It all started with a confession. Just a simple confession.

"I like you, as more than a friend. I have for years now. I understand if you don't feel that way about me, but I really wanted to tell you."

Nonon stood in front of her, offering her heart, yet Satsuki didn't even know how to process it. Nonon… liked her...

It wasn't that she didn't like didn't return those feelings, quite the opposite in fact. But it scared her. Was she even suited to be in a relationship after everything Ragyo had done to her? After everything she herself had done to the people of Honnou town?

She wasn't a saint. She had enslaved thousands of people, under her rule, completely obliterating cities to achieve her goal. Naturally, some of it was necessary to bring down Ragyo, but the fact remained she had caused everybody so much pain and suffering. Being sexually violated by her mother was only a small factor to consider in her frustrations with the conception of a relationship.

"You're a fool, Nonon." The words slipped out of her mouth without even thinking. "You should find somebody else. Somebody who can actually make you happy. I am not that person."

Nor do I have the right to be.

I am not worthy of such kindness.

Satsuki wanted to say that, yet it all remained caught in her throat. She wasn't intending to be cruel, she really wasn't , but when Nonon gave a weak-hearted fake smile, Satsuki felt more guilt than she could even bare. She shouldn't have called Nonon a fool or rejected her so harshly, but she didn't know how else to respond.

She didn't want to use the word damaged, but how else would you describe somebody that had used and hurt people for their own ends, becoming no better than their worst enemy in the end?

Even Nonon… I used her like a pawn… I'm disgusting...

"O-oh… Right, I don't know what I was thinking." Nonon laughed awkwardly, scratching her head, holding back the pain in her chest. "It was pretty stupid of me, huh? Hoping I could be with somebody like you of all people. Sorry."

Satsuki's eyebrows furrowed, before she looked away a bit. "No, you needn't apologize. I'm the one who should be saying sorry... I can tell I hurt you with my rejection."

"Well, yeah, I mean... It kinda did hurt," Nonon hesitated before waving a hand to dismiss her concern. "but I'm not some baby or anything. I'll get over it. Anyway, let's go get some ice cream or something. I'm starving."

Satsuki gave a small smile. "Right."

It had been almost three months since Honnouji Academy had been destroyed, since all the students had been sent off to go their separate ways. Slowly everybody was finding their grounding, buildings in Osaka being repaired and families moving forward. There would still always be people that never forgave Satsuki for the damage she'd caused and she was okay with that. She didn't expect them to, because there was nothing she could say or do to change the things she had done.

The realization of that added to that guilt and self-hatred she was feeling, and that feeling increased as she recalled that she had even hurt her own sister as well. Needless to say it didn't help in the slightest. But if that wasn't bad enough, it was definitely the nightmares that woke her up at night.

They were quite vivid, almost hauntingly so. Her mother still on top of her, fingers exploring her body like she was some animal . Ragyo's voice reminding her over and over again of the instinct of humanity; that people feel anxious being naked because they're meant to cover themselves.

She hated it, feeling that vulnerable. And yet the fear of being touched by people remained, growing ever so stronger by the day. She found herself covering herself with multiple layers of clothes even on hot days. She hated to admit it, but Ragyo was winning in that regard. In the past, if it was to achieve her goal, she didn't care if it meant putting her body on display. She was all too used it because of her . But now that that goal was fulfilled, now that Ragyo was dead, she was left with nothing but an empty hole inside of her chest and a sickening reminder she had lost something she could never get back.

She had been tainted, ruined, and violated on too many times to count, from as early as five years old. She was dirty . She honestly didn't think she would ever be ready for a relationship after all that, and just as she had to remind herself with Nonon, she didn't deserve to be.

When Nonon and Satsuki split up that day, the parting was a bit awkward from both ends, but in all honesty, Satsuki's mind was in such a daze after the confession she didn't remember much of any of it. She might have ran off, but she couldn't remember. It was a complete blank.

She needed to breathe, but Ragyo's hands wouldn't stop touching her, groping her, humiliating her in every sense of the word. She felt sick.

I need to get home.

After what felt like an eternity, Satsuki finally found herself in the bathroom of her mansion, throwing up what little substance she had on her stomach.

"Those who defy their instincts... will eventually... fall into ruin."

Get off of me. Get off of me! Please... Stop it.

Ragyo's words terrorized Satsuki's mind, reminding her over and over again that she hadn't even been able to stop her body from getting aroused. She had enjoyed it.

This irrational thought made her feel even more disgusted with herself at thinking that. In truth, she knew down deep that it wasn't the case. She hadn't asked for it, nor did she want it, and she would have resisted if she could have. It was something forced on her from an early age by Ragyo, which she didn't have a choice in, and yet… She still felt somehow to blame for it, for always giving in so easily. Like maybe she should have been stronger.

But even considering that as a case, why did she never have an issue with these panic attacks before, when Ragyo was still alive? Why did it have to be now that she started falling to pieces? It was like sometimes she could hardly even function, or think , she needed to think !

Subconsciously, her hand fumbled around on the nearby table to find something to grab and distract herself with, a last minute attempt to prevent herself from completely breaking.

It wasn't that was her intentions to pick up a box cutter and slice her hand wide open, but, by some simple accident, she did . And when the sight of the blood caught her eye, it suddenly became clear what she needed and wanted.

Her body acted on autopilot, as she dug the razor into her arm, angrily creating slash after slash. Tears welled up in her eyes and blood was now covered her arm, even staining her clothes, but she continued. She continued until there wasn't a spot left to cut. Only then did she realize what she had done.

Looking down at her forearm, she stared at the crimson, at the gashes, feeling sick once again.

What have I done...? Damn it...

She was a master of putting up a facade and pretending everything was fine, keeping herself calm under any situation, so why? Why did it come to something like this ?

Pathetic.

Disgusting.

Weak.

In her head Satsuki continued chanting insults at herself, feeling ashamed of her actions.

What made this even worse was that she couldn't even heal herself like Ryuko could have in this situation.

Was this… what she deserved for trampling over the wills of others? Perhaps, in a sense, this was a way of atoning for the things she did.

At least... that was the rationalization she made. In some way, that conclusion helped clear the fog in her mind.

After bandaging her arm, she changed into something else loser fitting but long enough to cover everything except the bandage on her hand. Stepping out of the bathroom, she was surprised when she heard her phone ringing.

"Hello?" Her first thought was Nonon, but when she picked up the phone, she was surprised to hear Mako on the other end.

"Satsuki-sama, is that you?"

"Yes, it's me. What is it?" Satsuki wanted to know.

"Oh, good, I thought I might have had the wrong number for a second there. So anyway, I was wanting to ask you for a favor, if that's okay. It's about Ryuko-chan."

"Of course, is something wrong?" At the mention of Ryuko, Satsuki grew somewhat worried. Was something wrong with her sister? Mako didn't exactly sound like her normal happy self at the moment.

"Well, yeah, sorta. She's been really depressed for quite some time now because of Senketsu, so we've been trying our best to help her feel better. But now she's not eating anything so we're really worried about her. I was wondering if maybe you could come over and try to talk to her or something."

At hearing that, Satsuki's heart ached for her sister. She did want to help, and hated knowing she was in that much pain, but was she really the person Ryuko needed right now? Mako had spent far more time with her than she herself had and knew and understood her way better than she did.

Then again, if even Mako couldn't get through to her then it must be worse than she thought. Briefly, she thought back to Ryuko and Mako's date. Ryuko hadn't seemed that upset, but there were often times she would stare off into space and looked like she was on the verge of tears, but she must have experienced a mental decline since then, finally having the time to process that Senketsu was really gone.

Of course, Satsuki knew she wasn't anybody to talk. The bandages on her arm suddenly began itching, reminding her all too well of her mental break down from just moments before.

To be honest, she understood far too well what it was like to lose somebody, because she had experienced it with the death of their father. But she had hurt Ryuko on numerous occasions, wouldn't it just make everything worse for her by seeing her? She didn't have any right to call herself her sister or family, and she highly doubted Ryuko even wanted to see her that way right now.

Yet… Satsuki couldn't change how she felt. If Ryuko was suffering, then she at wanted to at least try to help. Even if it backfired and Ryuko pushed her away, that was simply a risk she would have to take.

"I see… I'll be sure to come over this evening and see if there's anything I can do. Thank you for telling me." Satsuki said softly.

"No problem, I guess we'll see you when you get here then."

"Yes…" Satsuki suddenly found herself speaking back up. "Mako?"

"Hm?"

"Please," Satsuki said after a moment's pause. "look out for her, will you?"

"You got it." Mako responded in the determined voice everybody was used to from her, getting a small smile from Satsuki, who was glad to know Ryuko had people who cared about her.

With that they hung up and Satsuki began making plans to head to the Mankanshoku's.

...

I hope you all like this so far... I'll try to update more if this gets good reception.