I do not own anything by Gaston Leroux, Susan Kay or Andrew Lloyd Webber, everything else is my own work.
Bothersome Bloomers!The Morning after the triumph that was the completed gala of Don Juan, Erik and Christine had breakfast with Nadir, Delphine, Meg, Jean and Madame Giry, secreted in the lake house reading the reviews from the night before.
"Apparently my solo piece around the camp fire in the Gypsy scene was a joy to behold!" Meg squeaked holding up the morning edition of Le Figaro.
"The staging was spectacular!" remarked Jean reading the review in L Epoque,
"La Jardinier's voice is a true work of art, it is the benchmark that young opera artists should aspire to!" Christine read from Journal des Debats.
"The Choreography was dynamic and relative to the flow of the story, Madame Annette Giry, has surpassed herself with this interpretation!" Delphine called out from behind her copy of Le Temps.
"It is rumoured that the Anonymous Don Juan may start a new gentlemen's fashion trend as he wears Patterned silk undershorts according to a source at the opera house!" Erik grumbled from his copy of Le Petit Parisian.
"Oops! That was me!" Meg responded, as everyone else's eyes turned in her direction. "The day of the shredded trousers, I was found laughing outside by Jammes and her latest beau, who I found out last night is a journalist for Le Petit Parisian," Meg started, "Jammes asked what I was laughing at and so I told her that Don Juan split his trousers and well, he was wearing undershorts with sheep on them and could well start a new fashion trend!" Meg finished trying to ignore the evil glare from Erik.
"At least you kept my identity a secret!" Erik huffed.
"Well, I think that the anonymous Don Juan was a great success!" Nadir announced as he attempted to defuse the building situation. Leaning over Erik's shoulder, Nadir started to scan the rest of the review. "The rest of the review is noting the number of ladies that fainted due to the sensual tones of Don Juan, a man who chose to remain anonymous until identified at the gala soiree as… BLOODY HELL!" Nadir finished.
Erik nearly leapt out of his seat as Nadir shouted in his ear, "Ow! If I wanted to become deaf, I would have refused to give Carlotta singing lessons!" Erik yelped as he wiggled his finger in his ear in an attempt to clear the ringing from where Nadir had shouted in it.
Nadir was shaking and almost as white as Erik as he stood mouth open in horror, silently pointing at the newspaper that was now on Erik's lap.
"What on earth is wrong with you now?" Erik barked as he turned to face his friend.
Delphine wandered over to her shaking fiancé, "Nadir?" she asked as everyone else including Erik watched with confusion.
Erik gave up on his suddenly mute friend and read more of the review. "Don Juan, a man who chose to remain anonymous until identified at the gala soiree as Monsieur Nadir Khan, friend and business partner of the Architect and Composer of the opera of the hour, Monsieur Erik Jardinier." Erik read as Delphine guided Nadir to a chair.
"I… I…I…" Nadir it seemed had lost the power of speech as he recalled the debacle of the soiree, he tried again, "I… I am… Can I live here with you Erik… Please!" Nadir pleaded desperately, "I have visions of being… I would like the chance to keep my clothes on my back and my virtue intact!" Nadir continued getting on his knees to beg.
"Oh, for heavens sake get up Daroga!" Erik exclaimed, as he made to pick his panicked friend off the floor.
Delphine had been silent for a moment in thought, "Erik, Nadir once told me you can hypnotise people with just your voice," Delphine delicately queried.
"Yes, I can," Erik hesitantly replied,
"And that was what happened last night?" Delphine continued,
"Accidentally but yes it was," Erik replied sounding rather embarrassed, as he assisted Nadir back to the couch.
"How do you break the hypnosis?" Delphine asked.
"Some people can break the trance themselves if they are strong minded, otherwise I speak to them directly in my normal voice to wake them gently, or… I can break the trance harshly if I shout at them," Erik responded remorsefully as he looked directly at Christine.
"If you cannot break the trance, say they leave before you can speak to them directly?" Delphine asked.
The trance normally lasts about a week," Erik replied with a grimace.
"A week!" Nadir squeaked in horror, "What I am to do for a week with around a thousand women thinking that I want to seduce them?" he continued getting frantic.
"All anybody who has been entranced will think is that you are the most desirable man that ever existed and that they need give you a part of them and to have a part of you to feel loved," Erik interrupted his fractious friend.
"That would explain why last night in the soiree Nadir ended up looking like he had a row with an irate tailor!" Meg interjected with a giggle.
"Yes," Erik confirmed with a smirk, "So, hopefully most of the subjects of the hypnosis that you may come across in the next week already have a part of your costume, so that only leaves them to give you something of theirs." Erik finished.
"I dread to think what that will be!" Nadir added morosely.
Had I sung the original lyrics, then things could have been so much worse!" Erik added still smirking.
Nadir looked like he was about to ask more about the versions of the lyrics, when Christine looked at Erik who was now giving her a hungry wolf expression beneath his mask. "Nadir believe me when I tell you, you do not want to know!" Christine informed him quickly.
Looking quickly between his friend and Christine, and the looks they were giving one another even at this time in the morning, Nadir shuddered, "On second thoughts I think you are right, Christine," he responded, "I do not want to know!"
Suddenly Erik clapped his hands making everyone else in the room jump, "Right I think it is time we established operation get Nadir to and from home and work in one piece!" he declared with a huge grin.
ooo
The following morning at eight o'clock, a strange looking elderly lady, buckled over with age was let into the office by Thomas as he left for the quarry. The lady staggered into the office of Angel Architecture. shut the door, then looked around seeing only Gilen. Standing up straight, she removed the large cloak and grey wig, and suddenly transformed into a moustache and goatee free, wrinkled, pale and elderly Nadir.
"Good morning Grandfather!" Erik jovially called from the door of his office.
"You are really enjoying this!" Nadir grumbled as he reached for a bottle of skin oil and a cloth and started to to remove the makeup.
"If you think I am enjoying this now, you wait until you see what is in the post!" Erik chortled, I opened one parcel addressed to you and thought better of it!" Erik finished as he went back into his office
'Thought better of it?' Nadir thought as he located the afore mentioned package which sat partially opened on his chair.
Gilen at this point was heading from the back room into Erik's office with a cup of coffee and was just depositing the cup on Erik's desk when Nadir's voice carried through the office.
"WHAT THE BLAZES!" Nadir shouted, causing Erik and Gilen to dash back into the main office.
Employer and employee could not help themselves, they both curled up on the floor in heaps of laughter at the sight before them. Nadir was standing in the middle of the office, half made up holding a pair of pink lacy bloomers in one hand.
"Erik is this your idea of a practical joke?" Nadir growled waving the bloomers to indicate the source of his annoyance.
"It appears that we have now discovered what the entranced ladies wish to give you of theirs!" Erik squeaked out as he continued to roar with laughter.
Much to Nadir's annoyance Erik and Gilen were laughing so hard at this point that their bladders were in danger of embarrassing them both, when Thomas came back into the office with several more parcels.
"The Postal delivery is rather large!" Thomas declared as he placed the armful of parcels on Nadir's desk.
Gilen got his mirth under control, dusted himself off and went to help as Nadir stared at the pile of packages on his desk.
ooo
It took one more trip for Gilen, Thomas and the postman before everything was delivered. Nadir sat at his desk and sighed each time another package was balanced there. Erik was staring at the largest pile of letters ever delivered which were sitting on Gilen's desk.
"Humm," Erik mused as he bent down and reached into his boot for a slim dagger, which he then proceeded to use as a letter opener and with it opened the first envelope, "It appears that this is for you!" Erik continued with a snigger as he handed the letter to Nadir.
"Good Grief!" Nadir exclaimed as he finished reading the letter and his cheeks went scarlet, "I did not even know ladies had that kind of mind frame!" he continued as his hands started to screw the letter into a ball.
"Ah, Ah!" Erik called out, "You need to be polite and will have to reply to each letter, even if it is to turn down their offer," Erik pointed out, "I can draft a simple reply and Gilen and Thomas can copy it for each letter and you just have to sign it and we can then post it to each lady whose letter you received with salacious offers for you," Erik finished, before turning to Thomas.
"I need you to stay today in the office to help the Daroga respond to his fan mail!" Erik informed his apprentice with a chuckle.
Thomas grinned back, "Yes Monsieur Erik!" he replied taking off his coat and taking a chair and sitting next to Gilen at his desk ready to respond.
ooo
Four hours later and Thomas and Gilen were heading out of the office with writers cramp and a huge pile of letters to be posted. Erik and Nadir remained in the office and took stock of the contents of most of the parcels that had been opened.
"Do not say a word!" Nadir grumbled as Erik bit his lip to refrain from laughing.
"I suspect that that this is the most exciting contents your in tray has ever had!" Erik retorted with a chuckle, looking at the heaped multicoloured silks and linens now spilling over from the neat wooden tray Nadir normally kept correspondence in.
"This is all your fault!" Nadir grumbled as he started opening another parcel.
"How is this my fault?" Erik asked slight hurt in his voice, "I was not the one to out you, that was Meg!" he finished.
"You are right, but I am not cut out to be the next Casanova!" Nadir all but wailed,
"Er excuse me!" Erik called out, "Don Juan… Not Casanova if you please!"
"Whatever!" Nadir remarked as he removed from the last parcel the biggest pair of bloomers he had ever seen, "Ye Gads! These are enormous!" Nadir exclaimed as a note fell out of the magenta silk and lace bloomers.
Erik picked up the note and burst out laughing, "These are from the Comtess de Avignon!" he remarked as Nadir shuddered.
"She has drowned them in perfume!" Nadir exclaimed as he threw them on top of the pile in his in tray.
Erik could not help one last swipe at his beleaguered friend,
"I sincerely hope those… gifts have been washed before they were sent to you!" Erik remarked with a smirk, watching as Nadir then shuddered and rapidly grabbed the ruler from his desk and using it to push his entire in tray and its contents into the waste paper basket at the side of his desk.
"You are such a bastard for pointing that out!" Nadir declared, "Ugh! I am going to have to wash my hands now because of you!"
Still chuckling, Erik left Nadir in the back room scrubbing his hands and returned to his office, needing to catchup on the work he delayed due to his debut as temporary Musical Director at the Garnier.
ooo
The afternoon had Nadir moving his desk into the back room in case any of the ladies decided to turn up in person as well as Gilen having to go out and purchase a new in tray for Nadir as the old one and its lascivious contents were now charring in the fireplace that heated the office.
ooo
All too soon it was time for Nadir to get ready to go home and as Erik entered the back room, make up ready to go. "Are you ready for your make up Madame Bovary?" Erik asked, as Nadir looked up from the accounting book he was filling in, with a huff.
"Madame Bovary?" Nadir queried, "Just because you can sit and read that huge potboiler in less than two hours, does not mean the rest of us did!" he pointed out, before standing up indignantly with the realisation. "Hey!" Nadir yelled, "I have just realised you are calling me an adulteress, some friend you are!" he finished with his hands now on his hips in now righteous indignation.
"I was complimenting you by referring to the fact that like you Madame Bovary is someone adapting to their situation actually," Erik calmly retorted, "Anyway, you cannot be an adulteress, you are a man" Erik pointed out as he started laying out the various greasepaints required for Nadir's disguise.
"A compliment from you?" Nadir questioned with suspicion in every word, as he glanced at Erik who was now standing in front of his friend wringing his hands nervously.
"Yes," Erik replied staring at the floor, "I have been thinking today about a lot of things and I… I…" Erik sighed, "I am very sorry you are once again having to hide away for your own safety because of me!" Erik finished looking very remorseful.
Nadir was shocked, very shocked in fact. The rapid change in his friends mood was not a surprise but Erik had just apologised and meant it was shocking enough but to apologise for inconveniencing the man he call friend and pest often in the same breath, this was unheard of.
"Um, thank you Erik," Nadir started "I accept your apology, and well…" Nadir continued before Erik cut him off.
"Good! Now hold still whilst I create your disguise to get you home," Erik brusquely stated as he picked up a sponge and the first palette of greasepaint.
Nadir grinned, Erik was back to his normal self.
ooo
The end of the week was nearing and with Erik at work and a rest day for Christine and Meg, Delphine joined them both at the lake house for tea and gossip.
"How is Nadir finding his disguise?" Meg asked as Christine poured the tea.
"Well apart from the fact he forgot to take it off the second night he wore it and woke himself up with a fright the following morning," Delphine replied with a giggle.
"A fright?" Christine questioned as she handed Delphine her tea.
"Yes," Delphine replied now laughing, "He woke up to see an old ladies face imprinted in his pillow and screamed.
"Poor Nadir," Meg responded, "How did you find this out?" she asked as she took her own cup of tea from Christine.
Delphine had to place her cup on the table beside herself as she started shaking with laughter. "I was in bed beside him when it happened," she informed Meg and Christine, "I reminded him to take his makeup off before we went to sleep, but it seems he forgot." She finished, as Christine and Meg joined in the laughter.
"Erik has come up with a… a new term for Nadir," Christine informed Meg and Delphine who were wiping the tears of laughter from their eyes.
"Well he had run out of words to go with the term Persian at some point," Delphine responded,
"What do you mean? Meg asked as Delphine and Christine looked at each other,
"Let me start," Christine replied, "Pernickety Persian, Prying Persian, Petulant Persian, Peeved Persian," she added
"Pernicious Persian, Precocious Persian… I think that is most of them," Delphine finished, tapping her finger against her chin in thought.
"Let us not forget his favourite one when Nadir has really annoyed him." Christine interjected.
"Ah, Yes," Delphine answered as she and Christine looked at one another,
"You great booby!" they said together before all three friends burst out laughing.
"Poor Nadir," Meg declared, "What is this new term Erik has come up with?" she asked.
"Well I had better start from the beginning," Christine replied as she handed round the plate of pastries. "It started after Erik told me about the piles of ladies lingerie that were sent to Nadir in the office." She continued with another snigger.
"I have to admit I thought I would do myself a mischief laughing when Nadir told me, even though he was clearly not amused by it all" Delphine added.
Meg was puzzled and so Christine and Delphine between them told the story of the bothersome bloomers.
"So, you see," Christine continued as she poured them all another cup of tea, "Erik was trying to make Nadir feel better about all this fuss by pointing out that this was all indicating that ladies saw Nadir as a symbol of potent male sexuality, a… What did Erik call him… Ah, yes Nadir is now a sex symbol!" Christine finished as the three friends giggled together.
"A sex symbol?" Meg queried "How did that go?"
"It did not go well at all," Christine replied, "Erik would not even tell me what Nadir called him, but I can gather it was rude and in Persian." Christine finished sipping her tea.
"That sounds like Nadir!" Delphine said with a shake of her head, "you would never know those two were the best of friends if you did not know them," she finished as Meg and Christine nodded their agreement and the ladies then moved onto other matters.
ooo
Whilst the ladies were enjoying a relaxing morning, Nadir was not. Fed up and frustrated with having to hide from the outside world, he was finding a new level of respect for Erik, who had spent most of his life choosing to hide away. However, respect or not, Nadir had had enough and grabbing his spare Astrakhan hat from it's place on the coat rack he placed it on his head and wandered into Erik's office to see his friend hunched over his drafting table. Nadir waited until Erik lifted his head from his latest design before speaking.
"I am going to nip out for some pastries, Gilen can look after the front office." Nadir stated as Erik's jaw dropped.
"Do you think that is wise?" Erik replied, "The week has not finished yet!"
Nadir huffed, "We have hardly received any parcels or letters today, so it is probably over, and I am getting cabin fever!" Nadir retorted back, "I am a big boy I can look after myself!" he finished turning on his heel and striding out of the office.
Erik shrugged his shoulders and went back to his drawing, completely unsurprised when only a few minutes later the front door to the office opened and then, was slammed shut and the bolts were slid in place before the noise of panicky breathing was heard.
Putting his pencil down, Erik was just getting off his chair when Gilen dashed into the room, "It is monsieur Nadir, he has been attacked!" Gilen informed Erik with a note of fear in his voice.
Erik strode into the main office to see Nadir leaning on the now locked front door holding it shut, a wild look in his eyes and his clothes slightly torn and askew.
"There is a pack of them outside the office waiting for me!" Nadir yelped, "I did not think I would make it back inside with any clothing on me!" he wailed, before launching himself away from the door and running into the back office as though the devil was after him. His departure was shortly followed by the bathroom door slamming shut and the lock being engaged.
Erik dug deep and found some compassion for Nadir that allowed him to hold his tongue and not call out the oft used phrase of 'I warned you!' Shaking his head Erik looked at Gilen, "A strong sweet coffee for Nadir and add a very large dose of the brandy from the decanter in my office please," Erik asked before turning towards the now locked bathroom door.
"And now since the big boy has proven he could not look after himself, I had better remove him from the bathroom otherwise we shall have no facility to use," Erik grumbled under his breath before heading towards Nadir's current place of safety.