ABW TIMELINE EXPLANATION.

A lot of people seem to forget the timeline of this whole story so allow me to enlighten you.

Yes, Ana and Christian have only been together for a month or little over a month. AND A LOT has happened in that said month. I've had 4-5 chapters span a whole day, hell, even an afternoon. Ana's only been in Seattle for less than two months. So she met Christian, just shortly after she moved here. The girl is still furnishing her apartment... remember the IKEA trip and some unpacked boxes in her room?

I really slowed time down and went into growing their dynamic, specifically Sloane and Christian's over small daily routine/happenings. Then of course the whole custody issue came about. Christian literally met José and slammed the door in his face (yeah, CG provoked José unnecessarily), a whole week after meeting Ana for the first time (at waffle kingdom), and mere hours after sleeping with her on their second "first" date. Ape vibes much?

Ana moved to Seattle in June. She met Christian right after July 4th. And Sloane's birthday was August 5th. Lot's of big life transitions taking place.

I hope that clears stuff up and helps put things into context for some that think 30 days (or slightly over) into a relationship is still not enough time to mentally be ready to have a baby with a man you said "I love you" to just a few weeks ago. I mean, Christian is all ready to buy a house and sing a lullaby all of a sudden when he needed actual coaching from Flynn to recognize that he could in fact handle dating a woman who had a child?

I mean... anyway, as you were.

I need your help

Anastasia

I feel Sloane slip away from my embrace and run off for her morning bathroom routine. A few minutes later, I hear her voice in the distance. She's talking to Sloane, Jr. It's a very involved and animated conversation from the inflections that I can hear. I smile to myself but then like a fog wading in on a cold winter morning, reality of Thursday afternoon sets in.

"...you shouldn't have been so desperate for a fuck.."

The words slice through me again and the pain is crushing. He probably thought I was trying to trap him. I shouldn't have bothered him with the pregnancy scare. I should've done it on my own, I should've been patient and done it that night when I got home and if it came out negative, then no harm done and he wouldn't have had to know.

But I had to know. I felt the walls closing in and I had to know for sure. I couldn't wait. It was driving me crazy.

I went to my appointment and since I was only spotting at the time, my doctor did a transvaginal ultrasound and confirmed that I wasn't pregnant even after I had the urine test again. I had to know and be absolutely sure. And I was still relieved to know that I wasn't indeed pregnant. I am not in the right frame of mind and life to be pregnant at this stage of the mess around me.

I am such a fucking idiot. I broke my own rules… desperate for a fuck. Truth is I was. I was attracted to him and I wanted him. But he wanted me too. He said it. Whatever, I guess I made a fool of myself. If a woman is forward about wanting sex, she's a despearte slut and if shes not she's a frigid prude. We'll never win.

I should probably call Carla and exchange notes. She'd probably tell me all the things wrong and actually give me pointers, like José said.

What's the point of even trying to explain yourself to a man who thinks you're desperate?

I rub my eyes and exhale. Everything is a mess. We were supposed to meet after Clarissa's dress appointment to head on over to meet his grandfather in Whidbey Island but since I haven't heard from him and I honestly don't expect to. Why would he want to introduce his grandfather to a desperate woman who tried to trap him with a pregnancy a month into their relationship. That's sus, right?

I think I'll just head down to Tacoma with Sloane for the day and spend some time with Dad. I miss the old grump and ever since Christian came on to the scene, I've been so busy with him I've only seen Dad a handful of times.

"Mommy," Sloane sing songs in a whisper as she walks in and climbs on my bed to lay on my like the baby sloth she is.

"How's Sloane Jr.?"I croak.

'She's swimming around. She's so happy."

"Because she has you to take care of her," I kiss her forehead and cuddle her tight.

"Mommy, guess what?"

'Sloffee butt." I reply and she giggles.

"I was counting days on the calendar," she tells me, in reference to the sloth calendar she has in her room. We countdown to important holidays and birthdays, as long as they are in the 50 count range of course. "And your birthday is in 34 days! You will be 25, right?"

Christian's voice from the night of the birthday party floats into my brain.

"I can't wait to celebrate the fuck out of you," he bites my lip.

I laugh and kiss him, "you can start now and continue to perfect the art for the big day."

"Are you saying my technique needs work?"

"Do you think your technique needs work?" I giggle, "damn, losing your edge aren't ya? Old man."

I'm turning 25 and I feel like I have nothing real to show for it. I have ambition and I want to see what other kinds of women exist inside of me but the constant struggle has really worn me out. I was burning out in Portland and then I made the decision to move out here without taking any break in between because… I needed to make money and now I'm so–I want to be more than just Sloane's mother. I want to show her what I'm capable of but that asshole and his whore are hell bent on doing whatever they can to see me fail.

I shouldn't have gotten into a relationship this fast and this quickly after moving out here. Now I have to piece my heart back together and I can't even quit working SIP–Grey Publishing because I need the paycheck or I'll lose custody.

He's right, I am desperate.

"Why are you crying, Mommy?" Sloane's voice calls out to me and I quickly wipe my face. I see tears in her eyes as well and she's scared.

"I'm getting so old," I whine with a laugh and it assuages her concern. "Look, girlfriend… I found a gray hair the other day." I part my hair and show her where and she gasps.

"Oh no, Mommy. You'll be old like Grandpa and Grandma K!"

"I know," I moan out a cry and go on to be dramatic. It makes her laugh. "You okay with having a gray haired, Mommy?"

"Uh huh, I love you, Mommy. But can you make your hair purple? Then I'll love you more."

"Is that so?"

She nods and takes a few locks of hair to spin around her finger.

"Did Christian call? When is he coming back from his work trip?"

I've told her he had to leave for a work trip and that his job that's really important and big, and that sometimes it takes him away. She's too young and she doesn't need to be brought in the middle of stuff. However, I had to take out the battery of her walkie-talkie to make sure no secret communication between her and Christian took place in case she heard me crying or that I was too sad. What if he thinks I'm coaching Sloane to get him over here? Since I'm so desperate and all.

So far, Sloane understands that she doesn't need her walkie-talkie because it doesn't work over long distance and since Christian isn't in Washington, she can't really call him.

"No, sweetheart. He's actually very busy. I told you, remember?"

"But…" she pouts, "I want to talk to my best friend and he said he would take me on the helicopter. Can we call him now? Maybe he's not busy."

"He is, it's actually night time over there. He's probably asleep or very tired from the day."

"Huh? How? It's morning right now."

"Well, where he is, there's a thing called time difference. It means that the sun has sort of set over there because it's on the other side of the world?"

"So it's already night time?"

"Yeah."

"They live faster than us?"

I have to laugh. She thinks it's a race.

"In a way, yes." I kiss her forehead. "And when it's morning there is night time here."

"Oh. So I am sleeping when Christian is awake?" I nod. "Then I won't sleep, Mommy and then we can call him and talk."

I want to cry again but I just smile and nod, "I'll send him a message and see when he's free okay?"

"Okay. Tell him I miss him. And tell him that Sloane Jr. is growing so big."

Clarissa found her dress and she looks like a real knockout. Dad is not ready. I've already teased him about it and he's tried to bribe Sloane into describing it to him but I shut down that little act of espionage real quick. Now Raymond Steele is brooding.

It helped to distract me from the mess of my life and focus on the happiness of someone else. We found a dress for Sloane too and while she's a little weary of how formal it is, I promised her I can find her some fancy looking sloth clips and of course she has the necklace Christian gave her to really round out the look. She's the happiest ever.

I was relieved that Sawyer or Smith were not readily waiting for a car to escort me to wherever I wanted to go. They'd been on my case all of Thursday and Friday to get me to get in the car but I just ignored them and kept walking. Whenever they tried to approach me with Sloane around, I made up an excuse and distracted her by taking her into a random store.

I don't understand, why does he still want me to have security when he thinks so lowly of me?

Anyway, since they weren't around this morning, I figured the message was received. It was fun while it lasted but since we've established that I'm so desperate, I have no interest in continuing to use something that only reinforces it and gives you more ammunition against me.

"What are you doing out here, kiddo?" Dad asks me, sliding the back door open to the deck where I'm sitting on the steps.

I shrug with a small smile, when he takes a seat next to me and nudges my shoulder.

"Lady S is talking up a storm when it comes to many with Lady C in there."

"She's way too excited about you guys getting married. I'm half afraid she might ask you if you'll have kids one of these days." I chuckle and Dad hides his face. "Oh come on, you know it's gonna happen."

"Hopefully she'll ask Coco and I'll be spared the awkward talk." I love that he calls Clarissa, Coco. It's so adorable. I've loved seeing a different side to him ever since he met her. While I do wish he had opened himself up more after Carla, I suppose this is how it was meant to happen.

I start making chicken noises and he shyly tells me to shut up.

"So what's on your mind?" He asks, and I shrug again. "I know something's bothering you. I raised you remember," he chuckles.

I shake my head and dismiss his inquiry with a laugh, "usual life stuff. Nothing crazy."

"Annie," his voice is a bit more stern this time.

I rub my face and exhale, "I'm so happy to be close to you all but I think I made a mistake moving out here." My voice cracks in the middle of speaking.

Concern etches his face and he turns his body fully to me, "why? What happened?"

Shaking my head, I try to find a way to say this in a way that doesn't completely alarm him.

"Did something happen between you and Christian?"

"No," I lie to him rather convincingly. Need you out of jail, Raymond Steele.

"I don't know, this custody thing with José. It's just…" I break down for a moment but quickly try to recover when Dad puts his arm around me. I lean my head on his shoulder and work to calm myself.

"I think I'm out of my depth here. I should've stayed in Portland. It was close and far enough that–I don't know, I just feel so lost sometimes. I wouldn't trade a thing for having Sloane in my life but I feel so… I feel like such a failure. And I feel that José will win. Because he will. I mean, Ciara, who came to the party?" Dad nods, "she wanted full custody of her son with her ex because he was neglectful but the court still granted her ex joint custody. Even though she was engaged to be married and in a seemingly stable relationship and had a stable schedule. And yes, I've accepted that unless he drops dead, or I have proof that he's actually a danger to Sloane, there is no way I'm going to have full custody of her. The lawyer is going to push for supervised visits but again, without any proof there's no real reason for the court to agree to it."

Dad is silent and the truth is I don't expect him to say anything because there is nothing to say. This is just how things are. I'm standing in a puddle of quicksand and slowly sinking.

"You should've let me take care of him when I had the chance," he says gruffly before taking a long sip of his beer.

I sigh and shake my head.

"Yeah well, do you really want to watch your granddaughter grow up from behind bars?"

"You'd both be safe and it'd be worth it."

"No it wouldn't have been. You see how she is on game night? You want to miss all that?"

He smiles and lets out a small laugh.

" You're so hard on yourself, Annie. You gotta stop."

"I can't. He and Gaia keep bringing up the past and reminding me of all this shit that wasn't my fault–Carla and everything. He won't let me forget it and now I have to tolerate him tomorrow. He's holding me hostage and I… I…." I'm at a loss for words.

Dad gives my hand a squeeze and it's a quiet acknowledgement of unwavering support but equally of utter helplessness on both our parts because there is nothing to do but wait and play nice till the court hands down their ruling. I silently wonder how many women like me are out there with no recourse but to wait. Even if they have a support system, they're helpless at the hands of a system, a third party that will decide the fate of their child.

I have no way to prove Gaia's malicious intent and José's neglect outside of the lack of child support including arrears, which he has now offered to transfer to my account. Now he gets to claim that I'm the deterrent. That I'm the reason why he has no relationship with his child.

I'm the unstable babymama who's nowhere near his level of success and stability.

No, I'm the desperate one.

José has demanded to meet Sloane and given how everything happened with Christian, it meant my weekend was pretty much free and Sloane wasn't entirely opposed to the idea of hanging out with him given that I'd be there too. There is no way in hell that I'm letting her go alone with him. Of course this meant that Gaia was not allowed to be anywhere near us. I haven't seen that bitch in five or so years, and I want to make sure it remains that way.

We head on down in the elevator and Sloane's cautiously excited. It's not the same energy she has at the prospect of meeting Christian or going to IKEA. I smile to myself, would be he jealous to know that he's in competition with IKEA? Has he even wondered about her? I shake my head and rid myself of these thoughts. They don't help.

We walk out and meet José in the plaza.

He greets her with much fanfare and it lifts her spirits almost instantly.

He kisses her cheek, praising how wonderful and cute she looks, "you're five years old. I can't believe it. That's so cool!"

I see a shade of the old José I used to know. The one who doted on his sisters and was a bit of a goof in high school. The one he's deprived Sloane of.

"I know," she giggles, "Mommy says, it's serious business."

"She's right," we exchange pleasantries, "and your Mami look very nice today as well."

What the fuck? Did you hit yourself on the head?

"I know, I picked Mommy's dress." Sloane nods, "she looks so beautiful. Because she's my Mommy."

I feel a little uncomfortable but I smile at her. She chose a dark blue midi dress for me to wear with polka dots, since she loves them so much.

We end up walking to a restaurant in the neighborhood for brunch. The menu is american style food with the usual brunch options. I'm surprised to see José engage with Sloane like he is. It's very… different but it feels odd. In any case, I do my best to be civil and engage as best as I can for her sake.

There's no real way I can ask Sloane to lie about her birthday to her father. It made her so happy and if his feelings end up being hurt then that's on him. He missed out because he chose to not be in her life from the beginning.

When Sloane tells him about everything that happened, I can tell José is struggling. He's smiling but he's barely holding on. He's so green with envy that he's molding. I smile inwardly, ignoring the reality of my life but after how he treated me last week and this week… he deserves to feel like a shit father.

Unfortunately, Sloane asks to show him pictures. It's hard to suppress a groan because there are also pictures of Christian and I being lovey dovey sprinkled in between from the day that were either taken from my phone or I received from others at the end of the night.

There's no real way to hide them from so he looks through a few and his expression falters many times. I quietly sip on my iced tea.

"So Christian gave you all these presents?" José says through a difficult smile.

"Uh huh, he's my best friend," she holds up her wrist and shows him the two bracelets and who they are for.

"Well then, since I'm your Papá," I know he says this on purpose, "can I get one too? Can I have mine in yellow, it's my favorite color."

My jaw drops at his admission. He's fucking lying. His favorite color isn't yellow.

"Are you kidding me? My favorite color is yellow." Sloane squeals like she's won the lottery. I can make one for you Papá!" she then turns to me, begging to buy her a new friendship bracelet kit. I nod with a small smile, still trying to recover from what the fuck he just did.

"Oh, and I know you weren't able to go to Disneyland, mija… so I can take you."

My jaw drops again. WHAT THE FUCK?

"Excuse me?" I shoot daggers at him.

"Oh my! You can take me?" Sloane turns her entire body towards him and gets on her knees again in excitement to try and reach his eye level, "Mommy couldn't take me because of her work."

He gives me a smug smile and turns back to Sloane, "of course I can. Your Mami can come too. And Abuelo and your Tia's. We can all go."

Sloane starts listing all the people she wants to come with which of course is the original guestlist that was supposed to go out to Disneyland in the first place.

"Only family, mi amor," he lets her down gently. "I want this to just be us."

"Then I suppose since it's only family then people who are related to her by blood should only be present." I say with a sweet smile. Yeah, your whore of a wife won't be allowed, asshole.

He stiffens at my comment but ignores me, "what do you say, mija? You want to go to Disneyland with your Papá?"

"Mommy, we can go right?" Sloane looks at me hopefully.

I'm trapped.

"Sweetheart, let me talk to my boss Mr. Roach and then we'll see okay?"

It seems to pacify her and she thankfully accepts my answer.

I am going to kill this fucking asshole as soon I can find a legal loophole.

After lunch we go to watch a movie and I'm surprised again at how attentive he is. He's made her laugh so much and she's hanging on his every word now.

Why the fuck couldn't he be this involved and nice before. I mean he's always been good ot her in person but this is a whole new side where he's putting in so much effort and it's so fucking weird to me. He's made me take pictures of him and Sloane making silly faces and holding her and the way she wraps her arms around him and presses her cheek against his reminds me of Christian holding her.

It makes me wish Christian was here instead of José so badly. But I'm desperate, so the image in my mind deletes.

When we head towards our apartment, the asshole that José is, he tells Sloane that he wants to see her birthday gifts and decorations that are still up since it's still her birthday weekend. Sloane of course begs me which means he ends up staying for dinner and her night time routine.

I've never told Sloane about José being a high school football star, and I'm surprised he willing shares it when Sloane shows him the custom signed jerseys she's got from Wilson and Metcalf including the signed football she got.

"YOU PLAYED FOOTBALL? YOU WERE QB LIKE WILSON?"

"Yeah," José laughs. "I'm sure your Mami has some pictures from when we were in friends in high school together."

That's another thing I haven't done is go into the depth of my friendship with her father because it was too painful.

"Mommy said you were friends but then you grew up and stopped."

"I told you, Sloffee, sometimes your friends want different things so you stop being friends and they move away."

I'm grateful that José doesn't dispute my claim and instead, takes out his phone and shows her a series of pictures from our youth. Our prom, a few school dances, Gaia and I decked out in team gear to support him.

"Your wife!" Sloane recognizes and then she looks at me, "Mommy, you were friends with Papá's wife?"

"I was." I correct her, trying to fight the discomfort of where this is going but thankfully the timer goes off and I take out the dinner I made and it puts an end to this walk down memory lane.

José remains engaged with Sloane and in some cases Sloane Jr. when forced and like the wonderful and giving girl my sloth is, she invites her Papá to the stadium games Wilson mentioned two weeks from now.

He makes the promise but I silently wonder what things will be like in two weeks anyway. Is this thing between Christian I over then? I mean… if this is what he really thinks of me, how can I ever know he'll never doubt my intentions?

For the first time in a very, very long time, José and I both tucked Sloane into bed. I think the last time this happened was in Portland maybe two years ago. For the past year he was only coming in for day trips once in a while and then even those became non-existent and just limited to phone calls once a week or once in two weeks.

After kissing her goodnight and earning a big sloth hug from her, he promises to call and see her soon.

"I'm gonna head out," he whispers and I nod.

There is so much I want to say to him but I'm not allowed to. I have to keep my cool but some of the shit he pulled today was unacceptable. He did it on purpose. But I can't think about that now and focus my attention again on my little sleepy perezoso.

Sloane is quick to fall asleep but I watch her for a few more minutes, stroking her cheek. I don't think I've ever seen her this happy with her father and it's bittersweet. She doesn't ask for much and he could've always had these interactions with her and today was, realistically speaking, too little too late but Sloane is still a baby. She doesn't understand this stuff.

I kiss her cheek and walk out her room, exhausted and rubbing my eyes with the heels of my palms.

"We made a beautiful kid, didn't we?"

My head snaps up when I startle at the source of the voice. What the fuck is he still doing here? He's standing in the living area, looking at the picture wall over the main couch that has pictures of Sloane in various stages of her life so far. I've often caught Christian staring at them but the thought of him makes my heart break even more.

I don't answer José but just stare at him instead of answering. She's mine. I raised her. I made her beautiful.

"You're still here…" I mutter, walking towards the fridge to take out some food items to quickly cut up some stuff in preparation for dinner tomorrow. Placing the items on the breakfast bar, I go to look for a cutting board.

"You said you were leaving," I say, exasperated and tilt my head towards the door since he's obviously forgotten where it is.

"I was thinking," he takes a few steps forward from the living area in my direction, "we should talk."

There's a glint in his eyes and a confidence in body language that doesn't sit well with me.

"We had such a good day today." He continues, trying to come closer, smiling and giving me a once over. The tone of his voice sends a shiver down my spine.

Oh fuck no!

I move to my left and he pauses watching me as I take out the biggest knife I have and grab the broccoli to cut the stem as brutally as I can.

"I think you need to leave and go home to your wife." or whatever three-foursome situation you've got going on. I tell him firmly, suppressing the overwhelming fear I feel all of a sudden.

This is the first time I've felt so afraid of him potentially causing me physical harm. I guess this is the final frontier he had to explore. But I won't let him. And maybe I am overreacting, I don't know but my body is telling me something and I am going to listen. Just like I did 9 years ago.

He looks down at my hand on the knife and gulps before recovering quickly and meeting my eyes with a smirk. He shrugs and makes to leave.

"Have it your way. This could have been really easy but I guess I'll just see you in court, cariña. I'm glad Sloane and I had such a wonderful day." He laughs and winks at me.

I keep my eyes fixed on him till he's out of the door and it clicks to clock. It's only then I run, knife still in my hand, to check through the peephole that he's actually gone. I add the chain and double check the lock before turning around to sag against the door.

My breathing becomes erratic as memories of Morton's attack flash through my mind. I breathe in and out as deep as I can.

I shakily walk to where my phone is and put the knife down to pick up the device with trembling hands.

Don't cry. Don't fucking cry.

Breathe. In and out.

It feels desperate but at this moment I am.

My thumb hovers over Christian's name and I click on it to call him. It rings twice and then goes to voicemail. I call him again and this time it goes to voicemail the first ring. I call a third time and it goes straight to voicemail.

It's fine. It'll be fine. I try to calm myself.

Kate is spending the weekend with Elliot at his place. Ethan's on call at the hospital.

Another deep breath and I call Dad. He picks up on the second ring.

"Annie," he answers, "you okay, kiddo?"

My defenses crumble, my voice cracks, and I break down. "Dad… can you please come over? I know it's late but–"

"What happened? Is Sloanie okay?"

"She's fine. She's sleeping," I sniff, "I just–I need your help."

"I'll be right there, Annie. Don't worry."

A/N: So that happened. Honestly, the fact that some of you thought she'd actually go back to José, SMH.

Quick note: in the last chapter, it's Sunday afternoon when Christian decides that he's done with Ana and he's walking away. When Ana calls him it's Sunday night so he's still in that frame of mind of ending a relationship. Which of course, he's allowed to. Whether he should've declined her call or not is a different issue. I should remind you, Ana has never declined Christian's calls even when they took a break in the beginning or when she's been mad at him.