October 1975
Elizabeth's gaze was fixed on her cereal bowl. She couldn't believe she'd never known that the Frosted Flakes she'd eaten for breakfast for as long as he could remember, were actually individual pieces of cereal. It seemed strange to her that she'd never given this any kind of actual thought before, but her breakfast had always just been a bowl of sweet golden stuff in some milk.
"Lizzie!" Her mother's sharp tone snapped her out of her thoughts and her head whipped around to face her mother. Suzanne Adams's tone softened. "You need to eat, honey. The bus will be here soon."
"Yeah." She turned back to the bowl. "I was just looking at my cereal. I didn't know it looked like that." Elizabeth scrunched her eyebrows together as she took a bite, still somewhat perplexed.
"You are so dumb, Dizzy Lizzie. How could you not know what cereal looks like?" her brother, Will, chided.
"Shut up, Will," Elizabeth spat.
"William Donald Adams, you be kind. Lizzie's just not used to seeing things so clearly. Everything looks different now that she has glasses." Suzanne gave her young son a stern look before turning to her daughter. "And Elizabeth Ann, there is no reason to rise to someone's taunts. Spouting back never works. Take the high road." Elizabeth was embarrassed at having been corrected and irritation rose within her as she spied Will grinning behind his mother's back. He started it and she still ended up getting in trouble.
Suzanne squeezed her daughter's shoulder. "Finish up quickly and get your shoes on. The bus will be coming soon. Will, I have your weekly paper signed. You and I need to have a talk about your spelling grade last week." Suzanne turned and Elizabeth stuck her tongue out at Will. At least she never got a "talking to" about her grades.
It was chilly when they stepped out onto the porch and Elizabeth quickly zipped up her jacket before putting the strap to her satchel over her head so that it crossed her body. She hugged and kissed her mom goodbye and she and Will started making their way down the long, gravel drive to wait at the end for the school bus to come and pick them up.
Will ran ahead, but Elizabeth walked slowly, amazed that she could see the individual blades of grass. She hadn't wanted glasses. She knew how kids who wore glasses were teased, but she never understood how much better she would be able to see. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe no one would notice.
"Lizzie! Come on, slow poke," Will yelled and Elizabeth looked up just in time to see the bus slowing to a stop. She gripped the handle of her satchel and took off at a dead run because no one wanted to be on the end of the bus driver, Patsy's irritation.
She was short of breath when she climbed the steps, but Elizabeth smiled and dutifully said good morning to the driver. "Well now, Miss Adams, don't you look all grown up with your new spectacles. Do you like them?"
Elizabeth shrugged. She was scared to say that while she didn't really like having them, she loved being able to see things clearly for the first time in—she couldn't even remember a time when things weren't fuzzy around the edges.
"Well, I think you look handsome in them. I hope they grow on you." Patsy squeezed Elizabeth's shoulder and returned her focus to the road ahead. Elizabeth hustled to her seat and slid in next to the window. She wiped the fog away from a small spot on the window so that she could see out, marveling at everything she had missed for so long.
Elizabeth quickly found out that while the adults seemed generally positive about her new glasses, her classmates weren't nearly as nice. "Four eyes, four eyes," taunted several boys at recess. A lump rose in the back of Elizabeth's throat. She didn't like to be the center of attention, and certainly never in a negative way. "You're so ugly, I'm surprised your mama brought you home from the hospital."
Elizabeth wanted to blurt out that no one had given two thoughts about her looks yesterday. She looked just fine before she got her glasses. But her mother's words from that morning were sprinkled in among the insults. "Take the high road. Spouting back doesn't work." She tried to walk away, but each time she moved to a new place, someone else had something else to say. By the end of the day, Elizabeth was biting the inside of her cheek, willing herself not to cry. On the bus ride home, several of the older neighbor kids put in their two cents. When the bus finally stopped at the end of her driveway, Will bounded down the steps and took off running toward the house. Elizabeth, however, rose slowly and pulled her glasses off and tucked them inside her jacket pocket. By the time her feet hit the gravel, tears filled her eyes and she couldn't see at all.
The pain and embarrassment of the teasing forced its way out and she started walking toward the house. Maybe she didn't need to see clearly. People who were blind managed to get from one place to another. And she could still see, things were just fuzzy. Elizabeth started counting her steps. If she knew how many steps it was to the house, she wouldn't have to be able to see. She could count. "1, 2, 3," she started. With each step, the number grew and Elizabeth was able to focus on that instead of the ball of emotion that pressed against her chest..
May 1977
"What is Lizzie doing?" Will asked as he stood at the large kitchen window looking out into the field.
"I'd say she's counting steps," his father, Benjamin, replied.
"She's so weird," Will muttered. Benjamin cleared his throat and eyed his son. Will said no more.
Elizabeth had long since grown used to the mean comments and wore her glasses all of the time. It took her a bit, but she came to realize that seeing was better than not seeing. When she couldn't read her books because the words were blurry, that forced her to put the glasses on and keep them on.
During her days of pocketing her glasses as soon as she left her house, Elizabeth developed many coping mechanisms to get by without seeing clearly. She focused on the sounds around her, familiar smells in places, and how her body reacted when people moved by or got too close to her. Most of those were dropped, but she still counted her steps. She found it interesting that from time to time, she was off by a step or two, but mostly, she counted the same steps every time. It was 175 steps from the porch to the end of the driveway, 80 steps from the porch to the barn.
Elizabeth was now walking from the barn to the end of the driveway, and that was more difficult because she had a hard time walking straight through the pasture. If she looked down at her feet to make sure she didn't step in a hole or a pile of horse poop, then she didn't walk a straight line. If she looked up, she risked twisting an ankle, or worse.
"Lizzie!" Elizabeth turned to see her father standing on the side deck of their house. He was waving her inside. She abandoned her project and jogged back to the house, the tall grasses swishing against her legs. "You're about to miss breakfast, young lady," he said, ushering her into the kitchen.
"Sorry Dad. I'm trying to figure out how many steps it is from the barn to the end of the drive so that if I want to visit the horses before school, I know how far it is. Then I can make a better case with Mom." Suzanne had forbidden Elizabeth from going to the stable before school because she feared that her daughter would become distracted and miss the bus. Benjamin appreciated his daughter's attempts to circumvent her mother's directions by making a logical case rather than whining.
"Do you hear that, Suzanne? Lizzie is going to try to sway you."
"She can try whatever she wants, but I won't be driving her to school because she missed the bus," Suzanne stated firmly.
Elizabeth kept her head down and poked a bite of pancake in her mouth. After her second bite, she winked at her father before she said, "These are the best pancakes ever. I don't know how you do it, Mom." Benjamin stifled a chuckle.
Suzanne, standing at the sink, didn't even bother to turn around. "Flattery will get you nowhere, young lady."
Elizabeth shrugged, and mumbled to her father. "It was worth a try and her pancakes are pretty good, so I wasn't lying."
Benjamin broke out into laughter. "You're a complete goofball. Hey, I do know what we could do this morning." Elizabeth's interest peaked. "I can teach you math that will tell you how far it is from the barn to the end of the drive."
"Math? Really? How?" Elizabeth was already pushing away from the table. She moved to the sink and slid her plate into the soapy water.
"Just a little a squared plus b squared equals c squared," Benjamin said. "He ruffled her hair and called into the living room. "Will! Do you want to go do some math calculations with Lizzie and I?"
Will grunted, "Bugs Bunny and the Harlem Globetrotters versus math and Lizzie. That's a hard decision, Dad, but I think I'm sticking with the cartoon rabbit and basketball."
"Your loss, son. Come on, Euclid, let's get to work," Benjamin said as he ushered Elizabeth toward the back door.
"Wouldn't Pythagoras make more sense than Euclid?" Suzanne asked.
Benjamin winked at his wife. "It doesn't roll off the tongue in the same way."
Elizabeth spent that morning and many weekends that followed, learning math that was far beyond her third grade curriculum. She loved seeing how the numbers made sense and how she could apply them to other situations, but most of all, she loved spending time with her father.
December 1982
Elizabeth shuffled off the bus. 1, 2, 3, It was 37 steps to the stairs, 5 steps to the 2nd set of stairs, and 4, push the door open, then 20 steps, turn left and 12 to her locker, which was on the right. She'd been walking this path for a few months now. Her books clutched to her chest, her purse over her shoulder, she held the padlock in her right hand and spun the dial with her thumb. Left 8, right past the 8 and stop at 34, left to 21 and pull. The lock clicked open and she pulled it from the handle and lifted the latch. The metal door creaked as it opened. She set her books on the shelf and shoved her purse inside. Elizabeth was just about to grab her history book, when someone spun her around.
"Lizzie Adams." Jimmy Mathis was crowding her space and she pressed her back into the bank of lockers. "When did you become so hot? You ditched the glasses! Damn, hmm mmm, smokin' hot!" His hand moved from her shoulder, up, to flip her hair back, away from her face. Then it fell to her waist.
She felt herself blush. No one had paid her any attention at all, especially not upperclassmen. Now Jimmy was very close, paying her a lot of attention and she was filled with an equal mix of discomfort and exhilaration.
"Hi, Jimmy. I got contacts. Did you need something?" Elizabeth found it within herself to put her hand on his chest and push him back a step so that she could stand tall, not quite willing to forget how he'd been one of the older kids to tease her when she was younger.
The look that crossed his face was nothing short of predatory and suddenly her insides flipped. "How about we go out Saturday night? I'll take you to the movies and we'll stop at the drive-in and get a burger. What do you say?"
"I have to make sure it's okay with my parents. I'll let you know tomorrow," Elizabeth said. She heard the snickers from his friends behind him and she wondered for a split second if asking her out had been some sort of dare. It sort of seemed like something he might do given his behavior when he was younger.
Then he leaned in close enough that she smelled the Old Spice he wore, and he whispered, "I sure hope the answer is yes." His hand dropped to her hip and stayed for just the briefest moment before he stepped away. As he joined his friends and they started to move on down the hall, he turned and winked and gave her a toothy grin.
Elizabeth turned back to her locker and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes and tried to stop the butterflies. She quickly gathered her books and headed off to class, her mind focused on how she could get her mother to say yes to her going on a date.
"No," Suzanne said flatly that night at the dinner table.
"But, Mom, it's just a movie and a burger," Elizabeth pleaded.
"Jimmy Mathis is 16. I guarantee it's not just a movie and a burger. And you're 14, Lizzie!" Suzanne raised her brow seeing if Elizabeth would challenge her.
"Mom, you're being ridiculous. It's just a date. I promise. Nothing more. If you want, you can drop me off at the theater and pick me up at the drive-in. We'll be in public. What are we going to do? Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?"
"It's not you I'm worried about, but I'll talk to your father about it." Elizabeth leapt from the table to hug her mom.
"Thank you," she whispered. "I just want to be like everyone else. I'm in high school. It's supposed to be a fresh start. I'm tired of being weird."
That night, Elizabeth listened to her parents talk on the opposite side of her wall and smiled as her father helped sway her mother. "She's a good girl, Suzanne. Give her a chance." There was more, but Elizabeth went to bed smiling because she was sure that her father would convince her mother.
The next morning at breakfast, Suzanne announced that Elizabeth was allowed to go on the date, but Jimmy had to come and pick her up and come in to meet her parents. Elizabeth nodded. She didn't think that it would be a big deal. Jimmy fussed over it, but he had conceded and within a few weeks, they were a couple.
March 1983
Elizabeth stood at the end of the bar watching her mother make herself a peanut butter sandwich. Elizabeth rocked from the balls of her feet back to her heels. Suzanne's uncharacteristic silence indicated that a lecture was forthcoming.
Suzanne eyed Elizabeth as she finished making her sandwich. Her daughter, newly turned 15, had developed a few troubling habits, most of which, she was sure, could be attributed to Jimmy, Elizabeth's almost 17 year old boyfriend.
She placed the sandwich on her plate and slid the peanut butter jar down the length of the bar. Elizabeth barely caught it before it fell off the edge. Suzanne frowned, but said nothing. She placed two slices of bread on a plate and sent it down as well.
Elizabeth started making herself a sandwich and Suzanne had a seat at the small table in the kitchen. Elizabeth started to slide onto one of the barstools and Suzanne said, "Join me."
Here it comes. Elizabeth stopped to open the bag of pretzels and put a handful on her plate before moving to sit across from her mother at the table.
"You were late last night," Suzanne commented.
"Only a couple minutes. The movie lasted longer than I thought it would," Elizabeth lied.
"The movie ended at 9 and it was after 11 when Jimmy pulled into the driveway."
Elizabeth kept her expression blank. "I thought we were going to watch The Outsiders, but Jimmy wanted to see the Star Wars movie. It started later and lasted longer. I didn't think about calling. I guess I should have."
That story was reasonably true. They did go to the Star Wars movie, and it was longer than The Outsiders. Elizabeth just conveniently left out the part where they sat in the back and made out until she said they were going too far for someplace public. Instead of stopping, Jimmy snickered and tugged her out of the theater halfway through the movie and he drove her to the lake. It was only when he tried to lay her down across the truck seat and unbutton her jeans that she stopped him.
Suzanne watched her daughter carefully. She knew there was a gap between the story she told and the actual facts. But, she also knew that Elizabeth was incredibly headstrong, and calling Elizabeth out on her half truths and punishing her would further propel her daughter down a dangerous path.
Instead, she finished eating her sandwich and before she rose, she placed her hand on Elizabeth's arm, and she spoke quietly. "Just make sure that when you give part of yourself away, that you're sure of your decision and it's for the right reason, because it's not something that you can get back."
Elizabeth's eyes went wide for a split second and then narrowed. "I'm not sleeping with Jimmy," she said.
Suzanne rounded the bar and slid her plate into the dishwasher. "I never thought sleeping would be involved," she said, and with that she left the room.
Elizabeth waited until she heard the TV from the other room, before she rolled her eyes. Her mother had no idea what she was talking about. Jimmy loved her and yes, they were going to have sex, and she wanted it as much as he did. Everyone was doing it. Suzanne Adams was just so old fashioned.
It was mid-afternoon and Elizabeth lay across her bed, her history book open in front of her. She pulled her glasses off and tossed them onto the bed. She sighed and rubbed her eyes. Her head ached and it had become harder to keep her eyes focused. She caught the flash of a shadow walk down the hall. "Mom?" she called.
Suzanne stuck her head through the gap created by the half open door. "Yeah?"
Elizabeth quickly shoved her glasses back on so that her mother wasn't a fuzzy blob. The woman before her was mostly clear. "Is it about time for my yearly eye exam?"
Suzanne's forehead crinkled as she thought. "Next week, I think. Maybe Friday. Are you having trouble seeing?"
"I just probably need a stronger prescription. Nothing too important." Elizabeth turned her attention back to her history and Suzanne stood there for a moment longer.
"We're going out for milkshakes. Want to tag along?" Suzanne asked.
Elizabeth shook her head, her ponytail flopping from one side to the other. "I've really got to study. But would you bring one back for me?"
Suzanne shrugged. "Suit yourself." And she disappeared down the hall.
"Close the door," Elizabeth called. She stared at her history book for a few seconds and then a mischievous grin curled up on her lips. She rolled off the bed and raced down the steps.
"Hey Mom, Dad? There's a party next week in Spanish class. Can you run by the grocery store and pick up some cookies or chips or something that I can take?"
Benjamin Adams sighed. "I suppose we could. You sure you don't want to go with us, Euclid?"
"Nah, I really do have to study. I have a big test on Tuesday. I need to get a really good grade. But you guys have fun. Bring me back a strawberry shake, please. Love you," she said, and dashed up the stairs.
Elizabeth waited until she heard the car engine turn over and the gravel crunch as her father put the car into reverse and backed off of the concrete pad, into the driveway and headed toward the gravel road. She waited a few minutes until she was sure that her family was on the paved road, headed to town, and then she picked the phone up off her nightstand and punched in the four digit number.
A woman picked up. "Mathis residence."
"Hi, Mrs. Mathis. It's Elizabeth. Is Jimmy around?"
"He just came in. Just a sec, hon." Elizabeth heard the muffled cry, "Jimmy!"
Seconds later, there was a scuffle on the other end. "Yeah?" he answered.
"Hey, there. What ya doing for the next hour or so?"
"Oh, I don't know. Is there something I should be doing?" His voice held that racy edge that set her stomach aflutter.
"My parents just left for town. They'll be gone for at least an hour. Probably two. I was thinking that maybe you could come over."
"Oh?" The slight raise in Jimmy's voice was not lost on Elizabeth.
"Yeah," she murmured. "I'm ready."
Jimmy cleared his throat. Her heart skipped a beat when he whispered, "You know I love you, right?"
"I love you too," she said. "I'll be waiting. Park in the back, okay?"
Then the line went dead. Elizabeth replaced the receiver in the cradle and dashed off to the bathroom. Quickly, she changed into her lacy underwear and bra set and fished the jeans out of the back of her closet that her mother said were too tight, but Jimmy said "framed her ass nicely."
She debated putting her contacts in, but decided against it and, instead, combed out her hair and replaced the ponytail. She raced downstairs to open the kitchen door when she heard him pull around back to park. Parking in the back, behind the house, meant he was out of sight of the neighbors across the valley and she didn't want the older couple ratting her out.
She leaned against the door and grinned as Jimmy came sidling up the walk. Without so much as a hello, he swept his arm around her and pinned her against the wood, thrusting his tongue into her mouth. "I think it's about time we had some fun,darling!" he said in a mock southern drawl as he tugged her into the house. She giggled and pulled the door shut behind them.
He walked her through the kitchen and to the couch. Elizabeth was more than a willing participant, straddling his lap and gasping as his hands touched her in all of the right places. She was lost in the moment until Jimmy started to pull the ponytail holder from her hair. "You know I like your hair down. It's so much sexier." She batted his hand away and tugged the elastic free, shaking her hair so that it fell over her shoulders. Jimmy immediately went to pull her shirt over her head. It was then that she stopped him.
"Let's not do this here," she said. "I have a bedroom."
His trademark smirk crept up on his face as he replied, "Then what are we waiting for?" He quickly stood, nearly dumping her off his lap, pushing her in the direction of the staircase. Jimmy chased her up the stairs, smacking her ass on the way.
By the time they stepped inside her bedroom, Elizabeth had transitioned from eager to anxious. It was a big step, and before Elizabeth could take in the moment, Jimmy had stripped her to only her underwear and was pushing down on the bed.
Elizabeth certainly was not opposed to having sex. She'd been the one to call, but the whole thing seemed rushed and almost forced. "Hey, Jimmy, can we wait just a sec?"
He pushed off of her, his knees leaning into the edge of the bed. He looked a little put out and it made Elizabeth feel insecure. "You're the one who started this. Don't be a tease."
"I'm not being a tease. I just don't see the need to race through it. We aren't on a time clock." His stare didn't lessen in intensity and she worried that she may have offended him. "Look. It's my first time and I want it to be special, not just something we do."
He sighed, obviously still annoyed, but caught her eye and grinned. "Your first time will be special. I mean, it is with me after all," he chuckled at his own attempt at humor as peeled off his shirt before he laid down beside her.
He reached up and removed her glasses, sending the barely fuzzy images into complete haze. Elizabeth took hold of his hand. "I want to see," she said.
"But I like you better without them," he replied, prying his hand away, as he tossed the glasses on the nightstand.
It wasn't exactly the response she hoped for but he did do what she asked. Jimmy slowed down, at least initially. He started over, kissing her neck, trailing his fingers down her torso, tracing the lace edge of her panties until she felt the flutter of butterflies in her stomach and the dampness between her legs. But, as he grew hard against her thigh, he sat back and unbuttoned his jeans, shoving them down over his hips, his erection springing free. He leaned in and took her hand, wrapping it around his penis. He groaned and pushed his hips into hers. His actions became less focused on her and more on his own pleasure.
Jimmy started teasing her, peeling her bra off, lapping at her nipple until it grew hard, and it quickly morphed into roughly groping her breast before shoving his hand into her panties, swiping through her folds and pressing his fingers against her clit. It was much too fast and it bordered on painful.
Elizabeth struggled to reconcile what she thought she should feel, what she wanted to feel, and how she really felt. Wasn't she supposed to like what he was doing? She wanted to be turned on by his touch, but she wasn't.
She was just about to say something when the sound of gravel crunching under tires stopped their movement. Through her open window, they could hear the slam of a car door, footsteps crossing the gravel up to the sidewalk and the thump of heavy soled shoes on the concrete.
"Fuck," he muttered, rolling off Elizabeth's bed. He tugged his jeans back up and pulled his t-shirt over his head. It took a full ten seconds for Elizabeth to decide that she needed to move and get dressed. She grabbed her bra off the pillow next to her head and sat up, slipping her arms through the straps.
The knock at the door startled them both and Elizabeth grabbed her glasses off the nightstand, followed by a pair of sweatpants off the floor and stray t-shirt. When the knock came again, Jimmy moved to look out the window. "It's a trooper. What the hell? I'm out of here," and with that, he left her alone, half dressed and wondering what a state trooper could possibly want.
She stepped into the pants, tugged her shirt over her head and she came down the stairs. She opened the door and caught the tall, broad shouldered man watching down the driveway as Jimmy's truck vanished around the corner. It took a moment for Elizabeth to gather her words.
"Can I help you?" she asked.
The man whipped around to face her. The expression on his face told her that he knew exactly what she'd been up to. She half expected to receive a lecture from this man, and there was a part of her that believed she may deserve it, based on how things had been playing out. She was a bit hurt that Jimmy fled without so much as a goodbye.
Instead, a look of pity took up residence and she was confused. "Are you Elizabeth Adams?" he asked.
"Yes, Officer. Can I help you?" she repeated. As he continued to give her that look, a knot formed in her stomach and she squinted her eyes and tried to bring him into focus.
"There has been an accident. You will need to come with me to the hospital."