Whump

Author's Note: An AU take on whump. For Week 3 of Febressuary 2022. When you have undergone a procedure and are tired and run off your feet you aren't in the best mood. I wanted to write a bad mood fic for this one.

Let me know what you think.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE

"You've had worse injuries than this," Liz said as she handed him the bag of peas.

"Like the time you almost blew me up?" Ressler asked her as he took the peas from her.

"Yeah, like that," she smiled down at him.

"They didn't involve a sensitive region," he said as he placed the peas over his groin.

"I birthed two children," Liz chuckled as she bounced their 4-month-old in her arms. "This is the least you can do. May I remind you I was fine with sticking to condoms…"

He sighed and reached for the convertor and flicked on ESPN to try and get his mind off his ridiculously swollen groin region and the pamphlet he read about 10x about risks and infections. He was not in the best of moods today, for obvious reasons, and neither was Liz.

"Don't you have to go get Agnes from school?" Ressler asked her as he noted the time.

His vasectomy was supposed to be first thing this AM but got bumped a couple of times and they'd just got home within the last half hour. Liz had had to occupy their little girl Melanie for hours while he sat and waited and got more and more nervous.

The fact was, they had agreed to one child. Liz was not interested in being the mother of three and driving a mini-van and he was thrilled she'd wanted another child. When they got together and started to talk long-term he had resigned himself to Agnes being his only child; and he was good with that, and didn't bring up more children. Then Liz did, surprising him one day over lunch, with asking him if he wanted to have a baby. Less than a year later, they had welcomed Melanie and Agnes became a big sister. The vasectomy after Melanie's birth was what he'd agreed to, that, or condoms until Liz reached menopause. She was not having any third child surprises.

And, it was probably a good thing. Melanie was not like Agnes as a baby. She was up all the time, temperamental, a projectile vomiter that may have issues with her digestion that the doctors were investigating, and needed constant movement or she wailed. But, despite all of her...needs... they loved her to bits. She was ginger like him with a shock of red-blonde hair on her head, freckly, and liked to giggle and blow bubbles and, when she wasn't crying, smiled a lot. And they knew this very difficult time parenting her would pass, that eventually she would settle, eat better, and sleep more. They just needed to get through this stage without her parents killing each other.

Just then, there was a knock on their front door and Liz walked with Melanie to get it.

Ressler leaned over to watch her and noted Aram's voice once the door opened.

"Shit," he said as he sat up a little straighter and took the peas off his groin and, finding no where to put them on the table without Aram wondering why a random bag of peas was sitting out, hid them under a throw pillow.

Aram walked into the living room with Liz following close behind with Melanie as she talked with Agnes.

"Hey, Liz told me you got…" he made a snipping scissor motion with one hand and Ressler turned to look at her annoyed; although he hadn't specifically said to not tell anyone, he assumed she would know this type of surgery was private.

"Uh, yeah," Ressler sighed as he reached under the throw cushion for the peas and placed them on his groin in defeat.

Agnes pounced on Ressler, like she did every time she saw him sitting on the sofa, and he bit his tongue so he wouldn't scream as Aram pulled Agnes gently off him and directed her toward some of her toys.

"That's quite the…surgery…" Aram winced.

"It's a procedure, not surgery," Liz corrected him. "Honestly, women give birth every day and a little puncture and snip has got you all…"

"How long until you're…functional…again?" Aram asked.

Liz huffed behind them.

"Probably a few days," Ressler replied.

"Okay, that's not as bad as I thought it would be," Aram nodded.

"And we're waiting for the tests to come back saying your counts are non-existent before you see any action mister," Liz reminded him over her shoulder as she walked toward their kitchen.

Aram looked at Liz strangely, she seemed less sympathetic than he expected in this moment. When she went to make Aram tea he leaned into Ressler and asked two questions.

"Why is she…?" Aram started as he looked at Liz.

"Melanie doesn't sleep much," Ressler said. "We're both exhausted from being up with her, but she also had to occupy her for hours at the doctors today. Taking her for stroller walks and carrying her around most of the day as Mel was crying. I get that she's spent and her patience is gone right now and I'm low on the list of getting any sympathy."

Aram nodded and asked his second question.

"How's it look?" Aram whispered as his face contorted.

"Swollen, red, purple…it's seen better days," Ressler noted, sadly.

Aram winced.

"Yeah, no one is going to want to look at that for awhile," Ressler winced as he sat up a little more and readjusted his frozen peas.

Aram nodded; happy he wasn't the man sitting with the peas on his crotch.

The end.