Chapter Nineteen

Adaptability, flexibility, fortitude, and self-control. These were the words that described Obi-Wan's current existence, and they had very little to do with his duties as a Jedi. He still performed those quite well and did his best to remain a humble servant of the Force.

But it was times like these that made everything else seem worthwhile.

A cool breeze was carrying the thin curtains out like the swaying branches of the trees just outside the window. It blew across the perspiring bodies wrapped impossibly close together and began to chill exposed skin.

Obi-Wan borrowed some power from the Force to gather the blanket from the floor and cover them both. She would thank him later after she woke up anyway. It had been a warm day in Theed, but the great waterfall near the palace wall always seem to drop the temperature quite rapidly once the sun set. Not that Padmé had noticed. She had fallen asleep about an hour ago with her naked body sprawled across his. There was a possibility that his leg was going to cramp soon, but he wasn't about to move. Evenings like this were rare.

There was trouble and discontent brewing across the galaxy and he stayed relatively busy these days. His missions would carry him from the Outer Rim to the Unknown Regions, chasing down those who threatened the safety and security of the Republic.

It was the time in between missions after he had completed an assignment anywhere close to Naboo that Obi-Wan would find the time to stop and see her. He never intended they'd end up the way they always did, having only the best and innocent of intentions. But like younglings waking up too early to eagerly unwrap their gifts, desire and lust would overwhelm any sense of self-control. She had told him not to worry about that. When he was with her, he could let go. He could be just a man and not a Jedi.

A difficult concept. Practically all his life, Obi-Wan had studied and meditated on maintaining balance and serenity even in the midst of battle. He couldn't afford to allow his emotions to take over. There was often too much at stake.

It had taken months to understand what Padmé meant and at first, he'd struggled. Eventually, he learned how to quiet the Force and focus only on her and what was happening between them – this powerful attraction and yearning to hold one another were only increasing with time.

And yet, once he'd left her side to return to his duties, Obi-Wan was able to focus upon the will of the Force and not his relationship with the Queen of Naboo. He would have to admit it was a fine line to walk and there were dangers on either side, those that would drag him down in the dark. He now understood why some Jedi avoided romantic attachments altogether. Life alone was easier.

If only they understood what being in love with someone who loved you back meant. His attachment to Padmé is what grounded him, made him fight even harder, and yes, be more cautious. When it came time for Obi-Wan to leave, she often asked for his promise of a safe return and he would always give it, although they both knew that he could literally join the Force at any time.

And times were getting tougher, each mission a little more dangerous than the last. He recalled complaining to his Master once how much he detested diplomatic negotiations. They were dull. He had been trained how to use a lightsaber and he was good at it. It would help if he could use one once in a while.

As a grown man, Obi-Wan realized what a foolish Padawan he had been. Those who lived by the lightsaber usually died by one. He no longer wished for the excitement of battle. He loathed it. That kind of mission only caused death and suffering to those who usually didn't deserve it.

Padmé understood. After lovemaking, they would talk for hours. She was always the first to fall asleep, which left Obi-Wan's mind racing and going over everything they had said. Someday he would enjoy seeing her every day and having a family with her, but only when the time was right. Only when he could actually be a father to any offspring.

So still, they had to wait. Her term would be coming to an end the following year and although rumors were circulating that she may be one of the few Queens who were asked to serve a second term, Padmé couldn't decide what was best. If she were needed, she would consider it, she had said.

As always, she put her own desires and needs behind the needs of others. Just as he did. They understood one another and even if he wanted to abandon his duties and stay with her, she wouldn't allow it. She respected his job as he did hers. In that way, they were quite similar. There were other ways, however, they were very different.

He was a morning person and would arise at first light despite how late he went to sleep. He would awake happy to see a new day and head straight for a meditation on the Force, rising from his knees an hour later with a fresh and optimistic outlook.

Padmé on the other than, woke up grumpy, hair disheveled and hungry. She would first demand caff followed by hard toast and jam. Only after a sonic did she transform into something resembling human.

After preparing for her day, and despite the business of her schedule, they would try to find the time to walk around Theed as he once wished they could, or stay indoors and enjoy one another's company. Their love was still new and their time together was precious, so they protected it as best they could. Inevitably, a matter arose that needed looking into and she would once again assume her role, and they would go their separate ways, promising to communicate whenever possible and to stay safe.

It wasn't the life he had always imagined, but it was one he was willing to live. At least for now. Time and the Force would decide all else.