Harry was just in the middle of sharing a nice dinner with Fred and George Weasley as they got interrupted by a blonde boy and his entourage.

The blond extended his hand towards him. "I am Malfoy, Draco Malfoy," he announced in a haughty voice.

Harry grabbed his hand. "The name is Bond. James Bond."

Malfoy stared at him in complete incomprehension. "What?"

"Young master was making a reference to the James Bond movies," James supplied as he scanned the three people, "a very popular spy series enjoyed by many."

"A what?" Malfoy repeated, completely out of his depth. His two friends, as well as the Weasley twins, looked equally lost.

Harry sighed. "Sit down, all of you. James, start playing Dr. No."

"Yes, young master."

Students and teachers alike stared as the AI projected the first James Bond movie on the wall.

"Mr. Potter, this is not age appropriate!" Minerva McGonagall complained as the first clothes fell on screen. "Stop this at once!"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Fine. James, switch to the Lion King."

"Yes, young master."

The impromptu movie night was a full success.

"Young master, I wish to inform you of an irregularity."

Harry sipped on his tea. It tasted rather bland. "What is it?"

"Professor Quirrell just allowed a very massive creature into the castle. It bears a strange semblance to one of the mythical beats mentioned in Fantastical Beasts and where to find them."

Harry bookmarked his page. "What beast, James?"

"A troll, young master."

"Well, shit."

"Quite so, young master. Should I notify the faculty?"

"Yes." Harry stood up and walked towards the library door. "Where is it?"

"At the lady's restroom on the floor below."

"Let me guess. The troll is male."

"Indeed, young master."

There was a loud crashing sound and suddenly the ground opened only a few steps in front of them as a gigantic wooden club crashed right through it.

Harry peered through the newly formed hole and saw several teachers surrounding the troll. "James, electrocute."

"The troll, young master?"

"Preferably."

"…and then it fell over. Just like that," Harry finished his tale and munched on his chocolate frog. Fred and George were doubled over in laughter.

"Oh Merlin, Harry," Fred breezed, "This is hilarious."

"Totally," George agreed, still snickering. "But," his face suddenly went serious and Fred sobered up, too. "Why did Quirrell do that? Why did he endanger everyone?"

"That, Mister George, is the crucial question," James agreed. "During the incident, Quirinus Quirrell was located at the Forbidden Corridor."

"So, he wants whatever is hidden there," Fred mused. "But what is it?"

"It must be something valuable," Harry interjected, "or dangerous."

"Well, why don't we go and find it out?" George suggested.

Harry nodded. "Let's go tonight."

The twins exchanged a look. "Okay," Fred agreed. "But before that, we want to show you something."

"This," George produced a piece of parchment and presented it with great flourish. "Is the Marauder's Map."

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

It was one o'clock when they met at the tapestry just before the Forbidden corridor.

The three conspirators exchanged serious looks. "Ready?" Harry asked quietly.

The twins nodded. "Ready," they replied simultaneously.

"Filch is in his office," Fred supplied after a quick check of the map. "Nobody else is here."

"Good, then let's go."

They moved.

"Is that a three-headed dog?" George asked as they surrounded the sleeping canine.

"It is a Cerberus, Mister George," James answered, "according to Greek mythology he is the one guarding the entry to the kingdom of Hades, also known as the Underworld."

"Well," Harry commented as he saw the trapdoor below the dog's paw. "I sincerely hope we don't have to go that far."

"You are not the only one there," Fred agreed warily. "Let's not wake him up, okay?"

Unsurprisingly, that was an idea everyone could get on board with.

"Music keeps him asleep," James offered.

"So," George inquired, "Who's going to sing?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "James, play a lullaby."

"Yes, young master."

"Huh, that's very soft here. What's that? A mattress? "

"I don't think so, Fred, it's moving."

"James, light."

"Yes, young master."

"Ah! George, Harry! It's a gigantic man-eating plant! Ouch – it let me fall!"

"It's just a Devil's Snare, brother mine, it hates light."

"James, more light!"

"Yes, young master."

"Ah! Not that bright!"

"Apologies, Mister Fred."

"Don't you think the air smells a bit?" George inquired as they walked further down the darkened corridor.

"A bit?" Fred sounded incredulous. "I don't think I have ever smelt something so terrible."

"It's the stench of a troll," Harry commented and narrowed his eyes.

"A troll?" his friends stared at him.

Harry nodded. "Be careful and keep your eyes open."

"You bet, we will," George muttered.

Something big appeared in front of them. They stopped.

"James," Harry whispered to his AI, "is this the troll?"

The owl floated closer to the massive figure. "Yes, it is. My scans do not pick up any signs of life."

"So, it's dead?" Fred inquired.

"Yes, Mister, Fred," James confirmed.

"Thank Merlin for small mercies," George commented.

"It looks like it has been killed," James continued.

"Someone else is here," Harry concluded, "Quirrell?"

"The probability is high, young master," James agreed, " I advise proceeding with caution."

"You heard him, guys," Harry made an offhanded gesture. "The dungeon party is cancelled."

"What?" Fred returned, mock offended. "I made snacks!"

"And I brought the beer!" George interjected, equally incensed.

"You can't do that!" They complained simultaneously.

"Sorry," Harry shrugged, "another time."

They walked through the next door, still alert, but with higher spirits than before.

"Danger lies before you, while safety lies behind..."

Harry skimmed over the riddle and grinned. "Well, that's easy."

It took him less than twenty seconds to work out the answer. He picked up the bottle and frowned. "There is not much left."

Harry glanced at the fire blocking the last room. "We will wait here," he decided. "If Quirrell is indeed in there, he will need to come out again." He turned towards the twins, "Can you see anything on your map?"

George activated the map. "Yes, he is in there." He pointed at the name Quirinus Quirrell. "Look, the rooms behind us appeared on the map. But around Quirrell's name, it's only white."

"Interesting, James, please scan the map."

The owl fluttered over the parchment.

"What if there's another exit in there?" Fred asked suddenly, "Then we'll miss him."

"Yeah, I've thought about it, too," Harry answered, "but it wouldn't make much sense to hide something behind so many obstacles only to install a shortcut that could be breached. It would make everything redundant."

He smirked. "Let's make a trap for Mr. Stutterbarn. What do you have in your pockets?"

Fred and George emptied their pockets. They found bubble gum, cap bombs, a piece of string and lots of other odds and ends.

A grin illuminated Harry's face. "James, keep the room lit. We've work to do."

"Certainly, young master."

The three children put their heads together.

It took them almost an hour of waiting. Then the flames suddenly lit up again. Quirinus Quirrell stepped out and levitated something in front of him that looked like a mirror.

The moment he took a step out of the flames, hell broke loose. The cap bombs charmed with notice-me-not charms exploded under his feet. Startled, the man lost his concentration and the mirror shattered to the ground.

At the same time, James hovered about Quirrell's head and covered him in pink paint.

Quirrell screamed.

"Expelliarmus!" The twin's voices exclaimed from the other side of the room.

But Quirrell was not so easily defeated. A shield shimmered up in front of him, and the twins' spells deflagrated.

"You blasted brats!" Quirrell snarled, "I'll kill you in the most painful way possible." His eyes blazed with anger as his gaze fell on the Weasley twins. He took a threatening step forward. "Cruc-"

Harry yanked on the string. Quirrell lost his footing and landed harshly on the floor. The wand fell out of his hand.

"Fool," a dark voice suddenly hissed. It was coming from the turban. Something moved below the cloth and a dark mass emerged out of it.

Harry could see the distorted face of a man that had lost all traces of humanity. "You will pay for that, Harry Potter," the wraith hissed and rushed towards him.

Harry could hear his friends scream behind him as something heavy collided with his chest and tried to enter him. But there was something that stopped him. It felt powerful and ancient. The wraith screamed, in both pain and anger, and the insubstantial figure fled in agony.

Then everything went dark.

Harry woke to bright light and white sheets. It took him a while to regain his consciousness and when he was finally sound of mind, he asked the one question that was troubling him most.

"Why is there a toilet seat on my quilt?"

Fred and George responded with cheerful laughter, and something settled on his pillow. Harry blinked at James.

"Hi, James. Rough time, huh?"

"Quite so, young master," the AI replied, "I am most pleased to have you back."

"As am I, Mister Potter. As am I."

Harry looked up and met the eyes of Albus Dumbledore.

"Young master?" James finally began after everyone had left.

"Yes, James?" Harry replied and stretched himself.

"I fear I have to bring you sad news. Your wand broke when you fell on it."

"Doesn't matter, James," Harry replied easily, "Chopsticks come in pairs, you know."