Chapter 16
"Georgie!" Col. Fitzwilliam hailed his cousin. "Let us collect Mrs. Annsley and take our leave. My business is concluded and it is time we put some distance between us and Hertfordshire. Lady Catherine will be seriously displeased and I would rather not be on hand to witness her displeasure."
"Miss Lucas as agreed to accompany us, Richard," Georgiana exclaimed with shinning eyes. "She is good friends with Miss Elizabeth and wishes to assist us. "
"What's this?" Richard said in surprise.
...
As Darcy entered the library at Matlock, where the butler said Elizabeth could be found, his breath caught. He had certainly found Elizabeth and it was a sight he was not expecting. Elizabeth had apparently fallen asleep while reading. He had noticed she appeared more tired then usual and worried she had not been sleeping well with all of the upheaval in her life currently. He was glad to see her getting the rest she needed. She made a lovely picture, nestled into the sofa, her hair coming out of its pins. He knew the appropriate course of action would be to leave the room, but he could not make his feet obey. Instead he softly crossed to the chair next to where she slumbered and quietly sat himself, prepared to watch over her while she slept.
…
"Well played, Miss Lucas," Col. Fitzwilliam said quietly as he handed Charlotte into the carriage to go to Lucas Lodge and collect some of her belongings for travel.
"She is my best friend. I suspect she could use a confidant, that she trusts to speak too. Mr. Bingley has not proposed to Jane, so it must be me. Mrs. Bennet would never allow Jane to leave just now. Fear not Colonel, I do not intend to dissuade her from your cousin's suit. I wish my friend every happiness. I suspect Mr. Darcy's hand in yonder engagement, even if he does not intend to claim credit for it, " she said indicating Lydia and Lt. Dawson. "Eliza is likely fretting and not sleeping well, feeling that as opposed to her cousin as she is, it is her responsibility to save her family from ruin. The council of a dear friend can only soothe her."
...
Elizabeth awoke with a start, gasping. The large hand on her shoulder caused her to jump, but the tender concern in the voice that spoke to her, reassured her. "Miss Elizabeth," Darcy said in concern. "Are you well? I am sorry to wake you, but appeared to be in the midst of an unpleasant dream." Elizabeth had begun to thrash in her sleep and whimper. Darcy had tried saying her name to wake her but to no avail, so he had reached out and touched her shoulder gently. He reluctantly moved back from her and quietly study her.
Meeting his concerned eyes with her own, Elizabeth blushed and said, "I thank you. I am afraid I have not been sleeping well." Averting her eyes she said, "My dreams have been frightening lately."
"Would you like to tell me them?" he asked gently, touching his finger to her chin to look her in the eyes. "It may help to talk about them. I would like to help you if I may. If you would rather, my aunt would also provide a listening ear."
"I keep seeing Mr. Collins in them," Elizabeth said softly. "In some he follows me and finds me and, and it is like in my aunt's sitting room. In others we are at the alter and Jane is crying while Lydia laughs and flits from one officer to another and then we are pronounced married, the minister says he may kiss me and he grips me like he did in my aunt's drawing room. It is unpleasant and I cannot get away from him. I can hear my mother gleefully saying how she knew it would be."
"I will never let him touch you. You will not marry him," Darcy said firmly but gently.
"You do not understand. My sister Lydia. It seemed so simple in my aunt's house. Hide until I was of age or Lydia was married off. It was her thoughtless actions that forced my father to give his consent. What difference does it matter if I am of age or not? He would have the same hold over me for my consent as he did my father. He will see my family ruined before I reach my majority unless he agrees to a lengthy engagement with my father. He is a fool, but is he stupid enough not to realize my father hopes to marry Lydia off so he cannot compel me to marry him? Miss Bingley and you were right to look down on the Bennets. How will my father find a man willing to marry Lydia? My uncle thought perhaps one of his clerks could be persuaded, but Lydia, the selfish unfeeling girl, will never agree to such a thing. She will refuse and I will be forced to wed Mr. Collins to preserve our family's reputation, that she endangered in the first place. I will have to marry him for the sake of my other sisters, regardless of anyone else I might care for," Elizabeth finished with a sob. "I cannot allow them to be punished for Lydia's sins if I can prevent it. This has all been a terrible mistake. "
"I have done you a disservice," Darcy said softly. "I had thought to conceal my actions, but you may have had more peace of mind the last few days had I not of done so. I assumed what the situation Mr. Collins held against your family was based off my knowledge of Wickham and what I had observed about your youngest sisters. They are not a reflection on your family as a whole. You and your elder sister are both ladies I would have my own sister emmulate. My cousin is seeking a groom from amoung officers under him and his friends' commands to marry your sister, removing Mr. Collins hold over your father and you."
"No man in his right mind would offer for Lydia. She has barley any dowry and nothing to recommend herself to any as a wife," Elizabeth said. "Nor could my father afford to pay what it would take to make a marriage she would agree to happen. She is not obedient or mindful of her sisters reputations. She cares not how her actions affect the rest of us."
"But I can afford to pay to make such a marriage happen," Darcy said gently. "Wickham is my responsibility. He seduced your sister so I must put this to rights."
"He may have seduced her, but she willingly ruined herself. If it had not have been him, it would have been someone else and Mr. Collins would have used that officer and her to blackmail my father. He was determined to find a way to force this marriage. It is not your responsibility to see my family's reputaton saved."
"No. But it is my responsibility to see the woman I love spared any pain," Darcy said. "I know it is to soon to declare myself, though I have wanted to do so since you stepped into my aunt's parlor. Before then even. I did not wish you to know that I planned on assisting your family because I wished you to feel under no obligation to accept me. I love you. I hope to gain your love as well so that someday I may ask for your hand. I promise you,Elizabeth, I will not ask unless you love me, I would never wish to make you feel you had to accept. If I cannot earn your love, I will not ask. I won't put you in that position. I will care for you and protect you to the best of my abilities no matter what, even from myself. Your happiness means everything to me. I desire more than anything that your happiness be with me, but I will not force it. I want to be your choice."
"But," Elizabeth started to say.
"No, Elizabeth," Darcy said genlty. "I am decided. One of the officers my cousin has found will be bribed to marry your sister. My pocketbook, as Richard would assure you, can handle it. You may rest easy that the situation will be resolved. Mr. Collins will have no hold over your family. And as far as him finding you here. I won't let him lay so much as a finger on you. And for the other matter, I will not press my suit, but I will attempt to court you most assiduously and hope that I am able to win your regard. Many would say I am arrogant enough to believe that I can win your regard. They would not be far from tbe truth. I know that your love is not mine by right but something I must earn. My family would tell you that I am not opposed to hard work, especially for something I want badly. I have had every intention of earning your regard since we set out from London, so my actions on behalf of your family are irrelevant. Now I suggest that we both go dress for dinner before my aunt sends out a search party for us."
Elizabeth nodded. She had admitted to herself that she had begun to admire Darcy. It had been distressing for her to believe that regardless if she came to care for him or not, she could not follow her own heart unless Lydia's situation was resolved. She could not gain her happiness at the expense of her other sisters. She knew that if her heart led her to Darcy, Collins would ruin her family out of spite, if she followed it. Darcy's actions, and the fact that he had not intended to reveal them until he realized she would rest easier, made her admire him more. He was a difficult and complex man, but not one she was opposed to any longer. He had grown largely in her esteem. She suspected he might be the man most suited to her. His confidence in the fact that he need not tell her of his actions because he would earn her regard without doing so, fit in with what she had learned of his character. He was a confident, self assured man, which many perceived as arrogance since he did not have patience for fools.
...
Darcy stared unseeing out of his chamber window. Nothing, absolutely nothing, felt more natural then to have Elizabeth's small hand resting on his arm. His cousin had graciously allowed him to escort her into dinner. From there though his cousin had come close to seeming to declare and open admiration for Elizabeth's mind. Darcy was well aware of how intelligent she was. He was proud of the fact that she could hold her own and keep up with him and his cousin in an academic discussion.
He did not like though, the considering looks his cousin kept giving her. He had been glad when his cousin suggested forgoing the separation of the sexes, until Sutton offered his own arm to Elizabeth to escort her out. His aunt had softly laughed and taken the arm he had failed to offer her as he glared at his cousin's backside with his Elizabeth on the traitor's arm.
"He enjoys her conversation. He might admire her mind, but he recognizes that you will someday hold her heart. Ben does not seek to press his own suit. He looks at her because he is considering in what topic she will best you. My son sees in her an ally to triump over you occasionally in debate."
He feverantly hoped he would someday hold her heart. His aunt had been right he realized when his couisn had said with a smirk, "William, Miss Elizabeth has just told me the most fascinating thing about your thoughts on female accomplishments. She had also revealed that one of her own accomplishments is in having read Plato."
From there a debate about the merits of that particular Greek school of thought had ensued. Sutton enjoyed pitting Darcy against Elizabeth and crowing everytime Darcy conceded to Elizabeth's arguments. At the end of the evening he had laughed and told Darcy after the ladies had retired, "Marry her, Darce. Marry her as soon as she will have you. It will greatly enhance my own enjoyment of family gatherings."
Darcy wryly thought to himself in the quiet of his chamber, that he planned on marrying her as soon as she would have him. His task was clear, encourage Elizabeth Bennet to fall in love with him. He once would have believed no woman would refuse his hand if he deigned to ask, now he was wiser and recognized that he wanted Elizabeth to accept him because she loved him, not because her family, her situation, anything caused her to feel she needed to accept him.
He wondered what would have happened if Mr. Collins had not attempted to force Elizabeth's hand and he met her in a few months. He was wise enough to realize he would never have been able to avoid the temptation to eventually seek her out and propose. It would only have been a matter of time. Of when, not if. He doubted if he would have even had the fortitude to make it through the winter. The thought of trying to made him shudder. Just the few days not seeing her and believing he had left her behind in Hertfordshire, never to see her again had been hell. Months of such agony would have been unbearable. Would he have gone to her with the same confidence Collins exhibited, the belief that she had no choice but to accept him because of her situation in life? He cringed knowing he would have. The man he was a week ago never would have considered that he should have to first earn her good opinion.