Welcome to the heartbreak train, all passengers aboard...
It's funny how people always think we need men. That we need a replacement as soon as a relationship gets tossed in the trash. That we need men to rely on, to feel happy.
I never needed a man. I liked their presence, liked everything about their hard bodies and the way it made me feel. I liked men, I liked sex with men. There's nothing wrong with that. But right now I think there might be something wrong with me.
I'm too embarrassed to look at James, his half-naked body laying next to me. He leans up, his back angled to the window as I feel his blue eyes burning a hole through me. Who breaks down mid-making out like I have?
"Hey, it's okay," he says softly. He reaches to get some hair out of my face, and I look at him, seeing more than I expected.
"You can just leave if you want. I'm sure you have better things to do."
I wipe at the tears from earlier, but James just sighed and strokes my arm.
"Stop that, Bella. Come on…" he starts. His eyes roam around my bedroom walls before he talks again. "Sweetheart, who fucked you over that they make you cry when you're in bed with someone else?"
I meet his eyes, curious and questioning and honest. I take a deep breath, feel the embarrassment heat up my face.
"It's a long story…"
"I don't care, I've got time."
I reach for the covers at my feet, needing to cover up. James gets the hint and tucks me in as he lays on top of his side of the duvet.
That's when I spill my guts, to the guy I though I would have a great one-nighter with. Instead, he's here listening to my pseudo-relationship drama. He's here in a way no one else has ever been.
I tell him about the date with Angela, about the texts and about Jared. His eyes grow wide when I get to the part of Edward being engaged, about the pregnancy and when I lost the baby, how Jared didn't seem to care.
Blue eyes gaze at me—sympathetic and kind and I just want to run away from my vulnerability.
"Fuck…" he gasps hearing how Edward played with my feelings only to vanish from my life entirely. He hugs me as I replay the events and my heart seems to break a second time. "God, Bella. I can't begin to imagine what that's been like for you. I'm so sorry he put you through all that."
"I'm sorry," I tell James. He huffs and shakes his head.
"Stop apologising for shit that's not even your fault."
"I lead you on, I'm apologising for that, James."
"Honestly, this is way more meaningful to me than a quick fuck between strangers, Bella. It's been way too long since I've been able to connect with someone."
"Why is that? You're a stellar guy; look at you, comforting me while you barely even know me."
He smiles. It's a sad kind of smile that I recognise.
"It's a long story," he says, repeating my own words.
"I've got all night."
He takes a deep breath and turns, laying on his back with his hands playing with the buckle of his belt.
"I'm a widower," he sighs.
I haven't seen that coming.
"Wow, oh my god… I'm so sorry, James."
"Yeah, it's been a year since she passed away, but I haven't even been able to move on. I've had one one-night-stand after I went on a single date—three months ago. It was terrible."
"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask, cringing at the way I told him about my story like it was the worst thing to ever happen to a person.
"Well, I thought tonight I might break my cycle of depression and loneliness. Neal told me about you and how much fun you are to work with. Then I saw you, how beautiful you were and we just clicked. I haven't had that since Vic, and I got greedy, thinking tonight might be the night that I get over myself and enjoy someone else's company."
"I know it's far from being the same, and your situation is much more complicated and difficult from mine, but I had the same things running through my mind," I tell him. "You want to talk about her, about Vic?"
James eyes focus on me when I speak his dead wife's name, as if no one talked about her anymore. It's only been a year, for Christ's sake. Who is on his back about this?
"I think you would've liked her," he says. "She was just so funny—hilarious—and man… I think I've never been more head over heels about anyone in my entire life. Love at first sight, perfect match for each other in any aspect of life."
He takes his phone out of his pocket and hands it to me.
"I still can't change my lock screen photo, how's that for fucked up?"
I stare at the beautiful woman on his phone background, big hazel eyes and a mane of meticulously curled, flaming red hair. Her smile was dazzling as she gazed at her husband with adoration, who had his arm around her shoulders.
"She's beautiful," I breathe. I don't quite know what to say.
"She was…" James agrees.
Somehow our souls found each other in the midst of heartache. It wasn't the same, but it was similar enough that we ended up talking until four in the morning before we passed out on my bed. We bonded, and I feel safe with James. The way he opened up to me made me feel like I was worth something, that he somehow trusted me with his feelings the way I trusted him with mine.
We could be great for each other, great friends for starters, maybe someday something more.