In Dreams by cally777
Disclaimer: I do not own Squid game or claim any intellectual rights. That out of the way, I'm back after a long absence, and many broken promises! I've been inspired though by the excellence of this Korean drama, and two characters in particular, to try out a new story in a new genre. I hope it will go well, and so far I believe it has, and the plot is developing well in my mind. Considering the more innocent relationship between the characters which some (but not me) see only as a friendship, I am dialing down the rating to that of my earlier stories. This will still be a romance, but with inevitably more left to the reader's imagination. For the time being, I feel more comfortable with that.
Some other important acknowledgements. Thank you to the very talented artist maryedraws for consenting to use her beautiful picture of Sae-byeok and Ji-yeong, the full version of which you can find on the Deviant Art website under her name. Also to fellow Squid Game fanfic writer, EverSparrow, who gave me the inspiration for this story literally in a dream! Well a story about a dream really. Oh, and then there's this guy:
A candy-coloured clown they call the sandman,
Tiptoes to my room every night,
Just to sprinkle stardust and to whisper,
Go to sleep, everything is alright.
I close my eyes, then I drift away,
Into the magic night I softly say,
A silent prayer, like dreamers do,
Then I fall asleep to dream my dreams of you.
In Dreams by Roy Orbison.
Chapter 1: In Dreams, I Talk with You.
"Sae-byeok! Kang Sae-byeok! Wake up!"
The voice was familiar and insistent, intruding into the comforting darkness of Kang Sae-byeok's mind, piercing the merciful veil of shadow that kept the horror and heart-break at bay. Sae-byeok didn't want to leave it. She had faced the terrors of the games steadfastly enough. She had thought she needed no one. Then after the fourth game, everything had changed. She knew now what needing someone felt like, but only after that person had been taken away from her in the most brutal fashion possible. Ji-yeong …
Yet the voice sounded like …
Sae-byeok opened her eyes.
She was there. Ji-yeong was standing over her bunk, a faint smile on her face.
"Hello, Sae-byeok."
Of course I'm dreaming. Even in sleep, I can't escape the guilt, the torture. Maybe if I wait, in silence, she'll disappear. Even though I'd give almost anything to see her smile one more time. I had to turn away as I left her, because I couldn't bear to see her die.
Ji-yeong's smile broadened. "Same old Sae-byeok. Close-mouthed as ever. Your friend Ji-yeong seems to be back from the dead, and you aren't going to say anything?"
I've re-created her in my mind exactly as she was. She was always poking fun at how I wouldn't show my emotions, or say much. If I keep quiet, she'll go on talking anyway.
Ji-yeong was wearing the teal tracksuit and white T given to all contestants in the Games, clean and pressed, with no sign of blood or injury, her number two hundred and forty visible on the breast. The last time Sae-byeok had seen Ji-yeong, they were both dirty, bloodied and sweaty after days of sleeping in the same clothes, and competing in games of life or death. Now Ji-yeong looked like she'd recently showered and washed her hair. As before it was carefully arranged into chocolate coloured bangs, slightly tinted, covering most of her eyebrows, and falling at the sides to just above her shoulders, where it curled outwards a little. Her smile still had the facility to light up her face, making her appear even more beautiful.
Sae-byeok rolled from the bunk into a sitting position. She had become aware that she was no longer in the warehouse-like structure where the contestants had eaten and slept between the games. Instead she was in a small room, about ten feet by twenty, with bare, concrete walls and a single, closed door. A military-style, olive-coloured bed and chair were the only furnishings. Since this was surely a dream, it was no particular cause for wonder.
Ji-yeong moved to sit next to her on the bed. In a musing tone, she said, "If I were you, I'd want some explanation about what the hell was happening. I'd be a little bit curious anyway."
Sae-byeok said dispassionately, "I know I'm dreaming, because you died." I have to protect myself from feeling too much.
"I can understand why you would think that." Ji-yeong gave her a mischievous look. "But did you actually see me die? I remember you turning away." Then, lowering her voice, "Were you crying as you left?" Sae-byeok involuntarily gulped. Ji-yeong nodded in satisfaction. "I knew you were. I wonder if you could tell I was smiling. Hmm, whatever, I bet you remember the last thing I said."
How could I forget? 'Thank you for playing with me.' She thanked ME!
Ji-yeong moved a little closer on the bed, reached out to turn Sae-byeok's chin towards her. "C'mon, look at me." Sae-byeok did so, reluctantly meeting Ji-yeong's gaze. She was as close as when Sae-byeok had grabbed her in anger during the last game, and her eyes, with their hint of sardonic humour, once again instantly captured Sae-byeok's, holding her as though spellbound.
Ji-yeong murmured, "I loved it when we did this, I wished it would go on for ever." Teasingly she added, "You're so lucky, Sae-byeok, you can summon me in your dreams every night, and look into my lovely eyes."
Sae-byeok began to smile bitterly, caught herself. "Lucky? You think I'm lucky when I've got all this shit going on in my head? Do you realise what you've put me through?"
"Wow, I thought I was helping you to win? Isn't that what you wanted?" Ji-yeong adopted a mock offended tone. "I suppose you think I've nothing in my head, then?" She mimicked putting a gun to the side of her head with two fingers, and made a popping noise with her mouth. "I guess that's true, because after I lost, someone blew out my brains. Apparently."
Sae-byeok turned quickly to look away. Ji-yeong was immediately penitent. "Sorry, that was a bit tactless of me." She put a hand on Sae-byeok's arm. "Please, don't ignore me."
From beneath her dark, tousled locks, Sae-byeok glared side-long at Ji-yeong. "If I listen, will you promise never to come back?"
Ji-yeong sighed. "You know I would never do that. Why aren't you happy to see me?"
Sae-byeok shook her head, scowled. "If you can't understand why not … you shouldn't stay."
"But I want to. Now we're alone again, we can talk about anything, like we did before in the games."
Sae-byeok snorted. "What can we talk about this time?"
Ji-yeong placed her chin on her hands thoughtfully."Well, let's see. You already told me about your father dying while escaping from the North, your mother being recaptured, and your brother being in an orphanage. And that you wanted to go to Jeju Island … hmm, that's probably the bit we should focus on."
"Seriously, you think that's most important?"
Ji-yeong stuck out her tongue in a good-humoured fashion. "No, I don't, silly. I told you to go get your brother, and find your mother, didn't I? But you can do all that without me." She nudged Sae-byeok, and nestled closer to her. "Remember we've gotta go to Jeju Island together, and drink Mojitos, and have a girl's night out."
Sae-byeok sighed heavily. "Ji-yeong, you seem to be forgetting like you did before. We can't go."
"Sure we can. As soon as you win the game, we'll be on our way!" Ji-yeong gazed moodily into an imagined distance. "Just picture us standing together on the cliffs at sunset, looking over the sea."
"No we can't. Maybe I can. But not with you. Because you're dead, remember."
Ji-yeong pushed her head forward stubbornly. "Yes, we can. You're talking to me now, aren't you? So we can go."
"We … I … in a way, yes." Sae-byeok felt confusion and despair descend on her again. "Ji-yeong, please! I can't stand these … these fairy-tales. Because I know you're really dead, and when I wake you'll still be dead. And the thought of that is killing me."
Ji-yeong looked down, then up again glumly. "I'm sorry, Sae-byeok."
"No, don't be. I should be sorry, because I caused your death. I let you die, instead of me," Sae-byeok wept.
Ji-yeong shook her head. "It was my choice, Sae-byeok. And it was the right choice, I know it. Here." She handed Sae-byeok a clean, white handkerchief. Sae-byeok ignored the gesture. "C'mon, c'mere." Ji-yeong extended her arms to embrace Sae-byeok. This time Sae-byeok didn't resist. She fell into Ji-yeong's arms, weeping bitterly.
"There, there, don't you worry," Ji-yeong soothed, rubbing her back.
This can't last … but perhaps it can feel right for a while. The touch of her body against mine feels good. The softness of her hair, the smell of it, so sweet.
"You know," Ji-yeong mused, "Perhaps I can do something to make you feel better. Ah, no," she giggled. "I know what you're thinking, but its not that. Maybe afterwards perhaps."
"What are you talking about?" Sae-byeok murmured faintly.
"I'm a little worried though," Ji-yeong continued. "That you might take it badly at first. Eventually it'll mean the end of your troubles. But you have to promise to hear me out, and not to get too angry. Will you do that?"
"What have I got to lose?" Only my sanity.
"Pinky promise then?" Ji-yeong clasped Sae-byeok's hand, interlocked their fingers. "Or wait, how about … we seal it with a kiss?"
Sae-byeok gasped. "We … what?"
Ji-yeong laughed softly. "Don't be shy! I know you've wanted to do this. I've known it since I first saw you."
Her face is so close to mine, her lips ...
"O … ok."
Don't let the dream end now, please!
Sae-byeok leaned into Ji-yeong, who drew back a little, smiling.
Still teasing me!
Ji-yeong observed Sae-byeok through dark eyes narrowed with mirth, as though studying her whole face, savouring the moment. Then she pursed her lips, and advanced them to within an inch of Sae-byeok's. Time seemed to hang, while the longing grew, until Ji-yeong delicately turned her head sideways and, twining her fingers into Sae-byeok's hair, drew her forward the last tantalising distance into a deep kiss.
And oh, its as if our lips, our whole bodies are flowing into one another, the softness, the warmth of her, our mouths seem to meld together, sending my soul soaring to a high that's almost unbearable.
Again it appeared as though Ji-yeong would draw back, but Sae-byeok wanted more, and pursued her with her lips, parting them, letting their tongues embrace.
I can feel her living breath meeting mine.
Its true, I've wanted this so, so badly. Its as I imagined it would be all along, if only I had …
Sae-byeok broke from the kiss.
Of course it is, of course. Just as I imagined. Like every fairytale cliché.
Ji-yeong looked at the tears running down Sae-byeok's face.
"What is it, Sae-byeok?" she asked, quietly.
"If only this … if only it were real. If only this had happened before you …"
Ji-yeong paused, then taking Sae-byeok's face in both her hands, delicately licked off the tears, before carefully and deliberately kissing Sae-byeok on each cheek, then her nose, then finally her mouth.
"What if it is real, Sae-byeok?" she said.
"It can't be."
"I'm going to tell you how it could me. You promised to listen, remember?"
"I did but …"
Ji-yeong placed a finger on Sae-byeok's lips. "Just listen."
Sae-byeok fell silent. Her eyes were focused on Ji-yeong's again, but now it was with the look of a woman drowning, and begging for salvation.
Ji-yeong drew a deep breath. "What if the games weren't real, Sae-byeok."
"What do you mean?" Sae-byeok whispered.
"What if they were fake?"
*I'm betting most of you didn't see that bit of craziness coming! Fortunately the next chapter ought to be up soon, by which I mean within a week or so, Xmas permitting. What will the very grounded Sae-byeok make of Ji-yeong's stunning revelations?
I will also throw in that I've extensively rewritten my profile. Its still as bloated as ever, but does give a better idea of what I might be doing in the near future, handily putting this info at the top, so you don't have to wade through the whole thing.