Author Notes - Just an idea I had. This is gonna be a retelling of sorts of the lives of Homer and Marge (is that enough 'of's for you?).
Note the term 'retelling'. To quote Google: 'tell (a story) again or differently'. I won't just be putting the flashback scenes into words, because then you might as well just watch the episodes. This will be a 'retelling', putting more emphasis on drama and character with a dash of realism without straying too far from the original source. So, most things that were played for laughs will have a darker tone, but not too dark that it becomes bleak. Hopefully. The characters will be a little different, but not to the point where they're unrecognisable.
Until the two meet, Homer will get the odd-numbered chapters and Marge will get the even-numbered ones. The early parts with Homer will focus on his relationship with his parents, while Marge's will be more between her and her sisters. Speaking of the early parts, the first few chapters may end up being a lot shorter than the later ones. I can't be certain, though. After all, these are the chapters where our two protagonists are incredibly young.
Anyway, we begin with the beginning of Homer's life. And I really do mean the beginning.
CHAPTER ONE - A NEW LIFE ON THE FARM
1955... When Abe and Mona's lives changed forever. For better or for worse.
Abe stared out the window from his bed, groaning profusely for seemingly minutes on end. Stupid farm. Stupid broken-down house. Stupid cows... that they needed to make a living. That only made them even more stupid. After all his time in the second great war, this was what he deserved? A house that smelled of mothballs and dead rats? Farmland with barely enough moisture and fertility to feed the bovine? No war hero deserved this.
He couldn't explain why his opinions of his home life had changed so much. After everything that had happened to him, he used to appreciate the quiet farm life. No more bombs. No more guns. No more needless deaths, where the only levity was a soldier holding a primed grenade a little too long and blowing himself up out of his own stupidity. He had a comfy place to live, and a wonderful wife to share his life with. So, why had he been so irritable and hateful for the past few months?
Oh wait. He knew exactly why.
'Oh Abe... why do you have to be like this?' Came the mostly-annoyed question.
Abe didn't even turn around, but he knew his eight-month-pregnant wife was standing in the doorway. He could feel her glaring at him and his 'attitude'. Without bothering to look at her, he crossed his arms and groaned.
'Don't give me that attitude, woman!' He yelled back. 'If I wanna be angry for no good reason, then I'll be angry for no good reason!'
The woman in question, Mona, rolled her eyes. Moments like this made her wonder why she ever married him to begin with. She took a couple of steps into the room, placing her hand on her future baby. That little scamp was kicking harder than supreme soccer players.
'Well,' Mona said, sarcasm heavy in her voice. 'I guess I can't argue with that. Come on, Abe. Despite what everyone says, you're never angry for no reason.' Under her breath, she muttered, 'Even if it's so mundane it certainly feels like it.'
'Don't play dumb with me, woman! You know why I'm angry.'
The little baby stopping kicking for a few seconds, as if they heard and understood their father's words. In reality, they probably just got tired for a moment, but the timing made Mona feel uncomfortable.
Mona stepped closer into the room, stumbling a little as she did so. 'Abe, this child is as much your responsibility as it is mine. Raising a child is just like lying - it takes two.'
'Oh, so now you're insinuating that I'm lying about something!'
That was enough to get Abe off his rear. He jumped to his feet, and clenched his fists as he glared right at his wife. Fortunately, Mona was so used to this that she wasn't scared at all.
'Don't worry.' She said. 'I already know about Herb. And Abbey. You've got nothing more to hide. My point is simply...'
She stumbled over her feet, even though she hadn't taken a single step. One hand shot to her forehead - dizziness had overtaken her over the last couple of seconds.
Abe groaned. 'NOW what?!'
Mona began to feel horribly nauseous, like she was about to puke up the entire farming industry. She felt like the floor had disappeared and she was walking on the clouds, yet the world dragged her down at the same time.
There was a sharp pain.
She collapsed to her knees.
Abe flinched. 'M-Mona? Honey?'
She fell onto her hands, barely holding up her own weight.
'Abe...?' She murmured, her voice sounding so restrained.
Abe went stiff. 'W-What's wrong?'
'I... I think...' She groaned. 'I think the baby's coming.'
Time froze. Space collapsed. Reality itself tore apart at the seams. At least, that's how it felt for Abe. His mind broke as he tried to comprehend those words. What? How? Why? WHAT?
'B-But...' He stammered. 'It's not due for a couple of weeks now!'
They were the only words he could manage to say. Mona could respond with nothing more than a pained groan. Abe's heart raced. How could he have known about this for so many months, yet have it happen so suddenly?
He knew only one thing - his wife now depended on him.
'I-It's gonna be fine, honey!' He cried.
'It's okay, Mona! It'll be okay!'
She didn't need to know he was saying that mostly to himself, in a desperate attempt to relax his nerves.
Thank goodness he kept that jeep from his war days. She was no ambulance, but she had it where it counted: speed, and lots of it. Abe disregarded the speed limit entirely as he zoomed down the roads. It wasn't like it mattered all too much; no one was ever on these roads anyway.
'ABE!' Mona yelled with what little energy she had left. 'The baby... it's coming...'
'SHUT UP, WOMAN!' Abe yelled back. 'Can't you see I'm driving here?!'
Even if Mona did have it in her to respond, she had nothing to say to that. At least her husband was still her husband, and that excessive amount of sweat pouring down his face proved he was just as scared as her.
He didn't stop speeding until the nearest town appeared over the horizon, and only because he didn't feel like dealing with the police. Last time he dealt with them, that little Clancy kid couldn't leave him the hell alone and kept asking him questions about the war. Apparently, the father-to-be hadn't heard of police escorts.
'Don't you complain about my ride, woman!' Abe yelled some more. 'I've gotten you here in half the time it would've taken the ambulance to get to our farm!'
Despite the contractions doing a number on all of her bodily systems, Mona still had it in her to give him a look and roll her eyes. It was the last thing she could do before the world became a blur. Barely holding onto her conscious, she couldn't perceive the world anymore.
Where was she?
Why was she there?
God, the pain...
'It'll all be okay, Mona!'
Abe's voice sounded like it came from everywhere, echoing all around her against invisible walls. Next thing she knew, she was lying down in a hospital bed. How did she end up here? And who was that doctor-looking guy?
Everything came back to her, and through the labour pains she managed to give Abe a smile. He sat in a nearby chair, looking simultaneously invested completely and utterly apathetic somehow. How on earth he accomplished such a combination was something that she'd never know. With the doctor (Mona's nickname for him, as she never got a good look) cheering her on, she knew exactly what was going on: the last painful hurdle before motherhood, also known as labour.
This kid was ready to come out, and they wanted the world to know it. Judging by the doctor's frustrated grunts, however, it seemed like the kid was resisting the separation from their old home. Mona pushed. And breathed. Pushed. And breathed. She wanted this over with, but she also wanted to not die.
'Can you just give birth already?!' Abe complained, before he added a much more quiet, 'But, without dying, you know?'
She was going to strangle him by the time this was over.
'Oh god!' The doctor cried. 'It's a big one!'
Just a little more, Mona, she told herself over and over again. When her own mother described the process as some of the worst pain imaginable, she was not exaggerating, in contrary to what Mona used to believe. And she was certain that she was not as big of a baby as this little guy was.
The world became a blur again. She almost passed out. God, how she wanted to pass out and let the whole thing continue without her being conscious. In fact, she lay her head down with the intention of sleeping through the whole thing. Screaming and crying infiltrated her eardrums, worsening her headache. Only one thing kept her from drifting off into Dreamland.
'Congratulations, Mrs Simpson.' The doctor said. 'It's a perfectly healthy, if a bit big, baby boy.'
Mona sighed in relief, mostly because that was all over and she survived the ordeal. When her vision finally returned, she saw her new baby son in the doctor's arms. Goodness, he really was a big guy, and he had quite the set of lungs too.
She smiled.
'Sheesh, finally!' Abe said, throwing up his arms in exasperation. 'Can we go home now?'
The doctor gave him a look. 'Sir, your son has been born. Aren't you gonna care at least a little?'
'Hmph! I didn't care to have a child, and I'm certainly not going to start-!'
Suddenly, he stopped. His anger and frustration vanished, albeit for just a moment, when he saw his baby boy for the first time. Why? He couldn't tell you if his life depended on it. Still, something changed. His heart warmed as his eyes met those of his screaming son. Maybe it was because the little guy looked just like Mona. Same friendly face, same soft brown hair... he didn't look much like Abe at all, aside from being a guy. And, oddly enough, the old man thought that was for the better.
Then he remember how he wanted to feel about the situation, and turned away with an annoyed 'Hmph!' while crossing his arms like a petulant child. Seeing as the father clearly didn't want to look at his son, the doctor handed the baby to Mona instead. Despite still feeling like she wanted to sleep forever, she took that screaming baby into her arms in a heartbeat. Just feeling his warm - and rather wet and fuzzy - skin in her hands made everything feel worth it. As if sensing exactly who this was, the little guy himself quieted down just a little.
'That's right...' Mona whispered, holding him close. 'Momma's here.'
Of course, like most newly-born babies, he wasn't exactly the epitome of adorableness, resembling a big raisin more than a human. The fact that he wasn't cleaned yet especially made him look a little less appealing. But to Mona, he couldn't look any cuter. She gently brushed the hair out of his face so she could get a good look at him.
He was an angel.
'What are we going to call him, Abe?' She asked.
'Eh, I'm just here for the spanking.' He responded, barely if at all making it sound like a joke. 'You're in charge of everything else.'
She didn't let his rough attitude ruin this perfect moment for her, and one look into those big blue eyes made the answer clear for her.
'Homer.' She said. 'Homer Jay Simpson.'
Abe scoffed. 'That was the best you had?'
Mona would've responded to that remark in any other situation, but she didn't care to worry about him. Today, it wasn't about him. It was about little Homer. Speaking of which, the little guy cuddled up to his mother's chest as his wailing quieted down until he was barely crying at all.
'That's right, Homer. I'm your momma. Welcome to the world.'
It was at that moment that Mona knew that she would go to the ends of the earth and back for her little Homer.
Author Notes - Not pulling any punches when it comes to Abe. Flashbacks reveal him to be an absolutely awful father, and for the most part I won't be playing any of it for laughs. This is mostly because abusive parents is something that I personally find very hard to laugh at. NOT for any personal reasons, if you're wondering (my parents are great), but I think it's more a moral thing for me. I'm a lot like Lisa, I'll say that much.