Author's Note: References to self-harm. You are loved!
This chapter is a bit choppy, but there is information in here that leads up to future events, hence, the calm before the storm. I so apologize if you don't like it! Hopefully, it's okay!
The next day during classes Harry was asked what happened yesterday and why he wasn't in classes, but he just shrugged it off and said he wasn't feeling well. Neville seemed rather concerned, but Harry shook his head at him, dismissing the idea Neville thought.
Harry had a meeting with Professor McGonagall this week and was excited to talk to her about the chapters she assigned. Once he was granted access to her quarters, Harry shut the door behind him and excitedly sat down, his mouth already going.
"Grandma Min! I was reading the chapters and it said that a really important skill is clearing your mind for the transformation and I'm already working on that! Do you think it'll help?"
Normally Minerva would not condone such poor manners and would ask the boy to calm down, but she was so relieved to see him excited about something. "Slow down, my dear. Tell me more about what you're thinking." Minerva put a glass of pumpkin juice in front of him which Harry gladly took a sip of.
"So I'm taking these lessons with Professor Snape, did Professor Dumbledore tell you about them?" Harry asked.
"No, he did not," Minerva said, tight-lipped.
"Well, I will," Harry stated.
Minerva gave him a small smile. At least someone will tell her something.
"Anyway, I was told I had to have Occlumency lessons with Professor Snape."
"Why?" Minerva asked, surprised he was having to learn such a difficult branch of magic.
Harry deflated a little, feeling uncomfortable. "The nightmares and visions from Voldemort," he mumbled.
Minerva looked at Harry sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Harry. Yes, I can see how Occlumency would help with that."
Harry nodded and took a breath, trying to shake off his uncomfortable feeling. "Anyway, Dadfoot and Uncle Moony have helped me start to clear my mind. The first session didn't go very well, but I have worked on clearing my mind and I think it will really help me with my animagus training!"
Minerva gave him an approving nod. "That it will, Mr. Potter. 10 points to Gryffindor for your critical thinking skills."
Harry blushed. "Thanks, Professor."
Minerva gave him a loving smile and put a plate of biscuits out in front of him now. "So, tell me about the chapters you read. What did you read? What do you have questions about?"
Harry grabbed the book out of his backpack and began to chatter on again. He went into detail about what he read, asking questions when needed.
After an hour, Minerva was rather impressed with her grandson's performance and assigned him another 3 chapters.
Harry's days went by rather fast, but he found himself in the Gryffindor Common Room on Thursday night. He hadn't been there in a long amount of time since before he was back living with his parents. He felt a bit uncomfortable but wanted to see his friends. Neville was going to walk him back to his quarters when they were done. Harry and Neville were sitting on the couches with some textbooks open, half reading, half chatting. Ron, Hermione, and Ginny sat down and joined them.
"Harry, hey mate!" Ron said, throwing himself down next to him.
"Are you here right now?" Hermione asked.
Harry gave a small nod. "For right now, yeah." Harry didn't feel like giving a time limit. He was going to leave when he wanted to leave.
"Well, I'm glad you're here," Ginny said a bit forcefully, cutting off whatever Hermione was going to say.
"Thanks, Gin," Harry said, smiling at her.
"What're you working on?" Hermione asked.
"Herbology. Kind of." Neville said, chuckling.
"Well, we have a competent Herbology teacher," Hermione said. Everyone knew that Hermione had a point to make so they all looked at her expectantly, not bothering to try to change the topic or comment. Hermione seemed oblivious to this but made her point anyway. "Harry, have you thought any more about teaching us defense? It would be so helpful!"
"I've thought about it, but I'd like to hear what Neville and Ginny think."
Neville seemed surprised that someone was asking for his input, but responded after thinking for a moment. "I think it's a good idea. Especially with Voldemort coming back we could really use a competent teacher. So many of us want to learn. I will say, however, that I only think you should do it if it is good for you. I want you to think of yourself first."
Ginny agreed with Neville and Harry felt warmth fill his chest. He had people in his corner who actually wanted the best for him. They wanted whatever would help Harry the most. That was a good feeling.
"I'll do it," Harry heard himself say.
"Really? Oh, that's wonderful!" Hermione said, clapping her hands together.
"Thanks, Mate. You'll do great!" Ron said, clapping his hand on Harry's back.
"So who would be in this?" Ginny asked, leaning forward.
"I was thinking anyone. Any house, any age." Harry said, not wanting to exclude anyone.
"Even the snakes?" Ron asked.
"A house doesn't make a person bad. Besides, we could use some ambitious and cunning brains to pull this off." Harry said, defending his classmates.
Ron was silent, not knowing how to argue with that.
"Where can we hold it?" Hermione asked.
They were quiet, thinking. No one had any ideas that worked.
"We'll think about that one more. Let's brainstorm what we would learn." Hermione said, pulling out a spare bit of parchment and quill.
The five Gryffindors brainstormed different spells and tactics, covering everything Harry knew. At one point they pulled Fred and George over and asked about 6th and 7th-year spells, asking them what they learned and would want to learn, after swearing them to secrecy.
They sat for another half an hour making plans for their secret defense club. They decided to name it the DA: Defence Association or Dumbledore's Army, as a joke. They knew the ministry was against Dumbledore and wanted to show their support. They decided to start to further think about where they would hold it and to start to spread the word. They would meet at The Hogs Head on the next Hogsmeade day.
As Neville walked Harry back to the quarters they chatted about the club. Harry said goodbye to Neville as they opened the door and stepped inside.
Sirius and Remus were sitting down, seeming to be waiting for him. Harry felt his stomach knot up. "Uh hi? Neville just walked me back. I can grab him or you could check the map? I didn't think I had to be back at a certain time as long it was before curfew. I'm sorry." Words tumbled out of Harry's mouth.
"Harry you're okay. You're not in any trouble. Take a breath. Come, sit down." Remus said, standing up and leading the anxious boy to the couch.
"Oh, uh, sorry," Harry mumbled.
"You don't need to apologize. I'm sorry you felt anxious. We were waiting for you, but we didn't give you a time or anything. We watched you on the map and we saw Neville. You're just fine." Remus further assured him.
Harry nodded. "So, what's up?" He asked.
"The full moon is tomorrow," Sirius said plainly.
"Oh yeah, I forgot," Harry said, eyeing his uncle. The Wolfsbane potion helps a ton, but he could still see how weary his uncle looked.
"We wanted to talk to you about where you wanted to be. Do you want to stay with a teacher or your dormitory? Sirius can also stay here if you'd feel comfortable that way." Remus said.
"Oh no, Uncle Moony! I wouldn't dream of taking Dadfoot away from you! I'll be just fine in my dormitory. Trust me, I'll be okay." Harry said, trying to reassure them. He knew they were worried about him and didn't want to cause them any more angst than he already did. He wasn't about to take away something his uncle needed. besides, he really would be just fine.
Remus seemed uneasy but nodded. "We'll trust you. We also want you to get an adult if you need it. We'll let Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore know that you'll be there. Make sure you are not alone, okay?"
Harry wanted to roll his eyes at the (what he felt was) the over-the-top concern of his parents, but resisted. "I will. I don't want you to be worried about me. Well, any more than you already are."
Remus gave Harry a wry smile. "We'll try."
Harry took a deep breath and looked at both of them in their eyes. "So, since I'll be in my dorms and you both will be out there, will I get my wand?" The hope in Harry's voice was almost palpable.
Remus and Sirius exchanged a look before Sirius spoke. "Yes. As long as everything goes well for the rest of the day today and tomorrow, you will have your wand. We want to reiterate that you are not to be alone. We are placing a lot of trust in you. Do you think you're ready for this?"
Harry nodded. "Yeah, I do. Besides, I don't think Neville will let me out of his sight."
"I've always liked that boy," Sirius replied with a smile.
Harry rolled his eyes and threw a pillow at him. "Neither of you mentioned this earlier today. I saw you, Uncle Moony, for our session. And Dadfoot, I saw you during class."
"I wanted to see how our session went, and it went really well. We talked more about coping strategies and you handled it well."
Harry blushed but added, "And Quidditch!"
"Yes, and Quidditch," Remus said, shaking his head and smiling.
"Did you show him the basement?" Sirius asked.
"Oh, I haven't! Let's do that!" Remus said, standing up.
Harry stood up and followed his godparents to a door. They went down about five steps and then turned a corner where they opened another door. When they opened that door there was a room. Harry walked in, surprised. The walls, ceiling, and floor were all padded with light blue foam. Harry had never seen a room that was so physically safe.
"Here's the best part!" Sirius said. He went over to a wall area and pushed against a tile. Out popped boxing gloves. Sirius put them on and from the ceiling, a punching bag came down.
"It's only activated if you're wearing the gloves the correct way," Remus added, making sure Harry knew how to activate it.
"This is so cool!" Harry said, feeling the room and looking around.
"This way, next time you feel angry and you need to let off some steam or need a release of some sort, you have the option of coming down here," Remus explained, smiling.
"Thank you, so much. Thank you for doing this for me."
"We love you, Cub. So much." Remus said, going over to hug Harry.
"Besides, it's for me too. Obviously." Sirius added, throwing his hair back.
Harry rolled his eyes but still asked, "You've done this before?"
"Oh yeah, Pup. I, as you might've heard at one point or another, have just a tiny bit of a temper." Sirius explained.
Remus and Harry both glared at Sirius.
"Alright, alright, geez now I got both of you glaring," Sirius said, holding his hands up. "I have used a punching bag since I was around your age, a bit younger probably. It helped me handle things in a healthier manner. When I calmed down enough after punching I was able to talk. Want me to show you how it works?" Sirius asked.
"Yes, please!" Harry exclaimed, his bright green eyes wide with curiosity.
Remus smiled at the two boys in his life. He saw how happy Sirius was to share this with Harry and how eager Harry was to learn. He watched them for a moment longer before heading upstairs to catch up on some notes he was far too behind on. He loved those boys and wouldn't trade them for anything, but boy, did they keep him busy.
Friday night, the night of the full moon, quickly arrived. Harry had hugged and said goodbye to his parents a bit before noon and was very excited to keep his wand with him. That night at dinner, Harry was talking to Neville.
"Yeah, I want to hang out with you but I don't know where we can go and not be disturbed. I'm sure I could go to the Marauder Quarters but a change of scenery would be nice. I just can't think of anything." Harry said out loud.
Luna was walking by and overheard them. She sat down at the table and said, "I might be able to help."
If it was anyone else, Harry might've been embarrassed or tried to change the topic. However, this was Luna. He really liked Luna and she was calm and always seemed to help him.
"After dinner, I'll show you where you can go. Come to the Ravenclaw table when you're done."
Neville and Harry thanked the girl and she went on her way. After dinner, they went to Luna, waited for her to finish, and then followed the kind girl to a corridor on the seventh floor.
"Uh, Luna, there's a wall here," Harry said, trying to be nice.
"Well, it appears so. But I want you to think very carefully about what type of room you and Neville want. Tell me when you have it," Luna instructed.
Harry did as she said and nodded at the girl when he had his idea in his mind.
"Now while thinking about the room, pace in front of the wall three times. Go on."
Harry was puzzled but did as she said. As he finished his third lap a door appeared. Harry gasped and Luna said, "Well, open it."
Harry, while trusting Luna, still had to summon his courage to open the door, Neville behind him, and then Luna.
Harry gaped as he went inside. It was perfect! It was a room that was similar to the Gryffindor Common Room, but a bit more cozy and smaller.
"Luna, how did you discover this? It's perfect!" Harry said, turning around to look at her.
"I like to read," was all Luna said before she wandered out the door.
Harry and Neville explored the room before settling on the couches, talking about anything. After a couple of hours, they headed back to the common room and hung there for an hour before going to bed.
When he woke up the next day, Harry was rather proud of himself. He didn't expect anything to go wrong and Neville hadn't let him out of his sight, but he was proud that he was able to be away from his parents and had a good night. Maybe things were getting better!
He went to the loo to wash up before the others woke up. He was almost done when he saw it. There, sitting in a corner by the sink was a muggle razor. Probably Seamus', Harry thought, his dad is a muggle and would use a muggle method and teach his son one too. Harry stayed there, staring at the piece of metal for who knows how long. Eventually, he snapped himself out of it.
No, he firmly told himself. I don't need it right now.
Harry did, however, keep this information tucked in the back of his mind just in case.
The rest of the weekend flew by and the week had started again. Harry was going through the motions and making it through each day. On Thursday, Harry was in the small waiting room for Remus. Remus was a few minutes late which was not normal, but Harry knew that he had a lot of responsibilities. After five minutes Remus poked his head out of the door. He saw Harry and stepped out, but not shutting the door all the way.
"Hey, Cub."
"Hey, Uncle Moony. Are you okay?" Harry asked. He assumed someone was in the office with a silencing charm based on the body language of Remus and the fact that he called him 'Cub'.
Remus sent Harry an apologetic smile. "I have a student in here who needs my attention right now. Are you okay to reschedule our appointment?"
Harry nodded. He totally understood. He was sure that he has taken his uncle's time from other appointments that need it. Besides, he was doing just fine right now.
"I have a note for Professor Snape. And before you even try, it's activated by a password. Give this to Professor Snape and tell him to come to my office. Tell him the password is his Patronus."
Harry nodded and grabbed the parchment before waving goodbye and going to the dungeons. Harry felt nervous as he approached the classroom, but he was just a messenger. Harry carefully knocked on the door and heard his allowance to enter. Harry saw a bunch of small first years at their cauldrons and he smiled to himself as he made his way to the front of the room.
"Professor Snape, Sir?" Harry asked.
"Yes, what is so important to interrupt my lesson?" Snape asked, obviously annoyed.
"Professor Lupin says you need to go to his office."
"Well, it will have to wait. The first years are almost done."
Harry wasn't about to give up. "Professor Lupin told me to give this to you. He said the password was your Patronus." Harry explained, handing him the parchment.
Snape snatched the parchment. He turned around and muttered something under his breath, tapping it with his wand. He read the note and then incinerated it before turning back to Harry. "It appears I do have to go."
Snape eyed the classroom of first years.
"Mister Potter will be staying with you for the remainder of the lesson. Do not try anything or you will be scrubbing cauldrons for the rest of your Hogwarts career." Snape bellowed before turning back to Harry.
"I have heard you like to teach."
Harry didn't say anything. Could he have heard about the DA? They were meeting this weekend.
"Make sure no one blows anything up. They are Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff so they're not as big of dunderheads as some Gryffindors are."
Harry also didn't reply to that. He knew it was a big compliment from Professor Snape to watch his class. "I will, Sir. When do they get out?"
"Fifteen minutes and not a moment sooner."
Snape then threw his cape and walked out of the room causing a Hufflepuff to tear up as he walked by.
Harry hid his smirk and walked around the classroom. He did take it seriously that he was responsible for their welfare. Harry gathered that they were making a Cure for Boils potion. As he walked around, Harry gave some tips and stopped some students from doing the wrong thing. He never told anyone what to do but did exactly what a good teacher would do, guide them.
At the end of class, he told them to bottle a vial of their potion and to place it on Professor Snape's desk. He said goodbye to some students who were thanking him before he saw Professor Snape come out of the corner.
"Professor Snape! How long were you there?" Harry asked.
"Long enough. I'm impressed, Mr. Potter. For a Gryffindor, that wasn't half bad."
"Oh, well thank you, Sir," Harry said, surprised.
"I just came back to grab some things from my office and then I'm headed back to Professor Lupin. I was told to tell you to go to History of Magic."
"Yes, Sir. Thank you." Harry said, grabbing his stuff and hurrying away.
If he received a compliment from Professor Snape on his teaching, he knew he could teach a defense club for students just fine. Well, he hoped he could.
Harry tried to keep that compliment in his mind as he waited in the Hogs Head for people to show up to discuss the DA. He was terribly nervous and could only sit, pace, and wipe his clammy hands on his pants.
"Harry, it's going to be alright," Hermione reassured him, watching him pace for the seventh time.
Harry had thousands of 'what ifs' floating through his head, but his voice didn't seem to come out. All Harry could do was shake his head and maintain eye contact with the ground.
Fred and George were the first to show up. This made it a bit easier for Harry because he knew that they would support him and not allow for any awkward silences. More students arrived shortly after. 15 minutes later, Hermione decided to nudge Harry and urge him to start. Harry awkwardly cleared his throat.
"Uh, hello," he said.
His feeble welcome was not heard over the rumble of the crowd.
"HEY!" Ginny yelled, quieting everyone down.
"Thanks, Ginny," Harry said quietly before turning to the crowd of students. "Hello, everyone. I'm Harry for those of you who don't know."
"Everyone knows you!" A voice called out.
Harry chose to ignore that comment and continued to speak. "You're here because you want to learn more defense and you think I have something to offer."
Harry wasn't sure what to say next and Ginny came by him and quietly advised, "just tell them how you feel; why you're doing this."
Harry nodded and took a deep breath before continuing. "We haven't had great defense professors in the past. We maybe have had a year of adequate training and preparation in the past five. We need to learn how to defend ourselves. Not just for OWLs or NEWTs, but real threats. Voldemort is back."
Gasps and shudders went through the crowd.
"We need to learn how to fight the dark side. If you want to join, you have to understand that this is a secret. You can't tell anyone. We can't risk losing our final chance to learn."
It was quiet for a moment, Harry's message sinking in with them.
"How do we know that You-Know-Who is back? The ministry doesn't think so." A voice called near the back of the crowd.
Harry's jaw was set in determination and frustration. "I saw him with my own eyes. It was my blood. I saw him order the murder of Cedric. He's back. If you can't trust me on this then you can't be in this group. He's real and so are his followers. And also, call him by his name. If you're going to fight him you might as well use it."
"What will we learn?" A question rang out.
Harry looked at Hermione who spoke this time. "Several different things. We'll begin with the basics, like Expelliarmus, and gradually get harder."
"And why Harry? Why not someone else?"
"Of course, Harry!" Ginny said, standing up.
Hermione took over now. "Harry has always been good at defense, even without trying. Do you know anyone else who could conjure a corporeal Patronus in their third year? How about escape a duel against Voldemort?"
Neville decided to pipe in now. "I've known Harry since he was little. So has Ron. Harry's really good, not that he'd admit it. I know that he's mastered most of the Seventh Year spells already. I saw them this summer."
Harry blushed; he wasn't expecting Neville to bring that up. He had almost forgotten Neville spending the night and Sirius challenging Harry with his knowledge of seventh-year defense spells and Neville's seventh-year Herbology skills.
"Stop questioning Harry! If you want to learn how to defend yourself, come sign this paper. If you don't want to, that's fine." Ron said.
"If you decide to leave we will have to obliviate you to forget this meeting, but we will not be angry," Hermione added, covering their bases.
"We'll-"
"-sign first"
The twins said, coming forward.
And just like that, a line appeared and names were being added to the parchment. Dumbledore's army was a thing.
Harry couldn't believe it. As the last person signed, a small Hufflepuff second year, they all looked at Harry expectantly.
"Meet me on the ? the corridor on Tuesday night at 7. You'll get more instructions then."
People started to leave and Harry and his friends walked among the people, thanking them and saying goodbye. A Slytherin third year came up to Harry.
"Uh, Harry?" He asked.
Harry turned and looked at the sound of the voice.
"My name's Clark. I'm a Slytherin third year. I'm not nasty, I promise." He said quickly.
Harry gave him a small smile, encouraging him to continue.
"I, uh, know the Dark Lord is back. I want to learn how to defend myself. If you don't mind me asking, what happened last year? Cedric was always nice to me and tutored me in Charms."
Harry gave him another smile. "Cedric was a great man." Harry took a deep breath. "The cup was a Portkey. We showed up at a graveyard and Cedric was instantly killed. There was nothing he did wrong. He was just in the wrong place. Then, Voldemort came back. It was horrible."
Harry hadn't told anyone except his close friends and dads about what happened. He felt like he owed it to this third year. He probably had people on the other side of the war and was hurting. He knew it was time to start to share what happened.
The third-year nodded solemnly and teared up as Harry spoke. "Thanks, Harry. I appreciate it. I finally have some closure, you know? Anyway, see you." Clark said, waving.
Harry stood there, stuck in the memory.
People kept walking out and Neville saw Harry standing there, frozen. "Harry, mate, are you okay?"
Harry gave a small nod but didn't move.
Neville looked around and saw that almost all the people were gone. Neville looked at their friends and mouthed something before gently grabbing Harry by the shoulders and leading him over to the bar.
"Aberforth, Sir? Can we use your Floo? I think Harry needs to be back at Hogwarts."
Aberforth had seen what happened and knew who Neville was. "Of course, lad. Follow me."
Harry allowed himself to be led by Neville who flooed alongside him. He found himself showing up in the Gryffindor Common Room and then in the corridors to the Marauder Quarters.
"Neville? Harry? What happened?" Remus said, opening the door.
"He's okay, Sir. A student asked about what happened at the Triwizard Tournament and Cedric. Harry told him, but it was obviously and understandably so, difficult for him. He sort of froze up. He knew I was taking him and it was me and that he's safe. I just brought him back here."
"Thank you, Neville. So much." Remus said gratefully, putting his hands on his son and moving him to Sirius.
"Of course. Let me know how he's doing later on."
"Of course, Neville. We'll chat later." Remus said. he wanted to talk to Neville more and thank him but he knew Harry needed him now.
Neville nodded and left the room, softly shutting the door.
Sirius had brought Harry to the couch and wrapped a blanket around him, softly talking to him.
Remus asked a house elf for hot chocolate, going straight to Harry.
"Hi, Cub," Remus said softly, kneeling in front of him. "Can you hear me?"
Harry nodded.
A house elf popped up and handed Remus a steaming mug before popping it away. Remus gently placed the mug in Harry's hands, urging him to take a sip.
Harry did slowly sip the hot beverage, feeling life come back into him.
"I heard you talked about what happened last year. Right now you are safe at Hogwarts."
"Yeah, I know," Harry croaked out, blinking.
"How are you feeling?" Remus asked, his eyes filled with concern.
"I'm okay, truly. I'm just trying to get out of it." Harry honestly replied.
Remus nodded, giving Harry his time. Sirius rubbed his back and let him sip his drink.
After a while, the color returned to Harry's face and his eyes were not as glassy. "I'm going to be alright. I just want to rest."
"Okay, Cub, you can do that. Padfoot is going with you, okay?"
Harry nodded, expecting that.
Remus helped Harry to his room and Sirius popped into Padfoot, hurrying into the room. Remus tucked Harry in and kissed his forehead. "I love you, Cub. I am so proud of you. You're doing a good job. You are safe. You are loved."
Harry smiled at Remus and got comfortable in his bed. He just wanted to rest.
Harry ended up waking up about two hours later feeling much better. He still had dinner in the quarters but he was more his usual self. Remus noted his change and was intrigued by it, but didn't want to push it right now. He was so proud of Harry for speaking about it and wanted him to feel better. He would speak to him soon, but not today. He just wanted Harry to fully recover and enjoy his evening. He deserved that much.
Monday came rather quickly. Harry's Occlumency lesson for Saturday night was pushed back due to the incident in Hogsmeade. However, Harry was going to have a conversation with Professor Snape on Sunday afternoon. Remus had gotten a bit tired of hearing complaints from Harry and arranged it. Harry realized he didn't have much choice in the matter so he was with Remus when he dropped him off in Professor Snape's office. Once again, Harry took a deep breath before opening the door and bravely walked in.
Snape was sitting at his desk, grading papers. When Harry walked in he looked up and gestured him to come forward.
"Ah, Mr. Potter. Please, sit down."
Harry shut the door and sat down in one of the chairs in front of his professor's desk. He looked around the office, observing everything. More often than not, he was usually rather angry when he was in this office and didn't have a chance to observe his surroundings.
Severus finished what he was writing and looked up. "Mister Potter, thank you for coming here."
Harry didn't point out that his uncle/dad/godfather/professor/therapist practically made him. "Thank you, professor," He said instead.
"I first wanted to address your lesson last week."
Harry stiffened. He wasn't expecting this.
"I can not apologize enough for what was done to you in that home. I do not condone child abuse and that is exactly what was done to you. If I had known about it when you were younger I would have removed you from the home immediately."
Harry was not expecting that, either. He didn't know what to say but luckily, Snape kept talking.
"As I have already stated, I will not disclose any information about what is revealed during these lessons. I will also not think any less of you. This is a promise."
"Thank you, Sir," Harry said, very grateful for that last part.
"I have also been told that you have felt that my behavior and personality switch rather regularly."
Harry felt his throat grow dry and his cheeks heat up. He could not believe that they said that to him.
Snape seemed to see what Harry was thinking and waved his hand. "You are not in trouble, Mr. Potter. I merely wish to explain some things to you."
Harry looked at him having no idea what he was going to say.
"As you know, I am a spy for The Light."
Harry nodded, following the conversation so far.
"Sometimes I have trouble switching roles. It can take me a while to drop the Death Eater persona and become myself again. In addition, I have to play a role and that means being extra harsh to you. Sometimes I forget who my audience is and lash out when I don't have to be. I apologize for not giving you the respect you deserve at times."
Harry was flabbergasted and didn't know what to say. Luckily, Snape continued.
"The reason I'm telling you this now, besides your complaints, is because these past few months have shown me that you are not who I thought you were. It has taken me too long to see that you are not James. I have seen you hurting and I never would have thought you would suffer as you have. I want to remind you that I am on your side, Harry. And if you ever need me, I am here for you."
"Th-Thank you, Sir," Harry croaked out.
Snape gave him what must have been a small smile, causing Harry to further gape.
Snape rolled his eyes now and said, "Kindly shut your mouth, Mr. Potter. You are not a codfish."
Harry did as he said, remembering that McGonagall said the same thing to him when he was younger.
"Now, I believe I haven't given you your book yet on Occlumency. In addition, I have reason to believe that our first lesson was rather... harsh. I wanted to talk you through what the other lessons would look like, if you're agreeable."
Harry took the book that Snape had pushed across the desk and looked up at his professor. "Yes, please."
Severus gave a sharp nod and then began his explanation. He went over most of what Sirius and Remus covered with Harry and reminded Harry to read his book and to ask any questions he might have. Harry listened intently, relieved to have some instruction for this difficult branch of magic.
"Thank you, Professor," Harry said as Snape finished.
"You are welcome. We will meet next Saturday and try again. Make sure you read the first two chapters."
"I will," Harry promised.
"Good. Now, I believe you need an escort back to your quarters?" Snape asked knowingly.
Harry looked down but nodded.
"Let's go, then," Snape said, standing up with his cape billowing behind him.
Harry kept up with Snape on the way back to the quarters. It was a silent walk, not that Harry minded. He had a lot to think about and was quite honestly too tired for small talk, not that Snape had ever bothered with that anyhow.
Remus and Sirius were grateful to Snaoe for returning Harry (who was not traumatized this time, thank goodness).
Harry finished his homework before dinner and stayed pensive. He had a lot on his mind he was trying to figure out.
Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap