Ladybug's Decision

Ladybug had made a decision. A stupid, horrible decision she knew. A decision based around; and made off of her fragile form of control. As of late, she had become more of Ladybug, the savior of Paris! than herself; plain ol' Marinette Dupan-Cheng. And she knew that it wasn't anyone's fault; no. The fault was her own, she had become this shell of a person to protect Paris…

Still, though, she felt this burning sensation in her chest; this voice in her head yelling- no- screaming at her that she could have prevented this. She could have done something different. Something better, something Ladybug would do.

But that's just it, she is Ladybug, she's the savior of Paris, the last thing standing between Shadowmoth getting the miraculous and unleashing unstoppable hell for not only Paris- but the world. And she knew this; she knew that if she could go back- if she could go back and change anything, that it wouldn't work. She was Ladybug, but that's it.

Underneath that beautifully done red mask with black spots...she was a no-one. Someone who was slowly losing all of her friends to a lying fox. Someone who thought she had a lot of friends until they all turned on her and she found out the harsh truth. Someone who became a pile of goo every single time a boy she liked even looked at her, and didn't even get her started when he talked to her.

So many times. So many damn times had she almost caved.

Almost.

There were so many accidents where she almost told someone that she was the infamous Ladybug. The person in charge of watching over the mother of all miracle boxes. But she wouldn't, she couldn't. So she slowly built up her walls, blocking off everyone from seeing how weak their Ladybug actually was. How pathetic their Ladybug was. Because she knew that as soon as one person knew, that it would spread like wildfire. Then it wouldn't be too long before the entirety of Paris knew; before Shadowmoth knew.

Ladybug refused to let that happen. She may not be the smartest or the fastest, but she knew it would only be due time before Shadowmoth would use it against her. Then who would save Paris?

Then was her dear Chaton. He had stopped the flirting; stopped the nicknames. No more bugaboo, no more milady. Just Ladybug, and that's all she'd ever be. It was every teenage girl's dream to work with Chat Noir, to fight beside him and have him take all the hits for them; to be completely and utterly in love with them. She wasn't completely oblivious, she had seen all the online stories and posts about their fantasies. She may or may not have gone down a rabbit hole looking for them.

Ladybug knew what needed to be done. She had figured it out one night as she lie in bed, Tikki snoring softly on the small bed Ladybug had made for her on the shelf above where her head lay to rest. Stars had adorned her ceiling from her nightlight as the miracle box was safe and sound in its spot. Her parents had long retired to bed and the everlasting smell of sweet pastries soon faded from her senses.

That night, things had been bad, really bad. Due to an Akuma, she had gotten into a fight with her parents, who had questioned why she had missed dinner; and where she had been. But Ladybug couldn't tell them anything. She had been chewed out by her normally kind and gentle parents, and Ladybug knew that they were just worried about her, and they didn't mean the harsh words they had said.

It had still hurt though, more than she would ever care to admit.

Chat Noir had also seemed to be in a yelling mood, frustrated tears falling from his eyes into the breeze as the sun set below the horizon. A truly horrendous sight.

So as she lay there in bed, the crescent moon present from her skylight above her as stars twinkled both on her ceiling and in the sky, she made the decision. That night Ladybug did not break; no not yet. But all in due time, all in due time my friend.

The night after that horrible decision was made Ladybug trudged out of bed; she hadn't gotten a wink of sleep, and it showed. Pulling on her normal clothes consisting of jeans and a T-shirt she put on her pink satchel, saying a quick hello to all of the qwamis before giving Tikki a small cookie.

The way out of the bakery was a little harder though, her parents had noticed the dark circles under their daughters' eyes; the paler complexion of her skin, and flushed cheeks from what looked like a long night of crying. But when the teenager was questioned, she just answered with a meek 'I stayed up late working on a design. They hugged her just a little tighter that morning.

On the walk to school, Tikki had attempted to converse with Ladybug, but her attempts went unanswered other than the few hums or grunts she had been lucky enough to receive. So Tikki just bit her small lip as she reclosed the satchel as the blunette entered the school building.

The school day seemed to be a blur for Ladybug, information coming into one ear then coming right back out of the other. She vaguely remembers everyone looking mildly confused at seeing that she was in fact on time, checking the clock over and over again as though they were the late ones.

When Adrien had attempted to talk to her, she was still a stuttering mess; a pile of goo that she was willing to be in front of the blonde. Who in return just smiled and looked as though he had no idea what was going on (which he probably didn't) but still let Ladybug stumble over her words like a fool.

He must think me to be an idiot. Ladybug thought to herself as she walked home that day from school, her satchel felt heavier, and her eyes began to droop, but she refused to sleep.

She could do that later on at night.

She didn't get to sleep that night. Shadowmoth had seemed to be on another kick of midnight Akuma's, successfully rendering Ladybug's night completely to the two Akuma's.

Chat noir didn't seem to be in any better mood either; it seemed as though at midnight he was a lot less willing to be thrown at walls. Because of that, it was Ladybug who got thrown into them a few times, and once; she almost didn't get back up.

Finally, as the sun began to rise on the second day after the decision, Ladybug climbed back into the safety of her flat. Mumbling a soft 'spots off' after she had gotten under the covers, too exhausted to even close the balcony window.

The next morning-well lager that morning, Ladybug was late to school. After sleeping through both her alarm and her mother yelling at her to get up, she no longer saw the point in rushing.

She was already going to be late, so why not be fashionably late?

She didn't arrive fashionably but was very late. Her history teacher didn't have much to say about her tardiness, because sadly, it was normal. But nonetheless gave her the stink eye for the entire class.

Lunch was difficult that day. Lila had spewed off more lies about her 'illnesses' this time saying she was pregnant. Of all things to say she chose pregnancy!? Ladybug knew without a doubt Lila would come to school crying one day, saying 'she had a miscarriage' and all her friends would flock around and give the vile fox sympathy.

That afternoon Ladybug helped out in the bakery, going on a short patrol afterward with Chat Noir. He had apologized; saying that he was sorry for yelling at her the day before. Ladybug just said it was fine.

Later that night, a while after the sun had set the crisp air began to nip at her nose, Ladybug went to Alya's house.

The journalist welcomed her with open arms, asking for what she needed, if everything was alright, you know, the norm'.

So Ladybug asked for a camera, promising to return it by the end of the week. Alya of course agreed, I mean it was her idol! How could she say no?

Later that night she recorded something on the Eiffel Tower, then went home, transferred the copy to her computer before wiping the camera memory, before returning the journalist's camera. Softly placing it on her desk as she smiled softly at her sleeping friend before returning home once again.

Getting ready for bed was a tiring task after she had detransformed, Tikki had followed her all around the room then went to the bathroom worriedly before finally getting the memo and leaving the blunette alone once she got into the shower.

Ladybugs' shower took about an hour that night. It's not that it took that long to actually shower, she just didn't want to go and confront Tikki. A cowardly move she knew- but quite frankly didn't care. By the time the teenager got back out of the shower, it was one in the morning and Tikki was sleeping peacefully.

It took her a long time to fall asleep that night. Her thoughts tumbled 'round and 'round in her head as her stomach did flips nauseously. Had falling asleep always been this hard? Had she always had these deafening thoughts that she couldn't seem to escape? Would anyone miss her when she was gone? She didn't have answers to any of those questions, and for once, the lack of answers feared her.

The third day after the decision was made rolled around and in like a wrecking ball. Ladybug had skillfully managed to wake up an hour after she had fallen asleep so there was enough time to put concealer to hide the dark bags under her eyes.

It worked...sort of.

The concealer didn't really match her newly found pale complexion, but It would have to do for now. Trudging down the stairs she didn't even bother Tikki by waking her up and just carefully laid her in her satchel. Saying bye to her mother and father was easier that morning; the concealer must have been doing a better job than she thought.

That put her in a slightly better mood causing her to decide to eat a croissant on the way to school. (And maybe bring one for her long time weak-to-her-knees crush) She loved the way the blonde's eyes lit up as she handed him the bag, his eyes looking from Ladybug before glancing back at the back as though to ask 'Are you sure?' but Ladybug just smiled kindly as she nodded.

School was a little better that day- an Akuma had decided to make its appearance in the middle of science (thank god) and the poor akumatized girl had been bullied into such an angry state that she was easy prey for Shadowmoth, who without hesitation pulled her into his grasp. After a quick sympathetic conversation and a few words of encouragement, Ladybug was back off, swinging towards the school in an attempt to not be late for lunch.

She of course was late for lunch. Lila had already claimed her spot by the time Ladybug had gotten to school so she just improvised by taking her food outside and eating on the steps. Was she allowed to eat out here? She had no idea, but it seemed like a much better option than staying in that suffocating lunchroom with her ex-friends and the lying vixen.

After lunch had ended, she trudged back into the school, thoughts of just ditching crossing her mind a few times before dismissing had things to do, and being stopped by her parents questioning why she skipped school- was not going to make anything easier for her.

The rest of the day continued slowly, her eyes drooping threateningly- but Ladybug refused once again to fall asleep. Things to do; places to be. After she got home she helped out in the bakery. She was supposed to go on a patrol with Chat Noir again, but her parents needed her assistance in the bakery, serving people and the baking in general that she wasn't free until after sundown.

Dinner passed by quickly, they were all past being tired as her mother kissed her on the forehead and patted her cheek before turning in for the night. Ladybug was then free to patrol. Once transforming, she frowned at all the voice messages left by her partner. It was obvious that he had been worried, the messages were a clear symbol.

Swinging around Paris used to be refreshing to the blunette. The fans or normal civilians that decided to call for her or just wave used to bring a wave of happiness to her. The way their faces would light up as she waved back; or the way the little kids shook in excitement as she gave them an autograph.

She was the everyday famous person, someone loved by all and nearly worshipped by some.

But that would all be over soon.

Smiling sadly to herself she continued swinging, her pigtails flowing through the wind as she landed swiftly on the top of the Eiffel Tower. She would miss Paris, she really would. But this needed to be done.

She glanced down at the clock on her yoyo, its black, bold letterings reading 00:02 (12:02 AM) So she was now on the fourth day after the decision, oh what a time to be alive.

Ladybug sat on the roof in the dead center of Paris, where the two Superhero's usually met for a while, longer than any time before that when she had been alone. Both her and Chat Noir had decided to add a small box of supplies at the top since no one but them went up there. So she sat up there eating a stale croissant and cold hot chocolate. Just staring down at Paris.

She still needed to go talk to the new station for the broadcast request, but that could be done when it was light out.

Finally, as the sun began to rise Ladybug swung back off towards the news station. The broadcaster of course said yes to her request and all the requirements that went with it. She was Paris's hero after all, how could they deny her?

She requested that it be broadcasted a day from then, at exactly eight. With the promise that they would not look at the drive until it was airing live, she left. Climbing back into her room she released Tikki from her transformation, letting the small qwami of creation rest for a while.

She looked down at her diary then. Her god-awful diary. That small notebook had caused her more trouble than she could have ever imagined. And it was all to write fantasies about her undying crush, Adrien Agreste. But the blonde seemed to never notice her that way, he just smiled softly at her horrible attempts to talk to her. (she often became a stuttering mess once anything had to do with him) And seemed genuinely happy that she even put an attempt to talk to him, despite how she always wore that stupid (kind of creepy) grin and became even more of a klutz.

Laying down in bed she looked up at the sky through her skylight, her diary resting on her chest as tears began to pool in her eyes. She had been...so...so naïve when she was younger. When did she change? When did that bright girl fall into this void? As she looked up at the different hues of light streaking through the window, she cried. Reminding herself over and over that this was necessary. Things would be better afterward, things would be better, they had to be.

Ladybug didn't go to school that day once she woke up. She had claimed to her mother that she was sick, and just need a break, and her mother, who had been growing extremely worried about the teenager, let her. She had hugged her daughter and told her to go back to bed to get some rest with a kiss on her head.

But when Ladybug went back to her room, she didn't go to bed. Instead, she chose to look over her most recent designs. She didn't have any time before to look over them with being ladybug, schoolwork, and helping out in the bakery, so this break was refreshing. She didn't come up with any new designs. But she had spent the whole time sketching people.

She sketched everyone she could memorize by heart. Maman, Papa, Alya, and Nino; Kim, Alex, Rose, and Juleka...Luka. Chloe...Adrien...Chaton...

Before she knew it the sun was in the middle of the sky, silently telling her that it was time to eat something. Slowly walking down the stairs to the apartment, she saw that her father was there sitting at the table. Pulling an apple out of the bowl on the counter she sat down across from her father, a small smile on her face as they chatted, then after she finished her apple they played a few rounds of video games. In the middle of the fifth round though, (Ladybug had won the previous rounds) an Akuma appeared, so Ladybug gave the half-assed excuse that she didn't feel well anymore then sprinted up the stairs to her loft.

The Akuma took two hours to defeat. Ladybug had still been hungry when it appeared, but as the battle went on, she slowly lost her appetite. Not only that, but it seemed as though Chat Noir's mind was somewhere else the whole time, his mask furrowed with his eyebrows and he didn't do a grinning 'pound it!' afterward like normal.

Putting it off as stress, Ladybug swung home, guilt hanging over her like a boulder, ready to crush her the moment she looks away from it.

By the time she got back home, it was time for supper. Her mother had made her one of her favorites, tomato soup. Supper was quick, and before she knew it, it was time for bed.

Climbing up her steps to her room she stopped once she closed the trap door. Frozen in time one could say. And frozen she was. She stood there for a while, Ladybug lost track of time, but by the time she looked at the clock on her computer, it was 23:47 (11:47 PM). Slowly she pushed the combination for the Miracle Box's hideaway dollhouse. The qwami's all flew out, but were forced to go back into the box and Ladybug's command, she wasn't in the mood to talk to any of the little gods right now.

She made her bed, picked up her room, then transformed, swinging out of her room quietly, making sure to close the balcony window first. Once she made it to the Eiffel tower, tears had started pooling in her eyes. The silent monologue in her head kept repeating itself over and over again. This needs to be done, this needs to be done this needs to-it wouldn't stop.

Opening the box on the meeting roof, she sniffled as she put the Miracle Box in it, securing the lid once again before sitting on the edge of the tower.

She sat there for a while, looking down at her amazing city. She would miss it, but they have Chat Noir, and she trusted him to do the right thing. She knew he would, so as she stood once again, she wiped away her tears, swinging off towards her final destination.

Adrien sat up, yawning loudly. Today was Saturday, and his father had allowed him to have time off until 13:00 (1 PM) and he was more than grateful. Adrien knows that the only reason for the break was probably because he had fainted at school yesterday due to not eating enough because he had to be small enough to fit into the Winter selection that was coming out in a month, but the break was still appreciated nonetheless.

The new station had been talking about the clip that Ladybug had sent in a few days ago, and Adrien was more than excited to see it. When he had asked his lady about it, she just shrugged it off, saying he'd know what it was about when he saw it.

Glancing over at his sleeping kwami, he smiled affectionately. It was still only 6:00, so he'd let the little guy sleep until he needed to leave to watch the broadcast. Sitting down at his desk, Adrien watched the picture of his mother for a few moments, her green eyes twinkling affectionately from being able to spend so much time with Adrien who stood next to her.

Chuckling, he unlocked the computer, pulling up the lady-blog. Which had been updated since he last checked the night before, (of course it had been), Alya had posted an over-the-top ecstatic video of what Ladybug had decided to say in the video. "WHY NOW TOO? WITH SHADOWMOTH ON THE RISE, IS THIS HER WARNING TO HIM!?" She yelled into the camera, her grin wide as she thought about it, "IS SHE FINALLY GOING TO REVEAL HER IDENTITY, OR MAYBE TELL US WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON BETWEEN HER AND PARIS'S OTHER SUPERHERO, CHAT NOIR!?"

"I wish," Adrien said softly, a soft pink tint on his cheeks at the thought of something actually happening between him as his lady. Clicking away from the video to read the comments he nearly jumped when there was a knock at the door. "Yes?" He called, surprised. He was supposed to be left alone until around noon today.

"Adrien there's been a change of schedule, you have a short interview with the kind woman out here." Natalie's voice calls through the door sternly. What? "Get dressed then come downstairs into the dining room please." Just like that Natalie's steps faded as she walked away.

Who is visiting me today?

It turns out, that after he got dressed and woke his reluctant qwami up, it was a sex-craved news reporter. Not really here to get the latest scoop, but to try and get into his pants. They do know I'm only fifteen right? He couldn't help but think as Natalie escorted the woman out of the mansion, her yells fading as she was kicked out.

I feel harassed. Why is everyone nowadays just so convinced that I'll go yuppie-doo and let them in my pants?! Not only that but my father betrayed me. I thought that maybe, just maybe for once he would ACTUALLY give me a morning off. Maybe ACTUALLY stand by his word. Maybe ACTUALLY spend some time with him.

HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID!?

Adrien groans, tugging his fingers through his blonde hair. He was going to shower before leaving to watch the broadcast but that probably won't happen. Glancing at the clock on the wall he confirms the thought. 7:26. Waiting not-so-patiently for Natalie to get back, he immediately stood upon her entrance in the room.

Despite being only fifteen, he already nearly towered over the assistant whom had spent most of his life watching over him. "Hey Natalie, I'm thinking I'm going to go take a relaxing shower before I have a photoshoot this afternoon. Okay, Bye!" he says, already running up the stairs before the female has time to reply.

Natalie lets out a soft laugh, he's getting weirder every day. Shaking her head she looks down at the tablet in her hand. Maybe canceling that other interview he has this morning will be alright...

Slipping into his room, Adrien heaved with anger. How could people like that reporter act so...so animalistic?! "Com' on, Plagg!"

"Noooooo." The qwami groaned, but still floated in the air, an extremely done look on his face. "PLAGG, CLAWS OUT!" After the whole transformation thing (which was so dramatic by the way) I saw the small blinking red light on my baton.

"A message from Ladybug…" I murmured to myself, putting the baton- or should he say pawton up to his ear to hear what the message said. It was sent around 2:00 this morning, so it might be important. Why was she even awake?

"H...Hey Chaton." She says, pausing for a moment, there were soft pitter-patters in the background and once Adrien looked down at the ground upon opening her window, he realized that it was wet outside. Meaning it had rained the night before. "Sorry to bother you, I um- I know you're probably still angry with me but um, can you please watch the broadcast tomorrow morning on the rooftop we usually meet at. I left some supplies there...so yeah, I'll probably be asleep when the broadcast airs so...yeah. Bye Chaton, Cya 'round."

A game? A game! Adrien was nearly giddy with excitement, yeah he may have taken it a little overboard the day before. There was a big fight between the two of them, and he couldn't wait until later that day to ask for her forgiveness. But it seemed as though that was going to be necessary anymore, Ladybug had already made another way for the fight to end.

Thank god, Adrien thought, swinging out of the window once turning on the shower as his decoy. Swinging to the Eiffel Tower he let out loud 'YIPPIES' causing some of the civilians to watch in amusement. It wasn't uncommon for Paris's hero to do this during the day, people even had video recordings of him doing tricks upon kids asking him to.

Finally, he made it to the meeting roof, with a few minutes to spare thankfully. When Adrien and Ladybug had found this roof, they both thought it to be perfect. In the dead center of everything, out of the civilian's eye, and there was a humungous screen right in front of the roof across the street. He would have first-row seats to this broadcast.

Opening the box, he opened the first level, the sweets right there in front of him. Taking a (very stale) croissant into his mouth he took a large bite, sighing in contentment at the flavor. It may be stale, but the flavors were still there. "Num, Num, Num." He grumbles to himself as he greedily continues eating.

Looking at his baton he checked the time once again. 7:54. Just a few more minutes. The large screen flickers to life from across Adrien, Ladybug's smiling figure appearing, the large, bold letters over it saying "LADYBUG'S MYSTERIOUS BROADCAST. AIRING AT 8:00 CET (Central Europe Time).

Glancing back at his baton he sees that only one minute had passed. Groaning, he laid down, covering his face with his leather-clad arm. When he had first started being Chat Noir, he had assumed he would often get hot in the black skin-tight suit, but thankfully, no such thing happened. Some magic that kept people from recognizing them as normal civilians, also made it so he stayed cool in the summers, and warm in the winters.

It was a win-win for everyone. "Hey, Paris!" Ladybug's voice calls through the screen suddenly, and Adrien shot up, his breath catching in his throat. She looked dazzling. Butterflies erupted in his stomach and he leaned on the edge of the roof, a small smile on this face. "So I know this is out of the blue, but I just HAD to tell you all this!" She pauses for a moment, the wind picking up for a second before dying down again.

Wait- why is she on the tip of the Eiffel Tower when it's really windy and raining out?

"Well before that, I just want to thank each and everyone one of you for being the best person you can be! Shadowmoth appeared over a year now, and you all handle it very well, and are even trying to keep your emotions in check!" She gives a half-hearted thumbs up and Adrien feels the butterflies flutter again, stretching their wings out.

"So I just wanted to say sorry to all of you. This has been coming for a while, and for that, I give my sincerest apologies. By the time all of you listen to this on Saturday, I will be dead." Adrien chokes on his spit, his eyes widening as he let out an alarmed gasp. What-no- she's joking. She has to be joking!

"Tikki," She says softly and Adrien shakes his head violently, no…no not like this! How could she do this!? The pink hue on his face faded, and all the butterflies in his stomach either died or turned into Akuma's.

No…

"Spots,"

NO…

"Off…" There was a big pink light then it was no long Ladybug; Savior of Paris! That stood in front of him, but his friend.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng. All along it had been Marinette, this entire time! Now that his rose-colored glasses had been removed, he could see the deep bags under her eyes, and how she looked paler than normal. At that moment, the moment she revealed herself, everything paused. The rain in the video, Adrien, the butterflies. And Adrien could assume that Paris as a whole probably froze too.

She looks half dead already, Adrien realized solemnly, What happened to her?

"Well...haha…it's me guys! Yay…for those who don't know me, my name is- shoosh Tikki- my name was Marinette, Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Like the famous Bakery! But I'm not all that anymore, though I wish I could be, I'm not. It started a few months ago, and I realized that all I'll ever be needed for is Ladybug. And I was going to give Paris the superhero they deserved." She paused for a moment, and Adrien could see the gears turning in her head as she thought about what to say next.

"Well...anyways, I have to get going, I still have to return this camera to Alya. I just want to tell each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you. Maman, Papa, Alya, Nino, all of you. You especially Chaton, I know that we were in the middle of a fight, but thank you. I set the jewels into the box hopefully sitting right next to you. I trust that you know the right thing to do."

She paused for a moment once more, saying a special, individual goodbye to each citizen before she left. "Thank you, and I love you, Paris. Bug out." She did the signature salute, and the screen paused. The video was finished, yet it was still left on the screen. Why?

WHY? WHY WHY WHY WHY DO THIS!? Adrien felt tears brimming his eyes as he sat there, longing for some sense of familiarity. Everything is different now. Getting up shakily, he walked over to the box, taking off the component that kid the bottom level. Choking out a sob, he collapsed against the plain-looking box. Sure enough, just as she had said the Miracle box in all its glory was right there.

With all this strength, he shoved himself up, lifting the box up, he flinched at the sight, once again slumping against the box, his body heaving with dry sobs as though he was going to vomit, but he never did. Her earrings were there, black and waiting for a new user.

"WHYYYY!?" He howled, not caring about the volume of it, if he had been thinking clearly, he would have cared about how loud he was being, but he wanted the pain in his chest gone. That heavy, gaping, feeling, that humongous- and growing- hole in his chest that didn't go away.

Why did she do it? Why…

Why…

WHY…

Ladybug...Why?

Hey. This was super emotional, and quite frankly hard for me to write.

This IS suppose to be a one-shot, not a complete multiple chapter story. Because this one chapter is the complete story. Although if enough people want to see what happened after this AND request it in the comments then i'll get my lazy ass back to the computer and write the second (maybe last...maybe?) chapter of this story. If not though, this story is in fact DONE.

If any of you are feeling like this, or are feeling just down in the dumps my doors always open (just comment on this story or PM me and I'll answer in any way I can) theres also a hotline for that kind of stuff, I've talked to them too because at a point I was-well am- suicidal and I know from experience that their not prim perfect people that are going through their own problems are are just their to help. People are always here somewhere for you guys!

I hope you have an amazing day/night/whatever, loves.

-ODDBAll08