Chapter 1
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. I climb the ladder slowly, wondering what I've gotten myself into. Is it too late to back out? Probably. Breathe in. Breathe out. I make the mistake of looking down; about 12 feet up, a third of the way to the top. In. Out. I hate heights, why am I doing this? When did I start this near daily routine? 25 feet. Well at least I know the answer to these questions. It's just embarrassing to admit my mom is still controlling my life at 17. I should have more of a say and I say I hate this. In. Out. In. Out. 30 feet. I know I have to listen to here though; it's too dangerous not to. It's easier to just give her control.
I've reached the top and look down at the pool below. I've always felt pool water had an unnaturally blue color. Must be the chlorine. Ok, breathe for a few seconds then jump. I do this every day; I can do this now. Just jump, I have no other options. Wind rushed past me while I fall headfirst towards the water. I carve into the water with a small splash and the cold water shocks my system. "You need to tighten your form Linnette." My coach is never satisfied with my dives. "Focus on correcting your core when you try again." I look at the clock, 2 more dives then I can leave.
I shiver as I turn the corner of the street. I can't tell if it's because of the crisp autumn air or because I know what waits for me inside her house. Report cards came in today and I suck at history. My feet feel heavy as I walk up the steps to the house. The neighborhood standard brown door loomed over me as I fished my keys out of my backpack. I pause when I reach for the doorknob. How angry will she be? Is she waiting at the door? Probably. She'll get mad at me if I go through the back door. "Trying to sneak in?" she'll say and I'd have no excuses to give because she wouldn't be wrong. Punishment is always worse when I try to avoid it. I should just go in.
When I open the door the front room is dark and silent. I creep inside; the front door sounding particularly loud when it closes behind me but she doesn't come. Safe for now. Maybe I can make it to my room. I try to avoid the creaks in the stairs when I go up. At the top of the landing I see my sanctuary, I just need to get past the final hurdle. I try to speed past my mom's room but I fail. My stomach fills with dread when I hear her voice, "Where do you think you're going?" Breathe in. Breathe out.
"My room." I don't look up from the floor when I speak. I want to shrink away to nothing as I walk into her room. I know the punishment would be worse if I waited for her to call me over. "You're useless you know that?! What the fuck is this?" She throws an envelope at me. Don't flinch, it'll only make it worse. When the envelope reaches the ground, I see my school's letterhead stamped in the corner. "M-my report card?" her footsteps feel like a stampede of elephants as she stomps towards me. "I KNOW THAT! Do I look stupid to you?" Oh no, I messed up somehow.
"No you don't look stupid. I'm sorry." What did I do wrong? I should've talked about the grade. Obviously she was talking about the grade. What's wrong with me? "
She goes for my neck and I flinch involuntarily. "Why are you flinching? Am I hurting you?" "No" "Am I yelling?" Yes. "No" I make the mistake of looking up from the ground and shrink at the glowering woman standing in front of me. The tears are involuntary. I try hard to keep them in but I can't. "Why can I never talk to you without you crying? Why are you so sensitive?" She reaches for my neck and pulls me towards the hall closet. I hit my stomach on a shelf when she throws me in. "Since you want to cry, cry in here" She slams the door shut and I hear the lock engage. Darkness overcomes me and I feel safe enough to let the tears fall.
My body aches, I feel like I'm being swallowed by the floor. I strain to open my eyes but gain no benefit from doing so. The closet is completely dark. I only notice I'm lying on a mat once I go to sit up. When did I get put on here? There's nothing inside the closet for me to lay on. When did this heavy blanket get put on top of me? No wonder I felt like I was getting swallowed up. Wait – I can stretch my legs out, this isn't the closet. Am I in my room? My mom has never put me in my room before. She would normally just let me sleep in there. And if she had moved me, why did she put a blanket on top of me? This isn't like her.
The blanket on top of me is thick and warm. Maybe I don't have to get up just yet. I don't know why but I feel so secure. No, I should look around. This just feels weird and off somehow. I sit up but the room is too dark to see anything. I'll have to get up and look around. When I step on the floor I feel a bamboo mat under my feet. OK weird. But I trudge forward. I see a light coming from behind a screen across the room. From the light I see the screen is decorated with herons standing in a rice field. Weirder. When I open the screen, I see a long hallway that stretches on on either side. The blue hallway had ostentatious tapestries of herons standing in wetlands with gold thread weaved throughout. Okay, I'm not at home.
I quickly close the screen as quietly as I can then try to readjust my eyes to the brightness. Okay I woke up in a strange place I can't even imagine being in my city. Its okay, I could just be dreaming. I start pacing the room. Think. How did I get here? Obviously while I was sleeping, but seriously how? Someone must have moved me while I was sleeping. I shudder thinking about something so unsettling. Does my mom know? If no, then I was kidnapped. If yes….then I don't know what that means. I don't want to think about what yes means.
I hear people talking in front of my door in the hallway. I don't want to meet anyone right now. I don't want to face the reality of my situation yet. I quickly lay back under the covers and wait to for the voices to die down. I duck my head under the covers and close my eyes tightly when I hear the screen open across the room. "She's still sleeping." "She's been asleep for a few hours now, if she wakes up tonight contact me as soon as possible." Two voices, one male, one female. I hear the man's voice next, "It's late, she may sleep through the night. I'll come by in the morning to check in on her condition." I don't hear anything so the woman must have only nodded to this. I've been asleep for hours? "She was pretty beat up when she arrived. I want to give her a full physical to access the damage to her body." Another nod.
When the screen closes I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. A lot to take in. First I've been asleep for hours. What time is it? Is it tomorrow already? Second, beat up? Did they mean my old bruises? Had to be it. My mom hasn't hit me all week. How did they see them? They're all hidden. I finally take stock of myself. Completely new clothes, which means they had to have changed me. No wonder they saw them. I shudder again at the unsettling thought. Who are these people that saw me naked apparently? The man sounded like a doctor; or at least he talked like one. I can't access the woman at all. Seriously, who are they?
I have so many questions but I don't know if I want those two to answer them. I look around the room again and find a wall of windows. Its pitch black when I look out one. No city lights? Am I in the countryside? What time is it? What day is it? How did I get here? When did I get here? What should I do?