Chapter 17: Lockhart's Follies

DaughterOfIris23 is the beta for this chapter. Due to real life issues, I am down to one beta.

HP-BTVS-HP-BTVS

"You know, Xander, you could just use roosters to kill the snake," Joyce said as they drank their morning coffee. She was taking a break from being the castle, but she had half her attention on the restroom. If that sink even dripped, she'd be there.

"Why would I need roosters?" Xander inquired. "You mean that's true? I thought it was something someone like Lockhart made up."

"Well, yes it's true," she said a bit startled that he wouldn't believe it. "I remember all the weird things that went on in Sunnydale, how could you not believe this one?" she asked, perplexed.

"Joyce, you should know that I can't believe everything I read. I mean, yeah there was some bizarre stuff in Sunnydale, but do you know how many times we thought the easy way would save us, only to find out someone lied?" he said in frustration.

"No, remember I wasn't 'in the know' for most of your exploits," she replied, with a lifted eyebrow. "You had been fighting the creatures of the night three years before Buffy brought me in. If you remember I died two years after that. I only know that sometimes the easiest is correct."

"Oh, right. I keep forgetting. Sorry," he added sheepishly. It was hard to remember she had been kept in the dark for so long. He wondered if it had anything to do with the Sunnydale Syndrome, because some of the excuses Buffy came up with for being out late, or blood on her shirt, were very lame.

"Anyway, yes that bit about the rooster is true. You could use those recording stones and put them in the room below and the restroom. That way if the snake does appear, they'll kill it without a fight," she suggested, taking a sip of her coffee. "I missed this when I came back in time. There was no coffee at Hogwarts in the Middle Ages, and by the time there was, I was a sleeping building," she mused quietly as she took another sip.

"Yeah, coffee is God's gift to mankind, bar Twinkies, because Twinkies is above all. Still, what I wouldn't have given for that easy of a solution to have happened on graduation day," he said with a sigh. The fact that the mayor turned into a huge snake and killed a great many of the graduating students still pissed him off. A rooster crowing and killing that monster would have been a godsend. Though he still got a bit of a thrill blowing up the school, hurray for soldier boy's memories. "Okay, I'll go down to Hagrid's and do the recording."

They finished their coffee right when the kids came down. Joyce greeted each child with a hug and then reabsorbed. Xander, and his ever-growing group of children, waited for the rest of Gryffindor. They all made their way to the Great Hall. It had been many weeks and there had been no sightings or petrifying. The school was starting to relax, some of the kids taken home were coming back. The longer it was quiet the more they thought the danger was gone. Xander didn't relax one iota. He knew better and made sure the teachers and goblins stayed alert as well.

While the kids ate, he ran to Hagrid's and got the recording. He was back just in time to hear Gilderoy tell his false tale, yet again.

Lockhart, being the idiot that he was, continued to take credit for running the beast off. His stories grew with each telling. When asked for proof, he just brushed it off and said that he didn't want to frighten anyone. Xander was getting tired of the fop, but so far, he was sticking to the textbook, even if they still weren't doing any practical work. Still, most of the kids formed study groups and practiced with supervision. The ones fretting the most were the OWL and NEWT students, but Flitwick held study groups for them, after the mandatory classes on Saturday.

The state of emergency was lifted, slightly. They could now go to the grounds, but only in groups. Since it was getting colder and snow was in the air, most declined.

Harry was with Luna every chance he got. He had recruited a few girls from all ages to keep an eye on her. He felt drawn to her in a way, like she was a long-lost twin, or something. He wanted to make sure that she was safe. Her quirky ways only endeared her more to him. He was the first to understand that she was a seer. She saw a lot. Most of it didn't make sense to her young mind, so she invented some fanciful creatures, derived from her father's writings, to help her cope. It was this understanding that helped Hermione live with the girl better.

Ginny volunteered to stay with Luna when she could. The poor girl was driven crazy by her brothers and wanted a break, that and she got to see Harry. So, she was seen in the 'house' at least twice a week.

Xander kept an eye on the second-year Slytherin that missed the Halloween feast, and was actually starting to worry about the child. They looked ill and had lost a bit of weight. They seemed to be angry at something and were snapping at everyone. Which, Xander was told, was very out of character for them. However, the child had done nothing wrong, and was now being more pleasant. Perhaps, he had given up on releasing the basilisk.

It was around Christmas that Lockhart decided to have a dueling club. His tales of the basilisk had boosted his ego so much that he wanted to show off. It was scheduled for the weekend before the break. Xander and all the other teachers were there to supervise.

The day of the event arrived, and the Great Hall was packed with star struck girls and grumpy boys. The teachers, and Xander, were waiting for the amusement to start.

"Can everyone see me?" Lockhart asked as he swaggered onto the dueling platform, dressed in a salmon-colored suit. With a lavender open-faced robe. His blond hair was coffed perfectly. His smile was brighter than usual.

"I wish we couldn't," Xander called back. "Who picks your wardrobe?"

"Yes, well, today I am here to show… teach you a few things that will help you if you are in trouble. One of the first spells will be the disarming spell."

"How is that going to help us with the snake? Is it going to be carrying a wand?" Harry heckled. Because of this man's bragging, everyone knew the monster was a basilisk. They had been hoping to keep it quiet. The teachers were not supposed to tell.

"If done correctly the disarming spell will repel someone away from you long enough for you to get away," was the flustered answer.

"Can't we use the Knockback Jinx?" asked a first-year Ravenclaw.

"Well yes, but don't you want to learn something new?"

"I think I'd like to learn something that will save my life," the little girl replied.

"Nevertheless, we are going to learn the disarming spell," Lockhart said, gathering his wits about him and trying to wrestle back control. "Mr. Harris, perhaps you will join me in a demonstration?" he said sweetly. Gilderoy had never seen that man do any magic, and he figured this might take him down a peg or two.

"Sure, whatever," Xander said, jumping onto the stage.

"Now don't worry children, I won't hurt your Head of Security," the fop said, brandishing his wand. He stood sideways and aimed it toward the unarmed man. "Expelliarmus," he yelled, only for Xander to move. "Did you see him move?" the man asked rhetorically. "Now, Mr. Harris, I need you to stand still, so that they can see how effective the spell is," he chastised.

"Not going to happen," Xander replied. "Only a fool would let you hit them with any spell," he said, smirking at the man.

"Come now, my good man, how will the children learn?"

"They can duck too," was the answer.

"From a basilisk?"

"A basilisk won't be throwing spells. Besides, if they see the snake, they should run and hide in the smallest hole they can find," Xander said, folding his arms defiantly. Though wizards weren't known for being physical. He had Harry, Hermione and Neville in the gym every morning. He tried getting Luna there, but she said she would not need it. And the way she said it, he believed her. The girl was strange. Still the average wizard, or witch, did little to improve themselves bodily. He had opened his gym to everyone, and only a few muggleborns that had played sports before Hogwarts, took him up on it.

"Okay. Let's get some of you up here to see what you have learned," Gilderoy said, in a bad attempt to change the subject.

"No, I think this is enough for this year. Perhaps, next year, we can try again," Xander rebutted, jumping off the stage. "Professor Flitwick might be a better choice. Hopefully, by then the basilisk will be gone and we can have a proper club," he said as he grabbed Harry and made for the door. A great many kids following. Only the ever dwindling fanbase stayed. Including Hermione. When asked later what went on, she said the man told more of his stories. Even the hearts in her eyes were getting smaller.

Christmas came and Xander and Harry went home to celebrate with the Grangers, they would be back Christmas day. They were happy in their home and wanted to make sure the final inspection from the caseworker went off without a hitch. They spent the better part of the first day back cleaning the house. When they went to bed they woke up to an even cleaner house.

"Who do you think did this?" Harry asked, as he looked at the sparkling floors and counters of the kitchen. It was so clean the appliances looked like they were giving off their own light.

"I'd guess to say Dobby. He might think that if this goes through, we will be too happy to return to Hogwarts, or something like that," Xander guessed.

"He is one strange fellow," Harry sighed.

"I'm going to dirty the place up a bit. You can help by smudging the fridge and stove. This just looks unnatural."

"Okay, Xander." Then they worked on mussing up the house they had spent the day before cleaning. It was much easier than straightening it.

The caseworker was impressed with the house, them, and the whole situation. They were cleared for adoption. Since the papers had been filed and were only waiting for her go-ahead, they went the next day and signed them. In the non-magical world, they were now a small, but happy, family.

Christmas Eve the Grangers, the Longbottoms and Luna, who was staying with the Grangers, were all gathered to celebrate. They had a wonderful time, drinking cocoa, opening presents, and eating the huge dinner the two males cooked. Christmas day, all but the Grangers went to Hogwarts, Augusta was there on Minerva's invitation. The magical adoption was done and celebrated as well. The family grew.

Harry was the happiest he had ever been. He now had the family he had always wanted. He had no problem calling Xander 'Dad' now and then. Xander and Joyce were just as happy. They were grateful they could protect and love the boy. Xander more so, knowing what it was like to live the life that he did. Many times, as a child, he wanted a new family, now he could give that deep wish to someone special.

When the kids came back from break, no new sightings were seen, and life moved on.

Now it was time for the Gryffindor/Slytherin game, Xander opted to stay in the castle, since he had made the field safer. The Weasley twins assured him they'd keep an eye on Harry.

The game was going strong, and the score was 160-20, Gryffindor. Harry was not overly concerned with finding the snitch but was on the lookout in any case. He zoomed across the top of the field, and was watching the Chasers score another ten points, when suddenly he felt the need to duck. So, he did. A bludger passed where his head would have been. There was something off about that ball. It came around and aimed at Harry again. The youngest Seeker took off like a bat out of hell. He zipped and swerved, doing what he could to avoid being hit. The iron ball followed.

He was passing the Gryffindor stands, and realized he needed to get the bludger away from the crowd. So, he shot straight up in the air, but not before he heard Hermione's, "Harry, look out!"

He glanced behind him, and the rogue ball was gaining speed. Suddenly one of the twins appeared and hit the ball away. Harry stopped to see what would happen and when the ball turned again and avoided the Beater, he took off. "Someone get Xander!" he yelled as he passed the middle goal.

Wood saw the bludger chasing his Seeker and called a time out.

Something gold flitted across Harry's field of vision, so he set off after it. If he was going to be doing crazy flying, he might as well catch the snitch. Draco Malfoy was soon giving chase as well.

"Malfoy, call it off. There's a rogue bludger after me!" he called to the other Seeker.

"Piss off, Potter," was the ever so polite return.

"Your death," was the rejoinder.

And the two followed the uneven flight of the golden ball.

The bludger, in the meantime, was still chasing Harry, and when the young boy was slammed into by his rival, he took a minute to straighten out his broom. He was just about to break his promise to Xander and fly without one, when his shoulder was hit from the iron ball.

That hurt, badly. And it knocked him off his broom. He fell to the ground and was thankful when the cushioning charm made him bounce, partly. It still hurt like the dickens. He was pretty sure his shoulder was dislocated, and the bouncing didn't help. Still, it was better than broken. He was about to get up when the ball came at his face. He moved to the right and stood up. The ball slammed into the ground and bounced as well. Madam Hooch came and wrestled the ball into the game box and now the threat was over.

Malfoy caught the snitch, but it didn't count since the game had been called. They would have to replay it the next weekend. That didn't stop the blond boy from gloating.

Harry could see Xander running from the castle with Dumbledore and McGonagall close behind. He also saw Madam Pomfrey coming to the field, when he smelled some overpowering aftershave. Lockhart. He quickly turned, grimacing in pain, and backed away. The cushioned field was not easy to walk on, his feet sank with every step, but he moved as quickly as he could.

"Come now, Harry, I can fix this," the fop said, holding his wand towards Harry's useless shoulder.

"That's okay, Professor, it's only dislocated," Harry replied, holding his good hand as if to ward the man off.

"Nonsense, it is a simple spell. Hold still now."

Harry quickly turned to prevent the spell hitting him, when suddenly his good arm went dead. It was completely useless as well. The bones from the shoulder down were gone. And he was having a hard time breathing. His world went dark, right when Poppy came to him.

He came back to the land of the living, to hear Xander yelling at Lockhart. "You're fired. You have twenty minutes to get your things and get off my land. If you are not gone, I will personally take great pleasure in killing you… slowly. If I were you, I'd run."

The man went to protest, but Xander pulled his axe out of his pocketspace, and Lockhart changed his mind. The faux blond ran from the infirmary and was soon seen running out the gates.

"Why did you wait until now to fire him?" Joyce wondered.

"Because if Harry died, so would have he. I'm going to have him arrested, but right now he is given a false sense of security. He'll think that because he's not at Hogwarts he'll be safe. He's wrong," Xander answered, turning back to Harry and seeing his son awake.

"Do we know what happened?" Harry inquired.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was Dobby. I'll be paying a visit to Malfoy Manor soon. But first, how are you feeling?"

"Worse than I felt when I started. What did that man do to me?"

"He vanished most of the upper bones on your left side. Your muscles were pressing on your lungs and heart. If Poppy hadn't gotten there so quickly, you'd be dead. Sorry, but I don't want to sugar coat it. You're fine now. She's got a spell, like paralysis, to keep them all in place while the bones grow back. You're going to be here a few days."

"Bugger."

"There will be no need to call the Aurors, though you can if you want. The Magical Medical Counsel will be here in the morning. They take a dim view on those that practice medicine without license. He'll see some time in Azkaban," Poppy said as she bustled towards them.

"Are we sure that is necessary?" Dumbledore asked from where he had been sitting observing the interaction with the Boy-Who-Lived and his guardian.

"Don't be foolish, Albus, of course it is," the matron replied, waving her wand over Harry to make sure her spells were working properly still. "You know as well as I do, that man broke the law."

"Dumbledore, perhaps you have someone who can take the DADA post," Xander suggested, hoping the man would just go away and do his job.

"I do have a man in mind," the old man replied. "It will take a few days to get ahold of him, but I am sure that once he learns that Harry is here, he will come and help."

"Oh?" the wolf-eyed man inquired, not sure if he wanted someone that knew Harry here right now.

"A friend of his parents. I will send the note posthaste," Albus said as he turned and left before more questions were asked.

"Harry…" Xander stopped when he noticed the boy was fast asleep. "Well, Joyce, Poppy, you two keep an eye on Harry. I have a man to visit." He then disappeared.

First, he went to the Ministry, and got the address he needed. Then he vanished from there and went to the house he wanted. He appeared in the bedroom of the peacock posing as a man. Conjuring a knife of ice, with a wooden handle, he slowly made his way to the sleeping man. He enveloped his face in a cloud of darkness and pressed the knife to Malfoy's neck. "Lucius," he sing-songed in his best British accent, which had improved greatly.

Malfoy woke with a start and opened his eyes wide as he felt something sharp on his neck, and what felt like blood trickle down. He didn't dare move.

"You've been a bad boy, Lucius," Xander said, shrouded in darkness with only his yellow eyes glowing in the dark.

"I've done nothing," the scared man protested, though his eyes showed just how worried he was. There were a great many things he was guilty of. Who knew what this unknown man knew?

"Oh, but you have, and you know it. Tell me what's going on at the castle. If you tell the truth you might live," Xander said in a threatening manner.

"How would I know what goes on at the school?" Lucius tried to reason, there was a note of resignation in his voice, as if he would rather die now, then when his Master returned.

"You are on the Board of Governors, it's your job to know," was the dark reply.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I see to the budget not the day to day running. Talk to Dumbledore, it's his job."

Seeing as he wasn't going to get and answer this way, Xander pressed the knife harder into the man's neck. He would kill him now, if he had any proof, but this was not the time. "If I find out that you have done anything to anyone in that school, I will personally come and take your head. I hope you know that I'm not playing around. I could kill you now and no one would know." The melting ice trickled down the man's neck faster.

"I swear I know nothing," Lucius said, knowing that he'd rather be dead than tortured by the Dark Lord when, if, he returned. Nothing this person could do to him would even come close.

"Fine have it your way, but heed my warning. Now, I want you to call all your house elves in here and free them. I don't care how many you have, just do it."

That confused the man greatly. He felt the knife press harder and immediately call the three elves to his room. "I need socks," he croaked, sure that he was bleeding to death.

One of the elves quickly gave the man four pairs of socks.

"Dobby, Sessy, Sham, I give you clothes," Malfoy said, tossing each elf a sock as he spoke, his neck was now covered in liquid.

"All of you, go to Hogwarts," Xander ordered. After they left, he started to intimidate the frightened man. "If I find you have done anything else to threaten my son, you won't see me coming," he threatened, and then disappeared.

He learned later that Malfoy made a fool of himself at St. Mungo's, claiming that he was bleeding to death, when nothing was wrong with him, but a bit of water. He laughed his ass off when he got that news. The man had also called the Aurors and tried to have Xander arrested. That fell through as well, since he was uninjured and there was no proof it was him, but the glowing yellow eyes. He called the elves to him and gave them the choice of bonding with him, or the castle. Sessy and Sham chose the castle, but Dobby, now that he could protect Harry in the open, chose Xander.

Harry wasn't sure how he felt about that. The elf had tried to kill him, after all. Still Dobby's excitableness was a bit catchy, so eventually he just went with the flow. Luna was overwhelmed with pleasure that the elf would be there fulltime. She foresaw that he would be a great bonus to the family.

They had asked Dobby what the great threat was, but the elf only knew that his ex-master had given a dark book to someone.

Hpbtvshpbtvs

A few days later Luna about gave Xander a heart attack. She came to him one night and asked, "Xander, can I call you Dad?"

"What about your real dad?" was his confused reply.

"Professor Flitwick took me home after the incident, and Daddy was not really well. He has been taken to St. Mungo's to heal," she answered, her large eyes wide and wet with sadness. "I have a feeling he's going to be there a long time. Something broke in him when Mummy died."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Xander asked, very concerned about this new development.

"It wasn't time for you to know," came the vague reply.

"Okay. That's not what you came to ask, so spill."

"I need your help to publish the latest addition of the Quibbler."

"Quibbler?"

"My family newspaper," she said handing over the rough draft of the aforementioned paper. "My Daddy has been running it alone since Mummy died. He taught me a lot on how to put it together. It was really the only thing we bonded over. It seems that he threw himself into printing it in her memory. That's what the healers said. Now that he is sick, I need to keep it going."

"Ok… and why do you need my help?"

"I just need an adult's signature and Daddy is in hospital," she said, settling on the couch and snuggling into her newfound father.

Xander sighed and looked through the papers she handed him. he was quite impressed that she put it all together by herself. He handed them back and said, "You did a really good job, sweetie, but I want to see it all before you print."

"Thanks, Xander Dad," she said and went to put it all together. It only needed to be type-faced and laid out.

The next evening Xander was handed a copy of the next edition of The Quibbler to read while Dora was over for her weekly fun time with Harry and his friends. It was quite amusing, a conspiracy rag of sorts. Xander had done a little research and spoke to Dora and Minerva to see if there was anything to worry about. But he had been assured that most people thought it was a joke paper.

The articles that piqued Xander's interest were the nature watch articles. Piqued in so far that he went deathly pale and nearly had Joyce put the castle on lockdown.

"Luna, honey, where did you see these… Crumple-Horned Snorkacks?" he asked, holding a drawn picture of the beast.

"In my dreams. They're very cute. Daddy and I were going to go on an expedition to see if we could find them when I was older," she explained, with innocent wide eyes.

Xander paled. The things did look very cute. With golden shining eyes, round body and white fur, and a sharp yet crumpled silver horn on the forehead. "Luna, under no circumstances are you to go searching for these creatures without a fully trained Harry, myself and two squads of US Seals," he said seriously, cursing the fact that there were no Slayers here.

"But why? They are cute," she asked with a pout.

"It's a disguise. I came across these guys back home once. One of them decimated an entire village and it took a whole group of Slayers to kill it. They use that horn to impale you before sucking out your innards. They're very fast and hard to see as they are like chameleons," he explained, hoping she got the drift. "I really hope that they don't exist in this world, because if they do, we are in a lot of trouble."

Luna's bottom lip quivered.

"Luna, how about I write up the details of any encounter I know of about this creature. It'll make great sales. Think of it, an adventurer stalking through the jungle and capturing these deadly beasts. The readers will eat it up," he offered instead. He really didn't want her to go looking for them. They were that dangerous.

The water works dried up and the bottom lip stilled. Luna suddenly grinned. "Okay," she said, and bounced happily away.

"I think you've just been played," Dora said with a smirk.

Xander sighed. "Wouldn't be the first time."

"Are they real? I've never heard of them, and I've had to read on the deadliest of beast to be an Auror," the Metamorphmagus inquired.

"Oh, they're real alright, but I get the feeling my new daughter is seeing into different worlds. Like through a camera, or a window. She sees them and then tells people about them. I'm sure you've heard her speak of Nargles," he explained, shuddering of the thought of some of the things from his world coming here. He really hoped not.

"Yeah, are they real too?"

"They are dimension hoppers, like the goblins. They're invisible to the naked eye. There are some glasses that can help you see them, but they are there. They are just like Luna says, they muddle the mind. It's a good thing they actually only infest those that are dimwitted, and only for a short period of time. Not really dangerous, but annoying. Think of them as parasites, like a mosquito. They come in grab a bite and leave, leaving you confused and irritated. It's easy to get rid of them, you just have to learn to drive them away with your thoughts," he said, once more picking up the Quibbler and rereading some of the articles.

"Oh, it looks like I'm going to have to pay better attention to the Quibbler," Dora said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, but be assured that most of these things are in worlds where they can be killed, by apex predators, like Slayers and such."

"Yeah, okay," she said distractedly as she looked over his shoulder to read with him.