AUTHORS NOTE: Another quick update due to the fact this was originally part of the last chapter - Enjoy!

CHAPTER 88

(ANA)

I look around the room, everything has gone very well I think, Caroline has said as much but for me it has gone a little too well. Everyone was so civilised and polite, which I suppose is how it should be but considering how upset Elliot was I just wonder if everyone was holding back a little. I just hope that Grace really does turn things around with El and Meg and stops treating Meg like Kate.

I glance at Mia, she seemed to be the only one who didn't hold back, and I was astounded by her astute observations. For years she had appeared to be so self-absorbed and uncaring of anyone else other than herself and yet she nailed everything today, and her empathy has been astounding. I know Meg and Lucy's influence on her has made her a nicer person, and I wonder if the previous self-centred closed off Mia was all somewhat of a protective barrier against the world because she had noticed so much.

I look at Christian he has been unusually quiet throughout, and Mia's comments about the fact he wouldn't say anything against Grace because he still felt he owed her for adopting him made me think. After Eva and I had confronted Grace and Carrick previously and they had come and talked to Christian, both Eva and I had this lingering resentment with regard to Grace's negligence – for want of a better word towards Christian. Despite her explanation as to why she didn't do more for him we still felt she could've and should've and we both believe Christian let her off lightly then as he simply told her he didn't blame her and while I felt he really did let her off lightly I also accepted that it was ultimately Christian's decision. Christian still has a huge negative attitude towards himself despite all the progress he has made with Caroline, and I can't help but wonder if he really does fear saying anything which could upset Grace for fear that it would turn her against him. Ultimately, I just want what's best for him and the thought he is swallowing his resentment to keep the peace doesn't sit well with me, but I also know he has made his peace with that time in his life. Elliot has voiced his views and Grace appears to have taken his issues on board and I think she was totally stunned with Mia's assessment of everything.

I think of what Christian said and Mia's response and those words keep going through my mind on a loop; 'I've told you I don't blame you for anything that happened growing up… do I feel that you put work first as we were growing up? Maybe, to a degree yes you did. But I also accepted it as it was your career that saved me, if I hadn't met you that night when the police took me to the hospital I wouldn't be where I am today end of story' Christian had said and Mia had immediately responded with 'You also wouldn't have spiralled out of control in your teenage years and ended up falling into Elena's hands, which fucked you up even more than you already were'.

As I continue to mull over those words, I hear Eva speak, "Christian, do you resent the fact more wasn't done to help you overcome your issues when you were a child?" It is almost as if she had read my mind and voiced what I was thinking. I feel Christian freeze which tells me he does but is not willing to admit it and so I reach for his hand.

Then Mia who is also watching him closely interjects, "I think… I think he does, but is too afraid to say so. As I said previously, he doesn't want to upset mom because he still believes he owes her for adopting him… he said as much when he almost told us how he really felt, but slammed a lid on it by saying he accepted the fact mom's career came first because it was her career that saved him".

Mia pauses and looks at Christian meaningfully, "Christian I love you, you and I have always had this special bond. Yes, I fucked it up a bit recently when I was horrible to Ana and you rightfully protected her because she is, and is rightfully so the most important person in your life now. But you are important too Christian, you live in fear of upsetting and causing pain to those who you love most in case they reject you and you get abandoned again and that's not right. Look how you back peddled and apologised for what you had said after you told me how it was when I upset Ana? Mom needs to hear that she fucked up", she pauses and looks at Grace and then at Carrick, "I'll start the ball rolling here, mom, dad you fucked up! You fucked up with all of us. You dismissed El as being happy and ok, but didn't look closer to see he really wasn't and that he was desperate for your love and attention which you failed to show because you were too wrapped up in your careers. Then you expanded your family which made him feel even more pushed out. You spoilt me, I was your little princess who you showered with gifts and money and made me a spoilt materialistic self-centred brat but once again the only thing you didn't shower us with was your time. But it was Christian who you let down most of all, you let Christian down severely. He needed you the most with the issues he had from what he'd been through but you abdicated that responsibility on to therapists who he was scared of and didn't trust. You should've at least got Christian to a place where he tolerated touch from everyone, you knew how to do it because you have the medical knowhow. That way he wouldn't have spiralled out of control when he became a teenager and would not have been vulnerable to Elena's influence. I think… I think you thrived on the fact Christian was just so 'grateful' to you both for adopting him, and he clearly adored you and wanted to please you so much that, that boosted your ego and made you feel as though you were brilliant parents and it made you forget to help him".

Everyone gasps at that outburst, I am shocked and actually hadn't considered that viewpoint that Christian fed Grace's ego. It sounds completely shocking. I glance at Grace and Carrick and they both look uncomfortable which makes me even more shocked as it appears from their reaction that Mia is correct. I look at Eva and she shrugs, and I am guessing she agrees with Mia on this.

"Mia" Christian says warningly but Mia holds up her hand and shakes her head.

"No Christian, you said nothing was out of bounds, you said we had to say what we felt and this is truly what I feel".

Elliot shrugs, "For what it's worth, I agree with Mia. All your life you have fed both mom and dad's ego, by just doing what you have done. I mean look at you now, you are a successful businessman who is obscenely wealthy and who has massive power and influence in the business world. You don't mean to tell me that mom and dad don't capitalise on that reputation you've built. But I remember that time when you were at Harvard, again you were feeding mom and dad's ego, our boy a Harvard graduate, but you killed that one dead and look how dad reacted when you told them you were dropping out. He told you your business would fail and he was furious that you had taken his dream away of having a Harvard graduate. Going back even further to when we were kids, you have to remember that I was there when Christian first arrived and he was pathetic" he pauses and looks at Christian apologetically, "Sorry bro but you were, you were this thin weedy little scrap who was frightened of everything. Admittedly mom and dad had to tread carefully when you first arrived, and I totally get that as if they'd bombarded you too much you would've freaked out completely, but when Mia arrived you changed bro. You just blossomed, you started to talk and you didn't freak out when you held Mia and she touched you. Both mom and dad saw this change but they didn't capitalise on it, they just rejoiced that you were talking and accepting some kind of touch, and it fed their ego that you were finally coming around. However, it is Mia who has to have all the credit for the fact you came as far as you did when you were a kid as mom and dad didn't do anything. They didn't use that milestone to build on and make you more confident and reassured of your place within the family". He pauses again and bites his lip, "Because they didn't do anything it made you vulnerable to further abuse in your teens and… and… this is going to be controversial but I'd go as far as saying in a way, Elena did help you".

"Elliot no!" Grace exclaims.

"For Gods sake Elliot, no, that woman was a paedophile, she was a monster" Carrick says clearly horrified by his words.

I look at Christian and he looks totally uncomfortable, then I glance at Mia but she is nodding her head in agreement with Elliot.

Christian shakes his head adamantly and Elliot holds up his hand, "Hear me out, I am not saying here that it wasn't abuse, I don't condone anything that monster did to him. We sat and we heard everything in the trial, it was sickening what she did and there is no doubt that it was abuse. I mean… fucking hell… I mean who entices a fifteen-year-old child into a fucked-up life of whips and sex? Plus, I want to make this really, really clear you are not to blame for anything Christian, you were just stumbling through life looking for something to latch on to, to give your life focus and as far as you were concerned Elena gave you that".

I go cold at his words as it mirrors exactly what Christian had said to me, when I was trying to get him to accept the fact that he had been abused. He had told me his life had come into focus for the first time and that is why it took him so long to accept the fact it was abuse and not help. I listen as Elliot continues.

"But… and here is the thing, it changed him, he was spiralling out of control, he was brawling, he got expelled from about three high schools with his aggressive out of control behaviour and he was heading down the path of alcoholism and had she not taken him and got her claws into him there is a very good chance he would've ended up like his birth mom… sorry bro but that is what I believe," Elliot says. He stops a moment and then sighs, "But look what happened - once again he changed, just like how Mia had a massive influence on him and his behaviour when he was a little kid, so you have to admit Elena did the same. He turned it all around practically overnight. Yes, it was abuse but it also stopped him self-destructing. He stopped brawling and he completely turned his life around. It was that fucked up influence that had that monumental affect on him, and it was just as monumental as Mia's was years previously… and just like years previously you and dad were just so overjoyed that something positive had happened you ignored everything else, just like you ignored the opportunity Mia's influence had presented you with to help him overcome his issues you also ignored what had caused the change in his behaviour when he was a teenager. So just think mom if you and dad hadn't concentrated on your careers and farmed him out to therapist after therapist who did nothing for him and had just put the effort in and helped him yourselves… just think how different things could've been, he could've been fixed far earlier and not gone off the rails and not fallen into the hands of a paedo".

"Please Elliot, please just stop" Christian says.

I grip his hand as he blindly reaches for me and he pulls me towards him and buries his nose in my hair. I hold him for a moment before I pull away and look up at him.

"Christian, sweetheart stop it. You are fine, you are safe and everything is good. Just listen to your brother and your sister. They love you so much and you know what, they are just voicing everything I have ever thought. This is exactly what I have thought ever since I have been with you. This is a good thing and you are not to blame for anything". I pause and look at Mia and Elliot, "I wonder if you two also have not liked to say anything until now out of fear of what would happen if you did? Did you worry that Christian or maybe Grace and Carrick would turn against you? But today you finally feel safe in voicing what you have always thought mainly because Christian said earlier that it was ok to do so?" I ask.

I see the stunned looks on their faces and realisation dawning on them both.

Eva looks between us all, "This is fucking deep shit" she says bluntly and I smile at that assessment. I look at Grace and see she looks absolutely devastated and I feel a degree of sympathy for her and Carrick as this cannot be pleasant to hear your failings to be so bluntly highlighted. Carrick has his arm around her but he also looks as though he has had the stuffing kicked out of him.

"I just want to say one more thing" Elliot says and he smiles at me.

"The negative part of Elena's influence was that you became a closed off asshole with a rod up your ass so far it was practically coming out of your mouth. You pulled away from us all and were not a nice person to know bro, but then someone else came into your life and once again you monumentally changed, this time for the better. Ana, your influence on him has been the most profound, because you have done what mom and dad failed to do. You really and meaningfully helped him, plus you got him out of Elena's manipulative orbit and got him to open his eyes to the fact he was abused and you encouraged him to help put her away. You have helped him get himself a proper therapist who really wants to help him and not just fleece him, he has been getting proper help and a proper diagnosis – a name for what his issues are, and the change in him has been massive as a result. But him getting that proper help and a proper diagnosis has also helped us which has in turn helped us learn how to deal with it. After you told us that day what the diagnosis you were given was, I looked it up and while it sounded horrific and there was a lot of negativity surrounding it, I also found a lot of useful information and I've learnt bro… I've educated myself, and so has Mia, right Mia?"

Elliot looks at Mia and she nods, "I have" she replies.

"You have also helped him more or less overcome his haphephobia" Elliot continues. "You have made him much more engaged with the family – so work your magic one more time and get him to finally admit and acknowledge that mom and dad failed him".

Christian takes a deep breath, "Mom, dad and I have already discussed this previously" he says and I can tell he is getting more and more wound up and I don't want him exploding and storming out.

I look at Christian and I know there is no way he will do that, and in that moment I realise that while deep down I would like him to do just that, in good conscience I can't do what Elliot is asking and I am not going to encourage it. It is something Christian has to come to terms with in his own time and not be railroaded into. So, I look apologetically at Elliot and shake my head, and as I grip Christian's hand tightly I explain my reasoning. "While I completely agree with everything you have said with regard to your childhood and Christian's teenage years. I won't do that because Christian has already made his peace with that time and he had a long talk with Carrick and with Grace when I had previously made similar observations to what you and Mia have said today".

I feel Christian almost sag as I say this, and I continue. "Carrick has acknowledged he had made massive failings with Christian and I'm sure you won't mind me saying this Christian?..." I pause and look at him questioningly as I seek his permission to say what I want to say next and he nods his head at me giving me permission to continue, "…but Christian and Carrick's relationship has improved massively they made their peace over his failings and their relationship is solid now and they are far closer than they have ever been. Grace apologised for hers and Christian accepted that and has come to terms with it, so while I think while it was brilliant that you and Mia felt it was the right time to air your views and I wholeheartedly thank you for doing so, as it validates my own and confirms the opinions I held. You two were there and it also affected you as you lived through it, so it is right you say what you think as that is what today is all about. But I won't force Christian to admit anything, because he has already come to terms with it in his own time and in his own way and I believe that in a way he has cleared the air with his dad and he talked things over with his mom and he made peace with it".

Mia smiles at me, "Then I accept that and I thank you for everything you have done for Christian as you have done more for him in the three years you have known him than mom and dad have done with him in the last 30 odd" she says.

Elliot also nods, "Ok I can live with that" he says simply.

I look at Grace and Carrick, "How are you two doing?" I ask carefully.

Grace just bursts into tears and Carrick increases his hold on her, trying to offer what comfort he can.

He looks up and licks his lips nervously, "I… I had no idea that we had failed so spectacularly and that you all held so much resentment. I accept everything you have said, as now it has so clearly been pointed out and looking at it from your perspective I can see just where we went wrong over the years. As Ana has said, Christian and I have talked extensively and we have put to bed everything regarding our… negligence towards him and I sincerely hope that we can do the same with you two, either privately or with professional help?" he asks and looks at Caroline as he says this.

Elliot and Mia nod their heads adamantly.

"That is what we want" Mia says simply.

"Absolutely" Elliot adds.