Karsten IF

by Reactionist

One small action causes an entirely new reality to be born. In this story, a small need for a conversation beneath a gigantic tree, causes an entire world to change its narrative. Watch as the Valkyrie of the Karsten royal house, persevere to become yet another cornerstone of support for Natsuki Subaru

2. Chapter 2

Karsten IF

Chapter 2: Introspection After Fog

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"Irony is most cruel."

She watched its last eyelid close like a castle gate. The beast's anguished cries were cut, and its moans ceased to invade the ears of any listeners, leaving behind only one possibility. It was a moment that shall be carved in history. There was unshakable jubilation in the air, fuelled by the aura of victory and joy of every soldier present on the battlefield.

She moved forward, wincing at the wetness of her sweat-damp apparel, like a hassle born to balance itself with her good fortune.

In this grand celebration, the pain in her legs could not be any more minuscule. She was certain some of the few who survived the battle didn't even show a hint of despair in their eyes as they hollered and cheered. As if the injuries the survivors had allocated were minor in nature. One look backward to the array of corpses and unconscious men lining up the grassy hill told her the truth. But alas, she pressed her eyes to look forward and gaze at the source of all this celebration.

A mythical force of nature that transcended evolution and became a prime predator that treated humans as its most common prey. The sight was so magical and pure yet demonic and horrid she felt pity for not being able to capture this moment as a painting to grace her mansion walls.

Crusch's breathing hitched; her legs froze.

It's finally done.

Her expression hardened, and her air of regality and authority stood firm, but even she could not help but let out an inaudible breath of relief—her nearly broken chestplate jostling in the process.

The White Whale was dead, and the army was celebrating the glorious and legendary act they had helped commit. It was a great achievement, one she had been striving toward for a long time. All those caught in the wrath of the Great Calamity may now rest and relieve themselves of resentment.

The majesty of the stance before her is one she'd always picture when hearing of myths and fairy tales. The crooked blade was held high in the air, droplets of crimson dark fell from its sharp tip, coating the mirroring steel in a reserve of gore fit for the handler who cocked it forward. Above the hulking corpse of the demon, the wizened old man serving her royal sigil stood proud, head held high.

The White Whale has been vanquished, and her knight delivered the final blow.

So why does this feel…

Her heart gave a sudden burn that touched upon her lungs and upper chest. She found that something unexpected had filled her when excitement and passion encapsulated the mood of her victorious soldiers.

It was only when her elegant gaze fell upon the monster's torn and tattered corpse, did she finally feel something.

Her pain was not one of triumph and appreciation of her achievement. She was not proud of what happened on this field today, not yet.

All she could feel was maddening anger—a fury that took hold over her nerves and stiffened her legs to the point of making her seem like a statue.

Never one to let her anger take over, never to be the one to have her sides in such pain and let a grimace show upon her expression; there were far too many eyes around to see such weakness.

And since when did Crusch care about showing one's weakness to her allies?

Were these my allies to begin with?

A halting thought froze her very soul in its place. Her anger and royal cause impaled the soles of her shoes as blades would embed the dirt and the grass blades. The soul within her was frozen from a self-aggrandizing venture into her own mind.

Crusch's thoughts began filling her head, now her eyes widened as the coast was clear for the habit to take reign again.

Crusch was stuck, overthinking herself to the point of breathing in and out in a callous manner.

This wouldn't do. This will not do.

Breathing slowly, she calmed herself. 'No one must see, no one must hear.'

Cheers were still being hollered from the triumphant army around her. An army that wouldn't have given another thought toward her demise moments before…

A mercenary group along with brave, aspiring adventurers and a patch of golden-aged knights who held her respect and admiration for their sacrifice.

At least they used to.

What a troublesome thought…

Crusch's lip was bitten, at least inwardly since she didn't want to show her frustration, anger, fury.

The Whale was dead. The calamity has been thwarted, and Crusch could not help but feel disappointed for a moment.

It should've taken more of them with it.

It was not their fault.

They were screaming for me to die.

That's because you brought them here.

I was cowering at this monster's gaze.

Because you were too weak.

A boy with nothing to gain or lose was more effective than the lot of these fools!

That boy wouldn't have done this if you were better.

…

At the end of each breath, there was a small tug in Crusch's lung. She couldn't tell if it was the left or the right one, but she could sense a burn inside there. There was a wave of anger inside of her heart that aimed at her cowardly display and disloyal soldiers. Another wave filled her head with shameful thoughts of regret and guilt for what she had failed to do.

The White Whale was dead…

And this still didn't change anything about me.

Her thoughts became an anvil of weight upon her shoulders, she felt heavy from this sudden realization. It wasn't her army's fault that they cowardly left her to die in the fog. It was Crusch's for not being a better leader. Such thoughts eagerly drove themselves into every nook and cranny within her mind, not allowing Crusch any wiggle room to escape them.

Crusch couldn't look at the disappointing corpse of the White Whale any longer. Her legs inched away, leaving a mark on the grass field to recognize a spot where she stood in shame. Yet another spot. She's been leaving a lot of those lately.

The Duchess went on, descending away from the Corpse, from the Titan Tree of the Wanderer, from her battered soldiers and wounded warriors.

Breathing grew harder to manage when she heard the sobs of grief.

Ah…

To her surprise, her heart was filled with sympathy for one of the people she recognized as a mercenary. Though they were far behind the lines, she didn't lose sight of everyone that ran away and left her alone on that clearing.

Yet the sight was enough to pull on her maidenly side, for who wouldn't cry when two lovers are separated by the unfairness of life.

A woman in a white cloak, crying over a man with dented metal armor. As if the woman was holding the man's soul inside of his body and keeping it there. As if the woman wanted to elevate to the heavens alongside the man's soul so she gripped his mortal form in hope. A shriek of sorrow, a hunched stance of protection and desperate need for reconciliation.

It was a foolish action; calling for someone who's dead. Yet human nature compelled all those who saw it to weep in sorrow alongside the lady.

Shame is the only thing I feel. Knowing what I've done to you and so many others here today.

Her trust was completely broken, that much was clear.

But Crusch could not blame those who cowered any further than she can herself for the faults she had inflicted toward her people.

I failed to protect them.

They gave up their lives bravely.

It was foolish.

They knew the risk and took it.

Because they believed in my ability and I failed them.

They deserve to be honored. You only insult them by pitying their corpses.

I've lost all right to stand over these people.

…

Before her stiff leg turned, the Duchess heard her name being called by the woman in the white cloak.

"Lady Karsten!" a cry, born out of desperation, out of misery.

She stopped her body, halting its movement to only turn her gaze for the face of her caller.

Snotty, wrinkled with frustration and agony, dim of light and hope. This young girl was completely destroyed.

"Yes?" Crusch courtly replied, back straight and lips thin and firm.

"I-Is…" The girl could barely get through a few words without sobbing.

You weren't this hesitant to sob when you ran away…

Crusch felt like saying, but she couldn't have the heart to be any more of a monster today. She'd failed enough.

"If there's anything you can do to bring him back… Please." A plea of mercy. A false light of hope.

"..."

"Your Kn-Knight is the Blue, r-right?! He can help me! YOU CAN HELP ME! PLEASE!"

"He is dead. I'm sorry for your misfortune. Please don't desecrate his rest with such dark thoughts. Nothing can bring him back now, and I'm sure he's going to be remembered among the greatest of heroes for what he did today-"

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT!" A shriek of grief again. A shout of confusion and anger. "HE WOULDN'T BE DEAD IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOUR STUPID PLAN! THAT WHALE KILLED MY COREDUEL! My… M-... *sob*"

Finally, the woman broke down into tears. On her knees, before Crusch's stiff form.

"P-Please… Bring him back." One final plea.

"I can't." And a court destruction of this girl's foolishness for good.

One that only served to show Crusch how justified the voice in her head was.

How can you derive pleasure from destroying a grieving woman like this? Do you think that you are an entity above them all?

The Duchess couldn't know. The pain in her chest increased, not only for the woman's last parting words, but for how similar her mind had phrased this idea hours before.

"I wish that stupid boy never saved you! He did us a disservice!"

And Crusch's back fully turned away from the righteous hate the woman aimed towards her. Legs moving and elegance shining throughout the silent hill. Only the sounds of the grieving many and Crusch's footsteps filled the air.

The Duchess had a clenched fist for ten minutes after hearing the woman's parting remarks. The thoughts were living inside of her mind without a receipt, her footsteps fumbled from her unfocused daze. She stumbled away from the hill of the wounded with the confrontation freshly embedded in her mind.

A proclamation of hate. Words said in the heat of the moment. She kept excusing her comrade, excusing all of the failures that could be noticed in herself and the way she acted.

Once Crusch had entered the modest tent at the end of the hill, her chest couldn't have burned anymore painfully when she realized how truly on point the woman's hate was aimed. How could she not?

When she was standing over Subaru's form, Crusch couldn't help but feel like the air was going to blow her down the grassy plains.

"Natsuki Subaru."

The Duchess' gaze had lingered on the sight of his face for a period of time. She fell into a habit of hers that she didn't like. In the tent, she was the only one standing watching the bandaged form of the unconscious patient lying on the grass.

Her eyes moved across Subaru's naked shoulders and neck, inspecting each and every gash or scrab that he'd taken from his last risk. The anger within her had solidified to make her palms into fists.

"Have you… always been this way?" Crusch's authority was not present within her as she spoke.

Her glare pierced him with unwavering admonishment.

"What have you done to yourself?"

Speaking to the dead was a moment deserving of great sympathy, if she was to ever see such a sight.

Sternly reprimanding the unconscious? That was a special moment for anyone who'd be able to encounter it.

"You knoyw… You can be able to thank him when no one is around, meow!" A speaker voiced from behind her, entering the tent and standing to the corner of the room, keeping to themselves.

"Ferris," she nods, ignoring the display she was giving to look at her knight, "Have you checked on Wilhelm-dono's and Rem-dono's health?"

"They are gonna be exhausted for a few days, but I've taken care of the worst, nya~" he replied faithfully and reassuringly.

"That is a relief." With a curt nod, Crusch turns her stance around to begin her walk out of the tent, unaware of her Knight's worried eyes on her.

"Aren't ya gonna nyask me about him?" Felix stops her in her tracks by pointing towards the boy that had been placed in her personal camping area.

Crusch did a little turn to glance at the boy's bandaged, bruised body and face...

Before reverting back to her demi-human knight with a hardened face.

"I have many things to ask about him. I have many things I must ask of him. For now, there are more urgent matters to attend to… and he's a liability."

Felix only sighed at his mistress. "You really can't act for your life, Crusch-sama."

He was promptly ignored by Crusch exiting her camping area and moving through the lines of wounded and half-dead fighters placed at the outskirts of the grassy field's Great Tree. Or where its ash-ridden stump remained.

She also gave no reaction to the words being said in her tent as she was stepping out.

"Ya can't really change the fact that he saved you on his own. It was completely voluntary. Stop blaming yourself for this, nya~"

The sadness in his tone forced her fist to clench.

Keep your expression calm.

Get this right.

You owe them this much.

Who's going to repay your efforts though?

The Duchess walked through the campsite in her dented armor with a clear destination in mind.

Stepping over the wounded and bringing herself at the front of the hill's end, Crusch was faced with a peculiar sight.

"You can't leave, miss! Y-You need to stay still or your injuries will get worse!" An older man shouts as he tries to keep the blue-haired maid on the blanket by the shoulders.

He was shallowly overpowered by Rem the maid, as she held his hand and bent his body via his wrist until he was kneeling on the grass. Rem's bluish eyes had the look of wrath in them as she calmly ordered the man.

"You heard me! I need to see Subaru-kun right away! Take me to where Felix-sama just went."

"M-Miss!"

"I think something can be arranged for you, Rem-dono."

The maid's gaze flocked upwards, her hands let go of the sobbing worker immediately.

"Crusch-sama!"

Before the maid could start profusely apologizing to her, Crusch raised a gloved palm.

"How about we don't dwell on the past, Rem? I hope you've been treated thoroughly by Ferris."

"D-Dwell on the past?! She almost tore my arm off!" The poor worker had been rubbing his wrist to numb the pain of Rem's strength, only to hear his barracks leader dismiss him with a few words.

He swore vengeance as he was waved off by the matriarch of the Karsten household.

Rem didn't even acknowledge him as she stared the Duchess down with a stern look.

Crusch returned the same eyes with her own as she took in the dirtied form of the maid.

"Your dress doesn't seem to be doing well, I suppose."

"Yes," Rem nods, putting her hands to her front, "This expedition got incredibly messy. I'm honored to have helped you in any way, Crusch-sama."

Given her politeness, Crusch couldn't push the fact that the maid's attitude was tense with her. She could see the suspecting glare behind the charade of kindness Rem was giving her.

Crusch only nodded disinterestedly, allowing the girl to continue.

"Ferris has been a most generous help. Thank you for offering him to treat me and Subaru-kun above everyone else in your army. This is a great debt that I hope to rep-"

"You don't have to think of it like that," Crusch cut Rem off before any more could be said, holding a sincere smile aimed to warm things between them. "Your efforts in this battle shall not be forgotten and your debt is paid for the lives you've saved, Rem-dono."

"... It was an honor, Crusch-sama." Rem replied to the praise with a polite bow before the Duchess. Crusch could see the toll such movement was taking on the maid's body. It was a spectacle for Crusch to see how much the girl was distrustful of her.

"Shouldn't you be resting right now, Rem?"

Rem blinked at the royal lady's pointed question. "I assure you that I'm fine, Crusch-sama. No need to worry yourself."

The maid politely bowed again, showing no signs of fatigue or pain as she exerted movement into her limbs.

"I will call Ferris to personally come here and tell me about the true details of your condition… If you wish to continue hiding your pained breaths."

Rem didn't register the statement well until Crusch's grin caught her eye. Realizing that she had been had, the maid decided to not be stubborn and give in to the royal.

Seeing the blue-haired girl become more fragile as she let go of her muscles, Crusch quickly took the opportunity to support the girl by handling her side so she wouldn't fall on the grass.

"... Mhm, your body had already surpassed its limit. I can see signs of complete muscle tearing too."

Rem chuckled as she was sat down on the hill by Crusch. "... Uh… Oh… Nearly all of my limbs hurt… Like there's a fire underneath my skin. Ferris-sama is not exactly wrong."

"Ferris ordered you to stay put and rest your body, I imagine." Crusch looked critically at the girl, who gave a sheepish guilty grin.

"Nothing gets by you, Crusch-sama. Even your eyes for medical analysis are on par with Felix-sama himself."

Crusch placed a hand on her hip as she looked the sheepish maid down, unimpressed.

"The only reason you haven't tried hard enough is because of the knowledge you have of my Divine Blessing. Not to mention your body gives away more than any medical staff would need to know." Crusch snorts and lets her hand down as she finalized, "But thank you for the compliments."

While her body reacted to the after-effects of her earlier stunt with the poor worker, Rem smiled with a guilty expression.

Crusch sighed at the girl's stubbornness and moved to take a seat beside her.

Rem kept stealing glances at the royal with a neutral face. Her body was rigid, and she knew Crusch had noticed that.

Not wanting to leave the maid wondering for long, Crusch decided to break the silence.

"I'm sorry for what happened to your retainer."

"Crusch-sama?" Rem glanced at her in confusion, unable to understand the silent look Crusch was giving the grass blades at the end of their hill.

"Natsuki Subaru," Crusch's voice held a tone of fondness as she spoke, surprising the Oni girl and causing Rem to widen her eyes as she listened, "He's special to you. I can see that."

"Yes," Rem's reply came without hesitation, Crusch had to grin, "Indeed. He is Rem's hero."

"That sounds like a story worthy of being told." Crusch's grin was unmatched at the blush the maid had given. Holding in the bubble within her throat so as to not burst into laughter and embarrass the poor maiden.

"... I suppose it is." Rem had a happy grin as she moved her red face away.

"You know, Natsuki Subaru is a lucky man to have such a kind girl work so hard for his happiness." The duchess let through her smile of genuine kindness as she leaned her cheek against her palm.

Her amber eyes met with Rem's shining blue ones. The maid's tense shoulders relaxed at the welcoming notion Crusch had offered.

"... Thank you, Crusch-sama," the maid replies sincerely and compassionately, "I hope you find the same light on your path for the throne one day."

Crusch gave a look towards the grasslands that showed Rem a history that silently lived in the royal's mind.

"The only light is at the end of my path. Becoming King is all that matters to me."

"... I still wish you the best anyway," Rem chose not to push it, much to Crusch's pleasure.

"Let us move on to the reason why you were pushing yourself so much, hm?"

"... I… thought you would've forgotten." Rem's smile turned sheepish again under the half-lidded knowing look from Crusch.

"That was quite the display, of course, I couldn't forget it. You really want to see our resident hero so badly you'd hurt a man who's telling you to stay put for the good of your body and health." Crusch kept a confident tone as she spoke but her amber eyes never turned toward the maid sitting beside her.

She can already feel Rem catching on.

"... It must be a really urgent matter that you wish to discuss with him."

"..."

Rem's lips went thin as the atmosphere became a lot tenser. Crusch kept a cool expression as she leaned more on the hill and continued her aversion to the maid's eye by staring at the clouds above.

"... I only want to know how Subaru-kun is doing."

"Clever girl." Crusch complimented with an impressed smirk on her face. "Bypassing my protection by saying your true feelings and not talk about the secondary objective on your mind. You are tenacious."

"..." Rem went silent as the panic began to set in. Her entire situation felt much more deliberate now. She was physically trapped to sit here by the royal and answer her. Not to mention that nearly all of the ways she could've used to talk her way out were dismantled by the green-haired matriarch's wit and hidden power.

"Now, I don't wish to alarm you. But I think I can rely on you to respect my intelligence enough to realize that I know who Ferris was spending such a long time with for the past hour." Rem looked down with a frustrated frown, Crusch boredly continued, still glancing upwards at the sky. "You already have a thorough explanation of Natsuki Subaru's condition as of right now. Ferris informed you right after he was done with Natsuki, under your pressing of course."

"... Yes." Rem forced a reply.

"I wouldn't have thought you were lying at first. Your feelings are already clear enough from the way you look at Natsuki Subaru."

Not to mention the Whale that had been thoroughly trashed by your angry mace and the man who is still holding his arm in pain to this very second.

Crusch kept the last two thoughts to herself, respecting the maid enough not to bring them up.

Silently, Rem had cursed herself as another set of excuses was shot down by the aggravating Duchess beside her.

"... Yes. I already know of Subaru-kun's grave condition. But I still want to check on him after he… After the tree fell on him."

"You can say that you blame me for what happened to him. I know that I won't refute it." Finally, Crusch let her eyes fall from the blooming sunset to look at her companion on the hill.

You blame me just like all the others. I blame myself more than all of you combined.

"Crusch-sama." Although Crusch was expecting a tone of false denial or outright hesitation, Rem gave her a look of compassion and a voice that brimmed with confidence.

"Subaru-kun's injuries happened because he was too kind-hearted to care for himself. You are not responsible for any harm that happened to him."

…

"..."

Is that a joke?

Crusch couldn't get just how she was being displaced from the cognitive development of this conversation as the leading party of it by Rem's honest words.

"Does it feel like you should blame yourself when he throws his body towards danger for you?"

The duchess was looking puzzled at Rem's question. A movement by the sympathetic maid let Crusch know just how much this was affecting her.

Rem clasped her fingers around Crusch's gloved fist. Her trembling, enclosed fist.

"Me and Subaru-kun," Rem whispered softly, "We saw what happened to you, during the encirclement of the Whale…"

"I hope you aren't setting aside my incompetence for pity, Rem." Crusch replied hotly, incapable of accepting the maid's statement.

The maid shakes her head and begins to recline her back against the grassy earth. A look of whimsicalness covered her eyes.

"I wouldn't call you perfect."

That is laughable now.

"But I know for a fact that Subaru-kun did the right thing to sacrifice his body for you."

What an egregious joke.

As Crusch deflected bitterly inside of her mind, Rem turned her head from the clouds to give the duchess an enchanting smile.

"I know that in his heart, Subaru-kun wanted to run away and save himself."

"... He probably should've gone through with it." Crusch's mumble went unheard as the blue-haired girl continued genuinely.

"He cared about Crusch-sama just enough to force his legs forward. I would say that he trusted you with his life… literally."

Crusch grimaced lightly. "...And I failed him. Now he's in a tent with a bandage across almost every limb of his body including his head. The conclusion was a light coma we don't even know when he will awake from."

"... Yes."

Crusch let her head fall a few tilts with a look of frustration coming over her face. Had it not been for the people around them, her expression would've turned to shame.

"Rem." Crusch shook her head and replaced her guilt with a look of expectation, "...I know that Natsuki Subaru had an ulterior motive to see this expedition through. I inquired about it during our talk behind the Great Tree."

"I thought the objective was clear on the contract," giving her a sigh, Rem did not deny the militarist's request which emboldened Crusch to continue.

"Then may I ask what he was supposed to do with my army after the expedition was enacted?" She asked with hope, but she frowned when Rem's face became stern.

"Crusch-sama. I have been trusted with this information by none other than the man I love most in this world. How do I know you won't use it to further your own name in the run for the throne?"

It was a reasonable question, and frankly, Crusch should've expected it. She did expect such distrust to come forth from Roswaal's maid. It didn't make this less hurtful, however.

"Neither you nor Natsuki Subaru are in adequate condition to take on an upcoming attack from some unknown force. I can take charge of the army and wipe out whatever it is." Crusch's gloved fist turned nimble as she took Rem's hand and clenched it.

The maid seemed to look at her differently like she saw something inside of Crusch that didn't belong.

She's noticed you for who you are.

"I'm sure I can set something with Roswaal-sama and Emilia-sama. We only need a few of your men and we can-"

"You know what it is, don't you?" Crusch's eyes seemed hard, but her grip on Rem's hand was harder.

"...Yes," her reply was firm. She was not giving out extra details.

By now, the royal candidate seemed more agitated by the obscure responses than she first was.

"Listen," she stood, wincing from the pain in her muscles as well as the dented armor that dug through her skin, "I would've been more than happy to relieve your worries by making sure you and Natsuki Subaru made it home safe." Crusch now stood over Rem, looking down on her with a stern frown, "But on my authority as a candidate, I cannot let you lead my men into a battle I have no knowledge about, not in your shape at the least."

"... My sister-"

"My men," she emphasized for the maid, "are not going to be led by a comatose stranger and a half-dead maid that can't even walk right."

Rem looked at the imposing stance the royal had cornered her with, she found herself unable to reject the glare in those amber eyes. The maid bit her lip, unable to handle the amber-eyed gaze.

"I'll do what it takes to keep everyone safe and will not take any glory for this deed, on that I promise."

"Crusch-sama… May I ask you a question?" Rem looked the woman dead in the eye.

"... Yes."

"I see that you are a woman who values respect, so forgive this maid for being so blunt, but I wish you will be as clear with me as I am going to be with you."

Crusch waited while looking down at the maid.

Her face did not drop even after Rem's question broke the silence.

"Why do you feel the need to repay Subaru-kun this way?" Rem challenged a look in her eyes that was unreadable for the Duchess was present.

Crusch's brows tightened over her eyes, no words were spoken.

Rem already understood what Crusch was doing before the royal had come to her.

"...You aren't feeling like this is your fault, are you? You want to take care of Subaru's last wish for him because… You want to prove yourself." Rem cornered the duchess with a look that bore her firm stance against the desperate fiery amber-colored ones of Crusch.

She got you really good~

The one thought on Crusch's mind was not a singular activity. For with each word Rem had spouted, a collection of visions visited her mind like a landscape with a road crossing in the middle.

Crusch's gaze fell on the grass once she realized that no answer would suffice for the maid.

I won't let this be the end.

Firmly aggravated by the way she lost her position of leadership in the conversation, Crusch felt the urge to do something drastic that regained her momentum in the conversation rather than put her on the backfoot.

There must be a way.

There always is.

"Crusch-sama?" Rem, worried now that the lady in front of her hadn't spoken for the last few seconds, softly called out to her, expression gentler than it had been moments ago.

"Rem," Crusch said in a calm voice, "Have you… Any idea what Natsuki Subaru and I spoke of?"

"...You mean the conversation behind the tree?" Rem asked with a confused face.

"Yes."

"I… I don't understand how this is relevant, Crusch-sama, but my answer is no. I don't know anything about what occurred between the both of you that night." Rem looked down on the ground, thoughtful and forlorn about the memory. The maid's jealousy was surprisingly tame, but the body language didn't completely deny such feelings existed.

"Good," Crusch nodded her head, "You were suspicious of me that night."

The maid did not flinch as she had expected. Instead, Rem surprised her by giving a domineering frown.

"It was my duty to safeguard Subaru-kun from being swindled or tricked into a trap." As soon as she spoke those words, Rem realized the hardened look on the noble's face and relented immediately.

"I… I didn't mean anything personal by it. It's just that… I really… he is my responsibility." The maid sounded guilty and soft, and Crusch had to chuckle in her head at how quickly the girl changed her attitude.

"That is completely fair," Crusch nods, "I wouldn't have my staff to operate in any other way. Margrave Roswaal-sama is lucky to have you."

"as well as Subaru." she kept the last thought to herself.

"But since you already know that Subaru trusted me to be alone with him then, I want you to understand that I have every right to say this about him."

Rem's eyes met with hers for the umpteenth time.

"Natsuki Subaru is no hero… Or at least he shouldn't have been yours."

The maid's glare couldn't have been any more ferocious.

"What?!"

Before Rem could stand to give Crusch the wrath of the Od, the Duchess took the risk of carrying further on.

"Each and every word he spoke to me repeats in my mind," Crusch glares at Rem, "And every time they do, I can see something in his eyes. Not the cheer that you see, Rem."

The maid moved her head back in disbelief, clenching her fists.

"I see pain. Suffering that isn't meant to be hidden, yet remains behind his facade."

"You don't know anything about Subaru-kun! Forgive me, but you shouldn't speak so lightly about his strength!" Rem heatedly replies while the royal only stared, unimpressed.

"I never said he wasn't strong."

Rem was taken aback.

"I said he was fighting a battle of which no one could've saved him. Not even you.' Crusch explained pointedly, crossing her arms and looking down at Rem with a small raise of the brow.

The maid related this by giving the noble a not-so-subtle glare.

"Forgive me if I didn't understand. What do you know that I don't, about him, Crusch-sama?"

Is she really that jealous that I had one conversation with that man?

Crusch let her amazement be buried under the serious facade as she carried on.

"Rem… You've placed too many expectations on Natsuki Subaru. He was too high on being the hero for you that he only saw light in handling the most precarious and dangerous situations so that you don't."

At this reprimanding explanation, Rem's pupils grew wide and her mouth fell open.

"It's the battle of expectations, and the competence required to meet these expectations. You believe in Natsuki Subaru to do these things. But I can firmly attest that this man has no confidence in himself at all."

"That… That is…" Rem bit her lip as her hands tightened, giving away that she agreed with the statement to Crusch's watchful eye.

Seeing the effectiveness of this tactic, Crusch continued to use whatever she could from her observation of Subaru that night. She remembered everything he spoke about.

"He talked about the people he needed to save," the Duchess looked at Rem with a firm frown and softened eyes, "He said that he wants to deserve being your hero."

That's an exaggeration.

It's actually accurate.

Rem's fists clenched as her lips began having a tremble.

"Subaru's…" She wanted to talk but she couldn't. The maid had no rebuttal and Crusch saw how enclosed the situation became for the girl.

I have you now.

Kneeling down, the Duchess had her hand upon one of Rem's clenched hands. Soothing the tremble.

"He saved me." Crusch held no negativity in her tone, despite what she felt at heart. The anger and frustration within her couldn't be shown towards anyone but herself.

"I have to make that worth it," the Duchess grunted, "He's lying there because he chose to save me. He spoke with me because he trusted that I could lead you all to victory."

Crusch thought back to when he was confronting her about her worries and jesting to make her forget everything.

What a stupid way to go about things

He really doesn't know how to talk to women.

"Let me be the hero this time," Crusch affirmed by a gentle squeeze on Rem's hand. "Let Natsuki Subaru and yourself rest easy."

The silence had become a war of thoughts and preparation for both women as they sat on the hill. One kneeling with fires of anticipation in her eyes, and the other looked like she was under a rock and hard place.

The old adage about a Karsten being stubborn as a rock was a bit displayed here.

Rem had forgone any more resistance, Crusch witnessed the transformation of doubt into affirming agreement from within the blue irises of the maid.

"Crusch-sama, I'm sorry I didn't trust you, but this information is really dangerous and Subaru-kun didn't trust anyone with it other than me."

"Of course." Crusch nods her head, relieved and hopeful.

Rem looked at her with a glint of worry present.

"The next attack will happen soon. It will be against my master's village and domain. I and Subaru were supposed to bring an army to defend the people in the L. Mathers land."

The duchess nodded her head along with what the maid had said. The pity in Crusch's eyes couldn't be read by Rem since the girl chose to look down at the grass.

And now neither of you can go because of your conditions.

"... What's the identity of these attackers and how strong are they?"

Crusch's brave question was met by a head shake.

"You don't understand. This Whale fight was not an accident. The attackers brought it here."

For the first time since the Great Tree had fallen on the Lifaus pathway, Crusch looked struck by shock and disbelief.

No…

"... It's the entire faction of the Sloth Archbishop… that's who Subaru-kun was preparing to fight." Rem looked up at the royal woman to show that she was serious.

With a look of realization dawning on her face, Crusch's body went rigid in a moment's notice before her fists were clenched and trembling.

"What was that boy thinking?!" The noble lady hissed with fury in her eyes.

Rem remained silent.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

---

"You aren't crazy 'bout this, huh, Julius?"

The purple-haired young knight let out a sigh of exasperation, staring at the men that were loading the head of what used to be an ungodly creature on one of the carts that surrounded him. He couldn't contain the disappointment in his heart as he rose on the blue ground dragon he'd just come with.

"I can't say I'm thrilled," Julius grumbled in an unmannerly way, the dogman that had a bandage across his waist only bellowed a laugh.

"Hahaha~ Lady Karsten has a good sense 'f humor!"

"I'm pleased that you're having fun, Ricardo," Julius said.

The hulking mercenary only laughed in the knight's face after noticing the shaking grip Julius had on the dragon's handle.

"Ya really wanna kill someone now eh?"

"Why don't you keep talking so I can entertain the idea?"

"Sheesh… I'll bring ya a souvenir on the way back, I promise ya, friend."

As Julius was about to turn towards the beastman with a glare ready to retort, he was greeted with the sight of a certain cat-eared person in knight's uniform to the back of one of the carriages.

The knight stepped off of his blue dragon and moved towards the carriage that had been the last to settle in most of the injured members of the expedition army.

"Do you need any help, Felix?" Julius had asked before coming into a reasonable distance to the healer as to not startle him when he's close.

Still, the catboy had jumped in fright before realizing who it was that snuck on him.

"Nya~! Julius! Don't sneak on me like that, nyan!"

"I find it hard to believe that I was that unsettling," the knight refused to make amends on this issue as he moved to look into the cart where the healer had come out of.

"Ah," he mouthed as soon as he noticed someone was inside.

"Excuse me? Is there a problem?" A female voice compelled the knight from within the cart.

"Nothing, I'm sorry, miss..?"

"Rem, I'm a maid of the Mathers Household," the lady answered pointedly, glaring at him.

"... Well, my apologies for startling you, ma'am. I am Julius Juukilius of the royal guard," he announced himself with a bow of respect for her.

"..." Rem continued to glare at the knight in what appeared to be content, "Yeah, I had guessed."

"Ooofff," Julius tried not to let his eye twitch at the snickers and mockery from the two demi-humans in the back.

His eyes only had to look at the black-haired young man with bandages all over him to understand why this girl was so unfriendly with him.

"I cannot be more ashamed," he politely bowed again, humble and gracious as he's always taught, "But I must ask you change your carriage, it is a really disproportionate way to spread everyone while you are taking this entire space-"

"I will not move away from Subaru-kun. You can wallow about this problem to someone who cares, Julius-sama the knight."

Hearing more chuckles from his partner, Julius couldn't but sigh tiredly as if the world itself was conspiring to frustrate him.

"Lady Rem, I am the designated leader of these wounded men's escort back to the capital ground. I need to make sure all is well before we go and you are taking ample space."

"You sure you aren't taking her away because you hate her beloved, Julius-kun~"

The quasi-charming knight never wanted to punch his cat friend as badly as he did at that moment. Felix's statement caused Rem's eyes to fill up with a fire that forced Julius to sigh and jump out of the cart.

He forced his spirits to calm themselves and forget their anger at the treatment the world was sending him. It totally wasn't his attempt to keep the spirits by his side after the glare Rem had sent him. Absolutely not. His buds were loyal.

"It seems I've struck a deal with an evil power in my past life," the knight grumbled, much to his friend's delight.

"Oh come on~, Julius-kun! You are going to be back in the capital while we have to go about fighting bandits and such. It's totally boring, nyan~"

"That does not help, Felix." Julius kept his glare on the White Whale's headless corpse as he strode towards his dragon.

"... Are ya really angry because Crusch-sama didn't allow you to join us? or is it just an annoyance that you weren't here for the Whale's last hour?" Felix asked innocently as he followed the knight.

Julius gave a small grumble as a response, "I haven't any negative feelings about Crusch-sama's orders. She was clear with me on where I stood in this contract between our camps and I would never disappoint Anastasia-sama."

"Then is it seeing Subaru-kun that puts you in a bad mood?" Felix's answer made Julius stop walking.

The healer only smiled from behind the knight. "Or… It's the way Subaru-kun injured himself that made you feel guilty, nyan!"

"... Felix, I think your master needs you somewhere else."

"Nyan, you're such an easy man to read, Julius-kun~" the healer let out a small laugh.

"Hey Blue," Ricardo calls rambunctiously, "the boss in green is callin' fer us. Why don'tcha head back while I see this sad fella off, eh?"

Felix smiles brightly and turns to Julius one last time, the knight did not meet the healer with a turn.

"Don't be such a sourpuss… You take care of these guys for me, kay?"

"Of course," Julius' honor was present in that answer.

Felix patted his shoulder and moved toward the large army sitting in a circle and away from the line of carriages.

Julius was now left with Ricardo to see him off.

"How's your back?" Julius asked nonchalantly, breaking the ice between him and his friend.

"I find it sad ya think that this is anything to worry 'ver. Ya gone soft bro!" The dogman let out another loud laugh.

"I guess there's no need for you to be here then."

"Hey hey," Ricardo relented with a grin and a wave of his arms, "Listen… I get ye're angry at being benched now, but there's more to worry 'bout than making sure we're safe."

"I'm not worried about anyon-"

"Sure," the dogman chuckles, "But hey, if he evah wakes up, let the kid know that I'm grateful for 'em. As is that green-haired princess."

Julius turned around to meet with the beastman's passionate, sincere eyes. He gave a sour look for a moment before glancing away towards the grassy field where Crusch Karsten was standing, surrounded by her army of veteran men and young mercenaries Julius had led here.

"Ricardo," the knight voiced whimsically, "You can tell him yourself when you get back, my friend."

The dogman just laughed one last time before patting Julius' back and moving back towards the army.

"Take care of yerself!"

Julius gave no response as he moved to the front of his ground dragon.

It was but a hilarious notion that Julius was set on being the knight of the future royal leader of the kingdom. Because his face was anything but royal or regal right now.

In fact, his expression was one of pure disturbance.

"Wilhelm-sama?"

Riding a red ground dragon, a brittle old man in a tattered uniform was waiting for him at the front of the carriage line.

Julius took note of almost each and every injury the legendary Sword Demon had obtained from the Whale.

"What could be your problem, Julius-dono?"

"Why are you standing here? Shouldn't Crusch-sama let her strongest fighter be at her side when she's heading for battle?" Julius asks briskly.

Wilhelm gave the young knight a solemn look.

"You won't ever be able to convince a woman that she needs help, especially when she feels responsible for pain she didn't cause."

"Pardon?" Julius blinked at the old man who shook his head.

"My master cared about my weak self too much and sent me back. It is my fault for not showing more honor in my fight with the one who took my wife away from me."

"Crusch-sama… sent you back?" Julius' statement was coated in disbelief.

"It seems so." Wilhelm gave no effort to detail his answer.

"What in the world…"

"It's best not to dwell on it, Julius-dono." Wilhelm held a look of wisdom and patience with the young man.

"Let's do our duty so that both our masters can lay at ease."

Julius couldn't say any more to the old man even no matter how much he wanted to press.

What is going on?

He couldn't help but ask no one but himself as he rode on his dragon alongside the old legend that had been benched out of a fight.

Julius did not like any of these new developments in the plan.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

---

As the carriages had filled up with the last of the wounded and engaged their trip back to the capital, Ricardo had caught on to Felix who'd stood waiting.

"Ya need somethin'?" Ricardo asked the visibly nervous smaller demi.

"I just don't wanna go into that crowd alone. Old Man Wil was supposed to be beside me and now I don't know where to sit, nayn~"

The beastman gave a hearty chuckle and patted the healer on the shoulder.

"Hey," Ricardo blinked as he realized, "Why was the old man forced outta this man? We coulda used 'em!"

Felix gave the beastman a reluctant look as they began walking to the men and women of the army.

"Old Man Wil is really fatigued right now, his body is at the limit where you can expect permanent muscle damage to occur. I barely was able to heal him to a stable state."

"Ya can't be serious…" Ricardo blinked rapidly as Felix nodded.

"That's the price he paid… For all of those stunts while fighting that Whale, nayn!"

Ricardo looked back at the far away moving band of carriages and dragons, seeing the majestic sight of the grizzly Whale head moving along with the smaller carts.

"Damn, that old man was tough!"

Felix chuckled as he carried on walking.

---

On the grassy plains of the Lifaus Field, lay a headless corpse of a gigantic monster. Pinned beneath an even more colossal tree trunk that had once pierced the heavens through the clouds.

Underneath the lovely sight of the fallen Great Tree and the dead White Whale, an army was present. Sitting down, evaluating the sight before them, looking upwards towards a bright morning sky as if some didn't believe they'd see it anymore.

A group of fighters had joined the present volunteers of the expedition army. A mercenary group that was fresh and well-rested. These were sitting down in the back of the big circle on the field.

The other group was one that had a much darker outlook on life than what the fresh recruits were anticipating.

Even though the sense of the great victory that they achieved should've been the greater aura coming off of the veterans and the scarred warriors, the mercenaries were met with dull, haunted, and tired faces.

Each and every member of this army had been broken and devoured from emotion. Their senses were closed off, their breathing was ragged yet silent.

This army was not one that had achieved victory.

It was an army that just barely got past death's door and now they don't know what awaits them after they survived.

"So… How much are we going to sit 'ere? My butt's growing numb!"

"Shut up!" A boy that had an oracle on his eye whispered harshly into his sister's ear. They were twins of the same height and nature. In which they were both short and had animal features as characteristic for demihumans.

"Don't ya feel the tension in the air?," the boy admonished staunchly, "Ya'll just make us lose this job and disappoint boss' obligations!"

"Eh?!" In contrast to the respectful tone of her brother, the girl seemed far more energetic and loud. "But we already finished that evil White Whale off with a bang! I don't see what more we should be doin' 'ere!"

"I told ya to keep it down!"

"I'm sorry, Tivey!"

"Oi, ya both are being annoyin' as hell!"

The twins flinched simultaneously and had to slowly turn to face the person who hung a large shadow over them. The bandaged beastman let a toothy grin befall his face as he noticed the frightful looks on their faces.

The twins both reacted appropriately to being ruffled in the head by the beastman's large paws. In which Tivey cried in horror while Mimi took it with a loud giggle.

"I told ya two weasels not to disturb the air and make trouble, ay?" He let out a growl while ruffling their hair playfully.

Once he was done thoroughly messing up their styles, which in Mimi's case was an improvement, Ricardo let his hands fall and his eyes wandered upwards to look at the entire scene. His fall into silence signified that something was on his mind to the twins and the newcomer behind Ricardo immediately.

"Ya feeling it too, nyan?" Felix whispered while standing beside the dogman. Ricardo nods.

An assortment of seating positions spelled out the shape of a circle in the grassy plains, that being the army.

At the center of this circle, in which there was ample space and all eyes were looking ahead towards, a person sat. They sat with their legs crossed and a map open on the grass before them.

Ricardo and Tivey gave their mercenary group a look over as they noticed how uneven and spread out Crusch's volunteers were sitting in the circle formation. Some of the recruits were even side-eyeing the person in the middle with shame in their glances.

"Course I'm feelin' this. 't's weird, bro." Ricardo sighs and sits down in the back. Felix reluctantly follows.

Crusch Karsten let out a small cough, gaining all attention and silencing the murmurs.

The militaristic royal stood from her spot, grabbing the sheathed blade with a golden lion embedded in it.

Felix couldn't help but let the fear overtake him as the tension increased.

Before long, everyone in the army would rather look to the grass than the noblewoman's eyes.

Crusch's glare was deadly. Pointed and honed like an eagle's and dangerously enclosing on your soul should you dare to look back into her eyes.

The volunteers all shook with fists clenched from shame.

Even in her dented armor, Crusch didn't look the tiniest bit less royal or courageous. She was all of these things and more.

Had Natsuki been here, he'd have called me that stupidly endearing name again.

Valkyrie?

She wondered what such a weird name like that would mean in whatever culture Subaru had come from, and wondered what would've been the reaction her soldiers were to give her should she be standing here with the black-haired boy instead of by herself.

Would he make them feel relieved instead of guilty and ashamed? Would he have explained this better than she was about to?

Her fury didn't dissipate nor did it refuse to stop showing on her features.

How do you expect me to stay calm… These cowards…

The duchess couldn't but aim her amber fires towards those she remembered correctly during the expedition.

"Crusch-sama, nyan!" Almost everyone in the field had to hiccup out of startlement, even Crusch.

The girly catboy from the back waved an arm from side to side in arcs to get her attention.

"Ferris?"

"Yep!" the catboy grinned toothly, "I just got back from loading the wounded carriages, nayn! I got carried away saying my regards to Julius-kun, please forgive me~"

"Uh… sure?" Crusch remained vigilant even through her confusion. She noticed that the members around her knight were looking back and forth between her and Felix as if there was some hidden message being sent.

"Yeah… And all of the wounded are now heading toward the capital. The White Whale's head will be placed within the outskirts of the city before Old Man Wil registers it inside as an official hunt!"

"..."

What is he doing?

Crusch was put into silence as she watched her knight make a fool of himself. She can see him fidgeting uncomfortably in the spotlight of the crowd's glances. It made her blood boil to find others snickering at him.

"We beat the White Whale," Felix's toothy grin kept its charm even under the nervousness, "I'm sure you can lead us to victory no matter what the next threat is going to be, nayn~!"

The militarist princess couldn't but blink at the energy her knight was exceeding so shamelessly and openly.

I barely led anything…

The Duchess remained frozen still, her mind replaying the events of her failure to fight the Whale. Her own knight should know just how incompetent she'd been during that battle.

"This is a chance," her eyes caught a few men that were present during the battle of the Whale perking their heads up as her knight continued talking, "It's a chance for us all to earn more glory!"

He's clever when he wants to be.

Is he…

Crusch's eyes widened in realization. Now fully understanding what the healer was doing under so much public attention.

"Let us fight some more bad guys with you, Crusch-sama," Felix winked at her, appearing charming but in reality it was a signal.

There's another meaning to all of this.

It's clear what it is. He's doing this…

"Cause this is our chance to prove ourselves. Those who haven't fought back stronger and better, that is, nayn!"

"Ay that's true bro!" Obnoxiously cutting in with a smile of good faith, Ricardo patted Felix's shoulder enthusiastically.

"I haven't gotten much out of the fight meself! I got dunked right as things were beginnin' to get good!" The beastman points to his bandaged waist and shows an expression of frustration.

Crusch's eyes caught the pair of twins nodding beside the dogman's massive legs.

Her eyes began to wander around the circle of recruits that were beginning to look hopeful and dare she say, encouraged.

Her grip on the blade's handle became tighter.

They really don't have any shame.

Let's forget it.

And let them act like they are some brave warriors when you know that that isn't true?!

You were defending them an hour ago. What happened to all of this being my fault?

… Little one, I'm merely a figment of yourself trapped here to torment you.

I'm your worry and shame, if you find confidence to forgive yourself and others, I can be your anger and resentfulness.

As if a door had opened inside of her mind, a wave of understanding washed over the spiteful lady of steel. She witnessed a crowd that had cheered for her death gain back self-confidence and promote themselves with hopeful stares aimed for her acceptance of them, no apology was given to gain back the trust they had broken.

They wanted their second chance while not doing any work for it at all.

I already know who you are. I know what I am.

The amber eyes she aimed at the specific part of her army showered the troops with a passion and reinvigorated a sense of bravery in every man.

I'll make each and every single one of them repay my mercy tenfold.

And you'll hide away your own failures while doing so? Clever.

"Today's battlefield shall put a mark upon history that has a lifetime longer than that of the Witch herself!" Crusch's voice boomed across the grass sea, startling everyone around her who heard the proclamation and the reference to the Witch.

Felix frowned in dispute, not wanting his lady to get too excited and challenge something other than a giant flying calamity. He didn't see the fire of rage within Crusch's eyes.

"Every highway blocked, every household broken, every life taken-" her eyes went back to those of the crowds that held looks of grief and anger on their faces, "Every memory wiped from our lives."

She watched one of the few veterans she brought grip a mace handle like it was the reason for a long life of suffering.

"Everyone here has done these great tragedies justice uncompareable! A solution that even the Holy Dragon couldn't have foretold!" Her words were clear to anyone that heard her speech before the ruby throne.

"By the will of our people!"

Your dragon is not here. Your faith is not here.

The rousing words brought the most hardened man in her army to show her eyes of respect and anticipation. They all felt the lead-up she was building and the excitement and fury were ever-present on the faces of the warriors.

"The White Whale died by our effort, our merit, and staunch resistance!"

Her eyes couldn't remove the image of a blonde mop of hair standing behind the crowds, hiding in the circle.

Crusch's neutral expression broke from the noble strict glare to an all-out snarl of hate.

Where the hell is this dragon?

"But our journey is not over yet. And our world has yet to find peace from the evils of the calamity's fog."

The boom of excitement on the men's faces turned to ones of anger and disdain, the women amongst them held shock and horror within their eyes.

"Our next enemy is one that used the Whale's presence here as a means to hide their evil doings."

As she laid out the truth to everyone, the circle of soldiers withheld no shock that overshadowed their hate for the next few words.

"The Archbishop of the Witch's Cult representing Sloth, a terrorist that shouldn't be remembered or named, is hiding out in the forests of the Mathers domain."

The wave of incredibly widened eyes ceased to impress Crusch as she caught the looks of fear in some and the snarls of others.

The holiest dragon couldn't protect you from this coward.

She saw incredible despair in a woman's eyes. Others looked to be haunted just by the mere mention of the cult.

They were victims of the havoc and misery the Cult had caused.

"By the will of the people, the White Whale was killed, and by the end of today, the kingdom's bounty on that terrorist shall be no more!"

As the line of disgraced soldiers, emotional veterans, haunted adventurers, and paid mercenaries cheered and cried war cries for courage, they gave Crusch their hearts. For the better or for worse, Crusch had taken them for their value. She needed an army, they would have to do.

I'll be better than your dragon.

Don't go far blaming something other than your own incompetence now. This was Natsuki Subaru's mission in the first place. He should've been here to earn these men's respect and adoration.

You're nothing but an opportunistic politician.

Crusch's thoughts didn't outwardly affect her as to make Felix's smirk fade or the soldiers to be less inclined to keep shouting their acceptance of her newest campaign.

"Let's keep everyone safe and return home with our glory achieved!"

"YES!" A loud beastman bellowed from the back, embracing Felix in a tight hug as the excitement reached its peak.

But even as everyone near her world of subconscious was yelling for her to lead them towards what may be certain death once again, Crusch couldn't help but feel the urge to rub her wrist.

It was a small tingle that surpassed her armor and even forced her out of her own thoughts.

When she looked at her wrist, Crusch's world became foreign to her as she realized why it was so numb.

Immediately and within an instant, her mind had replaced all of her hatred for her situation with the image of one single man that shouldn't be relevant right now.

Her heart clenched and the air around Crusch's form became heavy on her armor. She knew exactly what this entailed.

Something has gone horribly wrong.

The wrist she clenched was one where unimaginable pain had been festering for a while.

I forgot to ask Ferris to heal it…

She cursed within her mind and hid her painful expression to allow the crowd to bask in her steel-like determination. Her eyes kept their glow of fury and commitment upon those doubtful of her leadership.

And her mind kept the image of the one man that had broken her wrist and caused her this pain.

The man caused her to feel worried, confused, and afraid for his safety.

What the hell are you doing now, Natsuki Subaru?

Crusch couldn't understand why she thought he was doing something wrong, but she was sure it was a message from the heavens above and for some reason she is more inclined to believe it.

Now if only she could do something about it.

Damn you… stop doing things alone and rest for one minute!

The noble lady in metal could not allow her snarl to be shown amidst this air of high moral, but by the Od did she feel the urge to kick a reckless, headfast, nasty-eyed man in the knees right now.

At least then she would know he isn't doing something stupid at the price of his life again.

Unfortunately, that's what he is probably doing right now.

We don't know that…

Crusch hoped in her heart that this wasn't the case, looking away from the crowd as soon as the blonde prince was replaced by the unusual spiked one colored in black.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

---

In the presence of his dream, the cold air around him forced a runny nose to become his greatest inconvenience in life. He felt shivers run down his spine from the wind blowing on his clogged nose. This was not helping him with his current task.

"This is going to be the most painful thing I've ever done!" shouted Subaru, holding on to the handle of his black-scaled-dragon for dear life as he sped through an intense fog.

His eyes clenched shut, not even opening once the dragon let out a chilling screech from her throat as it leaped to the air.

"Don't go feeling homicidal now, Patrasche! aaaaah~~~hhh!" cursing as the terrifying bundle of scales beneath him forced him to hold tighter on the leash, Subaru glared towards the threat following them.

A world of fog awaited his sight with no one near that he could see. He was running blind on a jumpy dragon.

*WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~ *

"AH, CRAP~!" Looking towards his front, the black-haired boy in a tracksuit finally took notice of the sight before him.

The loud unmistakable sound of the monster had filled the sky and did its damage to every mortal creature below it– Damage of the heart.

"No no no no no!" Subaru's eyes settled to the front where he was running towards, seeing an unmistakable sight before him.

The humongous open jaw of the fog calamity had appeared before Subaru's and Patrasche's forms.

"Shiiiiii-" faced the cavernous open sinkhole before him, Subaru's eyes couldn't register the next feature of the Whale's mouth fast enough before he was pushed out of the way.

"Argh~!" He rolled off of the dragon and onto the dirt, not taking a second before he looked back on instinct to see his savior get torn in half by the sharp teeth of the monster.

"Ricardo-san!"

Before he could dwell on it any further, a raging scream rang throughout the foggy plains behind, "Natsuki Subaru look out!"

He couldn't turn in time before a strong hand gripped his shoulder and he was feeling the sensation of the air between his hair once again as he was thrown out of the way of another Whale's attack.

He looked back to see his second savior stand their ground against this second Whale rather than get torn to pieces by its rushing attack.

The green-haired royal in armor had her sword ready to hunt that monster.

"SHE'S A VALKYRIE!"

"Stop with the stupid names and get Ricardo-dono to safety, now!" Ordered the lady in steel, giving out a sword attack that flew into the air and cut the beast's chin.

"Yes, yes, Crusch-sama~!" Subaru had already been standing over the beastman while the Duchess protected him.

"If only it hadn't gone worse from here~"

"Huh?"

Subaru's vision was suddenly clouded in a vision of blackness. His surroundings changed from the fog-ridden grass sea to an even darker version of which he can only see his feet planted on a dark space.

'How come now?'

He thought as he felt the restraint, forcing his limbs to be frozen in place, immovable. The only thing he could move was his eyes. An incredible sharp pain had struck him in his mind.

'This didn't happen… It shouldn't be happening now!'

The boy's thoughts were incredibly condensed to just being in his head though, he possessed no ability to fight back against the feeling of being intoxicated with her aura in the shadow garden.

"I love you."

"Here we go again… tck~"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;:;;:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

---

"Subaru-kun!" A soft female speaker gushed somewhere he couldn't see.

"Arfh…~" a loud ringing filled his ears after something heavy had slammed into his chest.

"Subaru-kun!"

Stop hugging me so tight dammit!

The world had provided no relief for his incredible headache even from inside the Shadow Garden.

"Can someone please rub my head…?"

The perfect chain reaction had happened inside of him once he moved his right hand to touch his forehead and massage the wrinkles on it. The overwhelming fire spreading throughout his nervous system, as well as the blue-haired girl sitting on top of him, did not allow him to.

"Subaru-kun! Please do not move, your body is too damaged."

"... Stck~! Urgh- I would love it if you get off of me, Rem!"

"M-My apologies!"

… The girl made no move to get her stocking-clad legs off of his bandaged broken ones.

"Rem."

"I like being close to Subaru-kun."

"...tck~" he clicks his teeth and leans back on the cart's wall, trying to beat back his headache.

"How are you feeling?" Asked Rem in a soft voice. Subaru almost felt her drawing closer to assess her legs and body closer against his own.

It made him flinch similarly to a cat being frightened off of a car ceiling.

It didn't take him long to realize that the fire in his body was no fire at all. The continuous bulges of his muscle fibers could be felt whenever he'd move the slightest bit, which caused him horrible waves of pain and dissatisfaction.

"What the hell happened to me?" Groaned the black-haired boy as he looked down at the state of his unbudging body. "Why do I have so many bandages? Why does it feel like an entire truck had crushed my bones and left me on the road to waste- Arrrgh…?!" He coughed suddenly, not being able to withstand the pain that enclasped his muscles at the sudden jerk his innard gave in response.

"H-Here, Subaru-kun. Drink this and stop acting so wild, please." Rem placed a small flask under his lips and helped him drink the water inside of it while rubbing his back gently.

"Don't you remember what happened before you passed out, Subaru-kun?" Rem asked softly, hugging him by wrapping an arm around his shoulder and laying her head upon his.

"Quit pressing on my shoulder, it's hurting my bandages~ ooof," the boy whined, realizing that the maid had no intention to let go of him.

"I'm sorry, Subaru-kun, but warmth would be good on you right now, and Rem is happy to provide-"

"That is not an innocent excuse at all!" Subaru groans as the mischievous blue-haired girl inches closer to his broken form.

"The last thing I remember…" Subaru looked at his useless legs in thought, "I'm trying to recall. I can't think of anything that happened to me from when I passed out."

"I see." Rem vocalized, unmoving.

"Are we… Are we on a carriage?" Subaru looked up from his setting for the first time and realized that the room he was in was not an actual room, but a cart with a ceiling and tent-like open drags that showed the road.

"Huh? Where are we going, Rem? Aren't we supposed to fight the Whale at night?"

Subaru asked his question knowing that something was awfully wrong. He could clearly remember that he was supposed to have been on his own ground dragon and not a cart. Especially not with his body in such a broken state.

"Subaru-kun," the girl beside him firmly held him in a hug.

"Rem… Why are you acting so somberly? It is putting a cold sweat on my back man… I don't like it."

"I'm sorry," giving him a sad chuckle, Rem hid her face in his shoulder blade, "R-Rem is sorry."

"..."

When faced with her shakey tone, Subaru realized that the blue-haired girl beside him had begun trembling.

"Did we… Rem. Am I here because we already finished the Whale off?" He asked in a monotone voice. A thousand thoughts in his mind.

"Can you not recall anything?" Rem asks, not looking up to face him.

"I uh…"

His voice shook all of a sudden as he played whatever flashes he could summon within his mind.

"My uh…" he was faced with a flashback to his weird visit to the shadow garden.

"... I remember facing down a Whale on my own… stumbling and having Ricardo-san push outta the way to save me. Crusch…"

Subaru's eyes widened in an instant.

"R-Rem… was Crusch… "

He could feel a small nod on his shoulder.

"Yes. Crusch-sama had been abandoned by her troops midway through the battle. You and I were the only ones who made for her while the other loyalists continued fighting far away."

"That is… I remember now…" he spat, enraged.

"Those damn cowards!"

"...They were doing their best, Subaru-kun.'

"Screw that!" He didn't know why, but he found himself enraged at the memory's existence rather than at what had happened to his body. "They had no right to leave Crusch like that! If a pathetic weakling like me didn't give in to the beast, neither should they!"

"Not everyone is as courageous as you, Subaru-kun." Rem gave him another chuckle. "You're a hero."

Something happened to him that had stopped his wrath in an instant. The feeling of hate was replaced by a new much more frightening one.

"Rem!"

"Yes?"

"What happened after that? Did my plan work? Is everyone alright?" Subaru held her hand in a panic, trying to get the maid to look at him instead of burying her face in his shoulder.

"Y-Yes, Subaru-kun. We've defeated the White Whale all thanks to your efforts. Relax."

He didn't feel right hearing those words. Even though the fact that she was saying it couldn't have been a lie, Subaru's disbelief couldn't quite be obstructed when his head had been filled with images of the beast.

He shuddered.

"Rem… What exactly happ-"

"You were injured heavily in the last phase of the plan, Subaru-kun. That crazy stunt was too overwhelming on your gate and…" She began to whimper, tremble, and murmur on his shoulder blade.

Subaru politely moved his hand to pat the girl on her shoulder with his bandaged fingers.

"Rem…" He struggled to say anything as she weakly held him in both arms. Subaru's mind began to wander when he was still conscious during the battle. He can only remember bits and pieces here and there. Ricardo's face, Wilhelm getting eaten and cutting himself out of the beast, the twins, Mimi and Hetaro, complimenting him on his plan, the plan itself, the coordinated fall of the mountainous tree trunk on top of the monster.

"Why did I end up like this?" Subaru whispered to himself, trying to remember the last few moments before the darkness.

He couldn't help but feel relief once Rem had risen in his arms to look him in the eye.

"You barely made it through!" Rem glares him down, teary-eyed.

"What?"

"Subaru-kun recklessly went on to take everything upon himself again and almost got taken away from me! Why are you so cruel to Rem?!"

"Huh?!"

"I've watched it, you know," she sniffled, looking down at the floor with a devastating frown, "Watched as your body got caught beneath one of the Whale's fins, you fell off of your ground dragon due to fatigue…"

With her sniffling getting heavier, Subaru reused her words to look for a memory of any of this. His headache was brewing stronger, like a turning tumbleweed that touched all the wrong nerves inside of his brain.

"I.. can't."

"Crusch-sama saved you by her strength and raw speed, she had cut the Whale's flesh off of you." Rem looked at his legs in anguish, her sniffles had stopped completely, "But the rest of the rubble from the explosion had caused enough damage to your body. You were lucky that she managed to get you out of there before the tree had fully crushed you!"

"Crusch…" He utters the name, this time with warmth inside of his heart.

Though he was unable to recall that moment, he was still focused on the steel-clad warrior woman that was kicking an abomination of nature to the heavens and back.

"She really is an idiot," Subaru chuckled as an odd feeling of relaxation came over him. "Knowing that Crusch-san is safe and sound… That's relaxing."

"You're an idiot too!"

He didn't have time to dodge the small, though painful, punch that the maid threw at him.

"Ow! Oi, Rem! I'm sorry~"

"You should be!" Rem gave him a look of scorn, retracting her fist.

"Ah, why are all the girls here so strong~..." Subaru grieved while rubbing his cheek.

"I'd advise you not to use that kind of language with Crusch-sama when you get on your knees to thank her."

"I think she's already made fun of the way I talk with women enough, so you're absolutely right on that. Nice job, Rem-rin!" Subaru pulled a thumbs up while nodding.

"Mhm!" Rem nods back with a proud grin.

He gave the clearly tired girl a grin of his own, wiping away the small tear that was left on her face.

"I'm thankful to you as well, Rem."

She blushed at his sincerity, trying to look away from him and curling her legs to her chest.

"If Crusch-san is a badass Valkyrie, you're a magnificent-demon-maid-of-chaos!" Subaru declared with confidence that made Rem's grin widen.

"That's a bit too long… But I don't dislike it, Subaru-kun."

The pair enjoyed each other's company. Subaru's back itched him from the constant rattle of the carriage.

"It's crazy, these ground dragons are supposed to have anti-gravity charms that make us not feel the cart's moving yet this one is going at my back like crazy!"

"That's not the cart, Subaru-kun. It's your injury wound." Rem answered simply with a small sad smile.

"Wha?! Even on my back?!" Subaru whines, shocked that his injuries stretched so far.

"You did kinda get crushed by a gigantic monster, Subaru-kun…" Rem raises a brow at him.

"Oh," he rubbed his head and looked down bashfully, "I forgot."

The following silence was awkward enough to make Subaru feel forced to move his body inside of the carriage; with all the pain that such movement required.

"You shouldn't move right now, Subaru-kun." Rem tenderly urged once he began wincing.

"I-It's fine," No it isn't! "I'm gonna need to get used to this since we are going to Arlam soon."

At this, Rem had a panicking look on her expression.

"Alram?" She asked, blue eyes widening.

"Um," Subaru looked at her with a brow raised in curiosity, "Yeah? Why are you staring at me like that, Rem?"

He asked the question, but the more he focused on her eyes, the more his gears began to put everything together.

A new kind of cold sweat washed over his back. One calling for immediate action and forcing every hair on Subaru's body to stand still.

"Rem…" Subaru's call for the maid was repeated for perhaps the ninth time in this carriage. This time the maid gave him no answer but a small frightened look.

"Rem, we are going to the Arlam village… r-right?" Subaru asked, his expression desperate, "Please tell me we aren't on our way back to the Karsten manor with Crusch!"

"N-No…" The maid had softly replied with a shake of her head, settling a great relief in Subaru's heart.

Still, he should've known that there was a look of shame on Rem's face for good reason.

"Crusch-sama isn't here with us. She's going to be the one to take the rest of the troops to Arlam village. We are the ones going back to the capital along with Wilhelm-sama and Julius-sama the great knight."

The look of horror on Subaru's face did not even begin to describe the fire spreading through his nerve endings.

"WHAT?!"

He couldn't take a moment to describe the panic within him as he registered each piece of the information differently. His anger and spite didn't show but were still very much present at the shocking news that the purple-haired jackass was with them at this moment in time. He was glad that the old man was safe and sound.

"But the fact that both of these strong guys did not go with Crusch into Arlam is a damn mistake! What were they thinking?! Why did you let Crusch leave alone?!"

Rem flinched at the onslaught of questions the furious boy began spewing. Subaru's eyes were filled with real genuine fear and worry, which are understandable feelings considering what's been done to his plan.

"C-Crusch-sama didn't let them come with her-"

"To hell with that!" Subaru began struggling against Rem's strong grip as well as the pain in his bones, "We need to go back! Crusch cannot beat Petelguese alone, especially if all she has is that cowardly army!"

Rem forced herself to push through her fatigue so she can keep the rattling boy down. She felt bad holding on to him like this, hearing the worry in his voice and feeling the desperation of his struggle against her strength.

"S-Subaru-kun! Please hold on!"

"NO, REM! We need to turn back now!" He shouts, gripping her arms through his bandages to get her off of him.

"If you don't stop you won't be able to do anything because of bleed out, Subaru-kun!"

"I don't care!"

His panic was met with incredible resistance from Rem as he thrashed and clawed for the opening of the cart's tent. The rattle of the two seemed to continue on endlessly, with Rem not wanting to hurt him more than necessary while Subaru tried his damndest to get out of her arms.

"I'm trying to hel-"

"I can't let her die to him!"

Rem paused, stricken by the tone he used as he struggled against her uselessly. The begging, desperation, fear, and most of all, anguish that she heard were almost as painful to her heart as it was for her arm which had been caught in his vice-like grip.

"If she faces that monster, it will be all over," Subaru muttered in the same tone, suddenly breaking free of Rem's hold on him.

"What's… What are you talking about, Subaru… Have you met Sloth before?"

He froze for the first time at her question. Though she didn't use any sign of firmness or demand to gain an answer, just her question managed to break him out of his rushing revere.

"... You have." Rem looked straight at him with a look of horror on her face, realizing that the boy in front of her was more than likely reliving that memory of whatever meeting he had with the Archbishop of evil.

"... Rem," he called out, "I can't let him hurt her."

"... Are you talking about Emilia-sama?" Rem wished she hadn't asked that question. He gave a flinch as if the question struck his heart. He remained on his knees, in the moving cart, staring at the wooden floorboards with an empty haunted look. Rem's nerves ceased to work as she drank the sight with worried eyes.

"Emilia?" Subaru held his head in his hands. Rem couldn't help but give an exhale of surprise.

"You didn't mean Emilia-sama… So that must mean you were thinking about Crusch-sama-"

"I'm thinking about all of them, Rem!" Subaru shouted heatedly, turning to look at her with his black orbs to reveal the terror he was feeling. "Everyone, Everyone will be dead if we don't get there!"

"... You really think Crusch-sama and Emilia-sama would be that easily defeated?" Rem couldn't help but let out a curious question. Subaru's entire attitude was no mere out of character display. It showcased a deeply rooted trauma that she couldn't fathom the reason for unless he faced something horrific in his past.

"That being the case shouldn't deter rational thinking," Rem's thoughts remained in her head but the conclusion was whispered confidently as she stared at the boy, "You can't expect to take on all of the responsibility alone, Subaru-kun. Crusch-sama and Emilia-sama are more competent than you think. You gave them the necessary means to win this fight and managed to defeat the White Whale for them! You've done enough."

"..."

He remained motionless and still. His expression showed no emotion other than his world pausing.

"...Enough?" Subaru's trembling voice caught Rem's heart in a grip.

"It will never be enough," he shook visibly as he tried to stand, "I can't let that happen again. I can't let him get away with it-"

"Listen to me and stop putting pressure on yourself, please!" Rem's shout was shocking even to that outside of the carriage, her firm stare became a rigid look of despair once he'd started putting pressure on his bandaged legs to walk.

"I can't see you keep going on like this. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to put you to sleep, please forgive Rem."

"... Tck~hhhh."

Subaru grit his teeth as the pain burned within his nerves and bones. He forced each leg to move him away. He tried to escape with great effort from Rem's slow-moving form.

The struggle was ended not three seconds later by Rem's hand moving closer towards his chest.

"I'm sorry, Subaru-kun."

"Please, Rem!"

Before he could say anything else, what could've been a final parting between the two until darkness replaced his vision was instead halted by a bombastic blast of sound and wind.

"...!?"

Not knowing what the explosion was, Rem turned her back to the carriage's front, where the driver was sitting.

"What the hell was that?!" Subaru asks, having the same look of weariness and shock that Rem did.

Soon, Rem's face changed to one of horror.

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- *

"REM!"

The carriage they were inhabiting was one made out of thick wood and covered in a blanket charmed by air divine protections. It's a nice merchant vessel for products and passenger services alike. The dragon that had been pulling this cart was a strong, green-scaled beast that lived a lifetime dealing with this type of labor and took a liking to it. It may have even been in love with the decently protected cart and it's wheels.

No one shall know the full story of this cart or the dragon or the driver that rode both from now on.

As it stands, the three of them had just been driving on the road, just like always, nothing wrong and nothing in their way.

Until in one small instant of time, they were all torn to shreds and pieces that painted the sky red with flying gore. The driver barely even let out a noise as his entire body disappeared leaving his head to fly and slam into bloody bits on a rock. The dragon's entire form was turned into a puzzle of cut limbs and body parts with its heart flying into the wood of the carriage that had been the next to be eradicated into shards and broken wreckage after the duo.

All this happened in an instant.

*-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! *

"Are you okay, Subaru-kun?" Her voice was confident and firm, but the heartbeat he felt from her chest was not mistakable.

"...Wh… What the hell was-"

"Breathe, Subaru… Please just breathe." Rem whispered gently into his ear, holding him tightly and trying to get him to relax.

He couldn't even fault that her efforts were useless.

All he knew was that they were both a hair's distance from certain painful doom, and the difference that came between his life and the driver was Rem's quick reflex to carry him and jump out of the carriage on time before it was blasted to the depths of hell.

"Subaru-dono!"

"Roswaal's maid!"

Turning, Subaru faced a sight that he was shocked to witness.

A carnage of body parts and dead men had faced Subaru and his trusty maid.

"The first blast…" he whispered in understanding, letting out a choked cough at the smell of metal and odor.

Subaru reviewed the sight of the demolished carts and murdered soldiers with nothing but horror and devastation. Even when the only survivors of this sudden massacre were the two most powerful knights around him, he still didn't feel it was safe yet.

"Julius-dono, bring Subaru-dono's dragon here to get him away from this area!"

"On it!"

Subaru blinked rapidly, wondering what the old man in a butler's uniform was saying about him and a dragon but unable to register. A certain pulling attachment had linked its way into his head and forced him to keep looking at the distance.

The purple-haired gallant knight of his nightmares was coming towards his area with a black-scaled proud creature running closely behind.

"Why are they panicking over me…?"

"Subaru-kun-"

He ignored Rem's desperate pull on his arm. He stood and faced the reason he couldn't focus and the source of his current headache.

At the end of the mutilated and butchered canvass of corpses that the Lifaus highway had become, stood the blandest and incredibly uninteresting human being Subaru's ever seen.

"You did this."

Despite the great distance and the wreckage between them, Subaru's eyes relayed the meaning of his firm whisper toward the man in the white coat. The smirking amber-eyed demon, with dots of black at the center of his pupils and what Subaru would've guessed, was the color of his heart too.

"You bastard!"

Subaru and the white-haired man stood at the opposite ends of the bloodied road, one smirking in glee and one glaring with hatred and confusion.

This staring match was broken as a sudden dash of wind was felt behind Subaru's neck.

He realized immediately that a presence was standing behind him. Someone who should not be this close to his body.

Subaru didn't even feel the humid breath of the person when they leaned towards his ear and whispered lightly.

"~~~~tsu~~~~~"

The feeling of fear and panic was all he was left with as a wrist blade tied to a brown-skinned arm showed in his field of vision.

What the f-

That was all Subaru could think before a flash of light shot behind him and he was overwhelmingly pushed to the dirt.

To be continued….

---

Chapter 2's been beta read by all of the below people. Please give them some love.

TheColourPurple 123. writer of Pride's Greed.

ScuffedSenku. Writer of Senku If

And my homie, Grimbo.

Hope you enjoyed this buildup chapter. Let me know what you're thoughts are.