AN: Edward and Bella have lunch together and spend some quality time with each other, followed by a conversation with Carlisle, then Esme.
My thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight, who always betas at the last minute - always my fault, to Midnight Cougar who tirelessly helps with my grammar, word order and punctuation, and ghostreader24 for her suggestions that make me dig deeper for my words.
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Deceit and Destiny Chapter 45
Edward
For the next week, I found myself wishing I could've stayed with Bella and continued our conversation. But to be honest, my brain was a little overloaded.
Nonetheless, she was in my every thought and my every dream. My first thought, like my last one before sleep took me, was of her, and every day, I found myself wondering what she was doing today.
I was in love with her, but was it enough?
Not normally an indecisive man, I was finding it difficult to decide where to go from here. The thoughts that crossed my mind when I'd told Bella about Tanya cheating on me had made me stop and think about the part I'd played in the downfall of our relationship.
I knew talking to Bella again was an option, but I was still unsure how a future between us would look; how I would fit into her life.
Was I ready to forgive her? Could we build a relationship that began with cheating?
Bella's text on the day of her ultrasound was welcome, and I was looking forward to seeing our baby. Despite all the ultrasounds I'd both attended and carried out, seeing my own child was a completely different experience.
The image was mesmerizing, and I couldn't take my eyes from the grainy picture I held in my hand, so when I heard Esme's voice, I was taken by surprise.
"Edward?" she said, looking from me to Bella, then at the ultrasound pictures we held. "What are you doing here?"
I looked down at Bella, who was looking at the ground, a beautiful blush on her cheeks.
"Are you going to your house?" I asked Bella quietly. When she nodded, I continued. "I'll speak to Esme. Then, if it's all right with you, I'd like for us to talk?"
Bella gave me a slight nod, then walked around me toward the reception area with Jess.
"Hi, Esme. I can't really talk now."
"Is everything all right, Edward?" she asked.
I nodded. "Yes, everything is fine, but I need to speak to Bella before I can talk to you and Dad."
She studied me for a few seconds, then smiled. "Okay, I'll see you later," she said. Putting her hand on my arm, she squeezed gently before returning to the patient room.
I walked out into the waiting room and looked around. Neither Bella nor Jess was anywhere to be seen inside. Outside, the weather had taken a turn for the worse; the rain was falling in sheets, but Bella's car was waiting close to the door.
Splashing through the puddles, I pulled my jacket tighter around me as Bella lowered her window.
"What did you say to Esme?" she asked.
"Nothing, Bella. I wanted to talk to you first. Are you free now?"
She nodded. "I have to drop Jess off at the office, then I'm going home. I can meet you there in about twenty minutes."
"Okay." I leaned down and looked through to the passenger seat. "Thanks for letting me take your place back there, Jess. I'm grateful for your support."
"No problem, Edward," she answered.
"See you soon, Bella."
Moving away from the car, I watched as she drove out of the parking lot before walking to where I'd parked my car. Climbing behind the wheel, I realized I was soaked almost through to the skin. Deciding to go home and change, I sent a quick text to Bella to explain the delay, then hurried home.
It was only ten minutes later that I parked alongside the curb outside Bella's house. Suddenly nervous, I sat there for a few minutes before climbing out, locking the car, and walking up the pathway to knock on the front door.
Seconds later, the door swung open. Giving me a welcoming smile, she moved to one side in invitation.
"Come on in, Edward."
After closing the door behind me, she led the way into the kitchen. When I'd been there a few weeks ago, I had been so focused on Bella and our conversation, I hadn't noticed much. Now, I looked around with interest, and I could see the room was family orientated, decorated in pale yellow and white, and felt warm and inviting despite the gray, wet day outside. There was a noticeboard filled with Post-it notes, and I could see a picture of the pier at Santa Monica, and what looked like a homemade birthday card with "Momma" printed in sparkly letters.
My eyes were drawn to the front of the refrigerator, where, in the center, Bella had already pinned the ultrasound picture from today's appointment next to one showing a much tinier baby. I leaned in closer, my finger brushing over the grainy image in each, one from today and the other from three months ago.
I turned my attention to the rest of the space that was filled with brightly colored crayon pictures depicting stick people playing with a ball, what looked like dinosaurs and other animals. A number of photos—the kind you take with a phone and print out—showing a lake, boats, and a small boy with dark hair and eyes and lightly tanned skin. He had a huge grin on his face, holding up a fish as long as his arm. There were others depicting a group of men and kids playing ball, and in a park of some sort.
I could almost see the type of life they led from the subjects in the photos.
"These are great, Bella. I assume this is your son?" I pointed to the boy in many of the pictures.
"Yep, that's Connor. He's a very outdoorsy kind of boy, happiest when he's wet and muddy, or running around." She came and stood beside me, pointing out the various places and people in the photos before returning to the stovetop.
"I'm making grilled cheese and tomato soup. I thought you might like some lunch, so is that okay for you?"
"Yes, please. Sounds like perfect food for a cold, rainy day."
Ten minutes later, we were devouring thick slices of cheesy bread and tangy soup. There was silence in the room except for the clinking of flatware against dishes.
Eventually, an empty bowl and plate in front of me, I leaned back in the chair.
"That was great, Bella, thanks."
"You're welcome, Edward. Why don't you take a seat in the living room, and I'll bring you a drink? I have some fresh lemonade and some chocolate-chip cookies I made yesterday. How does that sound?"
"Yes, please, that sounds great," I answered, standing and clearing my dishes from the table, slipping them into the sink.
"You don't have to do that."
"It's no problem," I replied. "I'm happy to help."
I found my way to the living room and wandered around the room, looking at the displayed photographs and the books on her shelves. I realized, looking along the spines, that we knew very little about each other. Not even what kinds of books we liked.
Most of the photos displayed on the shelves and the wall showed Connor, many of them with an older man with a large mustache. Studying the image, I could see Bella's eyes in the older man's face, and I guessed that he was the man Emmett had talked about. Bella's father, Charlie.
There were others showing her and Connor with a woman, an older version of Bella. She had the same slim build, but with lighter brown hair. There were other photos, too. Some showed Connor with a tall, muscular man with black hair, some with a group of children, and another with him sitting on the lap of an older man in a wheelchair.
I turned, hearing Bella walking into the room, as she placed a tray on the coffee table. I took a seat on the sofa, Bella coming to sit beside me, leaving a respectable distance between us.
"This is delicious," I said, after taking a sip of the lemonade. "Thank you so much for letting me see our daughter today. I really appreciate it."
"I'm just glad you want to be involved, and that we finally managed to talk."
I pulled the picture out of my wallet again. "This is amazing—a baby girl," I said.
"I would've been happy with a boy or a girl, as long as either was healthy, but secretly, I was hoping for a girl." She laughed. "Connor isn't going to be too pleased. He tells me that one of his friends has a sister, and she's really annoying."
"How old is Connor?" I asked.
"He's just turned five. Most of the photos up there are with my dad. They spend a lot of time together—fishing, hiking, building forts, and enjoying the outdoors together. The latest project is a treehouse Dad is constructing in their backyard."
I wanted to ask her about her husband, but for the moment, I didn't want to change the comfortable moment between us. Finishing my lemonade, I leaned forward and placed the glass on the table, ordering my thoughts before I spoke.
"I want to apologize to you, Bella," I started, turning toward her.
"Ed—" When she started to interrupt, I held up my hand.
"Let me get this out, please. I'm sorry I've been so awful to you; you didn't deserve that. I know I should've taken the time to listen to you, but the truth is that I needed time to process everything."
"Hey, I do understand, Edward, and there's absolutely no need for your apology. It took me a while to get my head around the reality that I was expecting a baby, but I couldn't be happier about it now that I've gotten used to the idea. I just needed to tell you the truth, and I was always prepared to give you time and space to come to terms with it, too."
I looked at the picture again. "I'm really looking forward to meeting her. I've carried out my fair share of ultrasounds, listened to millions of heartbeats, and delivered plenty of babies, but hearing the heartbeat of my child, my daughter—it was truly amazing."
"I'm excited to meet her, too. Every time I hear her heartbeat, mine skips a beat, and I want to shout about it from the rooftops."
Her hands smoothed over the bump that safely housed my daughter, a slow smile forming on her face. I watched her hands move and found myself wanting to link my hands with hers, to feel the flesh that covered our growing baby, to feel the first fluttery movements of my daughter—our daughter—followed by her kicks as she grew.
The slow, rhythmic movements of Bella's hands mesmerized me for several moments until I remembered something the doctor had said earlier.
"Dr. O'Donnell mentioned your blood pressure being normal now? And some dizzy spells, too? If you don't think I'm overstepping, when did that happen? How are you feeling now?"
Bella looked away from me for a second before speaking. "The day you came to the house your parents bought, I had a dizzy spell. Esme explained she was an obstetrician and took my blood pressure. It was already returning to normal. Since then, I haven't had a repeat, and I've made sure I get more rest."
"And I contributed to that, didn't I?" I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, running my hands through my hair. "Jesus, Bella. I was such an ass to you; I'm sorry."
Bella reached out, hooking her hand around my arm and tugging me back against the cushions.
"Look at me, Edward."
I turned to face her, seeing the honesty and understanding in her eyes.
"You're not an ass. It's just taking a little time for you to sort out your feelings. That's understandable, and as for your contribution to my stress levels—maybe a little?" She held her hand up, her finger and thumb separated by a quarter of an inch. "But there's been a lot of that in the last couple of months, what with Jake's meltdown, the divorce, and then the accident. None of those things are your fault, so you can't take all the blame."
No matter what she said, the guilt washed over me. I knew that, realistically, there were many contributing factors that could cause a rise in blood pressure, but I couldn't shake the feeling I should've been more thoughtful.
"I can see your mind working overtime. Please stop. I'm fine now, and I will take good care of myself; I promise."
I blew out a breath and nodded in acceptance. "I'll try not to."
"Can I ask you something, Edward?"
When I nodded, she continued.
"I know you said you wanted to be involved, but I need to know to what extent. I mean, do you want to be at all my prenatal appointments?"
"I'd love to, and while we're talking about appointments, I need to apologize for today, for touching you inappropriately. I was blown away, but I shouldn't have done that."
Bella's smile was blinding. "I didn't mind at all, Edward. It was an emotional time for both of us, and I was glad you could be there."
"I seem to be all about apologies today, don't I?" I asked. "And there you are, so calm about everything. My head's all over the place, and I barely know what I'm thinking. I do know that I want to be there all the time, or for as much is practical. For prenatal appointments, anything you need, and for the birth—if you'll let me. I know that's very personal, and if it makes you uncomfortable, I'll be in the waiting room. But most of all, I'd like us to be friends."
"Well, I'd like that, too. I'm definitely okay for you to be there when she arrives."
"What about telling my dad and Esme?" I asked, breaking the short, comfortable silence that had fallen. "I didn't say anything to her before I left the clinic, though I'm sure she had a good idea what's going on. If you'd rather keep it quiet, I can, but I would like to tell them soon."
Bella's face filled with what I'd come to recognize as nervousness. "I'm nervous about meeting them," she said. "I know they're her grandparents, and I've already met Esme. But it'll be different once they know the baby is yours, won't it? What if they don't like me?"
"I know they'll love you. Esme has been after Rose or me to give her grandkids, so she'll be over the moon. And as for my dad, he's really laid back and easygoing. It'll be fine, so please don't worry."
"Thank you. I'm sure my mom and dad will want to meet you and your family, too."
~ oOo ~
Bella made tea for the two of us, and the rest of the afternoon passed by quickly as we continued to talk about the baby and what we hoped for her for the future. The night we spent together became a minor elephant in the room, with neither Bella nor I mentioning it, both of us content to build a friendship.
It wasn't until the front door banged open that I realized it was after four.
"Momma, I'm home."
The boy in all the photos displayed in the room burst through the door, followed by a woman I recognized as Bella's mom.
"Hi, sweetheart," the woman called in greeting as she entered the room. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you had company, Bella."
Bella stood, smoothing down her clothes. "Hi, Mom. I lost track of time. This is Edward. Edward, my mom, Renée."
I stood and, walking toward her, held out my hand. Renée took a step forward, meeting me halfway. Instead of taking my hand, she pulled me into a hug, patting me on the back before letting me go.
"Hello, Edward. It's nice to finally meet you. Welcome to Port Angeles."
"Mrs. Swan, thank you. Nice to meet you, too."
"Oh, drop the Mrs. Swan thing, please. Call me Renée."
"Momma, who's that man?" Connor tugged at Bella's arm.
She looked down at him, pulling him to her side, hugging him. "This is my friend, Edward. He's been keeping me company this afternoon while I was resting."
"Hi, Mr. Edward. I'm Connor," he said, pointing at his chest.
"Nice to meet you, Connor."
After a moment of slightly awkward silence, I turned to Bella.
"Well, it's time I left, Bella. I told Esme I'd talk to her this evening."
Renée spoke first, holding out her hand to Connor. "Come on, Connor, let's see what snacks Momma has in the kitchen while she says goodbye to Edward."
"Bye, Mr. Edward." Connor waved as the two of them left Bella and me alone.
"Are you still okay with me telling Esme and my dad?" I asked. "I can keep it to myself for a little longer if you prefer, and I can guarantee that Esme will not breathe a word to anyone, even my dad, until we're ready."
"No, it's okay. I don't want you to keep it a secret. I can get my mom to stay with Connor and come with you, so we can tell them together, if you want?"
"It's fine, stay here with Connor and your mom." I took her hand in mine. "Can I call you later?"
Her hand gripped mine. "Yes, I'd like that, Edward."
Reluctantly letting go of her hand, she led me to the front door. I hovered on the porch after I'd stepped outside, suddenly hesitant to leave. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans, rocking back on my heels for a second.
"Well, I should get going," I repeated, but made no motion to step off the porch.
Neither of us moved for a second, prolonging the inevitable parting. Eventually, it was Bella who took a step outside the house, slid her arms around my waist, and laid her head against my chest. I embraced her, tightening my arms around her and resting my chin on the top of her head.
It wasn't the first time we'd hugged, but I realized how much I'd missed it. She fit perfectly in my arms, just as I remembered. Closing my eyes, I drew in the scent of her hair, and the faint perfume I remembered from dancing in the nightclub that night. Something settled in my chest, and every part of me relaxed.
I was sure I would've stood there all night if it hadn't been for Connor racing down the hallway and stopping in the open door.
"Momma, can I watch a movie, please? I finished my homework, and Nana said I had to ask you if I could have some popcorn. Can I, please? She's making me a fruit smoothie, too. Do you want one? And you, Mr. Edward? Do you want a smoothie?"
Bella and I pulled apart, dropping our arms from around each other.
"Tell Nana I'd love a smoothie, too," she said, ruffling his hair. "And yes, you can watch a movie."
I smiled at them and the obvious love and affection between them. "Not for me, Connor. I have to go and see my dad, but thank you."
"Okay!" he shouted over his shoulder as he raced back toward the kitchen.
"He's a bundle of energy, isn't he?" I remarked.
Bella laughed. "Yep, he never walks when he can run, and keeps me on my toes."
I took a step backward. "Okay, then. I'll call you," I said. "But if you need anything before then, don't hesitate to text or call me."
"Okay," she said. "I'll talk to you later."
I walked down the steps, then the path, unlocking my car as I went. Opening the driver's door, I turned back to see Bella still standing on the porch. She smiled, giving a wave as I climbed behind the wheel and drove off in the direction of Esme and Dad's new home.
~ oOo ~.
Parking in the driveway of Esme and Dad's house, I knocked and opened the door, calling out, "Hello," as I walked in.
"In the dining room," Dad called.
"Hey, Dad." I took a chair on the other side of the dining table where he was seated, with papers strewn around him.
"To what do I owe this pleasure, son?"
"Is Esme home yet?"
"She's gone grocery shopping and won't be back for an hour or so. Is there something I can help you with?"
"I wanted to talk to you both, but it's your advice I need. You remember I spoke to you about a month or so ago about the woman I had a short relationship with?" When he nodded, I took a deep breath and continued. "Well, I took your advice and talked to her a couple weeks ago. Anyway, it took me a while, but I worked out that the baby might be mine, and now she's confirmed it."
He raised his eyebrows. "And how do you feel about becoming a father? Should I be congratulating you?" he asked.
"Yeah, definitely." I couldn't hold back the grin and huffed a laugh. I'd always known I wanted children, and even though I'd imagined I'd be in a steady relationship and possibly married, I couldn't help feeling elated at the unexpectedness. "Actually, I'm inordinately excited to meet my daughter."
I dug my wallet out of my pocket and pulled out the ultrasound picture, handing it to Dad.
"Ah, that's wonderful, Edward. I'm looking forward to meeting my granddaughter, and Esme will be ecstatic." He leaned forward and slid the picture back to me.
"Bella invited me to be present at her ultrasound appointment today. I told her I'd be there for my daughter no matter what—and I will be. I'm just not sure where the two of us go from here."
Dad stood and went to the drinks cabinet, pouring me a glass of Maker's Mark, and refreshing his own glass, placing mine in front of me, and sitting down again.
"Do you want it to go anywhere? To have a relationship with Bella?"
I took a sip of the amber liquid, feeling the burn as it slid down my throat and into my stomach, warming me from the inside out.
"I think so," I answered. "But while Bella and I were talking, I told her about Tanya." I took another sip of my drink before continuing. "I didn't tell you everything about what happened between me and Bella."
Dad pushed his papers to one side. "Tell me then, Edward. You're obviously troubled, and I'll do my best to help."
I went on to explain how we'd met, the strong connection between us, how we'd lost contact, how she'd left out the facts—that she had an estranged husband and a child.
"Nothing would've happened between us if I'd known she was married, Dad. I'm not that kind of man. But she tells me they're getting a divorce, and I think—no, I know—I want to see if what there is between us is worth exploring, and I think she does, too."
Leaning my elbows on the table, I continued. "Tanya cheated on me with one of my best friends. At the time, I was furious and hurt, but on reflection, there was obviously something lacking in our relationship, something she wasn't getting from me, or she would never have looked for it elsewhere. I freely admit I was always busy, first with medical school, then my residency, but looking back, I didn't try very hard to give her my time and attention. I feel really bad about that, and even though I'm hurt at the action she took, I can see why."
"And Bella hid something from you, too. Let me guess—you feel betrayed, but you also feel something more for her, so you're finding it difficult to come to terms with why you can forgive Bella but not Tanya, when both of them cheated."
"That's exactly it. When I thought about it, I realized I feel far more for Bella than I ever did for Tanya. What if I'm the one who has the problem, Dad? What if I can't give Bella what she needs? Will she cheat on me, too?"
Dad sat back in his seat, finishing the drink in his glass. I knew he was going over what we'd said before he spoke again.
"Love isn't all you need, and staying in a relationship just because you love somebody isn't worth it. You need to respect and trust each other; to give each other time, attention and reassurance that you're both working toward the same goals. I believe that all starts with friendship, and forms the basis for a strong, loving relationship. My advice for you is to start with rebuilding that trust between the two of you.
"Start with friendship—get to know Bella, and of course, her son. They come as a package deal, and you can't have one without the other. Understandably, she'll put him first, and you must respect that. You may find that friendship is as far as you want to take it, but if there's something there that could turn into more, then you owe it to yourself and to her to explore it."
"Connor kind of scares me. I've delivered plenty of babies, but I don't have a lot of experience with young children in general. What if I'm horrible at it?"
Dad laughed out loud. "Oh, believe me, there'll be times when you are horrible at it, but like anything else, you learn as you go along. My second piece of advice is to talk to Bella, and really listen. After all, she's the one who knows her son the best."
"Carlisle, can you help me bring in the groceries, please?" Esme's voice called from the front door.
I stood and stepped out of the room. "Will I do, Esme?" I asked.
"Of course, thank you."
Grabbing some bags from the trunk of the car, I carried them indoors, settling them on the kitchen counter.
"That's great, Edward, thank you." She unpacked and distributed the groceries to the refrigerator, freezer, cupboards, and the pantry. "Are you staying for dinner?"
"Yes, if that's okay."
She nodded, busying herself with putting a meal together.
"So," I began, "about earlier today at the clinic? You're probably wondering why I was with Bella at her ultrasound appointment." I took a breath in and blew it out. "The baby she's carrying is mine."
She turned to face me. "I suspected as much as soon as she told me I couldn't be her obstetrician. You looked a little shell-shocked but happy."
I thought about what she said for a moment. "I am. I always wanted kids, but it was never the right time, but now it's happening. I'm both excited and scared at the prospect of being a father."
"Then, I'm excited for you, Edward." She reached out and cupped my cheek. "If it's what you want, then of course, your dad and I are here for you. I'm looking forward to meeting them all, and excited to be a grandma, too. Why don't you invite Bella and her son over for dinner? And her parents, too, since it looks like we're going to be family soon."
"That sounds like an excellent idea. Let me talk to Bella and I'll get back to you. Is that okay?"
"Of course it is."
Later that evening, as I drove back to my condo, I found myself feeling slightly melancholic. Bella's pregnancy was already halfway through, and I'd missed so much.
I shook off those thoughts. There was nothing I could do to change the past, and now it was time to move forward. Truthfully, I'd accepted Bella's reasons for hiding the truth from me and I'd forgiven her. I needed to make sure I could be the one person she could always trust to be there for her, for her son, and for our daughter.
I kept my word and called Bella, relaying the invitation from Esme to her family. She sounded relieved to know they had accepted our news, and by the time the call ended, I was in a much better frame of mind as I slipped into bed.
~ oOo ~