Hi,

Thanks to all, joan.

I am kneeling before him my eyes downcast, waiting. For a short moment I forget and glance up to see. Then my eyes meet his face. He is ready. A tiny gasp catches in my throat and lower my gaze. His fingers slides to my neck. I am feeling nervous as always. His hand tilts my face upward. Permission to meet his eyes has not been given.

His hand moves, sliding into my hair. Christian makes a fist, clenching my hair. It brings tears to my eyes. He tilts my face upward even further, and I meet his deep gaze. His grip tightens on my hair. I am burning with pain. Keeping his fist in my hair, he places the thumb of your other hand on my mouth and touch it. His gaze is stern and I can't make any move.

Tears spring to my eyes. It's just like another punishment. I feel his touch on my jaw then I meet his gaze. Then his fist gripping my hair again. He is now in my mouth. A few seconds later, I swallow against him. My tongue drags. His hands on my head seek to restrain me. He moaning and yanking on my hair.

Tears are streaming down my face because I'm a mess and my whole body trembles. I've had enough. His grip on my throat growling, digging his fingers into my throat. Can we go on as we already had ? Suddenly, I allow myself to speak. I dared to speak these words.

" Stop."

Christian fixes me with a wide stare. With a small voice, I choosed to put an end to sex play. Allow the other person to control you, is now became for me humilating. This relationship is bad for me because I can't expect anything from him. A few minutes later, I get dressed and I leave without looking back.

"Ana."

"No."

Once in the elevator, downcast eyes again, I press the button. The doors are closed and I start crying.

Three week later.

He lied awake on the couch thinking about Anastasia, and the relationship between them, and what's changed when he meet her. He still didn't know how to feel. Christian pulled at his tie, loosening the knot. The knot was in his stomach. The nature of this feeling was scarcely definable. The very first time. No matter how intense our relationship was. What I quickly realized was that I was missing out on something. I'd never feel the way I felt for him for anyone else.

Flashback.

I closed my eyes. The longer our bodies stayed connected, the harder it would be for me to stay away from him. He lifted my chin so that his lips could effortlessly meet mine. I slowly broke the kiss just as the elevator doors opened. Silence then hung over us.

I couldn't sleep that night, battling with the insomnia. As I could fall asleep, I got up and peeked through the window. The snow was starting to fall , slowly burying my car as the wind blew tiny flakes against. I took my phone the nightstand and checked if I had any messages from Christian. As illogical as this might have seemed, I couldn't help myself.

Anyway, I was in need some distance. When everything was going so well. But our entire relationship was mainly based on sex. Was Christian ready for a serious relation with me? However, I had been trying to ask questions, which were pretty clear. I was wondering about that. It was so frustrating. I needed more than that. A few minutes later, my phone rang.

"Hello." I said in a small voice.

If there was one thing I hated, it was looking weak.

" I know you have questions."

"Yes."

"Listen to me, Ana. I never make promises with anyone. I won't start with you. I can't and you know it. Well, I care about you. I don't want us to end. "

"But our relationship's always stuck in that primal place where it started. I'm tired of it. I am not content with that."

"Ana." he sighed.

I couldn't think or cry. I could barely breathe. I hated it.

"We have had a wonderful time together. Don't you think so? Ana ... I ... I really need you."

It was like torture when he said it to me. However, Christian had made a major effort.

"I"m sorry, Christian. Just trying to figure out. I feel lost."

He felt her words as a physical ache in his chest. His muscles of shoulders became tight. He hated it too.

"To be honest, I don't understand. I thought we were okay. Your decision was taken almost overnight. Apparently, you weren't honest with me."

Hearing his voice was like a punishment and I could feel he was both deeply hurt and upset.

"No Christian. I trusted you and I've always been sincere. I deserve to beloved. I'm a being human and not a sexual being."

"I don't see like that."

"Really?"

"Well, what do you want from me?"

'Love. A real, pure, healthy love."

Suddenly there was silence. I felt like crying because I knew.

"I can't."

Then I hung up. I was unable to hold back my tears. We had a wonderful time together, that was true. But too little. That night, I spent a sleepless night crying.

"What a mess we made!"