Author's Note: Mentions of abuse and self-harm, be safe and know that you are loved!
If Severus seems a bit OOC, it's because it's an AU universe, but I still tried to keep him his snarky self. In canon, I can't stand Snape and I think his behavior is despicable. In AU's, I can work with the character to make him more redeemable, or read them with him becoming a better person.
This chapter was difficult for me to write and kind of a filler chapter, but has things that needed to happen/ be discussed. Let me know if it's okay! I appreciate all the reviews, follows, and favorites.
Happy reading!
Sirius helped Harry out of the floo and sat him down on the couch. "Pup, we were so worried." He said, kissing Harry's head.
"'M sorry," Harry mumbled.
"I just want you to know that we love you," Sirius said, looking into Harry's face.
Harry looked down and clutched his arm close to his chest.
"I'm going to grab the first aid kit," Sirius said, standing up. He walked to the bathroom, but still kept an eye on Harry, making sure he wasn't moving. As he was walking back with it, Remus stepped out of the fireplace.
"Ah good, you grabbed it. Severus said we need to make sure we clean the wounds well." Remus told Sirius, coming over to them.
Harry sat there, not knowing what to say.
Remus sat down next to Harry and gently grabbed Harry's arm and slowly unwrapped the bandage. It had tinges of red that got darker as they unwrapped more of it. When unwrapped, Remus held Harry's arm still while Sirius began to clean out the wounds.
Harry hissed as the antiseptic touched his wounds. He instinctively tried to pull his arm away, but Remus had a firm grip on him.
"Sorry," Harry mumbled, looking down, ashamed.
"It's okay. I know it stings." Remus said sympathetically.
"Sorry, pup, I'm trying to be gentle," Sirius said.
"You're okay," Harry said, wincing.
Sirius carefully cleaned out his wounds before applying salve and waving his wand to heal them. The fresh cuts turned into pink scars.
"Slow healing charm," Sirius explained. He wrapped bandages around his arm so Harry couldn't reopen the wounds.
"Harry, let's chat," Remus said, releasing his arm as Sirius finished.
Harry stayed quiet and pulled his sleeves down, wrapping his arms around himself.
"How about I get the hot chocolate?" Remus said, standing up and going into the kitchen.
When Remus came back he had three steaming mugs. He handed one to Harry who grabbed it gratefully. "You didn't tell Dumbledore?" Harry asked quietly after a few sips.
"No, we didn't. We wouldn't betray your trust like that." Sirius said, holding Remus' hand.
"Then dow did he know?" Harry asked.
Remus was quiet for a moment. "He probably has seen how you have been acting. He has taken trainings on how to spot and help students who have struggled with self-harm and other mental illnesses." Remus explained. "He knows you well and you haven't been acting like yourself."
Harry shrugged, understanding his uncle's explanation but not liking it.
"Is he mad at me?" He asked.
"I don't think so. He was more worried than anything else." Remus said truthfully.
"You will have to talk to him later on." Sirius pointed out.
Harry looked up sharply. "Now?!"
"Oh no, Cub. It doesn't even have to be today. When you're ready." Remus assured him.
"Now, you choose the potions lab." Remus started slowly.
Harry nodded, really not wanting to talk about it. "Yeah, I had some ideas and I didn't think you would go down there. I guess I forgot about the map." Harry admitted. "I remembered the knives and I was so." Harry sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I was so hurt and angry and lonely and I just wanted to focus on something else. I wanted a release." He explained, looking down.
"I get it, I do. And thank you for explaining it to us, that's brave." Remus said seriously.
Harry blushed but appreciated the praise. "Am I in trouble?" He asked fearfully.
Sirius and Remus exchanged looks.
"No, you're not in trouble," Sirius said.
Harry looked at them in shock. "B-but I was so angry. And ran away. And h-hurt myself, after you told me not to!" He said.
"Would you like to be in trouble?" Sirius asked, smirking.
Harry quickly shook his head.
"Cub, we know you're going through a lot right now. There is a lot of stuff for us to figure out. We wished you would have reacted differently, but that's what we are going to work on. We know that it's a process. We're going to work on it together." Remus said.
Harry nodded, understanding. "Thank you." He said quietly. He stayed quiet before resting his head on the edge of the couch.
Remus cast a quick tempus spell. "Harry, it's past lunchtime. Why don't you have something to eat and then take a rest. You did some more accidental magic today and I'm sure you're exhausted from it all.
Harry bit his lip, not really wanting to eat. Remus softened his face, knowing what he was thinking. "Come on, Cub. I'll make you a sandwich, Eat what you can." He said, standing up and offering his hand.
Harry nodded and took his hand, following him in the kitchen. Sirius followed them.
Harry was able to eat most of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and Sirius so graciously offered to finish it, which caused Remus to roll his eyes.
Harry was escorted to bed by Sirius who transformed into Padfoot. He laid down next to Harry and made sure he was asleep before quietly and carefully making his way out of the bedroom and back into the sitting room.
Remus was sitting in his armchair. When he saw Sirius he handed him a cup of tea, which he took gratefully.
"If I wasn't still so worried I would take a nap, too," Sirius said, taking a sip of the warm beverage.
"I know," Remus said, taking a sip of his tea.
"We have a lot to work on, don't we, Moony," Sirius asked, his blue-gray eyes fixed on his husband.
"Yeah, yeah we do," Remus admitted.
Sirius sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Pads, it's going to be okay. Harry is going to be okay. We have a long road ahead of us, but Harry can do it. I've seen much worse, heck, I was worse than he was." Remus said.
"Sure, maybe, but no one else has to deal with being Voldemort's enemy number one!" Sirius grouched.
It was silent. before Sirius sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm just worried."
"I know, and I am too. We'll be with him. We will all be okay." Remus assured him.
They were quiet again for several minutes, sipping their tea and getting lost in their thoughts.
Eventually, Remus spoke up.
"We need to talk to Severus, and thank him again. After finding Harry like that and helping him he deserves to know what's going on."
Sirius didn't like it but agreed. "When do we invite him over?" He grumbled.
"I was thinking tonight when Harry goes to bed. Maybe around 8?"
Sirius gave a stiff nod, agreeing.
"Great, I'll send him a note and let him know," Remus said, getting up to get a bit of parchment.
When he came back he saw Sirius resting his head on the couch, closing his eyes.
"Siri, why don't you go lay down. I'll stay awake if Harry needs me. We can switch off when you get up." Remus said, glad he gave his partner a calming tea.
Sirius nodded, too tired to fight it before retreating to his bedroom.
Remus wrote the note to Severus before sending it off.
He grabbed a book and his tea and got himself settled on his armchair, making himself comfortable. "Ah, peace." He murmured, a small smile gracing his face before he opened the book and began to read.
A couple of hours later, Sirius came back and saw Remus half-asleep on the armchair.
"Moony, why don't you take a rest now, hmm?" Sirius asked.
This time it was Remus who didn't argue as he headed to the bedroom and Sirius sat on the couch, bringing a stack of essays to grade with him.
A couple of hours later, Remus was still sleeping and Sirius was still grading, but both were awoken by a yell. They hopped up and ran to Harry who was thrashing in bed.
"Harry, Harry, you're okay. Wake up, pup." Sirius said.
Harry woke up, seeing his godfathers concerned next to him.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up." Harry said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
"We're happy to be with you," Remus assured him. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.
Harry was quiet before saying, "It was the last task again." He murmured.
"I'm sorry, that's scary. You are safe here and Voldemort can't get you. You are safe here right now." Remus validated.
Harry shrugged, done talking about it.
"Do you want to go to the sitting room? We can play a game or work on homework before dinner?" Sirius offered.
Harry nodded and followed his godfather.
They played some exploding snap before dinner and then Sirius and Remus helped Harry with the work he missed today, much to Harry's dismay.
"Why did you have to assign such a boring easy?" Harry complained to Sirius.
"Hey! It's not that bad!" Sirius protested. "I'll get you for that!" He said, going in to tickle his godson.
Sirius tickled Harry until he was tapping on the ground yelling, "Uncle! Uncle!"
"Besides, you're almost done with it," Sirius said, looking at Harry's essay.
Harry yawned, despite sleeping most of the day. His magical core was still recovering.
"Harry, why don't you finish this tomorrow? You should get to sleep?" Sirius said gently.
Harry weakly shook his head. He picked up his quill and yawned again. "Harry, come on, cub. I'll tuck you in." Remus said, gently taking the quill out of Remus' hand.
"I'm too old for that." Harry protested weakly but allowed Remus to escort him to his room.
Sirius smiled as he watched them walk away. He waved his wand and cleaned up Harry's belongings before using his wand and getting the sitting room presentable for Snape. When he was happy with it, he went to the kitchen to get that cleaned up from dinner.
Meanwhile, Harry had washed his face and brushed his teeth and now he was laying in his bed, Remus sitting on it.
"Thanks for everything, Uncle Moony." He said, pulling the blankets up and looking at Remus.
Remus stroked his hair back. "Harry, we love you. We are so proud of you and do anything for you."
"U-uncle Moony, what about Professor Snape? Is he going to tell everyone?" Harry asked timidly, so quiet only the wolf senses could pick it up.
"Oh, Cub, no! He won't. He may be cold, and even cruel sometimes, but nothing like that. If there's one thing Professor Snape can do, it's keeping a child's secret."
Harry nodded, not convinced but placated for now.
Remus then flicked his wand and a potion came into the room.
"Dreamless sleep," Remus said. "Just for tonight. I want your body to recover." He explained.
Harry took the potion and handed the vial back to Remus.
"Love you," Harry murmured as he rolled over.
"Love you too, Cub," Remus whispered, kissing Harry's fringe lightly. He walked out of the room and gently shut the door.
Severus Snape, Potions Master, and Professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry knocked on the door at quarter to 8. Remus answered the door with a smile, Sirius standing up from the couch.
"Severus, thank you for coming," Remus said, still giving him a warm smile.
Severus nodded in reply.
"Please, take a seat," Sirius said, standing up, allowing Snape to choose where he wanted.
Severus chose the armchair, not wanting to be next to either of them, so the marauders took the couch.
"Can we get you anything? Tea?" Remus asked.
Severus shook his head. "No, thank you." He said tightly.
It was silent for a moment until Severus drawled, "I believe you have an explanation as to why Mr. Potter was found on the floor of the potions lab."
Ah, Snape, always right to the chase.
Sirius bristled but didn't say anything. Remus squeezed his hand and replied, "Yes, thank you again for helping Harry."
The men on the couch took a deep breath. "What we are going to talk about is confidential information, Albus was just made aware today and you'll know more than him. I want to ask that it remains confidential." Remus began.
Severus puffed his chest, finding out things before the headmaster. He gave another sharp nod, urging them to continue. "I understand."
"We just found out about all of this yesterday. We've all been noticing Harry's erratic and unusual behavior the past couple of months." Remus began.
Severus nodded. Many of the professors have spoken to the mutt or the wolf, heck, even he brought his concerns to them when Harry didn't seem to fight back one day and explode the next.
"Sirius finally cornered him and saw some glamours that were about to fall. First, we found out what Umbridge has been using in detentions. A blood quill." Remus said, his eyes turning a hint of amber.
Severus stiffened. He was not expecting that. His face flickered with emotion but before Remus or Sirius could comment on it it was back to his neutral state. "Are you certain?"
"Yes. Harry, and I'm sure others, have been using this. You will want to check your Slytherins." Remus added, looking at him genuinely.
Oh, he would. Not even Merlin himself could save Delores if she hurt his snakes.
"Anyway, when Sirius checked the other arm we found scars that were not from a blood quill but seemed to be self-inflicted. He was, naturally, very upset we found out and I calmed him down, but not before a very expressive display of accidental magic." Remus added dryly.
"I convinced him to tell Dumbledore. We told him and we saw his memory, but Harry stayed behind. Albus knew something was off with Harry and asked him about it. Harry thought that we had told Albus that he had been hurting himself and broke our promise to him. Harry showed Albus his scars and ran off when you found him. He must have been feeling incredibly upset, betrayed, and hurt then." Remus said.
"Thank you, Healer Lupin," Snape said with a sneer. However, it was lacking its usual venom and both Sirius and Remus noticed this, not commenting on what Snape said.
"As for the panic attacks, we've tried to keep those quiet, but I'm sure you probably remember a time or two when Harry was younger?" Remus said, asking the man in front of him.
Severus thought back. He did have some memories of younger Harry, but he quickly whisked them away. He didn't think too much of it at the time, just writing it off to being a young child.
"Yes, why did he have panic attacks so young?" Severus couldn't help but ask.
Remus and Sirius exchanged a look.
"It's really for Harry to say, but we can tell you some, again confidentially," Remus said.
Snape nodded, just wanting the truth.
"Harry was abused," Sirius said.
Snape stiffened.
"He was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by those wretched muggles. He still deals with the effects, even over 10 years later. It was bad, Snape. Really bad." Sirius said, his eyes glazing over and becoming dark.
Remus squeezed his shoulder. "It was horrible." He agreed.
It was quiet for a moment and Severus took time to digest this information. This boy, the golden child, and savior of the entire wizarding world was abused. Severus felt a prickle of guilt when he realized he only made it worse with his verbal taunts. He pushed it away, thinking of how similar the boy looked to James, but it came back with a vengeance when he saw Lily's eyes.
"We want to help Harry," Remus said, bringing them back into the present. "We've talked some and we're coming up with a plan. We're working on it. I do have a request I hope you'd honor." Remus said.
Severus raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" he asked.
"Harry was rather concerned that you'd tell everyone. I was hoping you could talk to him and make sure he knows that his secret is kept. If he wants to share anything with you, he can. I just want him to know he's safe." Remus said.
"Of course," Severus said, agreeing immediately, surprising everyone, even himself.
Seeing the look on Remus and Sirius' faces he elaborated.
"I may be cold and cruel sometimes, but I do not condone child abuse and I certainly don't want any student harming themselves. Your son might drive me up the wall, but he does not deserve to feel such pain." He said solemnly.
"Thank you," Sirius whispered thickly.
"Now, is there anything else?" Severus asked, clearing his throat.
"I have one, how did you know Harry was there?" Sirius asked.
Remus and Severus exchanged a knowing look.
"I have charmed the knives to be notified if they cut or slice human skin. Even if it's an accident, I want to be notified. Remus is told when the alarm is triggered as well. However, my wand makes noise and I tell him when there is an incident. There is also a parchment that has names in his office, but it is magically charmed so only he can see it." Severus explained.
"Wow, I wasn't expecting that," Sirius said, pleasantly surprised.
"Again, Black, I may be cold but I don't want a child to hurt himself. Or anyone, really." Snape added.
"It hasn't happened in a while and it's mostly the older students who think of it," Remus admitted.
Sirius nodded, taking it all in.
"I must get going, I have rounds tonight, but please alert me if you need me," Severus said, standing up.
"Thank you, again, Severus," Remus said, standing up.
"No problem," Severus said, waving it away.
Remus and Sirius escorted Severus out before collapsing on the couch, Sirius summoning a bottle of firewhiskey.
"Well, that's over," Remus said, taking a sip.
"It wasn't as bad as I thought, but man, it's still hard to talk about everything that's going on with Harry," Sirius admitted.
"Yeah it is, do you want to talk about it?" Remus asked, sitting up.
Sirius rolled his eyes, "No thank you Healer Lupin, I'm just stating a fact. You know that when I need to talk, I do."
Remus relaxed and smiled, "Yeah, you're right. Just know I'm always here." He said.
"I know. I love you." Sirius said.
"I love you too," Remus said, leaning over to kiss him.
The two men stayed there, both chatting and sitting in comfortable silence until it was time to go to bed, where they both retired to their bedroom, almost collapsing in exhaustion.
Harry woke up the next day, feeling rested thanks to Dreamless Sleep. He rolled over and checked his magical clock, it read 9:30. Harry really didn't feel like moving today. He decided he would just stay in bed.
What Harry didn't know, however, was that Sirius and Remus cast a spell around his bed to alert them when he woke up.
Sirius and Remus were pleased that Harry was able to get over 12 hours of sleep. They didn't mind him staying in. bed for a bit, either. However, when it hit 10 o clock, they were starting to get worried.
"He's still in there, Moony," Sirius said.
"I know, we're going to have to get him soon." Remus sighed.
"I mean, normally I wouldn't worry, he's a teenager, but I remember how hard it was to get you out of bed some days. You were so depressed. I don't want that for him." Sirius said, wringing his hands.
"I know, Padfoot, I know. I think he'll have some of it, but not like I was. I think he's just having trouble processing what happened. A lot of going to change for him and that's hard. Besides, his coping mechanism has been found out. We need to help him find new ways to cope." Remus explained.
Sirius nodded, taking in what his husband had said.
At 10:30, Sirius couldn't wait anymore. He went to Harry's bedroom and changed into Padfoot, leaping on the bed.
Harry was quickly pulled out of his stupor. "Morning, Padfoot." He said, his voice hoarse.
Padfoot licked Harry's face before hopping off the bed and becoming Sirius. "Good morning, pup. Come on, let's get you some brunch." He said, helping Harry out of bed.
Harry reluctantly took his hand, really not wanting to get out. He ate brunch, going through the motions, before excusing himself and quickly going back to his bed, exhausted from the whole ordeal.
Remus and Sirius exchanged worried looks when this happened. "I'll talk to him," Remus said.
Sirius nodded, running a hand through his hair.
"Make yourself useful, clean up or grade some papers. Don't just worry." Remus suggested.
"Are you insinuating I'm not just useful standing here?" Sirius gasped, teasing Remus.
"Yes," Remus said dryly, throwing a pillow at Sirius.
"You may be a therapist, but at least you still have a sense of humor." Sirius poked at Remus.
Remus' lips twitched and he rolled his eyes at his best friend. "I'll get you for that." He shot back.
Sirius smirked.
Remus sighed and walked back over to Sirius, kissing him, before going to Harry's bedroom where he knocked lightly on the door.
He heard a quiet 'come in' from Harry and opened and softly shut the door behind him, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Hey, Cub, you hurried out of the kitchen. Are you okay?" Remus asked, his voice tender and concerned.
"Yeah, just tired," Harry said.
"It makes sense for you to be tired, but you did just sleep over 12 hours. And, you laid in bed for a while." Remus said gently.
"How did you know?" Harry asked.
"Magic." Remus shrugged.
Harry huffed and then took a nervous hand to smooth out his hair.
"Cub, let's talk for a minute," Remus said.
"Okay," Harry said, feeling drained but also a bit nervous.
"I know you feel exhausted and I do sincerely think part of it is physical, but I think a lot of it is emotional and mental. You've had a lot happen over the last few days."
"Yeah." Harry agreed, not knowing what else to say.
"What are you thinking about? How are you feeling about it all?" Remus asked.
"Fine," Harry replied.
Remus sighed. "Harry, that is another big rule we're going to have. Yes, I'm going to use the word rule. You can not use the word 'fine' to describe how you're feeling. The word is banned," he said.
Harry huffed again. "Fine. I feel tired and confused and scared and embarrassed and, oh, frustrated." Harry sighed, throwing his hands up and sitting on his bed.
Remus nodded, "Yeah, that makes sense. Those all are understandable feelings. I want you to know, Harry, that there's no escaping them. Those are all uncomfortable feelings and feelings many of us don't like to have, but we can't erase them. We can't hide from them. There are times when we can stay in bed, but no matter how long you stay here, they won't go away. Sometimes they might get worse." Remus explained.
"Easy for you to say." Harry spat out.
Remus opened his mouth to say something, but Harry decided he wanted to continue speaking before he could.
"No! I mean the only thing that helped you took away and I don't know what to do anymore. Besides, you didn't mind when I stayed in bed when I was in Gryffindor Tower. I was doing just fine then!" He said vehemently.
"Harry," Remus began calmly, "I didn't mind because I didn't know what was going on. And yes, it is easier said than done. I myself some days struggle to get out of bed. There are a couple of days a year I can't. I do understand."
"What do you do?" Harry asked timidly.
Remus smiled, "Well, who do you think got me out of bed when I was your age? Or made sure I was being safe? And still does make me get out of bed?"
"Dadfoot," Harry said, smiling slightly.
"Yup. He would lick my face and sometimes quite literally drag me out of my bed. I hated it, but he was doing what was best for me." Remus became more serious again and gazed at Harry, "It's not good to stay up in your head all the time. It tells you things that aren't true and you overthink things."
Harry squirmed, knowing Remus was right, but not loving what he said. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But I just can't seem to move some days. It's like all my energy is gone."
Remus nodded, "Yeah, I get that. Don't try to push yourself too hard. Just make yourself do small things. For example, get dressed. Brush your teeth. Shower, or take a bath if that's easier. Move to the sitting room. And most importantly, tell us. We can help, especially on those rough days. Trust me, I know."
"I don't know, Uncle Moony, you don't have much experience with this," Harry said, teasing his dad. "I'd trust Dadfoot instead. He'd know what to do."
"Cheeky Cub," Remus growled before tickling him.
After a few moments and Harry out of breath, Remus stopped. "Now, I'm not going to push you to do anything big today. If you feel like staying in bed, I get it. However, you have to do one thing today outside of your room, besides meals. You need to be out of your room doing something for at least 15 minutes. Is that fair?" Remus asked.
Harry nodded, thinking it was a step in the right direction.
Remus smiled, "Good. I'll leave you here, then. If you want anything or need any help, let us know. We'll be right outside." He said.
"Okay, thanks Uncle Moony."
"Anytime, Cub," Remus said, kissing Harry's forehead.
Remus shut the door behind him and saw Sirius on the couch, attempting to grade an essay.
"So?" Sirius asked when he saw Remus was done.
"We talked. He needs to spend at least 15 minutes out of his room today. I'm not pushing him today, but we'll work on it tomorrow."
Sirius nodded, taking it in, before getting back to the essays.
Remus himself had essays to grade and got to those.
They sat in comfortable silence, only the sound of a quill scratching until they broke for lunch.
"Harry, I know you're probably not hungry, but it's lunchtime so you should have a snack or something," Sirius said loudly outside Harry's door.
Harry did in fact come out for lunch. He had a banana and some pumpkin juice before retreating to his bedroom.
Later on, that afternoon, as Remus was reading and Sirius was lesson planning, Harry came out of his bedroom with some books and parchment.
"I, uh, was hoping you'd help me with some homework," Harry asked, settling on the floor and setting his stuff on the coffee table.
"Of course, Pup! What do you have?" Sirius asked, setting aside his work.
"Charms. Flitwick assigned us a 2-foot essay on the banishing charm." Harry grumbled.
"Well, how is it going?" Remus asked.
"I can do it, most of the time, but it's still kinda hard for me to understand, especially the theory," Harry admitted.
"Well, lucky for you, you have two professors right here! Free of charge!" Sirius joked.
Harry rolled his eyes but didn't say anything.
Remus and Sirius helped Harry with his essay, explaining things to him. After about 45 minutes and 10 inches written, Harry yawned.
"Thanks for the help, but I think I want to take a nap now." He admitted.
"That sounds good, Cub. Leave your stuff here. When you wake up it will probably be dinner time so come on out." Remus said.
Harry nodded and made his way to his bedroom where he did take a nap.
When he woke up, he only laid in bed for about 5 minutes before rolling out of bed and making his way to the kitchen where Remus was finishing up dinner.
Harry sat down and within a few minutes, dinner was served.
"Harry," Remus said in the middle of dinner.
Harry looked up from his food, fish and chips.
"I told you that we weren't going to push you too hard. Tomorrow, however, I'm not holding Sirius back. We're going to do some things with you. Nothing hard or anything like that, but you won't be in your bedroom all day, okay?" He asked.
Harry sighed, he didn't like this, but understood. "Okay. Do I have to talk to anyone?"
"Well, we'd like for you to talk to Professor Dumbledore tomorrow, but we'll see how you're feeling," Remus said, Sirius nodding his agreement.
Harry looked down in shame remembering what happened in the headmaster's office.
"Hey, he's not angry, Pup. He just wants to tell you that he loves you and that you can always talk to him." Sirius said gently.
That made Harry feel a bit better, but he still felt nervous.
"It's your granddad." Sirius said, "not your headmaster."
Harry smiled, "Okay. But I still want to talk about it tomorrow."
"Deal," Remus said, smiling.
The rest of the evening passed by without incident, Harry spending a bit more time outside of his room before going to bed.
Remus and Sirius both felt hopeful for the next day. They really wanted it to go well. They wanted their cub to begin to heal.