Time should have been passing by in a blur with no moment clear and distinctive. Thorneshouldn't be aware of his surroundings, the noises around him, the snippets of conversation between Cinder, Iko and Wolf. He should be in a trance-like state, just trudging along in whateverdirection they pulled him.

He should be lost and silent and wary, with minutes turning into hours in the blink of an eye.

Instead, Thorne was hyperaware of every single second that passed since they left Cress behind in the hangar.

Since he left her behind in the hangar.

He clenched his fists until they hurt. He let himself feel it for another thirty-six seconds before he had to pull himself into another maglev train. Then another three minutes and twenty seconds until they exited it again. Forty-one minutes of aimless walking the underground. One minute and eleven seconds until they switched to another maglev train route to throw anyone who might follow them off their trail.

It had been three hours and fifty-one minutes since they lost Cress. His brain conjured all the scenarios in which she was found by guards, by thaumaturges, by the queen herself and what they would do to her then.

Blinking the unbidden images away, Thorne tried and failed to imagine a hopeful scenario. Maybe she found her way back into Kai's ship. She was a shell, they could miss her if they didn't spot her somewhere in the hangar. Maybe she ...

... was already dead.

No!

Thorne directed his eyes at the wall everyone else was staring at,hastily scratched out messages reinforcing the danger of the people he had left her to face alone. Iko read one aloud: Have you seen my son? He heard himself talk about regolith dust but his mind was solely focused on the scribbles on the wall, looking for loved ones, people they lost. Name after name,written to be remembered. But Thorne only had eyes for the messages that would never be read by the ones they were intended for.

I'm still looking for you

They can't take you from my heart

Wherever you are, I'm with you

Come back to me - I'll wait. ALWAYS

I never told you I loved you

I'm sorry

Ice-cold hands clenched at his heart, pulling the breath out of him.

All these people, Lunars like Cress, maybe even shells like her ... lost.

Gone.

Maybe dead. Maybe worse.

For a split-second Thorne imagined himself writing on the wall too. His words, his loss, there for everyone to see. Cress's name engraved to join the others.

He shook his head, ridding himself of the thought. What would that accomplish? Nothing. Those words were useless. A sentiment of people who had given up. That wasn't Thorne's style though. He was a man of action.

Thorne had found Cress would do it again.

Cress wouldn't become a distant memory on that wall.

He heard Cinder and Iko whispering from across the tiny room where they had settled on the floor for the night. There weren't enough blankets or pillows, nevermind a guest mattress at Maha's tiny shack.

It was worse than prison but Thorne doubted he would sleep even if the floors had been cushioned with the finest silks. His body was heavy, aching from walking for hours, his shoulders and back tense from exhaustion. But his mind was wide awake, constantly trying to think of ways to go back and find Cress.

Without Cress, the revolution couldn't start, everyone knew that.

But what nobody knew was that, without Cress, he could hardly breathe.

"Thorne."

It wasn't a question which was why he didn't answer. He sat on the chipped rim of the tiny bathtub. The bathroom was the only place where one could have a bit of privacy.

It wasn't ... ideal.

Especially since four people frequented the bathroom to fulfill their various needs. Even Iko, if only to pose a bit in front of the mirror.

Because, priorities.

"Open the door."

Thorne sighed and unlocked the door. The bathroom was so small, he didn't even have to stand up to do so.

Cinder squeezed herself in. Almost as tall as he was, Cinder hardly fit into the room made for only one person at a time.

"I just wondered where you were." She fiddled with the loose doorknob. "I mean I knew you were in here. It's not like this a big place. And at first I thought you were doing your overly long beauty routines but then ..." she trailed off, still fixated on the doorknob.

Thorne didn't need to ask her to elaborate. While Maha had a small supply of toiletries, even some razors from her late husband, Thorne hadn't been able to bring himself to do anything but the bare minimum. His usually short hair had started to become shaggy, and his jaw and chin were grazed by a prominent stubble. He just had no energy to care about his appearance.

He studied Cinder who was still fiddling with the doorknob before she opened her cyborg finger to reveal the screwdriver inside and quickly fastened the doorknob back to its original position. If only everything was as easy to fix as that.

No one had brought up Cress in days. Not since the first maglev train where Cinder had tried ... he didn't even know what she had tried. To give him hope? Excuse her actions. He didn't know.

He didn't care.

It's as if everyone had just accepted that Cress was lost, the only regret being that she was the only one who had the video and knew how to broadcast it.

He would trade a thousand revolution-saving videos if only he would get Cress back. Even just to know she was still alive.

But even as he thought it, he knew he wouldn't. Cress wouldn't want it. She sacrificed herself for this revolution and he would never want to disappoint her. He owed it to her to continue. For her, for shells, for Luna and Earth. The planet she loved so much and dreamed about for so long.

None of this would he tell Cinder though. "I'm fine," he said instead. "Just needed a space to think."

"Okay, yes. We need to make a new plan. Come up witha strategy …" She shrugged half-heartedly, sounding unconvinced.

Still, Thorne nodded in agreement. "Exactly." They would find a way and they would find Cress.

He didn't dare to think about failing. With more bravado then he felt, he nodded again to Cinder, stood up and left the bathroom.

A warm breeze caressed his skin and he was suddenly aware how much he missed it on the ever-even atmosphere on Luna with its reprocessed oxygen. The change in the air, the wind, the scent. Everything around him was moving even as he sat still.

"Captain."

He looked over to the blurry figure next to him. For the longest time, Cress had been more voice than form and it took him a few moments to remember. Slowly, she came into focus, eyes as blue as the sky above them and sunshine hair. Her feet were bare and still a little bruised.

But she smiled as she buried her toes into the sand. "It's beautiful."

He knew what she meant. He had never seen the desert they tracked through and in his memory, it hadn't been a fun experience anyway. Dehydration, searing pain in his body, the feeling of helplessness and the slow realization that only one or two days more without a miracle would mean certain death for them both. The only moments where those feelings of dread and fear hadn't mattered was when he had been half-asleep, Cress's body pressed against his, providing him with warmth and security.

But the desert now was the amazing place he had seen in netdocumentaries. Endless dunes of yellow-red sand, curling in wavy patterns drawn by a soft breeze. Endless blue sky, a sun that warmed but didn't scorch his skin. Cacti, and far away, an oasis like the one they had stayed at while Cress recovered from her fever.

"It is," he agreed but he was only half-focused on the beautiful landscape before him. His attention was on Cress and the way she hummed to herself as she soaked in the sun.

He knew this was a dream. And he knew that he could continue to pretend that they were in the desert together right now. If he leaned down to kiss her, he knew with a certainty that tugged at his heart that she would lean into his touch and kiss him back. It would be nothing more than a fantasy but he could allow himself to enjoy it.

If only for a night. For a few wonderful hours he could pretend to be with Cress on Earth and forget everything else.

But he couldn't. For all of his lies and crimes, he had been a man, if not of honor, then of honesty. He couldn't lie to himself and he couldn't lie to her.

"I miss you."

A bell-like laugh. "But I'm right here with you, Captain." He never really heard Cress laugh before. A nervous giggle, maybe a chuckle. Whatever she sounded like now, it was fake. A product of his hassled mind.

He shook his head. "You're not. The best I can do is to hope you're out there, hidden and safe." Taking her hand in his, he brought it up to his lips. "I'll find you."

"Or maybe I'll find you."

He smiled. "I would like that."

"Okay." Her free hand found his cheek and he leaned into the soft touch. "Wait for me."

Other dreams weren't as pleasant and he had little control over them. There wasn't much to do in Maha's hut except join Cinder's fruitless planning, eat a meager meal consisting of crackers and rice, or sleep. So Thorne napped and slept and dreamed.

One time he woke up drenched in sweat, having dreamed he was back in the tunnels, writing Cress's name over and over again on the walls. Another time, he heard her singing but couldn't locate her and her songs turned into screams and still, he was running, searching and unable to find her as she cried in pain. He stood over her lifeless body, watched as her body burn into ashes as they gave him a plaque but it didn't bear her name as no one knew who she was and no one listened as he tried to tell them. Sometimes he left her behind in the desert to fend for herself, other times she was still in the satellite and he couldn't reach her with his ship and she was alone, not knowing that someone out there knew she was there, ready to rescue, protect and love her.

If Scarlet made it back in one piece (for the most part and really, what was a missing finger?), then there was hope for Cress. Nevermind the declared dead princess of Luna sitting in front of them, looking radiant even in clothes covered in dust and dried blood.

He felt for the stubble on his cheeks, suddenly feeling inadequate and dirty. Granted, Scarlet and Cinder weren't much to look at either at the moment and Wolf still looked as rugged as ever (which Thorne had to admit, worked in the other guy's favour) but now in the presence of a beauty like Winter – it hardly was acceptable.

He thought about Cress and how she had admitted that she had a pretty big crush from before they even met. She had fallen in love with the handsome Thorne, clean-shaven and styled hair, not someone looking like a hot mess in dirty linen clothes, sporting stubble and unruly hair that curled slightly at the ends. She would probably not fall in love with him right now … right? He suddenly he felt anything but handsome and dashing.

Then he caught what Winter was saying. Miniature friend? She didn't mean … Could she …?

He didn't care what it was Scarlet held in her hand, all he knew he had to touch it. It had been in Cress's hands, she was alive and safe! He shook the little cylinder as if Cress would fall out of it if he did.

Taking it from his hands, Cinder attached the cylinder to something in the wall and-

Cress appeared.

He stumbled through the room to face her and it felt like his chest imploded and released a pressure that had been steadily building over the last few days.

Her sweet voice swept over him, detailing how they could continue with the plan omitting anything that could give them away and once more, he was impressed by how smart and brave she was. Too brave for his taste, staying behind while she allowed Scarlet and Winter to escape. If only she had joined them, she would be here, right now, with him.

It took everything in him not to reach out to her. He knew he would only grasp air instead of soft skin and wavy hair.

She smiled sweetly. "I … miss you." He knew she meant all of them. Logically speaking he knew she missed them all, but he couldn't help but imagine she addressed him alone. That she missed him.

And just like that, she was gone.

All strength left him. His knees gave out and he sat on the floor watching the spot where her face had been just seconds ago, smiling at him. She was alive and safe for the moment. He wished she hadn't stayed behind (again) but he knew her well enough by now to know that this was her.

"Brave, stupid girl," he muttered.

Hoping she would be anything but selfless wouldn't be her. She was good and she inspired him to be as good and selfless as she was.

He let his focus shift to what the group discussing. Knowing Cress's safety was in Jacin's hands wasn't exactly ideal but it was nothing he couldn't handle. Cress was way smarter than Jacin, and Thorne would end Jacin if he ever harmed Cress.

It didn't matter. He took a deep breath, feeling better than he had in days. Cress was out there and he would do anything to get to her.

He had to make sure they would survive this revolution, that she would get to Earth and have the life she always dreamed about. And maybe, he could be at her side as she explored the world.

But Thorne didn't want to get ahead of himself.

Revolution first. He eyed the cylinder containing the video Cress had prepared.

It was time to finally become a hero.

A/N: Who else wanted more Thorne POVs, especially in "Winter"? I hope not just me. :)

Please let me know what you think and, as always, a big thank you to my beta kiminicricket who did an awesome job here.