that? Sorry, I don't talk to people under 200 pounds of muscle mass."
Chris resumed. "Challenge-throwing dirt farmer, Scott!"
Scott wailed in fear as he flailed ungracefully from the chopper, his legs up above him.
"Shy, supposedly indie chick, Zoey! Though, we haven't seen much from her that would allude to that. And finally, the man of very, very few words, B!"
After B crashed against the water, Chris shook himself of the water that had splashed onto him.
"Ugh, now I'm wet. Whatever. Please welcome our returning favorites from the original two seasons: CIT extreme, Courtney! Rebellious bad boy, Duncan!"
"See if I care!" Duncan yelled as he nonchalantly fell from the chopper.
"Queen of mean, Heather! Ditzy and charming, Lindsay!"
"Wee, I'm flying!" Lindsay squealed happily.
"A gosh-damn madlad, Harold! Even more gothic than Shay, Gwen! Beauty turned beast, Justin!"
"No, no, no, no, no!" Justin threw his hands out desperately before he crashed into the water.
"And finally, put your hands together for the poster child of Total Drama, the black hole belly, the OG winner, Owen!"
"Look out!" Owen cried at the top of his lungs as he fell belly-first from the chopper, caterwauling the whole way down.
"Dear lord, move!" Duncan cried.
Yet, it was too late.
Right as Owen collided with the water, an enormous tidal wave splash back sent the contestants flying through the air onto the beach beside the docks. Revealing himself from behind the now soaked robot, Chris took a deep breath of relief.
"Shit, that was too close. Almost got wetter. You cool, Chef? Chef?"
Chris eyed around on the beach and saw Chef laying on his front, absolutely drenched in water and coated in sand. The cook let out a muffled grumble in response.
"Man, I sure do love this show," Chris chuckled.
The host walked down from the docks to greet the contestants, reeling from the impact Owen had on the lake. Harold was sprawled out uncomfortably with his face shoved into the sand and his legs drooping over his head. Zoey rubbed Mike's back while he coughed out a starfish. Lightning grunted, shoving himself around while he tried to free his head from underneath the sand. Heather growled irritably as she wrung out her hair of water.
"Owen!" she snapped. "What is wrong with you?"
"I-I-I can't help weighing the amount that I do!" he squeaked. "Sorry, Heather."
"Yeah, you will be. Idiot."
"Let's settle down, everybody," Chris murmured.
"My throat is on fire," Mike rasped.
Chris let out a laugh. "Man, I could say the same thing about the last time I was with Chef. Remember, Chef, when you stuck-"
With wide, frantic eyes, Chef mimed crossing his throat, shaking his head vigorously.
"Oh? What? You don't want... All right, be secretive."
"Certainly wish I'd heard none of that," Gwen muttered.
"Well, contestants, I hope you're all happy to be back on the island."
"Thrilled," Courtney responded sarcastically.
"It's pretty surreal being on this island," Rome commented. "I've seen all the episodes of Island and Revenge of the Island, and it's dope finally getting to be here."
"Yeah, see, that's what I wanted to hear!" Chris exclaimed. "Be more like Rome, guys, come on. Anyway, the reason that most of you guys are here is based on your previous performances in this game. Thus, the season was dubbed Total Drama All Stars."
"Yeah, we all got the same letter, Chris," June replied with a roll of her eyes.
"Bi-tchy! Yikes! This year, we're gonna be splitting you guys into two teams based on your actions in the past. But before I get into that, I'm gonna need everybody in attendance to record a quick confessional to start the season off right. You know, let the audience get reacquainted with y'all again. Confession can's in the same spot it's always been. Show our World Tour newbies to it if you need to, vets."
Confessional - B
B stared at the camera for a moment, remaining in his comfortable state of silence with the chill look on his face that he was known for. Eventually, the big guy opened up his mouth to speak, paused, then shook his head and stepped out from the confessional.
Confessional - Cameron
"Wow-ee! A whole new season of Total Drama!" Cameron hunched over, excitedly gripping his unproportional head. "In season three, I actually got to take home the money, which is more than can be said for Owen. I'd feel so bad if I worked hard enough to win, then not even get the prize money in the end. I split mine thirteen ways with everybody, even Lightning, Scott, and Jo. This time, I'd like to win more than $76,923."
Confessional - Carol
"I'm grateful to Chris and the network behind Total Drama for deeming me worthy of returning for the all star season. This time around, with my newly accumulated intellect, I won't be allowing myself to fall back into the same position of last year's game. Or maybe I will. I'm smart enough to admit that I can't predict the future with 110% accuracy. I'm still the best person to ask to predict the future, surely. Yes, I know what you're all pondering. 'Carol? Oh, Carol? Why are you doing another season again when you've become stinking, filthy rich from all your contributions to furthering society?' Lovely question. I regret to inform you that that's one answer I don't have. Perhaps performing and competing in reality shows is an addiction... and I'm an addict."
Confessional - Connor
"All right, I'm just gonna start off and say that things could have gone a little better last year. I waited too damn long to fuck Axel over, and look what happened. Turned out he was hung up on Shay all along. Sly bastard kept that shit way down deep." Connor sighed. "Brand new season, brand new alliances waiting to be made, brand new opportunities. If I win the money, I'm opening a restaurant back home. Yep, Cletus' Diner. I can see it now."
Confessional - Courtney
Courtney chuckled to herself. "No wonder Chris considers me an all star. I was this close to winning the million before in season two. This time, I won't be squandering my chances. I've just gotta get all my teammates in line and make sure everything goes according to plan. Shouldn't be hard, knowing the types of personalities Chris likes to include in his contests."
Confessional - Dawn
Dawn groaned with discomfort, slouching her shoulders. "Some internal instinct tells me something about this season is going to go horribly wrong. I just can't put a finger on it quite yet. Hmm..."
Confessional - Duncan
"Just so all you little punks watching know, Total Drama may have never seen the same contestant win this thing twice, but I'm gonna be changing that this year. I intend on winning a second time. Is that selfish? Little bit, yeah, but as if anyone's got a better chance than me. I know this game inside and out, same with the cast I competed with for two seasons. I doubt it'll take much effort figuring out the other two casts and what makes them tick."
Confessional - Gwen
"Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing back here. I hated this dump the last time I was here. The only thing that made this place and the wrath of Heather bearable was at least having some quality friends around, like LeShawna." Gwen slouched, her chin resting in her palm. "This is the last season, meaning it's my last chance to come out of it with some cash. I guess time will tell how it all goes down."
Confessional - Hannah
"If you were watching the last season of Total Drama then you'll know that I was wrongly ripped away from my chance at the million!" she snapped. "Wrongly! But Axel's not here this time. I see no way things can't go my way. Just gotta watch my back and show my team that they can trust me as a leader. And, uh... maybe tone down the anger, just a little bit."
Confessional - Harold
"Yes! Brand new season! If I don't win this time, then I owe all my friends back home in advanced calculus at least twenty-six schmeckles each. Do you even know how much that is?" he burst. "That's like, day and night, non-ending sessions of Dungeons and Dragons for weeks! Then how will I find the time to participate in Magic Mario's Magic Meningitis Camp? There's a lot at stake here!"
Confessional - Heather
"It's about time Chris brought me back for one of these seasons. He can't actually expect bringing in new cast members can do anything for the ratings, can he? Regardless," Heather rolled her eyes, "I could do some new tricks this time around, but I'll bet the other two casts of noobs have never seen anything that I can do in action."
Confessional - June
"I'm not surprised that kissing Axel and getting eliminated because of falling for his stupid little tricks cost me the million. Apparently, it doesn't cost me all star status and a chance to try this whole thing over again. Hopefully my teammates aren't complete losers like last time," June slouched and rolled her eyes, then lit up suddenly. "Except you, Melanie! If you're watching, then I love you lots and I'm gonna win this season for the both of us!" She blew a kiss before the screen cut to Justin's confessional.
Confessional - Justin
"Okay, maybe getting involved the way I did in Total Drama Action didn't go as planned. So long as I don't have Courtney to deal with on my team, it should be smooth sailing this time around. Maybe find someone from the new casts to work for me? I may have been a hideous, deformed monster for a time but that Justin... is dead! I'm back, and I mean business this time around."
Confessional - Lightning
"Sha-boom!" Lightning smashed his fist against the side of the confessional, nearly breaking a hole in the tiny shack. "Lightning lost his chance at victory last time to that puny little girl! But this time around,Lightning will strike! Just when that girl least expects it, she's getting sha-boomed! Sha-boomed! Sha-boomed!" Lightning kept banging on the side of the confessional until the screen cut out.
Confessional - Lindsay
"Oh, wow. Total Drama again. Pretty crazy, I know. It was so sweet of Kyle to invite me back for another season. I'm super excited! I know the chances of actually winning are pretty low, but I just wanna meet new people!"
Awkwardly, Lindsay sat still with a pleasant smile. Then, it faded.
"Wait, how do I turn this off again? Oh, no... I'm not stuck in here, am I?"
Confessional - Mike
Uneasily, Mike poked at the major damage done to the side of the confessional. Distracted, he started speaking. "I, uh, I'm back. Last time around, Zoey found out about my multiple personalities. It was... I was so embarrassed at first. She taught me that there wasn't anything to be embarrassed about, and now I think I've got more of a handle on them. Isn't that right, everybody?"
Beat.
"Th-they're agreeing, you just can't hear them."
Confessional - Owen
Owen cheered at the top of his lungs. "Hell yeah, baby! I'm back in the game! Man, I've just been so lucky in the seasons I competed in. I won, then I got third place! But, that was only because Chris brought me back on as a spy. And I never really won any money in Total Drama Island. But I'm back at it again to try one more time!" Owen chuckled. "I'm so hyped!"
Confessional - Rome
"Well, I don't know if all of you guys know either of these facts, but I've only ever recorded one confessional before this one. Thinking about it makes me warm, back when I finally made it to Hawaii and got to see my girlfriend, Kali and all my friends on the show again. There's that, and I actually wrote a book about my recollection of Total Drama World Tour. It's called Journey of My Life. You guys should PM me on facebook or something if you'd be interested in reading it. I really like writing, so it only seemed appropriate. Anyway, World Tour was a ride. It was a hell of a thing. I hope maybe I can win All Stars, or make some more friends this time around." Rubbing his elbow awkwardly, he asked, "Do I sound like a douche for saying that? Rather, was that a super generic answer? I'm not well versed in the art of confessionals yet."
Confessional - Scott
Scott sighed unhappily. "My method didn't work last time. I don't think anyone saw that bubble-brain Cameron winning the season. While I was gone and healing from my injuries... F-F-F-Fang inflicted on me... I was reading up on different strategies people in Survivor have used, so I'm officially the most dangerous player this game has. Right now."
Confessional - Shay
Shay let out a wistful sigh. "Masi isn't competing this season. I may not have needed him to win last year, but he still made everything more enjoyable. I miss him. Masi, if you're listening, I'm gonna win this season and split the prize money with you again! Watch me do it!" She giggled. "Listen to me, I sound so ambitious!"
Confessional - Zoey
"Wow, it's so nice to be back! I'm so stoked I have Mike and Cam back with me, too. You know, I don't know for sure, but I could see myself winning this season. Or, would the top all star of the series win this season? How would that work? Would Chris even do it that way? Wait, who is the top all star of the series? I hope it isn't a jock or someone awful."
End of confessionals
"The theme for our all star season?" Chris resumed. "Heroes vs. Villains!"
"Wow, cool!" Owen's jaw dropped. "I'm like a real life superhero!"
"Chris," Carol raised her hand, "are you sure everyone here fits that criteria?"
"Well, maybe not all of you. There were others we wanted to bring on for this show, but they couldn't make it. Masi and Jade from World Tour both couldn't be here. I think Jade's mom had some reluctance towards letting Jade return to a show that left her bald and severely burned. Besides, I... may have chewed her head off at one point for the destruction of my jumbo jet."
"Yeah, just a little," Rome muttered. "Also, I can hardly believe you'd actually wanna bring Jade back on this show."
"Oh, no," Chris chuckled. "No, no, no. The network wanted her. Said she was 'quirky'."
"Masi didn't come back because..." Shay started, her voice drifting off. "Well, because he hates you. He was also satisfied with the $500,000 he got and didn't wanna go around again."
Chris frowned. "Well, I guess if I hate Masi, it only makes sense that he'd feel the same. B and Dawn, y'all may like to hear this."
Each of the two watched Chris attentively.
"Neither of you really proved to be big heroes or villains in your time on Revenge of the Island, but get this: the fans loved the two of you so much that the network asked me to bring you two in as replacements for Jade and Masi."
"Wow, that's really cool, Chris!" Dawn chirped.
B nodded approvingly, flashing a thumbs up.
"Need I mention this again?" Scott grumbled. "B doesn't even talk! Why would you love someone who's never even said a word?"
"You can't believe that B has never said a word in his life before," Dawn argued. "Besides, that's just B's choice for his lifestyle. We've all got our quirks, Scott."
B flashed Dawn an appreciative smile. The blonde smiled back at him.
"'Quirks' is a family-friendly word for it," Scott muttered with an eye roll.
"The rest of you lot besides B and Dawn have shown heroic or villainous tendencies in your past performances, leading to your involvement in this season. Now, it's time to divvy y'all up into teams. Pay attention when your name is called. B, Owen, Cameron, Rome, Dawn, Shay, Carol, Zoey, Harold, Lindsay, and Mike, you guys are the Heroic Hippos!"
"Yes!" Harold cheered.
"Hippos?" Mike echoed in confusion.
"Maybe it's because B and Owen are fat," Scott grinned.
"Damn, watch out for the king of zingers over here." Duncan feigned nervousness.
"The rest of you, Courtney, Justin, Duncan, Gwen, Lightning, Hannah, Scott, Heather, Connor, and June, you guys are the Villainous Vultures!"
"Hold up just a minute," Gwen responded. "I'm a villain?"
Chris nodded. "Yeah. Strange, you must've heard me, seeing as you repeated what I told you. Yet, you act like you weren't listening."
"I just... Why?"
Chris shrugged. "Eh. That thing with Trent in Action. Being a dick to people in the first season. Those seem like decent criteria."
"Don't worry about it," Duncan replied. "Being a villain is cool. You really wanna be classified as a hero?"
Gwen sighed. "Whatever, I guess it doesn't matter..."
"Wait," June interrupted. "You mean to tell me that getting Dane and Melanie eliminated the way I did qualifies me as a villain? And as an all star?"
"Yep! The fans dug you, too, for some reason. Congrats, girl."
After a moment's hesitation, the brunette nodded. "Nice."
"Now then, if you're ready for the description of the first challenge of the season, then listen careful-"
"Chris!" Courtney complained in a whiney voice.
"Oh, my god, what?"
"The Hippos have eleven members to our ten. How is that fair?"
"Hey, yeah!" Hannah agreed.
"I'm with Bitchy on this one," Duncan replied with a nod.
"Jesus fuck, guys," Chris moaned. "It's like dealing with a cast of toddlers! Fine. Chef, wheel the robot over to the Vultures."
Reluctantly, Chef wheeled the stocky robot through the sand to reach the villains team.
"What the fuck?" Scott uttered.
"Don't worry about it. As I was saying, for the first challenge of the season, we're gonna be paying homage to Total Drama Island's first challenge as well as the Big Apple race from last season. With those two strollers," Chris pointed in the direction of the boundary between the beach and the beginning of the forest, "one member of your team will be taking members of your teams from the shore through the forest down to the sleeping arrangements of the season. On the right, you'll find a cabin with two doors, one for the girls and one for the guys. To the left, you'll find a massive, spectacular mansion!"
Zoey's eyes lit up with excitement. "We get to sleep in a mansion?"
"If you win the challenge, yes. Your objective today will be to wait for members of your team to leap from the highest cliff on the island down into the shark-infested waters below. Under the water, you'll be searching for the key to unlock the mansion. If your key's a dud, you gotta return to the shore below the cliff and wait for another teammate to dive down. Sounds fun, right?"
Cameron facepalmed.
"The team that snags the key that unlocks the mansion gets to sleep in it tonight. However, the winning team won't be safe from elimination yet, because we've got a second challenge after the first one!"
Members of both teams groaned in reluctance.
"So, to start it all off, pick somebody from your team to push the stroller and bring your diver through the forest to the mansion. Hippos, who you got?"
"I'd like to push the stroller," Mike suggested.
"I'd rather you didn't," Carol disagreed. "Our best bet is Owen or B taking the stroller, simply because their weight would slow us down were they to ride in it. My apologies to each of you. I sense intelligence in B; I'd prefer he dove so he could help locate the key.
B flashed a compliant finger gun.
"Owen, though your intelligence doesn't lack all that much, your enthusiasm shines brighter than any of ours; I predict a larger chance of success with you taking the stroller."
"All right, awesome!" Owen exclaimed.
"Wow, nicely organized, Carol," Mike replied.
"Owen. Nice choice," Chris remarked. "How 'bout the Vultures?"
"I've got it," Hannah spoke instantly. "I trust my endurance to get it done the quickest."
Lightning shot his head back, completely stunned by her words. "What? Your endurance? Ma'am, I am the top athlete of this team!"
"Which is why you should be diving, smart guy!" Hannah snapped back. "Besides that, back in high school, I've won six medals in stroller-wheeling."
"The fuck kind of athletic event is stroller-wheeling?" Duncan chuckled.
Confessional - Hannah
"Of course stroller-wheeling isn't a real event. Yet, I also figured Lightning would think-"
Confessional - Lightning
"Hannah's got championship status. It's the athlete's code to respect championship status, just like my dad always said to me."
End of confessionals
Lightning saluted Hannah, then took to the ground to bend his knee. "I shall hail the stroller-wheeling champion and have faith in her athletic ability!"
Hannah scoffed, crossing her arms. "That's more like it."
"Right then," Chris started. "Everybody besides Owen and Hannah, meet at the top of the cliff. Owen and Hannah, head on down to the shore right below the cliff. Once everyone's in position, the first challenge may begin! Man, oh, man, it feels good to be back to hosting this show!"