Author's Note: References to self-harm and descriptions of a panic attack. Please be careful and know that you are loved!
Remus, Sirius, and Harry all went back to their quarters through the Floo. Remus went to start Harry's shower and Sirius went in front of Harry, bending down.
"I love you, so much, Harry James. I am so proud of you. I am so glad you're here. Remember that you're safe with me."
Now it was Sirius' turn to have his godson launch into his arms for a hug.
"I love you, Dadfoot," Harry murmured into his godfather's hair. Sirius held him there until Harry started to pull away. When he released him they saw Remus standing by the wall looking very interested in a book they have on the shelf.
"Is his shower ready?" Sirius asked, knowing that Remus was trying to give them their privacy.
Remus turned and looked at the two boys in his life. "Yes. C'mon, Harry."
Harry sighed, but resisted rolling his eyes. He followed his uncle into the bathroom. Remus had already placed a new towel on the top of the toilet for Harry when he was done.
"You have 15 minutes, total. The water is already set and charmed. You can't make it any hotter and only a bit cooler. After the shower one of us will check you. Does that make sense?"
"Yes, Uncle Moony." Harry dutifully chanted.
Remus ruffled his hair and then knelt in front of Harry. "If there is anything you need, or anything happens while you're in there, just holler, alright?"
Harry couldn't imagine anything happening but nodded his head anyway. "Sure, okay."
Remus stood up and kissed the top of Harry's head. "See you soon, Cub. Make good choices!" Remus advised before shutting the door behind him.
Harry stood there for a moment before undressing. He quickly went into the shower, letting the water fall over him. He stood there, closing his eyes. He felt a little dizzy and just wanted to rest. He grabbed the soap to run it over his body. He stood underneath the stream of water as he put shampoo on his head and moved it around. As he was rinsing his body he finally looked down at his body.
Harry was shocked.
Harry saw his arm, bandaged and pink in some spots and red in others, the blood seeping through. He felt the soap and water sting the cuts. Harry felt his legs fall out from underneath him. The water was still running down, but Harry felt immobile. He took a few frantic breaths before finding the strength to desperately call out, "DAD!"
Meanwhile, Sirius and Remus were in the sitting room. Sirius was reading the paper and Remus was writing some notes. They heard Harry's frantic call and shot up from their spots, sprinting to where he was.
Remus was a touch closer to the door so he was able to make it into the bathroom first. Remus hastily opened the curtain and saw Harry sitting in the tub, water still falling on him. He was breathing erratically and his eyes were glossy.
Remus pointed his wand at the water, shutting it off. He kneeled right by the tub just like he used to when he gave Harry baths when he was younger.
"Sirius, the towel," Remus commanded.
Sirius tossed the towel to Remus and went to get another one.
Remus put the original towel over Harry's waist, making sure Harry would feel respected. Sirius came back with another one and held on to it as Remus talked to Harry.
"Harry, you're safe. You're okay. Dadfoot and Uncle Moony are here." Remus told him softly, reaching out and gently touching Harry's hand.
Harry felt this touch and worked to slow his breathing. He watched Remus, following his pattern.
When Harry was able to breathe normally on his own, Remus spoke, "Alright, Cub. Sit up a bit. I have a towel to go around your shoulders."
Harry moved his body so Remus was able to position the towel around his shoulders. Harry clutched onto it tightly.
"What happened, Pup?" Sirius asked, kneeling by Remus.
"I-I saw my bandage." Harry managed to say.
Remus and Sirius' eyes shifted to the bandage on Harry's arm.
"Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry! I was hoping the water would help clean the wounds but I wasn't expecting it to trigger anything. I should have thought of that. I am so sorry." Remus told him.
"It's okay," Harry said, slowing rejoining reality.
"Did you hit anything when you fell?" Sirius asked, giving Harry the once-over.
Harry shook his head.
"Good. Were you almost finished with your shower?" Remus asked.
Harry nodded.
"Splendid. When you're ready can we take care of your arm?"
Harry nodded, then looked down. Harry saw the towel covering himself and his cheeks became bright pink. "Uh, can I get changed, first?" Harry asked bashfully.
Remus and Sirius chuckled. "Of course, Cub," Remus said. "Let me transfigure those into something else so you can get to your room." Remus waved his wand and the towels became cotton pajamas. Remus and Sirius carefully helped Harry stand up and get out of the tub and to his room carefully.
"You know, we didn't care," Sirius told Harry. "That was our last concern and we covered you up right away."
"Yeah, but it doesn't make it that any less embarrassing," Harry mumbled.
"We've seen it all before." Sirius reminded him.
"Yeah, but... it's different!" Harry insisted.
"Is it?" Sirius teased.
Harry blushed and pushed them out of the room, shutting his door. He carefully got dressed before heading out to the sitting room. Sirius and Remus were already on the couch and had the first aid kit open.
"Come sit down, Pup," Sirius said, standing up to give Harry his spot.
Harry nervously sat down. Sirius sensed this and bent in front of him, looking into his eyes. "I'll be as gentle as I can, okay Pup?"
Harry nodded, wide-eyed. Harry held out his left arm and held Remus' hand in his right. Sirius began to carefully unroll the bandage. As he got closer to the cuts, Harry's eyes welled up with tears. Right before the final unwrapping, Sirius paused. Harry was frozen and silent tears were running down his face. Sirius looked at Remus who leaned over and looked at Harry's face.
"Cub?" Remus asked gently.
Harry turned and buried his head into Remus. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Harry wept into Remus' side.
"Shh, you're okay. You're safe. I've got you." Remus said quietly. He put his hand over Harry's head and held it there, gently rubbing his head. Remus nodded at Sirius, letting him know that he had Harry.
Sirius unwrapped the bandage and Harry whimpered. Remus held Harry against him to make sure he wouldn't see anything.
As Sirius was cleaning out the wounds, Harry gasped and winced, trying to pull his arm away.
"I'm sorry, I know it stings," Sirius told him apologetically.
"I've got you, you're okay," Remus murmured to Harry.
As Sirius started to apply the cream, Harry started to cry again. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Harry cried out. Harry lifted his head and his tear-stained face met Remus'. "I didn't mean to- want to- I-I- I-" Harry sobbed.
"I know, Cub. I know. You're okay. Shh." Remus said, gently putting Harry's head back on his side.
Sirius placed some cream on the wounds and then used his wand to suture them together. He then wrapped the bandage around them so they wouldn't accidentally reopen.
"All done, Pup. You were very brave," Sirius said as he gently set down Harry's arm.
Harry stayed where he was in Remus for a moment longer before lifting his head. He pulled his sleeve down over the bandage. "Thank you," Harry sniffed.
"Of course, Pup," Sirius said kindly, putting the first aid kit back together and away.
"Let's get you a snack. Even if you're not hungry I want something in your stomach." Remus said.
Harry nodded. He got up and followed his godmother to the kitchen. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich was placed in front of him with a cup of milk.
Harry quietly nibbled on his sandwich and drank his milk. He ended up having a little over half before he didn't want to eat anymore. Remus had given him another vial of a blood replenisher potion before declaring that it was time for him to rest.
Remus and Sirius led him to his bedroom. Sirius turned into Padfoot and laid near Harry. Remus stayed with Harry, running his hands through his hair and speaking softly to him until he was fast asleep.
"There is hope, my Cub. There is hope."
When Harry ran away from Ron, Draco, and the other Slytherins, Ron called after Harry. He tried to follow him but was blocked. Ron turned back to Draco who was giving him a smirk.
"Are you happy now?" Ron asked, his face red with anger. His fists were clenched together.
"Why yes, I am rather satisfied," Draco said smugly.
This put Ron over the edge. Ron swung his arm back and launched it into Draco's face.
"You filthy blood traitor!" Draco gasped, clutching his nose.
"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" The students gathered around had chanted.
Draco threw himself at Ron and they fell on the floor, wrestling.
Severus had quickly sent Ron after Harry, wanting to make sure he wasn't alone. Severus was picking up Weasley's station and picking up a spare quill. He went to shut the door before he heard yelling. Severus stepped out of his classroom and started to hear chanting. He rushed towards them. Severus swished his wand and both boys were launched away from each other on separate sides of the floor. Severus swiftly stepped between them. He grabbed the corner of both their robes and said, "Everyone else, go to class. If you're here in the next five seconds I will have you in detention for the rest of the year."
Not surprisingly, everyone was gone within 3 seconds. This left Severus with the two fifth years. "Come with me." Severus spat. However, he still had his grip on them so they didn't have much of a choice. Snape brought them to the headmaster's office.
"Professor Dumbledore." Snape drawled, walking into the office with his grip still on the boys.
"Professor Snape. Mr. Weasley. Mr. Malfoy." Professor Dumbledore said, his eyebrow raised.
Severus half tossed the boys into a chair.
"May I ask why we are gathered here?"
"I found Mr. Weasley being attacked by Mr. Malfoy," Snape said coldly.
"That's not true!" Ron said, standing up.
Severus opened his mouth to speak but Dumbledore beat him to it. "Mr. Malfoy, I guarantee you that you will have your chance to explain. I am listening to Professor Snape right now." Dumbledore said calmly.
"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, I saw Mr. Weasley attacking Mr. Malfoy. I do not know what caused this fight. I brought them straight here."
"Thank you, professor. Would you mind seeing if Professor McGonagall is in her office? As the head of Gryffindor House, she should be here as well."
Snape gave a curt nod before sweeping out of the room. He purposefully brought them to the office because he knew that he would not be able to discipline properly since he had his role to maintain. As Mr. Weasley was here and not with Potter, he had to assume that it was about him.
He entered Minerva's office and said, "Minerva, your presence is required in Albus' office."
Minerva sighed and stood up, following Severus. "What is it now?"
"Ron Weasley and Draco Malfoy were brawling in the corridors. I have not been given any other information but I was the one who found them."
Minerva sighed but wasn't able to say anything else because they were back at the headmaster's office. They entered and stood beside Albus at his desk.
"Ah, thank you, Professor, for coming. Now, I would like to know what happened."
"Ron punched me!" Draco spat out first.
"Mr. Weasley, is this true?" Dumbledore asked, his eyebrow raised.
Ron became pink and put his head down. "Yes it is, but-"
"I think we've heard enough. Mr. Malfoy is the victim here." Snape said silkily.
"Now, Professor Snape. I do not agree with what transpired but I do want to hear Mr. Weasley out."
Severus sighed and placed a cold expression on his face, but was rather interested in hearing the story.
Ron took a deep breath and looked at his professors. "I was defending Harry." He stated boldly.
"What happened?" Albus asked, urging him to continue.
"Draco was teasing Harry. He was talking about the Prophet and the first task, which Harry didn't like. We tried to get away and he wouldn't let us! Then Draco said that-"
Ron got quiet and looked down, trying to calm himself. "I-I don't know if I should repeat what he said."
"Mr. Weasley, I assure you that you will not be in trouble for repeating this."
Ron shook his head. "It's really bad, professor. I don't even like repeating it."
McGonagall sighed, "Mr. Weasley, we can not determine if Mr. Malfoy is at fault if you don't tell us what was said."
Ron took a deep breath, summoning his courage. "He said that the third task would have been better if Cedric lives and Harry died. If Harry died we'd all be better off."
Ron looked down again, his eyes blazing and his heart hurting.
McGonagall gasped, her hand going to her chest.
Albus' blue eyes cooled and narrowed.
Severus kept his expression neutral but couldn't help his eyes from flashing.
After a moment, Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Mr. Malfoy, is this true?"
Draco was quiet for a minute, deciding what to say. Eventually, he stuck his chin out and defiantly said, "Yes. I did say that."
"We do not condone harassment and bullying like that at Hogwarts nor do we condone fighting. 100 points will be taken from both of your houses." Dumbledore knew that Snape would be giving points back so he wanted to even the playing field a bit.
"As Mr. Malfoy is in my house I was hoping to be in charge of his punishment, Headmaster," Snape asked.
Albus was expecting this and said, "As long as Professor McGonagall is in charge of Mr. Weasley's."
"Very well. Come along, Mister Malfoy." Snape said, gesturing towards the door.
Malfoy smirked at Ron and stood up, heading back to the dungeons.
"Mr. Weasley, you will follow me to my office," Minerva said stiffly.
Ron stood up to go, but Professor Dumbledore said, "And Mr. Weasley, 80 points to Gryffindor for sticking up for a friend."
Ron gave Dumbledore a large grin, so relieved he hadn't lost that many points. Now, however, he had to face the wrath of McGonagall.
Snape led Draco silently to the dungeons. He was grateful for the long walk because it gave him time to calm down before he confronted Draco. As he shut the door, Draco broke the silence.
"Thanks, Uncle Sev. I know you're on-"
Severus soon around and looked at his godson, fire in his eyes. "What were you thinking?" He hissed.
Draco shrunk. This was not the response he was expecting to receive. "I thought you didn't like Potter?"
Severus sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Draco, sit down," he ordered.
Draco sat down on a chair and Severus sat down across from him. "Slytherins are known to be subtle. What about this was subtle?"
Draco blushed but didn't reply.
"In addition, what were you thinking with those words? How did you think that was okay?"
"You hate Potter, too! Why are you making this a big deal?" Draco insisted.
Severus slammed his hands on the side of the chair. "Because it is a big deal, Draco! You can't just say things like that to anyone!" Severus took a deep breath and spoke again. "And I do not hate Potter. He may not be my favorite student, but I do not hate him. I have recently learned more about him and I have been wrong about many things."
Draco was shocked. He doesn't know the last time his godfather admitted he was wrong.
Severus looked at Draco with his eyes, cold and hardened. "Tell me, why did you say that?"
"I-I don't like Potter. I'd rather have Cedric here than him. He's a prat."
"Just because you don't like someone doesn't mean you ever tell them that they would be better dead! Draco Lucius Malfoy! I am so disappointed in you."
"They're just words." Draco insisted.
"Draco, do you remember how Mr. Zabini was last year?"
Draco nodded. Blaise had struggled with some depression and a bit of self-harm. Severus had intervened and helped him and Blaise was doing much better now.
"How would you feel if someone said that to him last year? He would have taken those words to heart. Would the world be better off without him?"
"Of course not!" Draco said incredulously.
"Everyone deserves life, Draco. Everyone."
Severus took a deep breath. He was going to go in from another angle now, trying to get to the heart of the matter.
"Draco, you want to be a healer after Hogwarts, correct?"
Draco nodded.
"What about the Dark Lord?"
Draco turned away.
"I know you don't want to serve him, Draco."
Draco looked at him, shocked. "How do you know that? I haven't told anyone that!"
Severus smirked. "I have my ways. Now, you get to make a decision. What are you going to do? Are you going to join the Death Eaters or not?"
"That's not subtle, either," Draco pointed out.
"I have been subtle about this issue for years now, Draco. Before I tell you something I need to know where you stand."
Draco thought long and hard. After several minutes he looked up at his godfather again and said, "I don't want to join them. I want to help people, not kill them. But I don't want to join The Light, either."
Severus nodded. "I am here for you, Draco. I will protect you."
Draco gave his godfather a shaky smile.
"Now, Harry's life matters because he is a human, but for another reason, too."
Draco leaned forward, eager for some more information.
"Harry, as you know, is destined to battle The Dark Lord. Without him, we have no hope."
Draco had an idea that this was the case, but his godfather's words solidified it.
"Now, imagine how you would feel knowing that your words, your taunts, killed the only hope we have."
Draco felt numb. After a moment of sitting there in shock, Draco said, "I-I never meant to-" Draco trailed off.
Severus nodded. "I know. You said yourself that you want to help people. I know you and Mr. Potter haven't gotten along, but I think you both have more in common than you realize. I know you want to help. Your father, unfortunately, has been a rather strong influence in your life."
Draco almost snorted. His father was something, that's for sure.
"You're staying in my quarters tonight. You are going to think about your words and actions. Tomorrow you will issue a sincere apology to Mr. Potter."
Draco gave a nod, he deserved that.
"And Mr. Malfoy, 50 points to Slytherin for being brave enough to step out from your father's shadow. We will get through this together."
Draco cracked a smile and hugged his godfather. Maybe there was hope.
Harry had stayed home and recovered the next day. He had a few people who wanted to see him but he turned them all away. Snape had even stopped by and wanted to visit, but Harry wasn't ready.
On Wednesday he was heading back to class. He had double potions first but wasn't sure how it would go. Luckily, it went perfectly fine. Severus had eyed Harry when he came in but didn't say anything. Harry appreciated the concern from his potions professor but wasn't quite ready to talk about it. However, he was pulled out of his DADA class, rather unexpectedly.
"Professor Schoutz, Sir?" A sixth year said from the doorway, knocking on the door.
Professor Schoutz looked up. "Yes?"
"I'm sorry to interrupt but I'm here to collect Harry Potter," the student said, bringing the DADA professor a note.
Schoutz scanned the note and sighed. "Mr. Potter, collect your things. You are required elsewhere."
"Where, Sir?" Harry asked, picking his books up and ignoring the looks of Ron and Hermione.
Professor Schoutz looked uncomfortable. "Uh, well, you see-"
The sixth-year sighed. "It's your dad, Harry. He wants you."
Understanding dawned on Harry's face. Schoutz obviously was uncomfortable with the idea of therapy. However, he was thankful he didn't say it out loud. Harry decided he would be more careful about asking where he was going.
Harry followed the sixth year out of the room. Once they were walking Harry asked, "Which dad?"
"Professor Lupin."
Harry felt nervousness bubble up inside of him. He had already talked to his dad yesterday and the day before. He was supposed to meet with him on Thursday, anyway. He wasn't sure what was going on. He silently walked behind the older student, nervously wringing his hands and fiddling with his sleeves.
The sixth year brought Harry to Remus' office and Remus thanked them with a grateful smile and shut the door softly behind them.
"Is everything okay, Uncle Moony? Are you and Dadfoot okay?" Harry asked, his hands traveling up and down his arms.
Remus had greeted Harry with a smile when he saw him but concern immediately covered his face seeing what Harry was doing.
"Harry, we're all okay. Everyone is good and healthy. No one is hurt or sick or in trouble."
Harry felt the knots in his stomach loosen, but just a little.
"Cub, it's alright. Take a breath." Remus said, gently grabbing Harry's arms from running up and down his arms.
"Oh, um, sorry," Harry mumbled, looking down.
"You're okay, you're not in trouble. Here, let me give you something for your hands," Remus said, handing Harry a fidget.
Harry gratefully grabbed it and fiddled with it.
"Just take some deep breaths and I'll explain."
Harry did as his father suggested and after a few Remus began to speak.
"I met with Neville earlier," Remus saw Harry's expression change and clarified, "I have his permission to share all of this." Harry nodded, relieved.
"He wanted to know if he could speak to you."
Harry looked at Remus, confused. "Of course, he can speak to me. I don't understand."
Remus held back a sigh and looked at Harry with sympathy. "Harry, my boy, he wants to talk about the other day when you ran out of the bathroom."
Harry's face flooded with understanding.
"He wanted me to talk to you first to make sure you were okay for it all. I said I would talk to you about it. I know Defense doesn't have much learning happening in it so I thought I would pull you since I was free."
Harry nodded, but leaned back, thinking.
Remus let him sit there in silence and he watched Harry's wheels turn until he spoke up. "Uncle Moony, is Neville mad?"
"Oh no, Cub! Not at all. He's just very worried about you. He wanted to talk to you about it and he also wanted to know if it was okay if I was there because he doesn't want to trigger you."
Harry nodded but seemed uncomfortable with it all.
"What is it?" Remus probed gently.
"It's just hard to talk about. I mean I know Neville deserves it and everything but it's not easy."
Remus nodded, understanding. "I get it, Cub. If you are ready to talk to him please know that you have my support and you are not alone. And if you're not, that's okay, too. No one wants to make you do something you're not ready for."
Harry nodded. He thought for a moment more before taking a deep breath. "Okay, I can talk to him."
Remus nodded and wrote something on a piece of parchment, folded it up, and tapped it with his wand. The note flew out of the room and Harry looked expectantly at Remus.
"It's just a note sending Neville to me."
"You could've done that for me instead of sending that sixth year." Harry pointed out.
Remus raised his eyebrow knowingly at Harry.
Harry stuck out his chin in defiance but retreated when Remus opened his mouth to speak. "I know, I know. I just wish it wasn't that way." Harry grumbled.
Remus gave Harry a small smile. "I know, Cub. We're working on it. You'll get there." Remus told him.
Remus chatted with Harry about his day until Neville arrived, knocking on the door.
"Come in," Remus called out.
Neville shyly entered the room and took a seat on a chair in between Remus' and Harry's.
"Hi, Neville. I'm glad you're here." Remus said, smiling at the other Gryffindor.
"Thanks, Professor," Neville replied, smiling back.
Harry sat there awkwardly, not really knowing what to say. He didn't feel like a conversation was really necessary, but he wanted Neville to feel better.
"Hey, Harry," Neville said, giving Harry a small smile.
"Hi, Neville," Harry replied, looking briefly at his long-time friend then looking at the ground.
It was quiet for a moment before Remus cleared his throat. "Neville, you said that it was troubling for you to see Harry the other day. What questions did you have for him?"
Neville nervously turned to Harry. "Well, Harry, if you're not comfortable with any of this, just tell me. I don't want you to feel like you have to do this. I was just so worried about you the other day."
Harry shrugged. "It's okay. And I'm sorry for worrying you. I-I wasn't really thinking straight."
Neville nodded. "I understand. I am here to help you, Harry. Are- are you okay? I wanted to make sure you're okay now."
Harry gave Neville a reassuring smile. "I'm okay now. Someone sent Professor Lupin to me. Was that you?"
Neville blushed and looked away.
"It's okay, Nev. I know you were just looking out for me, really."
"Good. I was. I didn't tell anyone, either. No one has any idea. Seamus is still as thick as ever so there's no reason to worry."
Harry's face had a smile on it from the joke and Remus shook his head but held back a smile. It was good to see Harry have a genuine smile for something that wasn't a life or death situation.
"Thanks, Neville. I appreciate it. And Professor Lupin helped me a ton. I am sorry you found me like that. I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay?" Harry asked.
"Yeah. I was shaken up, but only because I was worried for you. I'm good."
Harry gave Neville a genuine smile. "Good. Thanks again, mate. I appreciate you."
Neville returned the smile to Harry.
Neville and Harry chatted for a few more minutes before it was quiet and Remus said. "Technically it's still DADA time, but I'm not going to send you back to a pointless class. Go ahead and get some rest, both of you. Neville, I'll give you a pass. Harry, I'll take you back to our quarters."
"Thanks, Professor!" Neville said, obviously relieved he could get some rest.
Remus smiled and handed Neville a pass. Harry said goodbye and then looked at his uncle.
"C'mon, let's floo back. It'll be quicker."
Harry nodded and flooed alongside his uncle where he came out into the fireplace in their sitting room.
"Thanks again for talking to Neville. I appreciate it."
"Oh, yeah. Of course. He's my mate." Harry said, shrugging.
"Regardless, I know it helped him."
Harry just smiled and dusted himself off.
"Now, I mean it when I want you to have some rest. I'll get you when you need to wake up. Go and lay down."
Harry sighed but said, "Okay, Uncle Moony," and started to turn around.
"Harry, your wand." Remus reminded him, holding out his hand.
Harry huffed and turned around. He pulled out his wand and roughly put it in Remus' outstretched hand.
"I love you!" Remus called after him, watching the sullen teen stomp to his room.
Harry, as annoyed and tired as he was still responded. "Love you too," Harry grumbled, getting to his room and shutting the door.
Remus chuckled and shook his head and pocketed Harry's wand. He may be a moody teenager, but he was his moody teenager and he wouldn't trade him for the world.
Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap