Dating Levi Ackerman
This story is just some light-hearted fun where I play around with the established AoT characters in a vaguely Survey Corps setting.
Each chapter focuses on Levi going on different dates. I picked some characters who are popular pairings with Levi, and others for purely comedic reasons. This is all in good fun – I am not bashing anybody's ship!
Full disclosure: the story will ultimately be Levi/Erwin by the end. It's hinted at from Chapter 1, so it's not really a spoiler!
Also thank you to Smilyimp for letting me use their lovely artwork for the story cover😆 You should check them out on Deviant Art (this website won't let me post a link unfortunately!)
Chapter 1: Eren Yeager
Date #1: Humanity's Biggest Brat
After pleading and nagging me for weeks, I finally indulged Hange's newest crazy experiment.
The premise was simple: For one month, I had to go on a date with anyone who asked me. Hange was convinced it would help me find "the one." I only agreed after they promised to stop pestering me about my love life if the experiment didn't work.
I wasn't surprised when Eren goddamn Yeager was the first person to ask me out.
The brat stares at me goggle-eyed all the time, like I'm his bloody hero or something. He always finds excuses to talk to me, like discussing the best titan-killing strategies, or asking how I get my hair so shiny (it's just my blessed Ackerman genes). One of my cravats disappeared a while ago, and I'm almost certain Eren stole it. He probably sleeps with it under his pillow or something disgusting like that. I hope he at least washes it, unlike Mikasa and her filthy scarf.
This morning, I look up from my breakfast with Hange and Erwin, to find Humanity's Last Hope himself lurking around our table. He shifts from foot to foot like he needs the restroom.
"Sir?" Eren says hesitantly.
"Eren! What can we do for you?" Erwin asks, charming as ever.
The boy glances at me, and I glare back.
"Um, well, actually, I was wondering…" Eren's eyes fall to the floor. Then he takes a deep breath, and his expression turns determined. "You see, I heard Hange saying you've agreed to go on a date with anyone who asks you. So… here I am, asking you!"
The whole foodhall goes silent. Everyone is gawping at us. Fucking nosy shits. I notice Armin and Mikasa scowling in my direction. Whatever the hell that's about.
On the other side of Erwin, Hange has a gigantic fucking grin on their face, like this is the height of entertainment.
"Ooh, Levi, you have to say yes!" Hange trills.
"Be nice," Erwin murmurs, leaning into me so no one else can hear. "He's just a kid."
This isn't true. Eren is eighteen - a fully trained soldier, and capable of taking out dozens of titans. He even wins the odd brawl against Jean, who fights dirty and has a nasty habit of biting. But I know what Erwin means. He's still sort of a kid in some ways, and has retained his boyish charms and optimism. I never had that privilege of youth. But I don't begrudge the kid that.
Still, it's Erwin's words more than anything that halt my cutting reply. I exhale loudly, making my displeasure obvious. "Fine. Can I finish my breakfast now, or do you want to hold my hand or something?"
Eren grins. "You're so funny, Captain. I'll meet you outside the Recreation building at seven?"
"Whatever." I shovel porridge into my mouth. I must be losing my touch; the kid isn't terrified of me anymore. This is clearly Erwin and Hange's fault. I've lost my edge by spending too much time with them.
Eren bounces off back to his table, but he's delayed by people clapping him on the back and shaking his hand. As if he's just done something incredibly brave or impressive. Someone wolf whistles in my direction. My hands tremble with fury. I prey to Ymir that my face isn't as red as it feels.
When Eren reaches his two best friends, they put on these forced little smiles, but they look worried. There's obviously trouble in paradise. Or should I say, Paradis.
"So, what are you going to wear later?" Hange probes.
"Is this your first ever date?" Erwin asks eagerly. "Can I give you one of my famous motivational speeches? You just need to dedicate your -"
"Shut up," I cut him off with a growl. Once the commander starts one of his goddamn speeches, he's like a charging horse that can't be stopped.
Erwin, composed and dignified as ever, shares an amused grin with Hange.
Stupid handsome bastard.
I arrive fifteen minutes late. Just to make the kid sweat a little, make him think I'm not coming. He's leaning against the Recreation building, his long hair in a messy bun that triggers my OCD. I'm just itching to take my blade to his hair and chop it all off.
Eren looks pale, like he might throw up.
Good.
When he spots me, an excited grin engulfs his entire face, and his eyes swell with devotion. He holds out an ugly bunch of wild flowers that he must have picked himself.
Urgh. Not so good.
"Captain! You came!" He hands me the flowers and I accept them reluctantly. What the fuck am I supposed to do with these?
"Yeah," I grunt. "So where are we going?"
"Um, I set up some food in one of the spare rooms in here," Eren says breathlessly. He puts out his arm towards me for some reason. I stare at it in confusion.
"Do you, er, want to take my arm?" he asks cautiously, cheeks burning.
I want to burst out angrily, No. No I do not want to take your dirty, bratty arm Eren. I'm only here to finallyprove to Hange that I'm incapable of ever finding love, so I can live out the rest of my life in blissful, lonely peace.
But Erwin's whisper from earlier brushes against my mind - Be nice. The words are as soft and irresistible as my famous Ackerman hair.
The man's always been caring and considerate with me even when I don't deserve it. Despite my innate snarky nature, he makes me want to be better. To make him proud.
God fucking dammit.
I take Eren's proffered arm. I almost jerk it away at the ridiculously happy expression on his face. When he's not looking, I toss the flowers into a ditch.
Eren leads me through the Recreation building, and down a maze of corridors. On the way, he blathers on and on about his friends. Apparently, Armin and Krista swapped places for a whole training session, and hardly anyone noticed. Mikasa's newfound friendship with Annie is going surprisingly well, and they're doing a duet at the karaoke party in the girl's dormitory tonight.
Then Eren tells me how he and all his friends have joined Krista and Ymir's new LGBT club. This makes total sense - the 104th Cadet Corps has the highest rate of LGBT+ cadets in the history of the Survey Corps. I actually wonder are any of them straight. Maybe this is evolution's way of tackling the eventual overpopulation within the Walls.
We reach a secluded room at the back of the building. Inside is a cosy two-seater couch, a table set up with snacks and drinks, more ugly flowers, and a stack of boardgames.
The first thing I notice is that the room is spotlessly clean.
The second thing I notice is Mikasa and Armin hovering awkwardly in the corner.
"What the fuck are your bratty friends doing here, Yeager?" I narrow my eyes at said brats. "Do you bring them with you everywhere?"
Eren's about to reply, but Mikasa gets there first. "We were helping to set up the room. Captain." She makes the last word drip with vehemence. I admire her unflinching resolve. If she wasn't so obsessed with Eren, this girl would make a fine Ackerman.
There's definitely something weird going on here. "I swear to god, Yeager, if this whole date is just a set up to get me to have a foursome with you and your polyamorous friends, I'll –"
A burst of laughter halts my tirade. Armin has his hand over his mouth, trying to stifle the noise. He turns away, shaking.
Fan-fucking-tastic. Isn't anyone afraid of me any more? Maybe I should just quit the Survey Corps and become a comedian.
"No," Eren says hurriedly, his face as red as Mikasa's scarf. "They just offered to help get the room and food ready. They're leaving now." He looks pointedly at them.
His friends seem reluctant to leave. Perhaps they're just nosy and want to eavesdrop. Or maybe they're genuinely concerned about leaving their innocent friend alone with Humanity's Snarkiest Solider.
On her way past, Mikasa pauses and looks at me challengingly. She literally stares me down - the bitch is taller than me.
"If you hurt Eren, I will hunt you down and –"
"I get it," I interrupt, in my most bored tone.
But as she walks away, and Eren and I sit down on the couch, my mind pulls apart her words for their meaning. Does she expect me to treat Eren's heart like a plaything; amuse myself with him and his weird devotion to me, until I'm bored and discard him?
This whole dating crap is a hell of a lot more complicated than I expected. Fuck Hange, and fuck them treating me like one of their shitty experiments.
I need to set this kid straight before he thinks I'm actually interested in a relationship. Or anything else, for that matter.
"Listen, Eren –" I begin.
But Eren is busy pulling something out of a bag. It's a tattered scrapbook. He rifles through the pages.
Taking a deep breath, he says, "Captain, I – uh – like drawing, and, well, I drew this picture of you."
He shows me the page. And guess what? Eren's actually a fairly talented artist. The sketch depicts a huge fallen titan, and a small figure standing on top with blood dripping off his swords. From the badass pose and amazing hair, this is definitely supposed to be me.
"That's… really good Eren." I try to inflect my voice with kindness, like Erwin would do. It's surprisingly hard, I'm so used to sounding deadpan.
"You think so?" Eren's eyes are bright with hope.
Damn it. How do I tread the line between discouraging his attention, and not hurting his feelings?
I might be praised as Humanity's Strongest, but when it comes to successfully dealing with emotions, I've about as much hope as Armin Arlert taking on the Colossal Titan by himself.
That is to say, I'm fucked.
Eren continues flicking through his scrapbook. "Look, I have more of you!" He shows more drawings of me fighting, cleaning, and standing around looking menacing.
"Wait, stop!" I put out my hand to stop him moving to the next page. This sketch has caught my eye for some reason. I examine it. There is something weird about my face… What the hell is my mouth doing?
"Am I smiling?!" Disbelief battles with my curiousity.
"Oh yeah." Eren scratches his neck, smiling himself. "That was last week. You were talking to Commander Erwin at dinner. I hardly ever see you look that relaxed – I just had to draw it."
And, once again, Erwin takes over my thoughts.
I remember that evening – Erwin had been telling me stories about his childhood. Like the time his Dad disappeared for a week, and claimed he'd been kidnapped and interrogated by Government officials. It later turned out he'd just accidentally locked himself in the basement when he was drunk, and was too embarrassed to admit the truth.
Sometimes, when Erwin talks to me, I forget to be my disdainfully detached self. I actually feel… happy.
A wild, dangerous, stupid idea materialises in my head – what if I was on this date with Erwin, instead of some poor misguided brat? Would he manage to make me smile again?
"Captain?" Eren asks, pulling his sketchbook away. "Do you not like that drawing? I know I'm not a great artist, but Armin says I have to keep practising to improve."
"Hmm, yes. He's right," I mutter.
Alright, no more messing around. I came on this date as promised. I acted as politely as anybody could expect of me. I even looked at the brat's drawings; like a kid showing me the pictures they'd scribbled at school.
Now it's time to let the boy down. Without breaking his heart, preferably.
I look directly at him; trying to be firm, but not confrontational.
"Look, Eren, you're not a bad kid. You're…" I struggle to find some sort of compliment. But the only descriptions that spring to mind are - annoying, naïve, reckless, obsessive, and in dire need of a haircut. "Ah, you're brave and… well, you're a nice boy. But that's the problem – you're a boy."
The devastation on Eren's face makes even my stony heart crack. "What? So you mean… you only like girls?"
"No! What I mean is; you're too young. We don't have anything in common, except for killing titans. I can't relate to you the same way I can with… someone closer to my own age and experience."
Eren's eyes go huge. "Are the rumours true, that you're in love with someone else?"
"What? No!" I exclaim. Hasn't the Survey Corps anything better to do than gossip about my love life?
Eren still looks gloomy, so I search for something positive to say.
"Maybe if you were a bit older, or I was younger, or in another world or universe, things might work out between us. But not this one. And you just need to accept that."
I privately think the kid is better off without me - a spiteful, emotionally stunted bastard who would rather fight a hundred titans than face his own feelings.
Eren raises his gaze from the floor, and nods solemnly. "Ok. Well, thanks for giving this a go. Mikasa and Armin told me I was wasting my time on you. So now I can tell them they were right." He laughs bitterly.
I had intended to leave after my little speech. But I feel strangely responsible for cheering the kid up. Flicking through the stack of boardgames beside us, I pull one out called Attack on Titan. The picture on the front shows a group of unrealistically attractive soldiers fighting titans. How do people come up with this crap?
"Hey, you want to play this? If you beat me, it might make you feel better."
I regret my kindness two hours later, when Eren beats me three times in a row. But he still has a mopey depressed look on his face.
"I could swipe some ice-cream from the officer's food supplies. Would that cheer you up?" I ask hopefully.
To my dismay, Eren's eyes fill with tears.
"Don't you know I'm not supposed to eat ice-cream? It'll ruin my abs!" He puts his head in his hands. Apparently the temptation of ice-cream, on top of my rejection, is too much for him to handle in one night.
"Eren, calm down-"
"I'm going to be alone forever now!" Eren wails. "and all because you insist you will never love me." The boy hicups, ruining the effectiveness of his dramatic statement. He stares at me despairingly, before dashing out of the room.
Well, now it's official. I fucking fail at anything that doesn't involve cleaning, snarky comments, or killing titans.
At least my future dates can't get any worse than this…
Notes: I have the whole 12 Chapters of this story outlined. But I'm open to new ideas, so feel free to make suggestions for Levi's future dates!
I'd really appreciate any feedback on the humour – because comedy is the main goal of this story. It's hard to know if I'm hitting the mark, or if there's anything I could improve on.
Please let me know your thoughts! Thanks for reading :D