Authors Note:
Mentions and descriptions of self-harm. Be safe and know that you are loved!
Also, in my AU, I have it that Severus, Remus, and Sirius have worked together for years now. They are not mortal enemies as they once were and have forgiven each other for their schoolboy mistakes. However, they're not close friends and don't particularly like each other, they just don't despise each other either.
I hope you enjoy!
Harry woke up the Padfoot licking his face. He rolled over, but a wolf was staring back at him. Harry jumped, sitting up.
"Merlin!" he said, putting a hand on his heart. "Why can't I just have normal parents? No one else has parents who wake them up this way." He joked, grumbling.
Padfoot just kept licking his face until Moony called him off. "Enough, Padfoot, Harry still has to get ready," Remus said.
Padfoot whined and backed off before transforming into Sirius.
"Dumbledore?" Harry asked.
Remus sighed. "Yes, Harry, we're going to get ready to meet Professor Dumbledore. I thought you'd want to shower and change before we go. He said he'll have tea." Remus said, smiling a little.
Harry nodded and stood up.
"Alright, pup, we'll see you after," Sirius said, following him out of the room.
Harry walked to the bathroom and shut the door. The shower was already on and there was steam in the air. Harry took his time in the shower, savoring the hot water on his body.
When he was done he walked back to his room and changed into a long sleeve shirt and jeans. He walked out to the sitting room where Remus and Sirius were waiting for him.
"Hey, Cub, sit down," Remus said.
Harry sat down but sensed something in Remus' voice. "Am I in trouble?" He asked.
"Oh, no nothing like that," Remus assured. He took a deep breath. "We need to heal your arms."
Harry immediately wrapped his arms around himself. "Why? Why now?" He asked.
"We wanted to make sure you were clean before we performed them. You didn't have any open wounds yesterday, but we need to heal you." Remus explained.
Harry didn't move.
Remus, fully expecting this, walked towards him and bent down, saying, "Harry, I know they're important to you. I can do a slow healing charm if you'd rather. They'll have scars today, but they'll fade over time. Would you rather have a full one today or a slow one?" He asked, giving Harry the choice.
"The slow one," Harry said, putting out his arms reluctantly.
Remus gently slid up his sleeves and tapped his arm, healing the wounds. They became pink and scarred, no longer red and angry.
Remus kissed the top of Harry's head and Harry pulled down his sleeves.
"I love you, Harry." He said quietly.
Harry put his arms out and hugged the werewolf in front of him, something inside of him needing the warmth. Harry and Remus hugged for a moment before Harry let go.
"So, we have a few minutes until we leave for Professor Dumbledore's office. Are you ready?" Sirius asked kindly.
Harry shrugged, not seeing any way out of it.
They all sat in silence for a few minutes until Remus announced, "It's time, cub."
Harry felt himself get up and follow his dads out of their quarters.
Harry ended up a few paces behind him, his legs not wanting to move.
"Harry, come on," Sirius said gently, turning his head.
"I'm trying," Harry said weakly.
Remus and Sirius sighed, their hearts aching for their son, but also wanting him to move just a bit faster. They hoped this conversation would go well.
When they arrived at Dumbledore's office, Remus said, "Lemon Drop." and the stairs came into view. They sandwiched Harry in between them, not wanting him to turn around without them knowing.
Remus knocked and Sirius put a hand on Harry's shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. "Everything will be alright." He whispered in Harry's ear.
Harry swallowed but didn't say anything.
"Come in." Dumbledore's voice said.
Remus walked in first with Harry being practically pushed in by Sirius who shut the door behind them.
"Ah, my boys! Please, come in and sit down." Dumbledore said gesturing. Remus and Sirius sat down with Harry in between them. "Lemon drop?" Albus offered.
Remus took one, but Sirius politely declined. Harry could only weakly shake his head, not trusting his voice.
"So, what can I do for you?" Albus asked, his eyes twinkling.
Remus quickly looked at Harry who was intently studying his shoes. Remus turned his head back towards the headmaster and started to speak. "We became aware of some disturbing information last night about one of the professors here."
The twinkle in Albus' eyes was barely visible at this news. "What is it?" He asked.
Sirius and Remus looked at Harry longer this time before Sirius began to talk. "It's about Professor Umbridge, Sir, and what she's doing with her detentions."
"And what is that?" Dumbledore asked, peering over his half-moon spectacles.
Sirius and Remus weren't going to answer this question and looked at Harry, wanting him to reply.
"She had me write lines," Harry replied, telling the truth, but also withholding crucial information.
"Well, writing lines is a standard punishment," Dumbledore said. "What did you write?" He asked.
"I must not tell lies," Harry said quietly.
"That certainly does not sound like you, but I'm afraid I'm a bit lost," Dumbledore replied.
"Harry," Remus growled, wanting him to tell the truth.
Dumbledore cleared his throat and walked to the other side of the desk where he leaned on it, looking at Harry. "Why don't you start from the beginning, hm? How did you get the detention?" He asked.
"I said Voldemort had returned, Sir. She said he didn't. I said he k-killed Cedric. She said he didn't." Harry said quietly. "I got kinda angry that she said he didn't and I made my point clear," Harry admitted.
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled a bit and the corner of his mouth twitched, but he didn't say anything. He just nodded, encouraging Harry to continue.
"In detention, she said I had to write lines." Harry began, wrapping his arms around himself. "I went to pull out my quill but she gave me one of hers to use. I asked what to write and she told me. I asked how many times and she replied 'as many times as it takes for the message to sink in.' I mean, I was confused, but I just thought she meant I had to write a ton of lines." Harry took a deep breath and looked towards Remus and Sirius who both smiled encouragingly at him. "W-when I started to write lines, my hand hurt. I looked at it and the words I was writing appeared on my hand." Harry said, putting his hand out for the professor.
Dumbledore walked towards Harry and bent down, gently examining his hand.
"I, uh, was told it was a blood quill," Harry said, his throat dry.
Dumbledore, after a moment, looked up sadly at Harry, no sign of a twinkle in his eyes. "How many times did you have to use this?" He asked sadly.
"I don't know, Sir. I've had them every week, normally more than once a week from 5-9 since the term has started." Harry admitted.
Dumbledore abruptly stood up and walked back to his desk, but kept his back to the guests in his office. He looked out the window and took a few deep breaths, calming himself.
When he turned around, the headmaster's bright blue eyes were cold and angry.
"Harry, I am so sorry. I had no idea. I knew Professor Umbridge's teaching methods were, shall we say, theory-heavy, and many students have not taken to her personality, but I had no idea it was going this far." Dumbledore sat down and leaned forward. "I want to tell you, Harry, how brave you have been coming to me. I know this isn't easy and I am once again shown how strong you are."
Harry blushed, only managing a "Thanks, Sir." When Remus nudged him to respond.
Professor Dumbledore looked at Harry solemnly at the next part. "I must ask you to extend your bravery if you can. We need proof of your account and while I have no doubts about its accuracy, other people, who aren't here at Hogwarts, might. I must ask you if you can give me your memory of your first detention, and possibly another one later on."
"Uncle M-, er, I mean Professor Lupin mentioned that to me, Sir. What do I have to do to give you my memory? Is it painful?" Harry asked, his green eyes large and round.
Dumbledore gave him a reassuring smile. "Not at all. All you do is think on the memory you're giving, and only that, and I will put my wand to your temple to extract it. It doesn't hurt a bit." He assured his student.
"And do you want it now, Professor?" Harry asked, a bit nervous.
"That would be ideal, yes." The esteemed wizard replied.
Harry nodded and bit his lip, starting to stand up.
"Oh, stay there, where you are comfortable. It will only take a second." Dumbledore said, grabbing his wand and going over to Harry.
Harry resisted the urge to grab his dads' hands, but they did it for him, sensing his nerves.
"We used to do this when you were little and you had to get your immunizations," Sirius said, smiling fondly. "I remember one-time Professor Dumbledore was even called by Poppy down in the hospital wing because you refused to get it. He distracted you while she gave you your shot." Sirius said, shaking his head.
Albus smiled, remembering that. He has seen this young man grow up and he enjoyed any time he was able to be a small part of his journey.
Harry, who remembered this, blushed. "Hey! I'm much better now!" He insisted.
Sirius and Remus sobered up, exchanging sad and serious looks, knowing exactly why Harry did better with sharp objects.
Harry seemed to realize what they were thinking and shrunk into himself. He tried to pull his arms away to wrap around himself but his dads held on tight, rubbing his arms and whispering affirmations in his ear.
Dumbledore noticed this exchange and didn't say anything about it. He saw how Harry reacted and the sad and solemn looks of his parents. He didn't say anything about it, however, and waited until all three were looking at him again (or at his feet in Harry's case) before he began to speak.
"Harry, just think about your first detention with Professor Umbridge. What happened, what was said, the whole occurrence." Professor Dumbledore said gently.
Harry did as he said and felt a wand being pressed to his temple before a silvery strand was pulled out of his head and put into a vial.
"That's it," Dumbledore said kindly, smiling at Harry.
"Thanks," Harry whispered, releasing his hands from Remus and Sirius.
"Of course, my dear boy. Now, I need to watch this memory and I presume that your fathers want to watch it as well, hm?" Dumbledore asked.
Both Sirius and Remus nodded. "Yes, Headmaster," Remus said.
"Harry, would you like to watch the memory? We use something called a Pensieve where one can watch a memory again. It is not painful and no one in the memory can see or hear you. It is as if, as the muggles say, you are a fly on the wall." He explained.
Harry shook his head. "N-no thank you, Sir. Once was enough for me." He said.
"Alright, we will be gone momentarily, if that is okay."
"Yes, Sir," Harry said.
Remus and Sirius stood up but exchanged glances again. They wanted and needed to see the memory, but also didn't want to leave Harry alone.
"Harry, Cub, are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Remus asked.
"Yes, I'm sure," Harry said, nodding.
"Uh, maybe you want to go to-" Sirius began before Harry realized why they were acting the way they were.
Harry rolled his eyes. "I'm not going anywhere or, you know, do anything. You can even put a sticking charm on me if you don't trust me." Harry spat out, but not feeling confident about the sticking charm at all.
"It's fine, Cub, we trust you," Remus said.
Sirius looked at his partner sharply, obviously disagreeing, but Remus held up a hand.
Dumbledore noticed this was a private conversation and decided to immerse himself in his bookshelf, looking at all of the books and running his finger over them, looking for one, trying to give them privacy.
"Harry, we trust you, but this is your chance," Remus warned, "please make good choices."
Harry nodded.
Sirius and Remus kissed the top of Harry's head and went over to Professor Dumbledore. Harry saw Dumbledore pour the vial into the Pensieve and then all three leaned in before they disappeared.
Harry was rather happy he was alone. He had a fleeting thought to harm himself, but then Dumbledore would see and know what was going on.
He had another quick thought of taking something from his office to use later, but he quickly realized that that would be even worse. Dumbledore would surely notice what was missing and his dads would find out. Then, they'd make him apologize to Dumbledore and explain what happened and what was going on.
Harry shuddered at the thought. Ever since Sirius and Remus adopted him and rescued them from the Dursleys, Dumbledore had become his pseudo-grandfather. In fact, when Harry first saw him as a young child, he named him 'Grandda'. He had reminded him of a grandfather that he had seen in a Muggle book that was ripped and thrown into his cupboard. So, Grandda (which later became Granddad as Harry got older and could pronounce it correctly), became the professor's affectionate name. In public it was always Professor Dumbledore and when Harry started school, he didn't remember calling the professor that many times, just a few.
Harry loved Professor Dumbledore but didn't want him to know about his self-harm. He just praised him for how brave and strong he was, and he didn't want him to find out. He knew that Dumbledore would be disappointed. Harry didn't want to lose such an important person in his life.
Before Harry could ponder his relationship with Dumbledore any further, all three men came out of the Pensieve, looking distraught. Dumbledore's eyes were devoid of all twinkle and looked worn, tired, sad, and furious, all at the same time.
Sirius hurried towards Harry and hugged him before breaking away and pacing, trying to work out his anger.
"Harry, I am so sorry." Professor Dumbledore said, not finding the right words for the heartbreak he had for the teenager in front of him.
Harry shrugged, not knowing what to say.
Dumbledore regarded Harry carefully. He saw his demeanor change over the past few months and he knew he was struggling with the events of the last task. He saw how Sirius and Remus were treating Harry. He sat down in his chair and continued to look at Harry before speaking. "Harry, is there anything else you want to tell me about?" He asked.
Harry fidgeted in his spot and pulled on his sleeves. "No, Sir."
"Harry, you seem sad and withdrawn. I'm concerned about you. You've also been cradling your arm. Did you hurt it in quidditch?" Dumbledore asked, genuinely concerned about the boy, not even knowing the exact question was asked by Sirius.
Remus' eyes widened, knowing this wasn't going to be good. However, he didn't get to say anything because Harry immediately spoke up.
Harry shot out of his seat and stood up, his eyes ablaze with fury. "YOU PROMISED!" He yelled, looking at his guardians.
"Harry, no-" Remus began, trying to walk towards him.
"No! Get away from me! You promised you wouldn't tell anyone! You promised!" He seethed, backing away.
Somewhere in the room one of Dumbledore's trinkets exploded.
Remus and Sirius tried to walk towards Harry but were pushed back by his magic.
"I don't know everything they told you, but yes, I'm a freak." Harry spat.
Sirius gasped. They banned that word after Harry was called it by the Dursleys. It took time, but that word hadn't been uttered by any of them in years.
Remus sighed, feeling powerless.
"Harry, what-" Dumbledore began, standing up and attempting to take a few steps towards him.
"THERE! OKAY!" Harry yelled, pulling back his sleeve to show the scars that lined his arms.
Books flew off the shelves and another trinket broke. Harry's magic swirled around him. He yelled and all the adults were pushed back a few steps.
Harry bolted out of the room, his magic shutting and locking the door to Dumbledore's office behind him.
Sirius and Remus tried the door, but Dumbledore waved his hand at it. "It's his magic. It won't unlock at this moment until he calms down. I suggest you use the floo."
"Sirius, get the map and come back here. I need to tell Dumbledore a few things." Remus said, knowing at this point he needed to tell the headmaster a bit of what was going on.
Sirius nodded and quickly disappeared into the flames.
Dumbledore looked at Remus, sadness deep in his eyes. "Remus, what is going on?" He asked.
"We found out about it yesterday. He's staying with us right now. He- he's got a lot he needs to work through and we haven't left him alone. It's why we had our classes covered. Harry needs our help." Remus sighed.
Albus nodded, not expecting this and his heart aching for Harry.
Sirius quickly came back with the map, "He's running in the hallways, he hasn't stopped." He said, out of breath.
"Where's he heading?" Remus asked.
Sirius looked and looked again. "You're not going to believe this."
Harry ran out of the room, seeing red. He ran down the stairs and just kept running and running. He had no idea where he was going to go.
As he was running he thought of ideas.
Gryffindor Tower? No, there were too many people there and it was obvious.
His bedroom? Ha, he'd be caught instantly.
The astronomy tower? Too many stairs for his anger.
The owlery? Nah, too messy.
Harry then got an idea which almost stopped his running. The dungeons. They'd never check there.
There was a potions lab for students to practice in. Snape was never in there and students were in there often in the evenings, but rarely during the day. There was also a set of potion knives in that room. They were spelled to stay in the room and they were old and dull, but Harry didn't care. He wasn't using them to brew Polyjuice, after all.
Harry didn't see anyone on his sprint except two Hufflepuff second years, and he wasn't worried about them.
When he made it to the potions lab he was relieved to see no one there. He went to the cupboard and pulled out a knife. He reached for his wand to do a cleaning charm and remembered he didn't have it. He swore, but his anger and adrenaline got the best of him.
Harry studied the knife as he slid down against the wall, panting. He wiped the blade on his shirt and then pushed up his sleeve. He ran the blade along his arm, almost smiling at the release he felt. He felt like he could breathe again. He made another line below the first one a bit harder. Then, another, and another, and another.
Remus looked at Sirius. "Where?" He asked, just wanting to get to his cub.
"The dungeons," Sirius said.
Remus didn't even have time to unpack that. "Let's go. Albus, may we borrow your floor again?"
"Of course, please tell me if I can do anything and when Harry is safe." He said solemnly.
"We well, thank you," Remus said before heading to the fireplace.
"What fireplace are we going to?" Sirius asked.
"Severus'," Remus said, not even looking at Sirius' face before stepping into the green flames.
Severus Snape was enjoying his free hour. He should be grading some essays, but he was instead reading the newest release of a potions magazine. He was reading an article on healing potions when an alarm on his wand went off.
Severus froze for a minute before reacting. That was the alarm for the potion knives. He stood up and quickly made his way towards the practice potions lab, truly looking like a bat with his cape billowing behind him.
The sight he saw was one he never expected.
Severus walked in and saw Harry Potter on the floor, leaning up against the wall. He was shaking and crying and had a potions knife in one hand and using it to cut himself on his other arm.
Severus quickly got over his momentary shock and took long and quick strides towards Harry.
Harry went to make another cut before long, bony, pale fingers grabbed the knife out of his hands.
Harry was furious. "GIVE IT BACK!" He shouted, expecting Remus. When he looked up, however, it was his potions professor.
All the blood drained from Harry's face and he pulled his arms above his head as if trying to stop a blow.
Snape was not surprised at Harry's reaction. He has dealt with this situation several times and anger is a common emotion, as is fear when they are caught. He saw Harry stiffen when he realized who had caught him. He was surprised, however, at the boy protecting himself like he was going to be hit.
"Mr. Potter, I need to see your arm." He said neutrally, not wanting to scare the boy any more than he already has.
Harry managed to shake his head and pulled his arm closer to him. His mind was moving a mile a minute and Snape was the last person he expected to see.
"Mr. Potter, I need to heal your arms." He said again, no sign of emotion on his face.
Harry shook his head again, his whole body shaking.
Severus saw the magic pulsing from the boy and also remembered how much other students hated to be healed.
"How about we just use bandages, then?" Snape asked, almost kindly.
Harry didn't reply but felt his professor grab his arm and start to wrap a white bandage around his cuts.
When Severus cut the bandage and tucked it in, Harry pulled his arm back, shaking and rocking.
"Mr. Potter, I'm not going to harm you," Severus said, his voice calm and neutral.
Harry began to breathe faster. His hand went to his arm, trying to scratch his arm up.
Snape saw this and grabbed the teenager's hands and held them at his side, not wanting to hurt himself anymore.
They couldn't have been in that position for more than 10 seconds before Remus and Sirius came running in.
Remus, if surprised at the scene, didn't even flinch. He ran towards Harry.
"Thank you, Severus." He said, not taking his eyes off Harry. "I've got him." He said. Remus went to the floor and sat next to Harry. He gently moved Harry's body so that Harry was in front of Remus. Remus wrapped his arms around Harry, effectively immobilizing him. "Harry, you're okay. Shh, you're okay cub." Remus whispered in Harry's ear.
Sirius, on the other hand, was momentarily surprised at what he saw when he walked into the room. He had paused for a moment before stiffly walking into the room and over to Snape who was standing up, watching Remus and Sirius.
"Thank you, Severus," Sirius said genuinely.
Severus was surprised at how genuine Sirius' voice was. "Of course, no child should hurt themselves. I'd do that for anyone." Severus said, his voice still neutral, the opposite of how he was feeling.
Sirius didn't have a chance to say anything else because Remus looked up at him and said, "Padfoot. We need Padfoot."
Sirius transformed with a small 'pop'. He walked over to Harry and climbed on the shaking teenager's lap. Padfoot nuzzled into the crook of Harry's good arm before licking it and then licking Harry's face.
Severus, who didn't want to intrude or complicate this situation even more than it already was, put up a silencing spell and shut and locked the door to the potions lab, not wanting anyone to come in.
Harry, who had been deep in his panic attack, blinked, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings.
"You're okay, Harry. You're safe." Remus whispered.
"Pa'foo'?" Harry mumbled, his voice hoarse.
Padfoot stayed on Harry's lap, nuzzling his head into Harry.
"Yes, Padfoot is here. You're okay. You're safe." Remus repeated calmly.
It took another moment before Harry realized what was going on. He stiffened before starting to fight against the restraints again.
"Harry, no, cub. We've got you. Calm down. You're safe." Remus said, holding tight to his son.
Harry didn't fight that much longer, realizing that he couldn't get away. He relaxed in Remus' hold and turned his head to the side, not wanting to look at anyone.
"I just want to get away." He mumbled quietly, Remus and Sirius only being able to hear him.
"We'll go back to our quarters in a minute, Harry. Just take some deep breaths." Remus said, sensing there was more to his outburst.
Proving Remus' thought right, Harry shouted, "No! I don't want to be with you! I don't want to be with anyone! I just want to be ALONE!" He yelled.
"I know, I know. I see you're angry." Remus said calmly, feeling like yesterday again.
Harry growled and tried to pull away again, but no such luck.
"You promised!" Harry said loudly, hurt evident in his voice.
"Harry, when you calm down we can explain everything. I will tell you right now, though, we didn't tell Professor Dumbledore anything." Remus said.
Harry felt his anger deflate. "What?" He asked.
"Harry, I wouldn't break my promise to you like that and neither would Dadfoot. I need you to take some deep breaths for me." Remus said, his voice level and calm.
Harry sighed, but then did as he was told. "C-can I please pet Padfoot?" Harry asked, knowing how it helps him.
Remus immediately agreed, releasing his arms.
Harry took some deep, shaky breaths, running his injured hands through Padfoot's fur. He leaned down into the fur and mumbled some words into Padfoot before hugging the dog for a long moment before sitting back up again.
They stayed there for another few minutes in silence, Remus letting the whole situation de-escalate. Eventually, Remus saw Harry shaking slightly.
"Are you okay, Cub?" He asked.
"Just a little cold," Harry admitted.
"Yes, the dungeon floors are rather chilly." Remus agreed.
Padfoot snorted and Severus had to use all of his self-control not to roll his eyes.
"Why don't we head back to our quarters for some hot chocolate, hmm?" Remus offered.
Harry paused and thought for a second before answering. "Um, okay." He said.
Padfoot got off of Harry and became Sirius, who helped his son up.
Remus got up and brushed his robes off.
"Severus, would you mind terribly if we used your floo to get back to our quarters. I don't think Harry wants to be seen right now." Remus asked.
"Of course, you may," Severus said, taking down the silencing charm and unlocking the door. He lead them to his private quarters where his fireplace was.
"Sirius, take Harry and get him settled, I'll be right there," Remus said.
Sirius nodded and took Harry into the fireplace with him before they disappeared.
"Thank you, Severus, so much," Remus said, looking sincerely at the potions master.
"Of course, as I told the mutt, I won't stand by while any child harms themself." He replied stiffly.
Remus smiled. "Well, thank you. I know we have a lot to discuss, but Harry is our first priority right now. If you are available later on, we can chat. We will contact you when Harry is resting. Is that okay?" Remus asked.
Severus nodded. "Yes, please also clean out his wounds. He used a knife that was almost certainly not clean."
"We will, thank you for telling me. We will see you later then," Remus said before throwing the powder into the fire and disappearing.
Severus sighed and collapsed on his couch. There is no dull day with a Lupin, Black, and Potter. He had a lot to think about.