Christian's POV was widely requested. Here you go.

I'm so happy you're in my life.

Christian

I was beginning to go out of my mind. And now I'm still out of my mind and sitting on my therapist's couch after calling in an emergency early morning session. Without so much as a hello, how was your weekend? Because to be fucking honest, I didn't care–I announced to him that Ana and I were over. That she would never ever see me as anyone else as her piece of shit ex and that I'd always be the fucking villain no matter what.

Yet as I said those words out loud for the first time, I didn't feel like myself. It felt alien and unnerving.

"Christian, do you consider your father to be a trustworthy person?"

My reply is immediate. "Absolutely."

"Has he ever harmed you?"

What the hell? "No."

"Is he allowed to hug you or touch your chest?"

I freeze and choke out a negative response.

"I see," Flynn takes off his glasses and relaxes his position a bit. "If your father were to accidentally touch your chest, what would happen?"

"I wouldn't be able to bear it, I'd seize up and freak out… it would be unpleasant."

The IKEA trip comes to mind. I had discussed with Flynn last week and we agreed that I had made progress by choosing to ride out the whole experience out with Ana and Sloane by staying and not immediately leaving. As a result, I ended up having wonderful memories to look back on.

"How long have you known your father for?"

26 years and I still can't let the man give his son a hug. Mom and Elliot, too. I've told Ana she can but she doesn't, not unless I make her and even then she's hesitant.

Why the fuck is he asking me these inane questions? We've already been over this shit.

He senses my annoyance and promises me there is a method to his madness. Great, just what I want to hear from my mental health professional.

I begrudgingly answer them.

"No matter if the person around you is trustworthy or a stranger, the act or possibly of the act of touching reminds you of a situation from your childhood that is a trigger. Similarly, you don't have to be like her ex-partner but a similar situation to what she had with him can be triggering enough. In this case a surprise pregnancy and possibly having to get married because of it. Not to mention she's in a custody battle with said ex and has a child who is wholly dependent on her already. Think of it this way, not only would it be unfair to Sloane, but also unfair to Ana's health, the health of your unborn baby and ultimately unfair to you as well. Is that something you would want all of you to go through?"

I cross my arms and lean back, not saying a word.

"But I would take care of everything." I insist.

"You cannot control her mind and her trigger responses or how she reacts to the thought of something happening to Sloane. You can't. Sloane's father is a reality that will always be present and through her he can cause Ana a lot of pain. Pain that would spill over to an unborn child and you," Flynn replies, "trauma and stress affects the body in unimaginable ways. You yourself are not new to this."

Nightmares. I've had them every single night since our fight.

"But as you said, the relationship is over so it's a moot point." Flynn sighs, "I do have one question though, what did you both decide on when it came to telling Sloane about the end of the relationship?"

I'm drawing a blank and I wince at the obvious point he's brought up.

"We didn't discuss it."

"Why not?"

"We didn't exactly discuss the breakup, she just left my office."

"But the first thing you said this morning was that the relationship was over because she didn't want to have a child with you?"

I then explain to him what happened and he jots down notes every so often. When I'm done, he nods for a few beats.

"How long have you and Ana been in a relationship?"

I check the date on my phone and do the math, "about a month give or take but it feels like longer." A lot fucking longer.

"I see and how old is Ana?"

"24."

"You mentioned she got pregnant when she was a teenager?"

I sigh, "yes."

"Did you ever consider the possibility that she was saying that it would be irresponsible to get pregnant given her current situation in life?"

I don't say anything but let the words ruminate in my mind.

"And while you claim to be upset with her, I think you're mostly upset with yourself as well."

My eyes shoot up to him.

"You began to believe in the fairytale you've so long rejected. And when reality came crashing in the form of Ana not wanting to be pregnant, for whatever reasons she may have, it felt like your childhood all over again."

"Rejected by my birth mother," I murmur, making the connection. The drug addict who did nothing to protect me and barely kept me alive.

He doesn't say anything for a few moments.

Ana's words come back to me from last week from the night before Sloane's birthday party,

"I'm so happy you're in my life." Ana sleepily confesses as she gets comfortable in my embrace.

"You're just saying that because you got free labor," I laugh as my fingertips dance over her naked body.

"Hmm, free labor and free sex… that's my kinda Tuesday night." She yawns, "you should try it sometime."

"Do you really believe that Ana would deliberately hurt you after all that you've told me about her? After all that she knows about you?"

I shake my head because deep down I know it's true and the anger slowly dissipates.

"But her words still hurt me." I admit.

"Did you tell her that?"

Closing my eyes, I inhale and slowly let out a measured breath.

"No, I sought to hurt her back."

"And then you told her that the relationship was over?"

I shake my head. I told him that was a decision I made on my own yesterday afternoon. And that Ana actually left without saying a word after what I said.

"Christian, your feelings are valid. The hurt you feel, it's all valid, however in coming here, it's important for you to all find a way to not stay in that feeling because it's detrimental to you and the people around you. We have to look at the possibility of something bigger than you as well. This is not a black and white situation, it's complex and it has many shades of… for the lack of a better word or color, gray."

I roll my eyes and we both chuckle.

"I've never… nothing has ever felt like this. The birthday was, how we were, I've never felt so happy. I think I felt happier on the birthday more than the pregnancy. With the pregnancy there was still some fear but at the birthday party, everything was perfect." I say in memory. "Even the morning after, we were so in sync and it was perfect but then it suddenly wasn't. And I hated losing that feeling so much that I lashed out. So I did what I do best."

"Doesn't it strike you as odd that for someone so vocal that she just left like that?"

Her face comes to my mind and I replay the moment her expression changed and the silence that fell around us after what I said. The color drained from her face, like she had seen a ghost. I was so fucking angry then. I wanted to… I wanted to cut her down to her knees. And for a fraction of a second, in remembering all this, my own anger scares me. Did I scare her too? Humiliation and fear… that's why she left.

"It did but at the moment I didn't care." I reveal, "and then last night, she called me twice and but I was too fucking angry to talk to her. So I turned my phone off."

"You were still that angry?" Flynn is unable to hide his surprise.

"No, I mean… yes. Sort of. And a bit drunk," I shrug, embarrassed. Actually, very drunk. The aftertaste of last night still lingers. The coffee and breakfast did nothing to wash it away.

I explain to him that she was refusing and ignoring my security so I told them to go into covert mode. Then I got a security update that she was hanging out with José and Sloane, that she was laughing and it pissed me off. And that Kate has sent an email saying they appreciated my interest but were ultimately going in a different direction, foregoing the funding I offered. All of that combined sent me through the roof.

"Did you consider that it was possibly an emergency, maybe Sloane related?"

I don't say anything because of course I didn't think that. I was drunk and pissed off beyond reason and yet I had some semblance to not answer because I know I would've really torn her to shreds. And by this realization alone, I feel fucking disgusted with myself.

"She knows the protocol, she would've reached out to Taylor if it were an emergency." I argue, trying to move on from my current train of thought to a place of rationalization.

"I thought Sloane was your best friend, did you not once wonder about her through all of this? If she asked about you? You've become a fixture in her life and now you've just disappeared without a trace. It's been about four days or so that she's seen or heard from you and from what you tell me, you talk every day."

I lean forward and rest my head in my hands and remember her words from her birthday with a smile that slowly forms on my lips.

"I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE MY BESTEST FRIEND FOREVER. THANK YOU!"

Then I remember Ana when she told me that Sloane knows her father doesn't love her. Hell, I, as her best friend, haven't even said it to her once.

She probably thinks I don't love her either.

No matter what happens between Ana and myself, I know for a fact that she'd never bad mouth me to Sloane so I wonder what that tiny brain of hers is wondering about.

The thoughts start to become overwhelming like a series of punches to the gut.

A/N: Short blurb like chapters from now on until they're not.