AN: It's been another long while, I know. Sorry. It's starting to feel like things might be looking up, so I'm going to make another go of returning to a somewhat regular schedule. Time will tell. I can only hope you will still enjoy my story.
-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx-
Deadly Affection – Reimagined
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters. I just make them do silly stuff.
Chapter 26: Leap of Trust
Bella PoV
My heart was hammering in my chest as we drove off, heading straight for the Cullen mansion. I might not have been in my right mind, and I don't have a vampires memory, but I could swear some of the kids were casually looking in our direction. They must have seen something. Right? Or am I just being paranoid?
''He was really sure that no one saw us?'' I asked for the third time, bracing myself against the interior as Alice drove at way over the legal speed limit. Oh man. Is worrying about my dad pulling us over worse than somebody seeing me? I don't know. Either seems pretty shitty right about now. Both, now that would be hysterical.
''That's what he said. It'll be fine Bella, trust me.'' Alice responded calmly, just as she turned off the road into the forest. Her demeanor belied the calm with which she spoke. And that only worried me more. She wouldn't be able to see any visions of what would happen, but I could tell this wasn't over yet by her unnerved... I couldn't even put my finger on it. Then again, freaking out over here. Probably reading too much into it. Seeing my own anxiousness reflected in Alice.
Edwards Volvo was parked in the driveway, but all of its recent inhabitants were standing in the living room. I also noticed that neither Carlisle nor Esme were present, which seems kinda unfortunate. Alice slowed the car down and parked it behind the Volvo, before unbuckling and exiting the vehicle at a slow pace. I found myself staring at her for a hot second, before I started to move myself. Alice tinkling laugh reached my ears as she opened my door for me, while I tried, and failed, to unbuckle myself in a hurry.
I was about to yank the damn thing out in frustration as I felt cool marble stretch across my front, and her soft hand clasp mine. The scent of her hair captivated my senses, as my mind tried to decipher the component parts that could mingle so perfectly.
The sound of Alice clearing her throat brought me back out of my quiet musing. She was standing with an arm on the door, an eyebrow arched as she looked at me with a crooked smile. A flush spread across my cheeks as I took stock my own... state. Stupid vampire senses. Though part of me secretly relished the fact that she didn't seem to mind.
I didn't trust my voice not to crack, so I just stepped out pretending like nothing was amiss. Alice smoothly closed the door behind me, and followed as I stepped towards the entrance to the vampire mansion.
Trying to return the favor I held the door open for Alice to enter, which she did with a brilliant smile. I had to focus on the task at hand so as not to be further compromised, only to realize that everyone present would be able to detect my state as soon as I entered the room anyway. Life's so fucking unfair, but this had to be done. So I swallowed my pride and stepped inside.
''Welcome, you little she-devils.'' Emmett opened with a smirk as we stepped into the living room. In response, Alice snaked one arm around mine and held my hand, briefly pushing her tongue out in his direction. Emmett just chuckled in response.
''We think there might be an issue.'' Rosalie said solemnly, managing to dim even Emmett's amusement. ''Mike and Ben saw you. Although we aren't sure if they noticed you glowing.''
I found myself confused to how that was possible. Mike wasn't even in the last class, and I hadn't seen Ben freaking out in the parking lot. I can't remember seeing him, even after as we looked for witnesses. ''What do you mean?'' Alice piped up for the both of us. Her hand was rigid between my fingers.
''I heard them both thinking about you two together. Ben thought you looked made for each other, and Mike wanted to apologize to you, but didn't want to interrupt your moment. But neither of them seemed to think anything was wrong when you started glowing. They were just uneasy by your public show of affection, and looked away.'' Edward explained, looking off to the side.
Ice cold fingers was all that held me in place, preventing me from crawling up the walls in a panic. I just wanted to be anywhere but here. Anywhere but in my own skin really. I just wanted to stop existing, if only that would take away the uneasy feeling in my gut. This cannot be happening.
I recognized the feeling of power flowing through me just before Alice clasped her arm around my side, securing me to the spot. I was scared for a second, that I might hurt her if my red cloak appeared, only to notice that my tank was empty again. Which confused me, but left me grateful.
''So what do we do?'' I asked, my voice breaking leaving my state pretty evident. I leaned into Alice for support, not trusting my legs to stand still for much longer.
I noticed Emmett look to Rosalie, who was looking at Edward. I briefly wondered if we might need to involve Carlisle and Esme in this, before Edward grunted in annoyance.
''Why would I care if some humans found out what Bella is?'' He asked harshly, not even trying to hide his disdain for me. Flickers of anger mixed with concern that I might have actually pissed him off earlier.
''Because with our proximity to her, we would also be implicated.'' Rosalie stated plainly. And the truth of that made my knees buckle. I put Alice in harms way with my indiscreet behavior. How could I be so reckless?!
''Bella?'' I heard her whisper into my ear with concern, and it made me feel even more like shit. How could I risk such a kind and caring individual being exposed like that? I felt the pressure of tears threatening to escape, and got angry with my own reaction to this, but I still wrapped my arms around her and cried into her shoulder.
I was the offender here. I shouldn't get to be the one crying. Why was I crying. What the hell is wrong with me. Why am I being so stupid? Why am I clinging onto Alice as if my life depends on it? And why is she holding me the same way. She should be angry with me.
Suddenly I noticed that the room had two less occupants. And I could feel the cold of Alice's breath on my neck as she rubbed my back, but I couldn't hear a word. I couldn't hear anything really, as if the world had suddenly gone silent. I slowly released my grasp of Alice, letting my arms fall to my sides as I leaned back. She let me do so, but still held her hands at my hips. Which I felt grateful for, as I did feel quite weak. The first thing I heard was a muted ringing, as the noises of the world started coming back to me.
''You feeling better?'' Alice asked, her beautiful golden orbs staring up into my eyes. I looked away, feeling remnants of guilt still lingering, but I nodded to ease her worry.
''Where did Edward and Jasper go?'' I asked after clearing my throat, noting how Rosalie had clung onto Emmett in the corner of the room.
''They went to have a peek into little boys' bedrooms.'' Emmett replied with a chuckle, which did elicit an undignified snort from me, even if it was a fairly tasteless joke. I hope they wouldn't invade their privacy on my account, even if I desperately wanted to know if they had actually seen something. If they had, I could try to talk to them first. Dustin hadn't freaked out, right? So maybe I could convince them that I'm not evil, even if I'm different. Which brought another question to my mind.
''Say, theoretically, if someone knew you weren't... normal. What would you guys do?'' I asked quietly, suddenly nervous to find out just how... deeply, they burrow the evidence. So to speak.
Rosalie didn't miss a beat, turning her full attention to me, her stare piercing. ''We disappear. Change identities and move far away.'' There was no room for questioning it either, if I understood her correctly. But I just couldn't stop myself.
''I can see how running away from your problems might be... Tempting. But can't you discern, with how connected everyone is becoming through the internet, that it won't work forever?'' I asked, thinking of how fast even just telephones had leaped forwards in the abilities of it's cameras.
Alice became more distinctly immobile, as my mind followed the logical conclusion of the previous thought. More and more details in every picture with each new phone, and a worldwide web to upload it to meant an ever increasing likelihood, even probability, of discovery. Which would mean an ever increasing necessity to deny the allegation any room to grow.
Rosalie's eyes were just as hard when I looked back up to her, and a rush of cold ran down my spine. She exhaled and looked to the ground. ''We expect there will come a time when just running away will no longer be an option.'' Even with how quietly she spoke the words, the harsh reality rang clear.
Morbid curiosity made me want to ask the resident psychic if she'd seen when that time would be, but I thought better of it. That all of the vampires present showed sign of remorse for the eventuality further cemented my trust in their honesty, so I guess that's kind of an eventually murderous win? Go optimism!
I resisted the urge to chuckle at my own dark humor, but figured we shouldn't need to turn to defeatism yet. ''Well, despite today's seemingly close shave, we're not there yet.'' I said, breaking the silence that had settled. Alice's head came to rest at my shoulder.
''You are correct. For now, I guess we wait to confirm our good fortune. Meanwhile, could I have the pleasure of getting to continue my work on your old gal?'' Rosalie asked with what looked like veiled anticipation. I chuckle and hold my hand out in front of Alice, who gives me the keys that I proceed to toss towards Rosalie. She catches them out of the air without me noticing her even looking in their direction.
''I hadn't realized my truck was a she.'' I joked, which earned me a smile.
''Trust me, I know these things.'' She replied with a wink, before turning sideways to plant a searing kiss on Emmett's lips. Which he reciprocated with closed eyes, hands digging firmly into her behind. I was once again reminded of my own desire to be that close to someone, but I didn't dare look in Alice's direction. I just iced up and waited for them to part. Which didn't take long, as Alice chose that moment to clear her throat.
Rosalie pulled back and tapped her hands to Emmett's broad chest and it looked to me like they spoke some words to quiet for me to hear before she turned to walk out the front door. ''I'll take good care of her.'' She said with a knowing smile, placing a hand on my unoccupied shoulder as she passed.
-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx-
''So how are you holding up, really? Behind the walls.'' Alice asked quietly, after we had walked a ways into the forest behind their house. It was already starting to get darker out, not that either of us were encumbered by that.
''I'm fine.'' I lied, but Alice just turned and gave this knowing look that prodded me to continue. ''Well... If you want me to sum it up, I guess... I feel guilty.'' I finally relented.
''And what is it you feel guilty about?'' She asked, taking hold of a branch in our path and bending it carefully out of the way.
''I don't want to talk about it.'' I respond quickly, not wanting to add to her worries. And I can see how that would only spiral into a deeper circle of guilt and worry, which makes me feel even more guilty.
Alice just slows to a stop, which makes me to stop as well. She seems to close her eyes for a moment, only to chuckle as she remembers her visions are blocked for now. With a sad smile, she presses on. ''I understand wanting to push unpleasant feelings away from the surface. But it rarely makes anything better.''
I stood there for a second, mulling over her words. My instincts were telling me that spilling how I truly felt would push her away, but my logical mind told me that shutting up would do the same thing. And I trust Alice. So I should trust that she wouldn't ask unless she thought she could deal with it.
''I-... Where to even start.'' I said with an exhale, taking a second to let it come to the surface and collect my thoughts. ''I feel guilty for putting you at risk of exposure. I feel guilty for not being able to control myself enough to prevent that risk. I feel guilty for further risking your families safety by blocking your visions.'' I start, feeling emotions pour to the forefront. ''I feel guilty for depending on you guys so much. I feel guilty for enjoying having someone to depend on. I feel guilty for lying to my dad over and over. And those I call my friends.'' I felt hot tears escaping the corners of my eyes and my throat tightened up.
''And I feel guilty for giving you mixed messages. And for being a complete mess.'' I chuckle through my strained throat, but all I feel is relieved. Then Alice enveloped me in a tight hug that almost made her seem warm, and I didn't hold back when I pressed her into me with what strength I had, and buried my head in her neck.
''You aren't the only one to blame for today. You've already admitted you can't always control your powers, and I still put you in that difficult position. And the family has chosen this life, to be close to humans despite the risk.'' Alice explained quietly. And I wanted to protest that her actions shouldn't matter when the consequences were potentially that dire, but my mind was more focused on the smell of her hair, and her voice right next to my ear.
''And while we've all agreed to the burden of you having to depend on us, that doesn't really seem to be the issue at it's core. It sounds as if you've internalized your own needs and wants as a burden to others, when that's really not for you to decide. Example, if you had a pet that was injured, should it feel guilty for you wishing to help it recover?'' Her voice ended on a high note, and I could almost feel her smile.
''I'm not a pet though...'' I protested indignantly with a weak laugh. The way her neck shifted to where her mouth was next to my ear made me freeze.
''But what if I wanted to call you my pet?'' She whispered huskily, and it felt like my legs gave out. ''Noted.'' She chuckled, her arms grabbing me just a little tighter.
Every nerve in my body decided that that moment was perfect to report in, and next thing I knew the world looked just slightly different in my minds eye. My entire body was tingling as I remembered to breathe, as well as open my eyes.
''That really is lovely.'' Alice whispered beside me, her cold breath washing over my neck. That was when I noticed the blue shimmer of my hands on Alice's back. On reflex, fearing I'd hurt her, I jumped back. My arms going from holding her, to pushing her away from me almost faster than I could comprehend by sight. Only when I'd registered Alice's grunt of discomfort did the pain in my back let itself be known, her arms having been partially forced apart before she opened them herself.
Instinctively my legs braced to catch my weight, but I hadn't taken the speed I was retreating into account, as I lost balance and started falling backwards. Only to be caught by Alice's arms, who I hadn't noticed moving. Which confused me.
''Calm down there, Bambi.'' Alice uttered with one of her tinkling laughters, consciously holding me at arms distance. Her eyes were dilated, as I expected, but her expression spoke of more control than the first couple of times this had happened. A flash of pain in my head almost made me crash back into her, and preceded the world around us becoming dark before almost vanishing involuntarily in my mind.
All I could see was small motes of light, with one so many times more radiant than the rest. And I felt weak. And hungry. So hungry.
Alarm was overcome by the need for sustenance. The gnawing hunger promising sweet release. Silvery light promising exquisite ecstasy. It was within reach. But it felt wrong. Like fists pounding on glass, screaming for me to stop.
A muddled noise drew my attention, but all I found was a star amidst an ocean of embers. The noise came once again and tickled something in the back my mind. Like an old memory, or a dream. But then the distance from me to the star expanded, and I reached out to stop it from escaping me. Faint tethers attached to it, and the incessant need once again flared in me. The urge to give in to the bliss. It was at the tips of my fingers, thrumming with promise.
''Bella?'' The noise clear, shattering the glass. The vampire's voice. Her scent. Her presence.
The veil came crashing down around me as the burning need came back with a vengeance. I blinked as the world was once again before me. Her beautiful eyes filled with concern. My arms at her hips. Her energy was making me lightheaded, but it was forbidden. Even if parts of it was mine. But she was important to her. And time was short.
I let her go and launched myself at the nearest fir, muscles screaming in pain with each movement they made. The sucking pit of need met tree bark that proceeded to explode underneath my palms. But the pain didn't phase me as I pressed my arms further and further into the tree with each wave of energy I devoured. Increasing the contact surface, allowing me to drain it faster.
To my dismay the deluge ebbed, as the trunk of the tree was being depleted of energy, the remaining energy needing to be siphoned down it's length. Like a straw that got longer with each passing second. And I was thirsty!
My dismay was increased as cracks started to appear along the trunk. Small ones at first, that started getting longer and longer until they started intersecting. Creating a spiderwebs of cracks before one louder than the rest split the trunk through its core. Annoyed disgust coursed through me at the frailty of the fir, and I ripped my hands from its crumbling flesh. This wouldn't even be an issue if I could feed off of a creature, but she won't allow it. No matter. It's remaining essence would still be mine, even if it would be delayed by its defeat to gravity. So would this whole world, in time.
I prepared to grace this entire glen with the glory of my power, to reduce it to compost for the next cycle to feed me.
''Bella?!'' Annoyance ebbed as a silence returned to my mind. I blinked, trying to recall why I was here in the forest, but the reason ebbed like the memories of a dream.
''Yeah?'' I asked, turning to her. Only to jump as a tree came crashing to the ground behind me. Alice seemingly relaxed and gave a strained laugh, then looked off to the side while pointing at me. And as I looked down I found myself naked, only covered by a red mist. But it was much more opaque than I'd ever seen it. And I could feel myself thrumming with energy, a lot more than I could remember, yet it didn't hurt.
''Are you in control again?'' She asked in a serious tone. And it was her tone, more than her question, that scared me. As I, by putting both of them together, had apparently scared her. And I tried desperately to remember the last memory before that moment.
It wasn't before I recalled the events of the parking lot that the rest came rushing in, but it kind of went fuzzy after she stopped me from falling. Scents were very strong, and so were emotions. But I can't remember speech, or even any visual glimpses. But somehow it felt like it wasn't missing, just... less important. As if it wasn't as important, and didn't warrant as much attention.
''I think so. Did I hurt you?'' I asked quickly, looking her over. There wasn't any visible signs of damage, and her perfectly spiky hair didn't seem disheveled.
''No, but you did give me a nasty scare. And that...'' She trailed off, pointing at the mangled remains of the tree scattered along the forest floor behind me. ''That, is quite a lot worse than when you drained the tree outside our house yesterday. Are you sure you're okay?'' Alice was still a distance away from me, not having moved closer. But as her eyes met mine, they showed genuine concern, so I took a second to feel my body out.
I felt an unfamiliar sensation was resting in my chest as well. Like a pressure, or weight, right behind my solar plexus. It didn't hurt or feel out of place, unlike that one time with the black marks that had originated in the same area. It was just... there. But it felt oddly comforting. My hands drifted to the spot and I tried to see if I could feel anything under the skin physically, but I only felt my rib cage.
Alice clearing her throat tore me from my musing and focus on the issue at hand. So I tried doing what I normally did and just force the cloak back into my body. Key word being tried. It barely budged. Like trying to breathe more air into a balloon stretched to it's breaking point. Only I didn't want to pop.
''It uhh, isn't working. It's not going away.'' I told Alice, feeling frustrated at my inability to control my own power. She turned and walked to me, eyes intentionally glued to my own. Still, I held my hands up to cover myself, blood further heating up my cheeks with her gaze.
''Well, what do you usually do when you can't make it disappear?'' Alice asked, stopping a few steps away from me. I frowned, remembering the only other time this occurred.
''Remember that tree with the exploded trunk? That was the result of my last attempt.'' It didn't feel like the same though. That time it felt like my skin was tearing apart with energy, but now there wasn't even discomfort. So something was different, which I surmised was the pressure in my chest. So in some way I was storing energy in a focused point in my chest, rather than just generally in my body. Was this only possible because of the incident that had just occurred, or has I always been able to do this?
It wouldn't do to just hypothesize, it needed to be tested. So I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the pressure in my chest. Focusing on that pressure, I found it almost too easy to direct energy into it. Once I started doing it, it felt as if it tried to eat up everything I had to give. Opening my eyes, I could see my cloak being dragged over my body towards my chest, instead of melding into my skin. And in seconds it was all gone, but it was followed my an unfamiliar sensation of weakness.
I would have had a small panic attack, like when I managed to turn off the second sight, but by now I knew better. I had control of this. I just needed to learn how to use it. And right now it felt like I had sucked every last part of energy into the point in my chest, leaving nothing for me to use without pulling it back out. So I would have to learn how to not put everything in there at once, and leave what I could keep in the rest of my body.
It took a bit of effort to pull out compared to how easily it went in, but I managed to restore the feeling of normalcy, which by definition probably wasn't normal, but hey. Flexing my arms, I looked back up to Alice with a smile. And she let out a deep sigh, eyes looking up to the skies.
''There. All done.'' Still keeping my hands to cover myself, I bent down near the tree and picked at the remains of my clothes, which I noticed weren't as shredded as usual. It seemed more like they had ripped at the seams and fallen to the ground around me. And likewise, the phone and my wallet seemed unharmed. Which was both a relief, and confusing. But something more urgent came to the forefront of my mind.
''Why didn't you run?'' I asked forcefully, anger taking hold in me. ''Why didn't you run away from me, like I told you to?!'' Red enveloped me again as I stepped towards Alice, fists clenching in the air between us. And part of me felt bad for yelling at her, but anger burned away my reason.
I was about to yell at her again when her being hardened, and before me stood a lethal creature of the night. ''Because you don't run from a predator!'' She hissed back harshly. The shock of seeing her for what she truly is, and hearing her rebuke me broke through my anger. All I had experienced of her prior was the gentle and warm pixie from school. This was someone else. This was who she was hiding.
''And yet I still tried, despite knowing that!'' She yelled, her voice breaking. Her hands rose to cover her face as the fear made itself known in my heart. I had scared her. Horrified her. Broken her? No! I clung to the hope that it wasn't true. Latched on with both hands and tugged tightly.
Red vanished, and blue took it's place as I reached for her, to comfort her, but she recoiled at my touch. It revealed her face, and tears that wouldn't fall again. I felt torn again. I wanted to make it all better. I needed to make it better. But that might mean having to get away from her. If she wished for it.
''I... I'm so sorry. I'm so terribly sorry. Please, tell me what I can do to make it better. Anything. Please?'' I begged trying to catch her eyes, but she closed them. Closing herself off. Not a good sign.
''Why? Why did you lose control?'' She demanded through clenched teeth. A lifeline. And I wanted to yank on it with all my might, but I didn't know the answer.
''I don't know.'' I answered truthfully, while racking my brain to deduce the reason. All I knew is that I was blue before I felt immense pain and then lost control. But pair that up with my nightly excursions, that only happened when I was low on energy, and I had an hypothesis. ''I can only theorize, but I think it might be because I ran out of energy. Like... Like whatever I am has an emergency need-to-refuel override. As a preservation measure.'' I rambled, hoping it would appease her.
It felt like forever before she opened her eyes again. The hope I felt when I saw her golden eyes not look at me in fear once more was crushing. But it was not joy, as her gaze seemed more... searching. For lies or deceit maybe? She would find none here, and I tried to will my honesty to show with all I had.
''You... You wouldn't hurt me? Right?'' Alice whispered, and hearing it was like torture. The uncertainty and fear cutting into me. Flashes of crystalline woods came back to me though, and it steeled my resolve.
Gently, I took her left hand and clasped it between mine, cold granite meeting pliable flesh, holding it close to my chest. ''I will never intentionally hurt you physically for as long as I live, even if my life should depend on it. I swear it.'' I told her solemnly, slightly annoyed with the chime of my voice in the back of my mind.
And while I got a raised eyebrow at the specification at first, she nodded and pulled me into her with her right hand holding my bare waist. But I didn't mind it, even as I felt her cold cheek press into my neck. I felt the relief spreading through me, but also something else. Like something... moved, inside the point in my chest.
''I trust you.'' Alice whispered in between cold breaths that tickled my flesh, then she pushed the breath out of me by squeezing me to her body. Which set of an alarm or two in my brain, that was promptly ignored as I was awash with joy. And I focused deeply on that emotion, feeling it empower me.
-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx-
''I'm pretty sure I should be the one to go ask her if I can borrow some clothes.'' I joked as we walked back towards the house, keeping an eye on Alice to judge her reaction. There wasn't even a stutter in her step as she turned around and looked at me while walking backwards like it didn't even phase her.
''And share the hidden details of this gorgeous being I find myself crazy for, with my downright lewd sister?'' She responded rhetorically, jingling my keys in her hand. I saw her eyeing my uncovered body up and down yet again with lust clearly at the forefront of her mind. And it made me glow brighter, illuminating more of the woods in blue glow, while butterflies churned in my stomach.
Not that the way she bit her lip before turning around to keep walking, or the way she started swaying her hips to an exaggerated degree helped defuse the situation much either. Not that I much wanted her to. It was too intoxicating to want it to stop. It was that, or the sight of her glutes. I couldn't decide.
''Lest you forget, she did kind of get that view the first time we met. And vampire memory...'' I trailed off, and burst into giggles as she was finally phased. If taking a half-step could count as much. The clenching fists was probably a better tell.
''You really couldn't wait to get undressed in front of her, could you? Had to blow up all your clothes for maximum efficiency?'' She joked back, but her tone was different and she didn't look at me as she said it.
So I leapt forwards to catch up, and I grabbed her by her waist and twirled us around before plopping her down, hugging her close. ''Hey. Even if your sister is drop-dead gorgeous, you're the only one who is woman enough for me. For as long as you will have me.'' I whispered beside her ear.
''Again with the qualifiers. Is this something I should start to be concerned with?'' She replied, deflecting from the main topic. Which was kind of a bummer, but it was a fair question.
''To be honest, it was your sister that got me thinking I should be more precise in my language so that, hopefully, you can all understand when I do something I don't want to do.'' I also secretly hoped that it would get me some measure of control over what happened when I wasn't at the wheel, so to speak. That my intent would be communicated to whichever part of me did hold the wheel, when I wasn't.
Even with her looking ahead of us, I could tell she wasn't entirely satisfied with the answer. But I didn't really know what clued me into that. She didn't freeze up or try to escape by grasp, or utter any audible sounds. But I was certain of how she felt about it.
''Is it because of the mate thing?'' She asked suddenly asked, and I almost felt compelled to ignore the question. And that set off warning bells in my head finally. My thoughts were being... nudged. Rational thinking would easily explain how Alice got that idea, even if I didn't feel it was entirely correct.
I wanted to be absolutely clear with Alice on this point, so I let her go and stepped back from her, letting my power fade into nothing. But most of the compulsion faded with it, so that was a plus. And wouldn't you know, my modesty came back in a hurry.
''Alice.'' I said simply, covering myself with my hands as she turned around to look at me. And I could tell she noticed the change in behavior, same as I noticed her pupils returning to their normal size. ''It's not because of the just mate thing, though we're going to have to talk about that eventually. It has to do with my insecurities, and me feeling inferior to you in so many ways.'' I say, getting lost in those topaz orbs.
''As much as I want to jump your bones at times, it wouldn't be fair to either of us. Our starting points are so different that it's almost inevitable to cause a fraction. My heart is telling me to jump into it head first, and surrender to chance. But I don't want this to just be a fling. I want to take things slowly, so that I can truly understand you, who you truly are. That way I won't make a mistake that will cut our time shorter than it can potentially be.'' I say, feeling captivated by the minute movements of her lips tugging into a smile, and how her brow creased.
I was about to continue when her mouth opens before mine. ''I've had almost a century of lucid, uninterrupted time on this earth, Bella. And with me seeing the future, I've witnessed just about every excuse in the book. And while the whole self-sacrifice bit can be charming, it doesn't really end anywhere good.'' Her velvety voice trailed the distance between us, and it felt like a punch in the gut. ''Not that I don't love how much effort you're giving to make this perfect.'' She whispered so low I barely heard it. And it lessened the blow, but I didn't see where she was going with this.
''Look at it like this. Say someone wanted to buy a specialty item from a retailer, but they found the item to be too expensive for their liking. So instead of buying the item outright, they concocted a plan to curry favor with the salesperson, so they could eventually get a discount on said item. Now, do you think the salesperson would take kindly to figuring out their relationship was built on lies?'' Alice explained patiently with a knowing look. And while I understood what she meant with her example, I don't agree that it's similar to our situation. I was doing it for a good reason.
''But th-'' I start, but Alice interrupts me.
''But that isn't analogous to what you're doing, yeah I know. Not perfectly. The item would be something we'd both share, and have enjoyment from. And there's not a discount, but an improvement to our relationship. But it would be enjoyment at the cost of honesty, and an improvement at the cost of sincerity.'' There wasn't judgment in her eyes, which didn't make me feel less stupid, but it did reassure me.
''So you just want... me. With every neuroticism and blemish on full display?'' I asked, feeling jittery at the thought of being completely vulnerable with someone.
''And all your scary glory.'' She replied with a crooked smile.
''Well then, brace yourself.'' I warned her, preparing to hit her with the first horrible whisper of doubt creeping around in my brain. ''It's not fair to ask, but; how is this fair on your part, knowing you have a mate out there somewhere? How do I stop worrying that I'm just something to pass the time for you?'' The words fell from my mouth like poison. But this was me.
''You should know. You said it yourself. The difference is intention.'' Alice replied easily, walking up to me and placing her cold hands at my hips. ''I am very old compared to you, it's true. And I am potentially immortal. But I feel the world around me in the same way you do. I want you. All of you. If you still age, I want to see you grow old. If you are able and want to have kids, I want to share that with you, and I'd love them as if they were my own. For as long as you will have me, or until fate sees fit to tear us apart. Whatever happens, I'll give you everything I am.'' Alice declared without faltering, even as tears started falling from my eyes at her proclamation. She didn't even blink when I half choked with laughter, hearing my own words, and snot hit her blouse.
I just grabbed her tight and hugged her, crying into her shoulder. ''Good to know I'm not the only one overthinking things.'' I mumbled between tears, and I felt her rumble with silent laughter.
She was being honest. I trust that she was being honest. I trust that she is comfortable to deal with all of me. I trust her.
And maybe that alright.
''So... If the whole taking it slow shtick is out of the picture...'' I mumble into her neck, after I felt confident my voice wouldn't break.
''Yes?'' She whispered back innocently. Was she really going to make me ask?
''Does that mean we can...?'' I still didn't say the word. Somehow I still feel nervous, even if I trust her.
''...Yes?'' She whispered again, huskily. Butterflies and jelly-legs, check. And that incessant pulsing need. This goddess definitely knew what she was doing to me. And part of me loved it. Loved that she was able to do this, and loved that she wanted to.
As I leaned back to look at her face, I saw her eyes were almost all black. And it looked like her jaw was rumbling, the gap between her razor sharp teeth never completely closing. It probably should have scared me, but it only made me more excited.
''… Kiss?'' I finally asked breathlessly, swallowing excess spit.
I was pleasantly rewarded as her hand moved down and grabbed my butt, a numb stinging sensation reminding me how she'd slapped me there yesterday. Her other hand went up my back, before her fingers tangled themselves into my hair. And she used it to leverage my head to the side firmly, gently.
With a blur, her cool lips were at my neck, kissing from the base and up with zeal. I gripped onto her as my legs failed to carry me, chills running down my spine. The pressure was starting to build to uncomfortable levels as she reached the bottom of my jawline, where she gently placed her teeth to my skin. Even my second sight was starting to have stars in them, while my fingers were becoming nerveless.
A wanton moan escaped my lips as her tongue trailed the last way up towards my ear, where she used her lips to cover her teeth, before biting on my lobe. My body was on fire. I felt like I was about to pass out, when I felt her cool breath trickled into my ear, turning my brain to mush.
Then I suddenly fell to my knees on the forest floor, bewildered and reduced to a mewling mess. Only after several seconds was her final whisper deciphered in my mind.
''Still going to make you beg for it.''
Several breaths later, I noticed my arms were covered by blue fog. And an incessant pulsing need in my stomach, that didn't seem to want to go away.
When I finally managed to get back up, Alice was walking slowly back from the house, some clothes and a pair of jeans wrapped up in her hands.
I was about to ask what it was for when it clicked. "What, I can't go into the house naked?" I joked instead, as she held out the clothes for me to grab. The cool air stung as the breeze passed between us, and I could see how it drew Alice's attention by the flaring of her nose and the parting of her lips.
"Remember how I told you that vampires are very territorial? Add on top of that how we act when a relationship is still new, and multiply it by the fact that I still haven't claimed you." She huffed. "... Did I say that out loud?" She added with a cheeky wink.
I didn't know whether to laugh at her frustration, or her obvious attempt to affect my state of arousal. The thought of arguing that I wasn't her plaything barely crossed my mind. But the sudden heavy handed flirting was kinda new. Was what made me so much more bold somehow affecting her?
I didn't voice my suspicions though, and instead took the clothes from her hands. A regular pair of white panties, which was kind of odd considering Alice. She never did anything in the regular way. And they fit surprisingly well, which very much confirmed they were not Alice's. Though I am also fairly certain they don't belong to her sister. But I guess it's gotta come from someplace. The jeans also fit surprisingly well, which I guess means me and Esme have fairly similar proportions. And that made me feel strangely proud. Another part of me felt somewhat awkward about the fact that I would leave a... mark. I also noticed the pressure of a phone in my pocket, and surmized that Alice had put my stuff in the pants before coming back.
I am not handed a bra though, just a long sleeved shirt with a picture of a teddybear on the front. And unlike before, this one is at least a couple of sizes too small. And with the predatory gaze Alice gave me, I could certainly guess why. Which in turn affected me physically, and lo and behold, there were two points of contention. They were slightly covered by the cloak that stretched over the clothes, but were still visible. For some reason the two, uhh, peaks, weren't represented in the cloak.
And I'm not even going to pretend I didn't take a deep whiff while trying to put my head into the shirt. Wouldn't help against these overpowered vampires anyway. The distinct scent sent chills down my spine. Both fresh and earthy, evoking memories of citrus and old trees. Of how exciting she could be, and how down to earth she was. Though I was likely just making an attribution error.
I could see Alice smirking when I finished pulling the small shirt on, smirking back with how my girls were straining it. More precicely how it made Alice swallow what I guessed was an excess of venom.
''How do I look?'' I asked as a joke, trying to find a sexy pose. I laughed at my own failure, expecting her to laugh with me. But she was just staring.
''I plead the fifth.'' Was her quiet response, and I noticed how she didn't seem to move like she usually does. In place was the eerie statue-like appearence I had noticed a few times, from most members of her family.
I could feel my blood pumping in my ears, a quiet hope building in me. But I crushed it. I wouldn't make it this easy for her to get another one over on me that quickly. Even though I probably could get my wish if I did prod. With some reservation, I decided to pull the cloak back into myself, feeling the overwhelming desire abate with it. Seems like it acts as a force multiplier in certain aspects.
Feeling more at ease I walked to her side, her eyes locked on mine as I moved. As if she was wary of the my every move. Using a little of my enhanced strength, I pulled her waist next to mine, and turned us both back towards her house, and started walking. She deftly followed my lead.
I felt really calm, walking back. More so than usual. I would normally try to fill the silence with a question or two, with how uptight I usually get when I get this close to Alice. Maybe ask how the stalking was going. But I knew Alice would tell me if there were any bad news, and I was more than comfortable just walking next to her, side by side.
Which I guess is massive progress. Neither my overactive, paranoid brain, or the distrustful beast inside me had any concerns to voice. One might think I was suddenly just normal, walking next to my equally normal girlfriend. It would be so much easier. But life never is, is it?
''Wow, nice teddybears.'' Rosalie voiced in place of a greeting, arms crossed and leaning into the doorframe of the house. She looked to Alice with a pointed look, before eyeing me again. ''So. Did Alice finally fail to keep her hands to herself this evening?''
On the face of it, she was just teasing us. But the stoic smile and lack of physical engagement seemed to disprove that. And she'd have been able to smell it a long ways off, if that had been what we'd done. Probably also on Alice, as she went into the house to get clothes. Rosalie wasn't stupid.
''I decided to show your sister the neat trick I showed you when we litteraly first met.'' I said in as monotone a voice I could, if only to tell her I noticed the faux pas.
''Oh really? Well, it seems you might be turning into quite the serial flasher then, I suppose. Should we alert the police? Or would that make things awkward with your dad?'' She asked, finally cracking a smile.
''Yeah, no. I've got enough awkward going on right now as it is.'' I responded, trying desperately to calm my body down, giving her an uneasy smile.
''Oh aren't the two of you just the cutest. Well, guess I gotta get back to check on your other girl. When I was done with her, she was trembling.'' Rosalie said with an exaggerated wink.
I can feel my cheeks heat up with that, and Alice just giggles beside me, letting me go before pressing against my back, pushing me towards the door. I could feel her breathing into my hair as she hugged me from behind, hands around my waist. Feeling her stiffen up as she inhaled again...
Only to be interrupted by the blaring of the phone in my pocket ringing, drawing my ire. As I cross the threshold of the house, I pick the phone out and see that it's Charlie calling, but the clock isn't even seven yet.
''Hey dad. What's up?'' I answer, leaning back into Alice, taking comfort in her proximity.
''Hey Bells. Sorry if I'm interrupting something, but you have a visitor. He says it's urgent.'' He sounded exasperated. Not sure I blame him.
''Jake again? Can't he call me himself?'' I respond in kind, but I can't find it in me to feel mad.
''Apparently, due to your politicking, he had to run away from home.'' Charlie practically growled the words, and I felt a sting of remorse.
''...Sorry. Tell him I'll be there as soon as I can. Bye dad.''
-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx-
AN: You know the drill. If anything seems off, or if you have any concerns, please voice them.